Author's note: Welcome to chapter 5! Good to see you again! Ok, grab some tissues and chocolate, things get a little rough in this one.
Trigger warning: Sky has a fairly massive panic attack, and a terrible scar gets noticed. This chapter mentions an attempted suicide, please tread carefully!
As always, neither Ouran nor the Hosts belong to me, much as I wish they did. Reviews/PMs are welcome!
-End of school-
As everyone else rushed out of class, Sky took her time packing away the last of her things. She knew she was stalling, but refused to acknowledge it. She had racked her brain since lunch, but hadn't been able to come up with a good enough reason not to go to the Club. Tamaki had specifically asked her to come, and she found herself unwilling to purposely make him unhappy.
But that didn't mean she had to show up that early. She dragged her feet, shuffling down the halls and trudging up staircases as slowly as she dared. She stopped repeatedly to make sure her shoes were tied, to double-check that she had remembered this book or that. Anything to eat up some of the time. She desperately hoped that there weren't many girls left in the room by the time she got there.
After stalling and dallying as much as humanly possible, she found herself just a few yards from Music Room #3. The doors were thrown open, and she could hear laughter and a multitude of voices within. It sounded like there was a large crowd. She swallowed thickly, trembling with sudden nerves. Of course it would be crowded, the lads were extremely popular.
Maybe this wasn't such a hot idea, after all. As if making friends with a bunch of guys wasn't bad enough, she just had to go and pick out the most popular group in the whole damned school. It was just her luck, of course, she couldn't ever do anything simple or easy. Oh no, always have to be in some type of trouble or other. Way to go, dumbass, now what?!
Her heart started to race, and her breath came in short gasps. She turned to head back, but became dizzy after just a few steps. Her knees grew weak, and leaving stopped being an option. Seeing no other choice, she slid down to the floor, pressing her back to the wall and pulling her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs and laid her head on her knees, trying to force herself to calm down.
She couldn't hear the voices and laughter over her pounding heart, so she couldn't hear the footsteps either. Her eyes were closed tight, and her face was hidden against her knees as she struggled to slow her breathing. She was trembling and whimpering, and she couldn't stop it, nor could she stop the sudden onslaught of tears that fell from her eyes.
"Sky?"
She let out a little shriek at the sound of her name, and jerked back in surprise, only to have her head collide with the wall behind her. There was only one person here who called her Sky, and she whipped her head up to look.
Takashi took one look at the terrified girl and instantly sprang into action. Without a word, he scooped her up and held her in his arms as he strode down the hall. He quickly found an empty room and carried her in, closing the door and closing out the stressful sounds as well. He spotted a sturdy chair and went to set her down, but found he couldn't. In her terror, Sky had clenched the front of his jacket tightly in her fists.
Changing his mind in an instant, he sat and cradled the girl close. He held her gently as she gasped and wept against his broad chest. He stayed silent, his arms curled around her tall, yet somehow delicate frame. She trembled so badly, it felt as if she would literally fall to pieces in his arms.
After a few minutes, her weeping tapered off into little sniffles and whimpers, though her fists stayed clinging to his jacket for another minute. Finally, even those tiny sounds quieted, and she forced her aching fingers to unclench. A moment later, she realized with a start that she was curled up on his lap. With a rusty squeak, she leapt up, only to trip over her own feet and end up on the floor.
Instead of trying to get up again, she just sighed and hung her head, burying her face in her hands. Shame and embarrassment burned her cheeks. She didn't notice that Takashi had knelt beside her until she felt his arm around her shoulder. His voice was soft as he finally spoke.
"It's alright, Sky. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe, I promise."
There was something so gentle about the way he spoke, almost tenderly. Sky sniffled and laid her head on his shoulder before she could even think about it. She was terrified only a moment ago, but this quiet young man radiated such peace, she was calmed almost instantly. She found herself wanting to snuggle closer, and had to force herself to sit up straight instead.
She cleared her throat and tried several times to speak. After a frantic moment, she finally made the words come out in a hoarse whisper.
