Sitting on the sofa outside, watching Tim cooking the steaks, Lucy realized she was feeling safe and content for the first time in a long time.
"What"? Tim asked her, and Lucy realized she'd been more like staring at him rather than watching.
"Nothing". She focused on the ocean and clouds behind him.
"So tell me about this plan of yours", he started to say, a smirk growing on his face, "You know, to help you try and keep your hands off me in public"...
Lucy grinned, "Look, if anything this is to help YOU control YOURself around this" she beamed at him gesturing to herself.
"I guess we'll just have to see about that, okay, lay it on me". He knew it was really both of them, but they were also both so competitive, so of course with the two of them, it would somehow turn into a contest.
Lucy got up from the sofa and brought her drink over to lean up against the railing by the grill.
"Okay, so I figure this will solve 2 issues of appearing married for 5 years, and I think we can do it in a day before this dinner tomorrow night". She took another sip of her margarita, fully feeling the buzz but still having her wits about her to lay out her plan. "Number one, we've been married 5 years? We would've had time to share all our stories, first kiss, first love, my love of singing, what being in the military was like for you, where you got that scar on your chest, what my tattoo means...the one people can see".
Tim was watching the steaks but he looked up at her catching the hitch in her voice when she mentioned tattoo. Of course he knew she meant that tattoo, he'd wondered since day 1 what the tattoo meant, but never asked. He watched her, narrowing his eyes, he didn't want talk of tattoos to take her back to that day. He stepped towards her closing the gap between them. Her hair was covering that tattoo. He brushed all the curls back to see it, and looked back into her eyes, but stepped back again after.
The gesture stopped her for a minute, heat rising to her face, and her heart fluttering, she'd get to that issue in a minute...
"We've spent a lot of time together the past year, and I can read you pretty well, if someone asked me whether or not you were comfortable in a situation, I could answer that based on your body language. I'm betting you could do the same for me, but we don't know the stories. If someone asked you what your wife's tattoo means, you should be able to tell them without hesitation, and if someone asked me why you went into the military after high school, I should be able to answer that too. Granted we could make something up on the fly, but if we are trying to keep as much truth as possible so we don't have to keep track of lies, I think we need to spend some time on it".
Tim was nodding his head in agreement. He couldn't argue. He got his drink and brought it to hers to show his appreciation of part one of her plan. "Agreed, solid plan, and the second part"? He took another drink. He had a feeling this was going to be the difficult part.
Lucy finished the rest of her drink in one long gulp. Tim took the steaks off the grill and set them on a plate to rest, he wanted to have something to do with himself when he heard this part, but that was it. He turned to look at her and she immediately looked away.
"Okay so elephant in the room" she started "there's a chemistry here. I don't know how long it's been there. You're technically my boss so it never would have gone anywhere, you're way too good a cop to ever let that happen between us, it would definitely go against the Tim Bradford code to have a 'thing' with his rookie".
"100% correct" Tim agreed, but then questioned her "The Tim Bradford code"?
"Shush, let me finish". She waved him off. "We both know I'll be done with training in a few weeks, there's no question I'll be passing the test and then I won't be a rookie anymore". She looked up at him now. He was smiling at her confidence, she was right, there wasn't a question about it.
"I have no idea if this assignment never existed if anything would have ever come of it, maybe you'll be heading to the Hollywood precinct with your promotion, and I'll be staying at Wilshire. Maybe we'll never see each other again after that". Her voice faltered a little, she realized she couldn't bear the thought of not seeing him every day, and it hit her that after this assignment that could be a real possibility.
Hearing this Tim thought to himself how he had refused to admit to himself that walking into Wilshire's squad room and seeing Lucy, either laughing with her fellow rookies about some kareoke bar they'd been to, or even seeing her sitting quietly studying her rook book had become the light in his days. The days were very dark after Isabel, and while Rachel had been a great distraction, if he were being really honest, Lucy was the one who brought him back from that darkness. The thought of not seeing her every day seeped into him like a cold chill.
She continued "When we are"...she searched for the right word. "Close"? It came out as a question "It feels like, and probably looks like, the beginning of something. Not like 2 people who've been married for several years". She paused, giving him a look to make sure he understood what she was saying.
