Chapter Seven: Problematic Zeus Sons
"I cracked the case," Hecate announced upon seeing Hades leave his office at the end of the day. He started to head down the corridor, and she hurried over and fell into step beside him. "The gold girl case, by the way."
"Yes, I gathered, since that was the task I set you this morning," Hades said. It seemed the good luck Persephone had wished him just moments ago when he had gotten off the phone with her had truly worked.
He was, of course, attempting to push the other part from his mind.
"She's called Zoë, or, was called Zoë. Depends if she's dead or not," Hecate said. "Daughter of a man called Midas. Word on the street is he helped out a satyr by the name of Silenus. Showed him hospitality and shit when he'd gotten lost."
"A satyr? So, Pan's domain?"
Pan. A god Hades had not seen in a long time and did not plan on seeing again any time soon. There was a reason 'panic' derived from his name.
"No, no. Not every satyr is under Pan's domain anymore," Hecate said, and even she shivered at speaking his name—more out of disgust than anything. "This one is under Dionysus' domain. It was his tutor."
"Dionysus?"
Hecate rolled her eyes. "Your nephew, remember? One of Zeus' sons."
"I do apologise, but I can barely remember all of Poseidon's children. Do not expect me to remember all of Zeus'."
"Dionysus is the god, you twit," Hecate said, jabbing him with her sharp elbow.
Hades rubbed at his side and frowned. "The god? Oh, the one in which I avoided going to the naming ceremony several years ago? Somehow born of a mortal mother. How old is he currently? Five? I cannot imagine he turned someone to gold."
"Fourteen," Hecate said, rolling her eyes again.
"Oh…" Hades sighed. He ought to attempt reconnecting with his family. Evidently, he was not as aware of the goings on in the pantheon as he should have been.
"Am I going to need to give you a printout of all the gods and their domains?" Hecate asked, and she pulled out her phone. "You need to get outside. Anyway. Dionysus. God of wine, fertility and, uh, it says here ritual madness and religious ecstasy."
"A fourteen-year-old is the god of ritual madness and religious ecstasy?"
"Hey, I don't pretend to understand either," she said, tucking her phone away. "So, word on the street is he wanted to award Midas something for looking after the satyr, as you do, and Midas, the idiot, wanted everything he touched to turn to gold."
"Ah. Hence the gold girl."
"Yes. Zoë. So, technically she's not dead yet. Kinda just… cursed."
"And Dionysus didn't think about reporting it to me?"
"To be fair, he's still a kid, and quite a bit younger than you, so what does he know?" Hecate said, and they rounded the corner of the corridor they were heading down. Upon seeing other workers there, she pulled Hades back and spoke in a quieter voice. "But you want to know the best bit?"
Hades sighed. "Go on."
She flashed him a wicked grin. "Dionysus is currently in Hermes' care."
Hades snorted, then held a hand to his mouth and said, "Excuse me?"
"Well, you know Zeus. Didn't want to look raise a kid, obviously. Only Dionysus' mother is dead so he can't stay with her. Semele. It was an annoying case, remember?"
Hades sighed again. "Yes, I remember. All cases regarding Zeus are annoying."
"Well," Hecate said, hands pressed to her cheeks as she continued to grin wickedly. "He's in Hermes' care because you know how the gods are. They don't like Hermes because he's the youngest and annoying, so, to keep him busy, they gave him Dionysus to raise. He couldn't exactly say no, now. It's his half-brother after all."
Now, Hades let himself smile in a slight imitation of Hecate's. "Hermes should have been the one to report it."
"Exactly! So, can we get him in trouble? Please?"
Hades' temporary smile had already faded. "We cannot. He is an Olympian and outside our domain. We settle it with peace, or we contest it with Zeus. You know the rules."
Groaning, Hecate threw her hands in the air. "But he's so annoying! I just want to smite him every time I find a dick drawn on the psychopomp office door and he denies it was him. It's always absolutely him!"
"Actually, I think that is Eris' work," Hades said, feeling no need to keep their voices low, and so he strode around the corner.
"Eris?" Hecate hurried after him. "Next time I see Eris, I'm going to strangle them!"
"What did you expect? Eris is strife."
"Eris hasn't seen the strife I can cause," Hecate muttered, arms crossed as she pouted.