"I'm… I'm so sorry…"
He shook his head a little, keeping his arm curled lightly around her still-trembling shoulder.
"There's nothing to be sorry about."
Sky made a sarcastic noise and shook her head. She had just had a complete and total meltdown, crying like a baby, and he said there's nothing to be sorry about? She let out a harsh laugh, the last of her anxiety melting in the absurdity of the situation.
"Yeah, sure. It's totally normal have a psychotic meltdown and cry like a damn baby, then squeal like a total girl at some innocent physical contact. Sure. Happens every day, I bet."
He raised an eyebrow in confusion at her sarcastic tone, but kept silent as she stood and brushed the dust off her uniform. He followed suit a moment later, keeping a wary eye on her as he straightened. She sniffed and wiped her red and stinging eyes with the back of her hand, then froze in shock when his hand shot out to grab her wrist. Her bare wrist. Her jacket and shirt had both been pushed back by her action. Oh shit. Shit!
Her breath caught in her throat as he turned her hand palm-up to study the thin scar that traveled up her wrist and forearm. She wanted to yank her hand away, pretend nothing had happened. She wanted to make some flippant, off-hand remark, make a joke of it. But her mind refused to cooperate, and she stood in trembling silence as she watched his eyes narrow and grow dark with compassion.
His grip loosened, so that he held her hand gently in his. He brought his other hand up and very lightly drew his fingertips over the scar, frowning. He said nothing for a moment, choosing his words carefully. When he did speak, his tone was gentle, and without judgement.
"This is not a new scar."
Sky swallowed thickly against the sudden lump in her throat. She shook her head, confused by the tenderness and compassion, and even more so by the complete lack of judgement.
"No, it's not new. It's… It's, um… I guess it's about five years old. I, uh… I was, um, twelve…"
She spoke so timidly, so quietly that he almost didn't hear her. Almost. His hand tightened over hers the smallest amount, and sorrow came into his dark eyes.
"Twelve?"
She nodded as a few silent tears made their way down her cheeks. She sniffled and roughly wiped them away with her free hand, but couldn't bring herself to say anything more. They stood that way for just a moment before Takashi silently gathered her in his arms again. He was relieved when she wrapped her arms around him and held tight, and he rubbed her back gently.
She hid her face against his shoulder as her tremors finally subsided. After a long moment, she sniffed and straightened up, pulling away. She kept her eyes trained on her feet, too ashamed to look him in the eye.
He was having none of that, however. He gripped her chin and tilted her head up. It was easy to see the embarrassment in her eyes, and the desperation behind that. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped away the last of her tears. He tucked the fabric back in his pocket and brushed her hair back before laying his hand lightly on her cheek. His eyes were soft and kind, and when he spoke, his voice was low and tender.
"It's alright, Sky."
His words calmed her, and she knew by them that he wouldn't ask hard questions. She wouldn't have to talk about the past, not yet. She sighed quietly and covered his hand with her own. She cleared her throat and sniffled, then spoke in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Thank you, Takashi. For…for everything."
His lips curved up in a small smile and he nodded slightly. After a short moment, he removed his hand from her cheek and patted her on the shoulder before taking a step back and tucking his hands in his pockets. Sky offered a tiny, but genuine smile in return. She rubbed her eye and let out a small laugh, crisis over.
"Told you I was a basket-case. Totally out of my mind. Broken beyond all repair. Believe me now?"
Her words were flippant, almost teasing, eliciting a quiet chuckle as he shook his head. He was relieved to hear the joking tone, but his reply was perfectly serious.
"You're not broken, Sky. Damaged, yes, but you're too strong to be broken."
She blushed, but was spared having to think of a reply when the door burst open. She let out a little shriek and whirled around, nearly falling over her own feet again. Takashi's hands were instantly on her shoulders to steady her, but he removed them the moment he was sure she wouldn't fall.
Honey dashed into the room at top speed, almost barreling into the two of them. He ground to a halt and his voice was high with alarm.