Tim leaned back against the rail next to her, crossing his arms and nodding. What happened between them when they touched wasn't even the same when he first started dating Isabel. He hadn't felt like that or reacted like that since maybe when he'd had a thing with that journalist in Fallujah, but that was life & death and he was pretty sure that's why it had that sense of urgency, of course she later took everything he told her in confidence and used it in a story, effectively ending that relationship in a heartbeat.
"I'm not saying we do everything a married couple would do, obviously, but the intimacy in public part, maybe that's just something we need a bit of practice with so it doesn't feel so...urgent... every time we touch".
Was she reading his mind? He didn't see how they could solve that in 24 hours though. He thought if he ever truly let this thing with Lucy play out he might always feel that urgency every time she kissed him, even 5 years later. If she wasn't his rookie would it even have been a question if they'd be together? He'd jumped into a relationship with Rachel after one night, and he felt so much more for Lucy, so much it scared him.
"I just think if we spend the next 24 hours overloading our senses, being close, acting like we were together, then we'd be more comfortable doing it in public".
Lucy took a few steps to stand in front of Tim, he appeared to be lost in his thoughts, arms crossed in that way he always stood. She pulled his arms apart, and took one hand in both of hers, feeling the electricity between them, as she always did every time they touched, and he looked into her eyes. She took his hand and brought it around to her back, then put both arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, could tell it had jumped to a faster rhythm.
"This, is exactly what I'd do if we were together". She closed her eyes, waiting to see if he'd follow her lead. She was asking a lot.
After a few seconds his other arm wrapped around her, enveloping her in a strong, warm embrace. Tim closed his eyes and bent his head to hers, he could smell that shampoo, it smelled like the beach. Coconut, fresh palm, it smelled like happiness. They stood like that for a few minutes.
Lucy listened to Tim's heartbeat finally slow a bit, and felt her own begin to calm. She realized as much as touching him awakened her desire, it was also a very comforting calming feeling being held by him. Just like the day he rescued her. His hold on her was the only thing that kept her from falling apart. She was finally safe when he'd pulled her into his arms and held her so tight she got that bruise on her cheek from his badge. She could stand here like this forever. The ocean breeze moving the palms, she could feel the last rays of the sun rippling through those leaves, hear the waves crashing down on the beach behind them. She knew what was between them was so much more than the physical attraction, she was a strong independent woman, but being this close to Tim made her feel...complete. Like a part of her had been missing her whole life and she didn't even know it.
Tim turned his head and spoke softly. "Okay, we'll try it your way". He knew when this assignment was over things were going to be different. Everything they'd been ignoring the past few months, would be impossible to ignore, but with Lucy graduating and him likely moving precincts with the sergeant's promotion, maybe it wouldn't even be an issue. That would be good because he didn't think he'd be able to hide his personal feelings from everyone else after this. Lopez seemed to have already guessed things were different with Lucy, but she'd been kind enough not to comment on it. When she sent him the picture she'd taken of them at the food trucks she knew, way before he did. Relationships between a superior officer and someone under his command were absolutely against the rules, and he was a rule follower. Of course some things were more important than rules. As he stood holding Lucy he thought this might be one of those things.
Finally breaking their embrace they brought everything inside. Lucy had moved the plates earlier so instead of sitting across from each other at dinner they were seated next to each other. They each took turns sharing some stories of growing up, first kisses, first loves, what high school was like for them, the easy stuff. There were a few moments of silence, Lucy was thinking there were a few questions she really wanted to ask him. She wasn't sure how or what to ask. He broke the silence with a question. First he reached over to brush her hair back again revealing the symbol she had tattooed on her neck.
"Okay, tell me about this". He asked, smiling at her. Her hand reached up to the tattoo.
"They're Chinese characters. When I was finished with college and had this plan that had been mapped out for years, go to medical school, become a psychiatrist, get married, have 2.2 kids...It wasn't the way I wanted my life to go, but I felt lost, I didn't know what I DID want. I saw this symbol for courage. I drew it over and over trying to find the courage to speak up, to take control of my own life. I decided I wanted to help people in another way, I felt like it was my destiny. So I got Courage and Destiny tattooed here the day I decided what I wanted. It was the day I decided to become a cop".
