Song Inspiration:
everything i wanted by Billie Eilish
Oblivion by Bastille

Chapter 2:
EPOV

I walk swiftly through the main corridor of the ER. I've almost finished my second double shift for the week, and I'm totally exhausted. My shoulders ache, and I can feel a headache threatening by the tension behind my eyes. I'm hungry, thirsty, and grumpy. The only sustenance over the last 24 hours or so coming from the vending machine. No wonder I feel so irritable.

My aim is to make it to the nurse's station before I'm called back, yet again.

The sights and sounds swirl around me: doctors running, nurses calling out for assistance, and paramedics coming through the main doors with yet another gurney. Apart from the doctors, nurses, and patients, there are orderlies, ambulance attendants, police officers, firemen, and frantic family members added to the din. It's organised chaos, and oftentimes, just total chaos.

Yet, this is my place: here among the screams and cries, the moans and groans and hisses of pain in low and loud voices. The intercom interrupts repeatedly with codes and directions; the squeaky wheels of trolleys, gurneys, and wheelchairs are constantly moving in and out of sliding doors—front doors, lift doors, ward doors.

I may be totally exhausted after a double shift, but I know it'll be easier to get the charts all finished up now rather than having a nap in the on-call room first, then tackling them. Thank God, we moved to electronic medical records some time ago, so it shouldn't take me too long to get through them all.

I check in with Shelly, the charge nurse, to ensure that results for some tests I've ordered will be passed along and patient data updated as soon as they come back, and then I almost sprint to my office. I have four days off coming to me, and I want to get out of here as swiftly as I can once I'm done.

When I successfully close the door to my office behind me, I lean my head back against it for a moment and take a long, deep breath, basking in my temporary peace.

I love my job; I really do. I've worked so hard to be where I am. I'm proud of my achievements, of myself. I've sacrificed so much along the way to get here, but lately … I'm just bone weary.

I walk to my desk and slump into my chair and run my fingers through my hair. With a deep sigh, I sign into my laptop and get started on the medical records that I need to update, methodically working my way through, one by one, until they're finally done. There's a constant hum from outside the office, but I'm focused on my task.

I finished my residency program earlier in the year, and since then, I've felt so tired, as if I've run out of steam before I even get going most days. I often question myself. Have I done the right thing by staying here in Chicago, but this is where I've made my home the last ten years. It's also where I lived with my biological parents, and I felt that the city was calling me home when it came time to choose where I wanted to go to school.

I began at Northwest Memorial as a bright-eyed intern and have worked hard the whole way through to the completion of my emergency medicine residency program, and while my career is thriving, I can honestly admit that my personal life is void of so much. The Chief of Staff, Dr. Marcus De Luca, has confirmed that there's an ongoing position here for me, but I'm dragging my feet at signing an ongoing contract. Maybe I'm looking for some kind of sign that this is where I should stay. Who fucking knows, maybe I'm having a midlife crisis right before my thirtieth birthday.

I push back from my desk, feeling frustrated, and take a good look around the office I now share with three other doctors. My degrees are framed and hanging on the wall to the left of me; a painting by one of my favourite local artists is hanging on the right. And on my desk sits two photos that mean the world to me.

The one closest is of my family. Taken last Christmas. My mom was so excited when I made it to Seattle for the holidays, and she insisted on taking photos of all of us, over and over again.

"Smile, Edward; look this way, Edward; over here, Edward." It was repeated ad nauseum for the whole four days I was at home. Mom had this one framed for me and made me promise I would display it somewhere that I could see it daily and think of them.

Esme and Carlisle Cullen stand proudly in the center, surrounded by all their children. None of us were born to them, but all of us are loved fiercely and proudly.

My big brother, Emmett, and his wife, Rosalie, have an arm around each other, and a twin each in the other. My two nephews: Brady and Jared. Emmett gets pissed when I call them the prettiest little boys I've ever seen, but it's true. Both have so much of their parents on display: the deep blue eyes of their mother, the cheeky dimpled grin of their father. Luckily, Brady has Emmett's dark curly hair, and Jared has his mother's striking blonde hair, otherwise, I'm not sure I would be able to tell them apart.

On the other side is my little sister, Alice. Her birth name is Mary Alice, but she declared on her tenth birthday that she was now "just Alice," and so just Alice she has remained. Her fiancé, Jasper, is by her side; they'll be married in my parents garden next summer. Mom has already made sure I've blocked out the time on my calendar so there's no way I could miss the big event. As if I could anyway. I have adored that girl since the day she arrived and completed our family.

And then, there's me. I'm part of the group, yet not. The odd man out, the perpetual single guy, standing on the end. I know my parents would hate to hear me think this way, but it's the truth in how I feel now that they're all paired up.

Mom had queried why I hadn't brought Irina home for the holidays. "I thought the two of you were … ummm … close, Edward, and you look so good together," she had all but crooned.

The only closeness we shared was as fuck buddies, but I could hardly tell my own mother that. The situation had become old for both of us after a while; our arrangement had run its course. Irina eventually wanted more from our relationship, and I was not ready to commit. It ended amicably, and she's currently dating one of my co-workers. Yeah, that's not awkward at all!

I take the other photo in my hand. This one well over ten years old. I look at the motley crew assembled, all jammed in close together so we could all fit in the photo. It looks like an outtake from a John Hughes movie. Six teens, all smiling, laughing, backlit by a large bonfire on First Beach. I run my fingers slowly over the faces, one by one, and think back to that time. I stop at the last, her smile wide, dark brown hair pulled to one side, brown eyes full of warmth, her arms wrapped around my neck from behind. My hands were reaching up, holding hers.