"Worry not about it for now. We have finished with work," Hades said, holding his arm out to her. "We shall leave the rest to the others, pick up Cerberus, and head back home for dinner. How about I cook for tonight?"
Hecate took in a huge breath, sighed, and took his arm. "Fine, fine. We're off work. Time to relax. Rich coming from the guy who insists on working six days a week."
"I am the god of riches. Anything I say would surely be so."
"I will smack you," she warned, turning her displeased gaze to him, a single strand of hair falling out of place. "We'll deal with Hermes and Dionysus tomorrow, then?"
"Tomorrow," Hades said. "Will you cheer up if I tell you that I recently got off the phone with Persephone?"
Hecate brushed her hair back and grinned. "Oh, do tell me everything."
#
The next day, Hades was sat straight-backed at his desk, fingers laced together, when Hecate strolled in. She smiled at him; the wide type of smile paired with wide eyes.
"Hermes and Dionysus are here," she bitterly chirped as she stepped aside.
First came in Hermes, in his usual white hoodie and shorts, his hands stuffed into his pockets. Behind him was a young boy with wavy brown hair to his elbows. He wore an oversized tank top that said 'Alcohol isn't in my vodkabulary' over a pair of girls' skinny jeans, with chains, mismatched gloves, and a singular, smiley face badge pinned to his shirt. He could have easily passed for a girl if Hades did not know better. Not that Hades was one to judge someone on their gender or presentation—he worked with Eris, after all.
"Hecate, you still have a favour to hold up on," Hades said, nodding to Hecate. "Thanatos will have Hermes' assignment ready for you,"
"I don't think I should honour this favour, but since I'm in a nice mood today, I will," she said, a deliberate look in Hermes direction, though he refused to look back. "Have fun!"
She strutted from the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
"I apologise. She is not in a good mood today," Hades said. "But just so we are clear, I did not have to spare you from her anger. I am also in a good mood today, and I would not recommend you ruin it."
"Since Hecate's covering my shift, I don't know why—" Hermes started as he pulled down his winged hood.
"Wasting my time," Hades coldly cut in, "will ruin my mood."
"Wasting my time will also ruin my mood," Dionysus said. "I have parties to plan."
Hermes grimaced. "Ignore him. He eats sass for breakfast."
"We actually had burnt toast for breakfast," Dionysus said. "Thanks to Hermes."
Hermes scowled. "Ignore him. He's an irritating twerp."
"No wonder Zeus gave him to you. You are cut from the same cloth." Hades stared at Dionysus, hopefully not too intently. This was surely going to be a fun meeting, if the first minute was anything to go by. "So, you are Dionysus?"
"And you must be the uncle that never came to my naming ceremony."
Hades' brow furrowed. Surely fun. "Is that relevant?"
Dionysus shrugged. "I dunno, but I like keeping grudges against people I've never met regarding events I couldn't possibly remember because I was a baby."
"I told you he was annoying, didn't I?" Hermes asked.
"You did…" Hades said, having to hold back a sigh.
"That's what happens when you're raised by this dork," Dionysus said, jerking a thumb towards Hermes. "Anyway, you're not as scary as I thought you'd be."
"I am not?" Hades asked, leaning back in his chair.
"Well, everyone treats my mysterious Uncle Hades as some sort of devil incarnate, but you kinda just look like a corpse," Dionysus said, leaning against Hermes' knee, causing the other god to wobble as he hovered in the air.
"Dio," Hermes hissed. "You can't just call Hades a corpse."
"You call me a corpse," Hades said, eyes narrow.
"Yeah, but you already don't like me, so it doesn't matter."
"Enough frivolities; I have a case to discuss," Hades said. "I would like you to explain to me what happened to Zoë and her father, Midas."
"We don't know a Zoë," Hermes blurted. As an afterthought, he added, "Or a Midas."
"Really?" Hades said, and he pushed forward the file left on his desk.
Dionysus was not so snarky now as he gingerly approached the desk and picked up the file. Still, he peered closely at Hades, and thought it appropriate to say, "No wonder everyone else calls you stuck up. How many jewels does one guy need?"
Always with the 'stuck up' comments. As if parading around and calling themselves 'The Twelve' made them any better. Hades scowled at Dionysus, who thankfully paled ever so slightly. "Insulting me will make matters worse."
"All right, all right, my bad," Dionysus grumbled. "I guess there's no point keeping secrets, huh?"
