She saw him, sitting on the edge of a grassy knoll outside the barracks, and sighed with relief. She had been looking for him for the last two candle marks, afraid of what it would mean if she could not find him. She was ashamed to realize she was delighted he was spending tonight alone. She tried to quell her smile, making her way towards him, her bare feet relishing the feeling of the damp spring grass.

She laid a hand on his shoulder, grinning when he jumped slightly. "The stars aren't even out yet Master Salmalin," she said teasingly. "I am surprised to see you sitting in the dirt already." She sat, not caring that she was wearing her nicest breaches, but trying to spare her blue tunic. She knew it was his favorite on her. He had told her so more than once.

"I wasn't looking at the stars." He sounded irritated. "I was watching for... something else." She was bewildered to see that his smile didn't reach his eyes, and that he looked annoyed, even angry. "Where have you been magelet?" He didn't look at her, and she saw him swallow. She wondered if she was imagining the note of accusation in his voice.

"I've been looking for you actually." She grimaced, tilting her head into his line of vision, and watching as he twisted his right hand around and around his left wrist. He had been doing that a lot lately. It was becoming somewhat of a tic. She reached over and stilled his hand. "I just didn't think to look out here. They won't be lighting the fires for a fair bit yet."

"I'm sorry" he said. "I figured you would be..." he paused, and she was puzzled to feel his hand trembling beneath her own. "Preoccupied," he finished. She pulled her hand back and rolled her eyes. He glanced up at her. "I just mean...well it is Beltane after all magelet." He bit his bottom lip and stared down the hill, where pages were stacking more wood onto the pyres.

"Yes Numair, I am well aware of the holiday. I'm just not sure why it would suddenly mean you think I've lost all sense." She leaned forward, pushing her palms into the damp earth, intending to shove herself up and stand. She no longer felt the urge to spend this evening with him. His hand on the small of her back stilled her. She placed her hands in her lap, but didn't look at him. "I'm not my mother..." she whispered.

"Oh sweet, that's not what I meant." The anxiety in his voice made her chest tighten. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just in a mood. It isn't your fault." He shifted closer, so that his body pressed against hers, and placed his chin on her shoulder. "I was worried...I don't like not knowing where you are, not with everything that's going on." She felt him inhale. "I haven't seen you since we got back to Corus last week, and I missed you." Daine shifted out from under his chin, and felt his hand grasp the back of her tunic. "Don't go sweetling." his voice was soft, but she saw his pulse beating hard in his neck. She exhaled, settling back into his side.

They sat there in silence for a long while. Dusk set in and the sound of music drifted from the rider's mess hall and the walls of the palace. She smiled at the contrast in the dignified court song, and the jaunty jig of the rider's melody. Pages were shoving bits of bound and dried hay into the crevices of the pyres now. The fires would light soon.

"My mother used to say that maybe the gods should send someone to be in charge of childbirth if they were going to insist on a holiday focused on love and fertility." Daine leaned her chin on her knees, hugging her legs. "She said she didn't understand how the gods couldn't see the need." She heard Numair laugh softly, and felt his hand trail up her spine. She tried not to shiver at his touch.

"When I was little, I used to think I would meet my true love on Beltane...like my mother." She felt him tense, and stole a glance at his face. She was startled to see a look of pain cross his swarthy features. She realized what he must be thinking. "Of course," she stuttered. "That is before I knew I was a bastard...I'm not so silly now." Numair's hand clenched between her shoulder blades.

"Daine..." She heard the warning in his voice. His hand spasmed. She had to consciously still herself as she felt the small spark of magic sting her back, sending a small shock up and down her spine. She smiled at him reassuringly, laying a hand on his knee, and hoping to calm whatever had agitated him. His magic seemed to be so tenuous lately. He appeared to recognize it, and withdrew his hand with an apologetic look. Daine tried not to let the disappointment she felt at the loss of contact show on her face. "Sorry," he murmured.

"You shouldn't say that about yourself Daine." His voice had taken on that serious tone he got whenever the pages interrupted one of his workings. His jaw clenched, and she could see the small vein on his forehead popping out.

"Numair, I'm not being self-deprecating, its simply the truth. No one is going to want to jump over the fire with me" she said, exasperated by his unwavering sense of offense at her bastard status. The first puff of smoke rose over the Beltane fires. It would take them a while to burn down enough for couples to scale them. She lifted her hand to run her fingers through her hair, but Numair reached out and stilled it. He squeezed her fingers hard.

"I mean it Daine," his voice came out in a low growl. "I don't want you saying those things about yourself, and I certainly don't want you to believe them." He shook his head when she opened her mouth to speak. "No. Don't you understand? You're so incredibly special, and if other people can't see that, then they are inconsequential." He scowled. She stared at her lap, wondering why he was so angry tonight. He dropped her hand and cupped her chin, tilting it up to force her to meet his eyes. "You're beautiful. You have a beautiful mind...and they are all idiots." He spat the last word out through gritted teeth.

"It makes you far more upset than me Numair," she whispered.

"Thats because you still don't see how wrong they are" Numair muttered. "You don't understand how exceptional you are Daine," he slid his hand down and squeezed the back of her neck. "and that's what upsets me. I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at the way life has treated you. I'm angry that it has conditioned you to think that you aren't worth as much as other people. I'm angry it's made you feel like you have to settle." His tone was bitter, but the look in his eyes held something Daine couldn't quite place. She leaned her head against his shoulder, hiding her face from the intensity of his gaze. "Besides," he said, kissing her hair softly and murmuring. "I need you to jump over the fires with me tonight."

She knew he meant it only in friendship. After all, Onua leaped them with Sarge, and Buri had been known to clear them with Raul. Neither of them had any intention of marrying as far as Daine knew. Yet, she couldn't help the small flicker of hope she felt at his words. She pressed closer into Numair's side.

At least, if he was jumping them with her tonight, he wouldn't be spending the night with anyone else.