"There you are! You found her! Pixie-chan, where were you? Tama-chan said you were coming, but you didn't show up, so everyone got really worried, and then Takashi went to look for you and he didn't come back either and- Hey! Are you ok Pixie-chan? You look like you've been crying, your face is all red and stuff, what happened?"
Sky tucked her lip between her teeth for a moment, debating. But only for a second, and then she plastered a big grin on her face, striving for a cheery tone when she replied.
"Aw, nothing. Just being kind of a baby, no big deal. And I'm fine now, honest."
There, that should work. She didn't lie, but she didn't exactly tell the truth either. She found it too difficult to lie to the sweet little blonde, but she wasn't about to worry anyone else. Honey shifted his curious gaze between Sky and Takashi for a moment or two, then shrugged and smiled, all radiance and sunshine again.
"Well, ok, if you're sure you're alright."
She nodded and reached out to pat the little blonde head, ruffling his hair. She was relieved when he giggled and seemed satisfied with her answer.
"All the girls have gone home, but Tama-chan and everybody is still here. You should come and hang out! She should, right Takashi?"
He nodded in agreement, and Sky hitched her shoulder up in a little shrug. Since the crowd had vanished, she thought it should be safe enough. She flung her hands up and sighed in mock-exasperation, rolling her eyes as dramatically as she could.
"Fine, fine. I guess I'll go, you don't have to twist my arm or anything."
Honey looked comically shocked for just a second before bursting into bell-like giggles. Sky flashed a quick grin at Takashi, and was delighted to see a bright smile in return.
"You're so silly, Pixie-chan!"
"Hey, silliness is one of my better qualities, you know."
"Yup!"
The three of them walked back down the hall together, Honey talking animatedly the whole way. He bounced around maniacally, twirling in circles and dashing back and forth. Sky and Takashi watched him with fond grins as they shared a companionable silence. Sky wondered again if the boy lived on sugar and Red Bull.
When they reached Music Room #3, she saw that Honey had been right. There wasn't a single yellow dress in sight, and the room was blessedly quiet, save for a soft melody drifting from the piano. Sky was shocked to see Tamaki at the keys, she would have thought him too hyper for something so precise and delicate.
A sudden discordant note rang out as Tamaki noticed her. He jumped up and rushed toward her, a worried look on his face. Sky swallowed and, bracing herself, stepped forward. Before she could say anything, he had gripped her shoulders tightly.
"Where were you, Pixie? I was so worried! Wait, you've been crying! Are you hurt? Who was it? What happened?!"
Sky shook her head and pried his hands off her shoulders. She tried to answer, but couldn't get a word in, as Tamaki started to rant about lowlife punks and good-for-nothing knaves and she wasn't sure what else. Finally she couldn't take it anymore and covered his mouth with her hand.
"Tamaki, calm down. Take a breath, dude."
His eyes grew wide at the contact, but he nodded. She removed her hand and was relieved when he stayed silent. She nodded and took a deep breath before answering, trying for a casual, no-big-deal tone.
"I'm fine, really. I was going to come earlier, but, uh… Well, ok, honestly, I kind of had a bit of a meltdown and couldn't make it. I didn't mean to make you worry, I'm really sorry."
Tamaki gasped, and before she could prevent it, he had pulled her into a tight embrace. She squealed in shock and jerked back, but to no avail. Tamaki was slight, but much stronger than she would have thought. Before she had time to panic, however, Takashi had come to her rescue once again, easily pulling her out of the blonde's arms.
"Oh! Oh Pixie, I'm sorry, I forgot! I'm so sorry!"
Sky snorted out a little laugh and shook her head, waving a dismissive hand at Tamaki. After her breakdown earlier, she didn't seem to have the energy for another. She flashed a grateful smile at Takashi before turning back to Tamaki. She patted the worried blonde on the head, reminded again of an innocent little puppy. Even without the princely theatrics, it was easy to see why he was so popular.
"It's alright Tamaki. I'm fine, everything's fine. Settle down, dude."
She rubbed her eyes with a little groan, missing the shocked grin and little blush that crept up Tamaki's cheeks. She sighed quietly and shook her head. Why did crying have to make her eyes burn so much? Oh well, at least it was over and done.