"I would rather handle this case peacefully before I have to argue with Zeus over it," Hades said. He never liked arguing with Zeus. Zeus liked to make things more difficult then they needed to be when Hades was concerned, and Hades did not appreciate the extra hassle.
"Dad's a right shit about these things, huh?" Dionysus said. It was good to know he agreed, at least. "All right, all right, I'll tell you. My tutor, Silenus, went missing—"
"I am aware of that part. And I know why you cursed Midas."
"In his defence, it wasn't a curse. It was meant to be a gift," Hermes said, hands behind his head. "It was Midas' fault for not asking for a better gift."
"That is not what I care about," Hades said as he leant forward, his attention focused on Dionysus as the teenage god flicked through the file. "I want to know why neither of you reported the incident to me—especially you, Hermes, as you are his legal guardian, and you should know better seeing as you are employed by the Underworld."
"I know the rules," Dionysus said, crossing his arms and frowning down at Hades. "Hermes told me. A god kills someone, we have to tell you, right? Something about how a death caused by a god can throw a spanner in the works or something."
"Look, don't have a go at Dio," Hermes said, hopping down from his mid-air perch so he could approach the desk himself. He pulled Dionysus back by the shoulder and leant over the desk. "I was the one that chose not to tell you. Dionysus was just doing what I told him."
"And why did you not tell me?" Hades asked, his eyes narrowing. After a moment of staring at each other, Hermes was the first to look away. Good.
"Because I messed up and I didn't want people to know!" Dionysus blurted. When Hades turned his attention to him, Dionysus coughed. "Well, uh, you see."
"I'm not the only idiot in the house," Hermes said, to which Dionysus elbowed him.
"The thing is, I thought I could reverse the curse," Dionysus explained, crossing his arms again. "I thought it would be easy to turn Zoë back to normal, and to reverse Midas' gift but I can't. I don't know how."
"He's only fourteen," Hermes added, rubbing at his side. "And even if I could reverse the curse, I'm not allowed. Zeus has forbidden me from interfering with Dio's stuff."
Hades leant back in his chair, and stared at his nephews, sure to keep his expression as blank as possible. When they both started to squirm, he finally said, "Are you not lucky I am the god of riches?"
"God of what now?" Dionysus asked.
"The god of riches, as well as the Underworld and the dead," Hades said.
Dionysus turned his attention to Hermes. "You said he wasn't the god of death."
"God of the dead, not death. I rule over those who are deceased, not the act of them dying," Hades corrected, tapping his fingers against his desk. Why was it nobody ever got that correct? "As the god of riches—"
"That's why you're so jazzed up. I totally get it now. The jewels suit you."
"As the god of riches," Hades repeated more sternly, "gold falls under my domain, so I can reverse the curse."
"Hold up, I know where this is going," Dionysus said, holding his hands up in the air. "You'll do this for us, only under certain conditions. Probably to act as your eternal slaves."
"I work here," Hermes interjected. "I'm already his eternal slave."
"I have nothing I want from you, Dionysus. Simply consider this a warning," Hades said, taking the file left on the desk and putting it in the top drawer of his desk. "Tell Midas he is to wash in the river Pactolus. Then, whatever he puts in the river will also be reversed of his curse. Make sure he is grateful to me for granting him not just the reversal, but the life of his daughter too."
"The river Pactolus is forever away," Hermes whined.
"I do not care. You are the god of travellers, so handle it," Hades said. "Now, leave me. I have no further need of the pair of you. If the curse is not reversed by the end of the day, I assure you there will be trouble."
"I take what I said earlier back. You may be a tad scary, and I don't think I wanna get on your bad side," Dionysus said. Despite his words, he still grinned.
"Yeah, you really don't," Hermes said, taking Dionysus by the arm and dragging him away. "Now, hurry up, you still gotta go to school. Zeus said no skipping."
"School? Really? I've already missed the morning, lemme miss the rest of the day. Unless you want to drag a girl made of gold all the way to this river thing by yourself."
"Your scrawny arse isn't going to be of any help," Hermes muttered, looking over his shoulder at Hades. "Well, see you on Friday."
"I will see you tomorrow," Hades said, and Hermes frowned. "I said I wanted nothing from Dionysus. He is only fourteen, and children make mistakes."
"I'm only thirty-four," whined Hermes, who barely looked older than twenty.