If I close my eyes, I can still feel the warmth of her as she stood behind me, her body pressed so close to mine. Birdy.

~oo000oo~

The summer before my senior year, we travelled from our home in Juneau, Alaska, to the small town of Forks, in the state of Washington. Dad had taken on a short-term locum position at the local hospital, just for the summer, to cover a shortfall after one of their doctors had a family emergency that called him away to Florida to take care of an elderly parent for a while.

When Dad heard about the situation from his friend, Charlie Swan, the town's Chief of Police, he was more than happy to volunteer to cover the few months before a fulltime replacement could take up the position. Fortunately for all of us, Forks Community Hospital accepted my father's offer.

We were all excited as we'd missed our annual catch up with the Swans the summer before. We knew that Bella had moved to Forks, living with her dad earlier in the year. Charlie had confided in Mom that she was struggling—with the move and with the loss of her grandma. We were more than happy to take on the task of cheering her up over the summer months.

We had all grown up in the two years since we'd last been together. Emmett had completed his high school years and was ready to head to UDub on a football scholarship. Bella and I would be moving into our senior year, and Alice her junior year.

Being so close to Seattle, this would give Emmett time to move into his dorm and get himself sorted for his first year away from home. Mom and Dad had discussed moving our family home to Seattle once Alice and I had finished school, and this would give her a chance to have a look at real estate and consider where they would possibly resettle.

It was mid-June when we arrived in Forks, to gray skies and drizzle, yet we weren't going to let the dreary weather dampen our spirits. We were excited to be there and looking forward to getting to know the area over the summer months.

I remember us pulling up at a small white house. There was a blue truck with a small boat hitched to it, a police cruiser, and a battered old red Chevy parked out front. I had travelled with Emmett from Seattle, and no sooner had we pulled to the curb, the front door of the house was thrown open, and Isabella Swan had come flying down the front steps in all her clumsiness, stumbling over the last step and falling heavily.

I quickly ran to her side and helped her to her feet.

"Jeez, Birdy, you okay? Seems some things never change." I had chuckled as I pulled her up by her elbows.

"Oh, fuck you, Cullen." She'd laughed right back at me, brushing herself down.

Yeah, some things never change. But others certainly do. Because as she stood before me, I couldn't help but notice that this Birdy now had boobs!

She'd obviously noticed that I had noticed too.

"Jesus, Cullen, they're just boobs. We all have them, some are just different shapes and sizes than others." She'd all but growled at me before crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"Well, you definitely didn't have them the last time I saw you." I winked.

"And you didn't have that shit all over your face then either," she countered.

"Yeah, I'm a real man now, and you're all woman, Birdy." I wiggled my eyebrows.

I got a hard slap to the arm and another round of, "Oh, fuck off, Cullen."

"Do you kiss your father with that mouth, Birdy," Emmett asked before picking her up and spinning her around wildly.

"Put her down before you break her, son," Chief Swan instructed as he walked down the front steps and joined us.

"Hey, Chief." Emmett and I both addressed Bella's father.

"Hey, boys. Good to see you two. I see you beat your parents here. I hope you weren't going over the speed limit, Emmett?" the Chief asked with a raised brow.

"Me? Never, Chief. Law abiding citizen here!" Emmett had winked back at him.

"I'll be watching you boys closely this summer," the Chief warned us both.

Bella had nudged her father. "Jeez, Dad, they just got here. Give them time to get into trouble first," she joked.

We were soon joined by our parents and Alice. And shortly after, Sue Clearwater and her kids, Leah and Seth, arrived as well.

Charlie placed his arm around Sue and introduced her to us all as his lady friend. We learned that the Clearwater family was Quileute and lived on the local reservation. Leah was the same age as Emmett, and Seth was just a little younger than Alice.

We spent that whole summer together—the six of us. We were often joined by Bella's friend Angela Weber and some of the other Quileute kids. We pretty much ruled Forks that summer.

We hiked, we fished, we swam, we surfed. We played baseball out in the middle of the national park, we dove off rocks into the freezing cold ocean, we rode motorbikes through muddy tracks, we sat huddled together by bonfires at night and told stories and listened to old tales. We fought and argued over stupid shit, then we made up and did it all again the next day.

I look back down at the photo in my hand and grin, just thinking about it all.

Birdy and I had gotten really close that summer. I'd often climb the tree outside her room at night and sneak in via her bedroom window. We'd talk well into the night about books, music, and movies. We shared our hopes and dreams for the future—where we wanted to go to school, what we wanted to study—and we wondered just where we might end up after all of that.

I had an alarm set on my phone, as we'd frequently fall asleep side by side on her bed. Chief Swan caught us one time, and he told me he'd shoot me where I lay if he ever caught me in bed with his daughter again. We made him promises we had no intention of keeping.

Sometimes, I'd wake and she'd have her head on my chest, and I'd just lay there for a while, enjoying the feel of her. We both admitted we had feelings for the other, but we were returning to Alaska soon, and then I was, hopefully, headed to Chicago for school. We both knew it was no good starting something that could go nowhere. I didn't want to lose her friendship by fucking things up over a summer fling, but we'd occasionally share a soft kiss, or two, or three.

When she'd fall asleep, I'd hold her and think about what it would be like if she were my girl, if she were mine for more than just the summer. If she was always my Birdy.

~oo000oo~

My musings are interrupted by the continual buzz of my phone on my desk. I shake the memories away and check the caller ID. Emmett. As I swipe my phone open, I see I've missed a couple of text messages and calls from him earlier in the day. He rarely calls unless he knows I'm free to chat, so an ominous feeling washes over me as I answer his call.

"Edward, I've got bad news."