Chapter Eleven: Psychopomping
When Hades woke up early Sunday morning and checked his phone for daily reminders, he found a text Persephone had sent just gone midnight.
Persephone: Happy one-month date anniversaryyyyyyy xx
Hades: Happy one-month date anniversary xx
Ah, yes, of course it was the one-month anniversary of their first date, when she had come to visit him in the Underworld for the first time. She had visited him in the Underworld three times now, with the latest time being the Friday prior to that Sunday morning. Hades did not think people usually celebrated the one-month anniversary of their first date, but he was not that well versed on relationships. If Persephone was excited about it, then he would be too. He hoped this was a good sign that she would visit him in the Underworld plenty more times in the future.
However, the elated feeling that had arose from knowing they'd been dating for a full month did not last for long, not when Hades remembered what else that Sunday had in store for him.
As god of the Underworld, Hades only thought it fair that he at least did one psychopomp shift a week, as Hecate did too. His shift was meant to be on Fridays, but since he had been with Persephone that last Friday, he had swapped shifts with Ker once again. That meant today was his psychopomp shift for that week.
As he walked to work with Hecate, his phone buzzed, and he immediately checked it, despite the eye roll Hecate gave him.
Persephone: Guess who convinced her mother to get some pomegranate juice! I'm going to be celebrating this anniversary in STYLE and she'll NEVER KNOW!
As Hades typed out his reply, congratulating her on managing to acquire some pomegranate juice, Hecate rolled her eyes again and said, "You know it's rude to text when in company of others, right?"
"That is rich coming from you," Hades said, when he tucked his phone back into his jacket.
"Yeah, but I'm me, so it's different," Hecate said, with a flick of her perfectly straight hair. "I'm the scariest bitch of the Underworld, so I can get away with anything."
"Nyx will contest with you on who the scariest goddess in the Underworld is," Hades said. Nyx was pleasant most of the time, but her wrath was not something one wanted to occur. Not even Zeus would dare.
"Okay, I'm the meanest bitch in the Underworld, then," Hecate said, and she pursed her blood red lips. "And Nyx is not scary, trust me."
Once they'd dropped Cerberus off at the main gate, so he could take up his guard duties, Hades and Hecate bid each other farewell as they split ways. Hecate headed to the main building, where her and Hades' offices were. As he was unavailable, it was up to her to manage the Underworld that day. Hades made his way to the building where the psychopomp department was housed.
Outside the front door stood two figures. The taller figure had shaved the white hair on the left side of their head, but the black hair on their right was left a little longer and stuck out at every angle possible. They never used a hairbrush, ever. Their outfit was just a chaotic as their hair, with sleeves that were different lengths, shorts that were hot-pants on one leg but knee-length on the other, and shoes that did not match whatsoever.
The second figure wasn't much better. She had black and white hair like the other, but her hair was longer than the others, at was at least somewhat brushed, though she'd missed the back of her head. She was still in her pyjamas, over which she wore a bright pink hoodie. Her hoodie, along with her pink and white striped wellies was possibly the only bright colour in the whole of the Underworld. Well, that and the bright belts the previous figure wore.
"Eris, you should not draw phalluses on the doors," Hades said as he approached. The taller figure was grinning as she sketched on the front door. "You will get on Hecate's bad side.
"Hecate can't stop me." Eris snorted as she finished her current doodle. "I'm the kid of primordial gods."
Of course, as the first gods in existence, the primordial gods were feared by most. It was why Hades had corrected Hecate about who the scariest goddess of the Underworld was. Being the direct descendant of a primordial god was nothing to scoff at. Being the direct descendant of two primordial gods was something one should be extra wary of. Eris liked to constantly remind everyone they were not just the child of Nyx, but Erebus too. Her skin was closer to Erebus' dark-grey tone than Nyx's pure white.
"Hecate is not scared of you," Hades said.
"Yeah, don't care," Eris said as they clicked the lid back onto their pen and shoved it into their pocket. "I'm literally strife. I'm supposed to cause chaos, and it's great seeing the chaos my graffiti causes Hecate. She thought it was Hermes for so long!"
As Eris cackled, Hades turned to the other goddess instead. "Lethe, please tell your mother to stop graffitiing the buildings."
"I won't remember to," Lethe said wistfully as she motioned to tuck her hair behind her ear but missed entirely. She didn't react when her hair still fell in front of her face.
Hades sighed. No one had known where Lethe had come from, only that Eris had once appeared with a young girl, declaring it was her daughter. She had named the girl Lethe, after the river of forgetfulness. Appropriate, seeing as Lethe barely remembered anything. It was why she always turned up to work in her pyjamas.
"So, I hear you got a new plaything," Eris said, deliberately standing in front of the door to prevent Hades from entering. "That's why you're psychopomping on Sunday again, yeah, yeah?"
Hades merely sighed.
"Can I see a photo?" Eris asked, and as Hades attempted to step around them, they stepped in front of him. "Come on, pretty please? Rumour has it she's super pretty."