Ignoring him, Hades said, "You will be taking over Hecate's psychopomp shift tomorrow. I shall see you then."
Dionysus snorted, and Hermes grumbled something under his breath as he shoved Dionysus out the room, stomping out after him. Hades scooped up the vase that held Persephone's flowers out from where he'd hidden it beneath the desk. It was only when he'd put the vase back where it belonged, he saw one of his paperweights was missing. Oh, Hermes. Hades sighed.
#
Halfway through the day, Hades headed down to the bar, which was a little fuller than it was in the mornings. He ordered a bottle of his and Hecate's favourite red wine, told the barkeep to put it on his tab, then joined Hecate where she was already sat at their preferred table hidden away in the corner—the precise one she had been sat at when she'd taken Persephone there the week before.
"Oh, you really do feel like treating me today," she said, looking up from her phone when he first put down the bottle, then the two glasses he had been precariously carrying in one hand. "Tell me, was Dionysus a complete bonehead like Hermes?"
"You should not call a child a bonehead. But he was just as irritating, yes," Hades said, cracking open the bottle of wine. "Zeus will only ever have problematic children."
"Understatement of the millennium." Hecate snorted. "So, everything sorted?"
"For now. I have given them a method of reversing the curse, and if it is not done by the end of the day, then there will be trouble," Hades said, pouring two rather full glasses of wine. "Hermes is taking over your psychopomp shift tomorrow. You are welcome."
Picking up her wine glasses, she clinked it against his. "Then I really owe you one. I suppose I'm cooking dinner tonight. What are you feeling?"
Hades paused before saying, "Vegetable sauce, rice, and a lot of grated cheese."
"Specific," Hecate replied, quirking an eyebrow. "If you get me a recipe, maybe."
"You will have to ask Persephone," Hades said. "It is her favourite."
"Oh, it is, is it?" Hecate took a sip of her wine then grinned as she returned to texting. "Lucky me then that I was in the middle of talking to Persephone."
"Talking to Persephone?"
"Wipe that look off your face. You look like a goof. Yes, I'm talking to Persephone. I got her number too. I thought I'd ask her how her day is going. Look, she sent me a selfie!"
She held out her phone to Hades, and he had to put on his glasses so he could look at the photo properly. Persephone's large eyes were bright green as she grinned at the camera. The other girl in the photo, with the thin black hair and Eastern features, was scowling.
"She has not sent me a…" Hades frowned.
"A selfie?"
"A selfie," Hades repeated, and Hecate snickered. He pulled out his phone to see Persephone had, however, sent him a message several hours earlier.
Persephone: Good morning! How's work going?
Hecate's eyebrows rose, he showed her the message and she rolled her eyes. "Don't mope. She'll understand you were at work. Reply now you have the chance, you twit."
Hades: I apologise for the late reply, but I was at work. It has been going well today. The case with the gold girl has been solved.
Persephone: No worries! It's not like I can reply all the time myself! Sooo can I know the juicy details or is it confidential :3
Hades: It was an accidental curse that Dionysus had cast. Hermes had deliberately chosen not to report it. Nothing too complex and easily reversed. Being the god of riches is useful when it comes to golden curses.
Hecate pulled down Hades' phone for a second so she could read his messages and she rolled her eyes again as she said, "You sound really romantic."
Persephone: Oooh is dating the god of riches going to be a useful thing too?
Hades: Is it?
"See, she's got it," Hecate said, snatching Hades' phone. "You really do not. Here."
She leant across the table, pressed her face close to his, then snapped a picture with his phone. Before he could protest, she had sent it to Persephone. When he got his phone back, he grimaced at how horrifically unphotogenic his startled face was. It did not help that he looked like a corpse, and Hecate certainly did not. Persephone thought differently.
Persephone: You look so CUTE! Send me more selfies when you get the chance! Tell Hecate she also looks gorgeous! Anyway, a customer just walked in. Talk later xx
Hecate grinned. "So, you're cute but I'm gorgeous. I see where her preferences lie."
Hades only sighed.
A/N
I hope you're all safe during this pandemic! Anyway, here's the wrap up to the mini Midas arc that's been going on in the background of the other chapters. I hope you liked Dionysus! He doesn't appear up muh but he's fun to write! Keep staying safe guys, and I'll see you guys in two weeks!
Blake