"How'd they take the news" Tim asked her, he'd finished his food and leaned back holding a glass of wine.
"The tattoo, or the career change".
Tim laughed "Both".
"Not well". She laughed too. Now she could laugh about it, at the time it put a huge strain on their relationship that was barely recovered even now, years later. "They still don't understand my choice. It was a calling, I can't explain it to them, I try not to bring it up if I can avoid it, just to keep the peace".
"Well for purposes of our cover story, I guess we have to leave out the part where you strayed from the path, since in our narrative, you DID become what they expected" Tim said.
"Yes, they'd like this version of me much better I think. They'd be asking about Grandkids instead of asking when I'd be giving up this ridiculous notion of being a police officer".
Tim looked at her and with all seriousness said "I think you were made for this job. You are the perfect combination of strong and compassionate, I'm sure you would've made a great psychologist, but you are an amazing cop".
Lucy tried not to let the tears fill her eyes, but she couldn't help it. She shook her head to try and stop them.
"Thank you" she managed to croak out.
My turn" she said. "Did you enlist so young because of your dad"? She remembered his comment about scars you couldn't see and that his dad would 'tune him up' when he was a kid. Lucy wondered if escaping his home was the appeal.
Tim looked down at his plate. Lost in memory for a few seconds. "Yeah" he admitted nodding his head.
"I knew what I was going to do the day I turned 18 and could go without having to ask his permission". Tim poured more wine into his glass, it wasn't like him to drink this much, but all this honesty was difficult.
Lucy let him take a moment, she wanted to know more, but also picturing anyone hurting Tim Bradford as a little boy was nearly too much for her to bear. She pictured him with a headful a blonde hair, he was probably adorable. Where was his mom during this, how could she not protect him.
"My dad was an angry person" he started. "He was always mad about something, if it wasn't his boss, it was the job, if it wasn't the job, it was my mom. It seemed like he was always mad at me. My room wasn't clean enough, grades weren't good enough, always something". Lucy could see his jaw tensing. "I remember the first time I had to go to the ER because of him. Little League. I'd struck out and when I got home he was 'teaching' me how to hit the ball when he pulled my shoulder out of its socket. My mom told the doctor I was rough housing with my friends. I was thirteen. When I was seventeen I realized I was stronger than he was and if I didn't leave I was going to kill him the next time he put his hands on me. I managed to stay with friends a lot, and the day of my eighteenth birthday I went to see a recruiter and signed up, I left the day after graduation".
"Do you see your parents now"? Lucy asked.
"My mom a little, but she's still with him. I don't get to see her very often".
Lucy reached over and covered his hand with hers. She squeezed his fingers and ran her thumb over his as he squeezed hers back.
She noticed the jagged scar on his forearm "Tell me about this guy" she traced it with the finger of her other hand.
"First year on the job, I was trying to break up a bar fight and one guy tagged me with a bottle". he said "Also, it's really your turn" he smiled.
They traded a few more stories, she admitted her relationship with Nolan had been really the first person she'd wanted to use the word 'love' with, but they were better off as friends. He told her about what it was like for him dating another cop when he and Isabel first got together.
Before they realized it, hours had gone by.
"You know I'm really not tired" she said "You wanna see if there's something on TV"? They hadn't even turned on the TV in that sunken living room.
"Sure, you find something" Tim said. He stood up and took the dishes back to the kitchen while she got the remote off the TV and began browsing what was on. After cleaning up a bit he stepped down the stairs and sat next to her on the sofa. Lucy had stopped on a channel playing the top 10 all time thrillers.
"They're at #5, any guesses?" she asked him.
"Vertigo"? Tim asked
"I was thinking more Silence Of The Lambs". Lucy replied.
The movie began, it was definitely an older movie. As soon as the title sequence began Tim said "North By Northwest, great movie".
"I've never seen it, ooh, Cary Grant"? Lucy reached over Tim to put the remote on the table next to the sofa, and leaned up against his side. He lifted an arm so she could get even closer. The distraction of the movie allowing them to be this close without the usual fire erupting between them. In comfortable silence they sat watching the movie, Lucy soon falling asleep snuggled against him, her arms tucked under her he realized she was cold. He reached for the afghan on the back of the sofa and covered both of them with it. Soon he was asleep too.