Hades frowned. "I am not sure how you have heard that."
Hades was well aware of the rumours currently spreading around Mount Olympus. Several blurry photos of Persephone had been posted online from their walk with Cerberus. Thankfully, his magic had prevented anyone from recognising her so far. For the last two weeks, many of the Olympians had been pestering him about his secret affair. Hades had immediately shut off his weekly work call with his brothers when they has started asking questions, and he had turned Athena away without a single glance at her when she had stomped into the Underworld demanding answers, for she was sure Odysseus knew and he was not telling her anything. Aphrodite had tried to invited Hades to dinner too. Hades always turned down invited from her.
"I didn't hear any rumours from Mount Olympus, if that's what you're asking," Eris said. "No one there knows what she looks like. We heard from Mum, 'cause she'd heard from Hecate, and Mum says that Hecate says that your new plaything is real pretty. I tried asking Hermes, but he wouldn't tell me shit."
Hades sighed. There was a reason he preferred working the Friday psychopomp shift, when Eris and Lethe were working in soul ferrying with Charon. On Fridays it was only four gods working, including Hades. Moros kept mostly to himself, and Nemesis was mature and level-headed, as was expected from someone who micro-managed the judging department. Hermes was the final worker, and whilst he did not get along with Hades, he was dedicated to his work. This meant that no one asked questions on Friday. They all stuck to what they were meant to be doing, unlike Eris.
Reluctantly, Hades pulled out his phone to show Eris a photo, only so they would stop pestering him. As Eris and Lethe leant over to peer at the photo, Eris said, "Wow, she really is pretty. Not as pretty as my Harmonia, though."
Hades frowned at the mention of Harmonia. Eris scowled right back at him.
"Why'd you always gimme that look when I mention Harmonia, huh?" they asked.
"Forgive me if I do not feel receptive towards someone who's related to Aphrodite," Hades said, finally stepping around Eris so he could enter the building. Every nymph he strode by nodded in respect.
There was a reason he refused ever invite from Aphrodite. All the chthonic gods knew what had happened, and Hades had made sure no rumours had spread to Mount Olympus.
"Harmonia ain't her mother," Eris said as she hurried after him. "And she had nothing to do with the incident?"
"What incident?" Lethe asked as she followed behind, stumbling over her own feet.
"The incident, you moppet," Eris said. "Though, I wouldn't put it behind you to forget the incident. You'd even forget your own name if I didn't remind you every day."
"It's… Lethe…" Lethe said. The hesitation was a little worrying.
"Besides, Aphrodite didn't even have anything to do with the incident," Eris said, skipping beside Hades as they headed to the lift. "She doesn't even know what happened. No one from Olympus does! If you would just give her a chance—"
Hades stopped in the lift as the doors opened, then spun around and held his arms out to prevent Eris and Lethe from following behind. He wasn't usually the type to get angry, but Eris knew how to push his buttons, and he scowled at her as he said, "We are done talking about this. If you are not quiet, you can take the stairs."
Eris pouted up at him. When Lethe nudged them with her elbow, Eris groaned and said, "Fine. No more talking about the incident. Your girl is still real pretty though."
Hades scowled at Eris for some time more, but dropped his arm when Lethe gave him her best pleading eyes and said, "I barely remembered to come to work today. Please, Uncle Hades, don't make me late."
Hades sighed and let the pair into the lift. None of his actual nieces or nephews called him uncle, but Lethe always had, due to his status as Nyx's and Erebus' pseudo-son, and therefore Eris' almost-brother.
The group headed to the top floor, where they first went to the changing rooms. Whilst Hades went to the men's room, Eris and Lethe went to the women's. Eris has a habit of alternating between women's and men's bathrooms depending on their mood, but always went to the women's changing rooms. Mostly it was to keep an eye on Lethe.
The changing rooms on the top floor was only for the gods, whilst the nymphs' space was on the floors below, so the rooms were small with only a few lockers. Hades frowned at the empty room before heading over to his locker and pulling out his uniform; black leather with jumpers up to their chins, and thick belt to attach bags to their hips, so they could carry essential supplies, such as emergency water—or ambrosia for particularly stressful days.
Once he was dressed, he met Eris and Lethe out in the hallway. Wearing the psychopomp uniform was the only time Eris' outfit wasn't a chaotic, asymmetrical disaster, though the symmetry of the uniform brought out their uneven facial features; different sized eyes and thickness of eyebrows, their pointed ears sticking out in different directions, and a nose so crooked it appeared to have been broken several times, though it was entirely natural. Lethe's features were oddly symmetrical, considering who her mother was.
As it was only the two of them learnt against the wall in an identical manner, Hades asked, "No Apate?"
"No Dolos either, I take it?" Eris asked.
"No," Hades said, and he sighed. Eris cackled, as she tended to do when he sighed.
Whilst the nymphs and other beings employed in the psychopomp department managed themselves, the gods reported straight to Thanatos, whose office was also on the top floor, behind a door engraved with a huge skull. Hades held a hand in front of Eris to prevent them from simply strolling in, and he knocked before entering.
Thanatos was sat behind his desk, tapping away at a laptop. He did not look up as he said, "Good morning, Lord Hades, Eris, Lethe. I was wondering if anyone was going to show up to work. Apate and Dolos are running late as it is."
Thanatos was a short man, at least in comparison with the other Underworld gods, with long black hair tied back into a ponytail. The area around his eyes were naturally black, which, combined with the pure white skin he'd inherited from his mother and the lines tattooed on his chin, resembled a skull. It went with his suit, which was decorated with a skeleton. Appropriate attire for the god of death.
"I apologise for being late," Hades said, even though he was technically a few minutes early. However, for Hades, that was late. "I was attempting to convince Eris to stop graffitiing the door. You will have to call maintenance later."
"Why must you make my job harder, sister?" Thanatos grumbled.
"Ugh, don't 'sister' me," Eris said, with a hand pressed to their forehead as they mined fainting. "It's 'sibling' today."
"All right, sibling," Thanatos corrected, after giving a long, deep, sigh. If Hades has one thing in common with Thanatos, it was their love of sighing at the antics of those around them. That, and precious gems. Thanatos was well known for his fondness of this certain pair of skeleton earrings his always wore, with diamonds embedded into the bones.
"I'll have you know, Eris, the next time I have to pay to get that door cleaned it's coming out of your pay cheque," Thanatos said.
"Don't worry, Mother," Lethe whispered, loud enough that everyone could hear. "I can share mine."
"It will come out of your pay cheque too, for encouraging them," Thanatos said. Lethe simply blinked at him as she stared at him, completely gormless.
"You can't dock my pay," Eris whined.
"As the manager of the psychopomp department, I sure can," Thanatos said as he leant back in his chair, one arm dangling over the back of it as he spun his pen around in his fingers. "And I'm sure I have Hades' permission too."
"He does," Hades said, and before Eris could whine again, he added, "and think on the positive side. Your annoyance at having your pay docked will only cause you chaos, and you will revel in it and feel revitalised."
"Oh, you are so right," Eris said. They cackled again, then frowned. "Unfortunately, though, it's Harmie's birthday soon and I need to save up for a present."
Hades pressed his lips together and had to take a deep breath. Eris loved to bring up Harmonia whenever she could. It should have been a celebrated thing—the child of an Olympian dating the child of a chthonic god, the personification of harmony alongside the personification of strife—but neither the Olympians nor Hades were satisfied with the arrangement. Hades wished he would not be so bitter, but he had to vent his frustrations out on something. Unfortunately for Eris, they deliberately made themselves an easy victim.
"Enough chat," Thanatos said as he opened the top drawer of his desk. "Come get your scrolls and get to work. I have better things to do than argue about docking pay." When Eris snickered, he added, "Don't think I won't argue about docking pay is necessary."
Eris groaned and rolled her eyes as Hades stepped forward first to collect his scroll. It was not a literal scroll, not as they had been back in the day. Rather the scrolls were a small tablet, and every psychopomp had one that listed all of their missions for that day. There had been a suggestion for an app instead, but not every nymph that worked in the department had a smartphone. In Lethe's case, she would never remember to bring her phone to work.
"What is the youngest today?" Hades asked as Thanatos handed him his scroll.
"Two," Thanatos replied bluntly.
Hades nodded and said nothing. Collecting souls was grim enough as it was when only adults were involved but adding children's souls into the equation made it even less unpleasant. Hades made sure to take as many young cases as he could when he was on shift. He ran the Underworld, after all, so it was only fair he took on that burden.
"Off you go, then. I have things to do," Thanatos said, waving the three of them away. As Death, he was unbothered by the collecting of souls. Most of his siblings were the same. As long as they were given cases that matched their domains—for example, Eris with the chaotic deaths, Ker with the violent deaths, and Oizys with the miserable deaths—they remained satisfied with their job.
Before Eris could pick another argument with their brother, Hades dragged them and their daughter from the room. At the end of the hallway outside, there was a large, steel door locked behind a keypad. Once Hades had keyed in the code, he opened the door to reveal a swirling vortex of black air. It was designed to give a psychopomp a more corporal form. That way, it was easier to flit around to collect souls.
"All right, see yeah later," Eris said, and they saluted Hades before skipping through the doorway.
"Good luck on your missions," Lethe said, and she saluted Hades in a more half-hearted style before stumbling through the doorway after her mother.
Hades sighed. With a deep breath, he stepped through the doorway, pulling the door shut behind him.
A/N
I'm really sorry about the late chapter! I was so busy on Friday I missed my schedule ;-; Anyway, thank you to the anon who messaged me asking if I was okay, I am! Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to explore more of how the Underworld runs, plus Eris might turn up again later, who knows?
~Blake