"I really didn't mean to worry anyone. I'm just… I'm a complete and total nut-job. I really have no idea why any of you would want to be friends with someone like me, I'm totally screwed up."
Tamaki shook his head and took her hand lightly in his. He spoke softly, earnestly and without any theatrics.
"You are not, Pixie. You've had a traumatic past, it's true. But you are most definitely not screwed up. You're sweet and sensitive and generous and fascinating. And honestly, I think you just might be the strongest person I've ever met. You are an amazing woman, ma cherie."
Sky blushed, shocked by his declaration. That was twice now that she'd been called strong. She didn't understand these young men at all. What could they possibly see in her that showed strength? What did they see in her that she couldn't see in herself?
She couldn't take the serious atmosphere any longer. With a wry grin, she tousled Tamaki's hair.
"I don't know about that, but I'm probably the weirdest person you've ever met, mon chardonneret."
And just like that, Tamaki's hyper prince persona flared back to life. He made a noise that Sky would have described as a squeal of happiness, and his smile was wide and radiant as he took both her hands in his.
"You speak French?! Pixie!"
She laughed and nodded. She knew that would distract from the seriousness. She couldn't help the little giggles that bubbled up as she saw the confused looks of the others gathered around.
"I'm not exactly fluent, but I get by. Mother is half-French, so she's been teaching me."
There was a tug on her sleeve, and looked down to see Honey standing there, clutching Usa-chan to his chest. She wondered if he went anywhere without the little pink bunny.
"What was that word you called Tama-chan? I don't think I've heard it before."
"Chardonneret. It means 'goldfinch' in French."
"That's so cute! Tama-chan's a goldfinch!"
Tamaki blushed, causing the twins to rush over and pinch his cheeks. They spoke in unison, a trend that Sky wasn't sure she could get used to.
"Aw, Boss is a little goldfinch! So cute!"
"Ow! Hey! Knock it off!"
"Never!"
Sky and Honey both dissolved into giggles at the interaction. Tamaki was stamping his feet and flapping his hands at the twins, who refused to quit teasing him. After a few minutes of this, Kyoya came over to break up the "fight", ending it easily by whacking all three boys on the head with his ever-present notebook.
"That's enough of that."
All three pouted at Kyoya for a moment, but none were brave enough to go up against the slender boy with the nickname of Shadow King. Sky cleared her throat and tried to look serious, but it was difficult to keep a straight face.
"Sorry, Kyoya, it was mostly my fault. I kind of started it, I guess."
"It's not your fault, Pixie. Those three always find some way of getting into trouble."
"Well then, it's good that they have you to keep them in line. God only knows what they might get up to if you weren't holding the reigns."
"Yes, well, that's certainly true."
She offered the studious boy a cheeky grin, and was pleasantly surprised when a faint blush crawled up his cheeks. He cleared his throat and nudged his glasses up. Before he could say anything else, Honey had grabbed Sky's hand and was tugging on it.
"You look so much better, Pixie-chan! I'm so glad you're not sad anymore!"
Sky glanced down, and her heart melted at the relief on the sweet little face. It was just too cute how much he cared. She reached out and ruffled his hair with her free hand and grinned broadly.
"How can anyone be sad when you're around, Honey-chan? You're such an adorable little bunny rabbit, it's impossible to stay sad!"
He smiled so brightly at her comment that she was almost blinded. He really was completely adorable. It didn't surprise her in the slightest that so many didn't believe he was as powerful as she knew him to be. But the little ball of sunshine could destroy whole towns if he chose to, no matter how cute and innocent he looked.
"Hey, if I'm a bunny, and Tama-chan's a goldfinch, what's everybody else?"
Sky hadn't thought of that. The comparisons just came so naturally, she didn't need to think before uttering them. But now she looked around, contemplating. She tucked her lip between her teeth and curled up on one of the ornate sofas while she thought. Honey clambered up beside her and rested his little blonde head on her shoulder.
"Well, I would have to say that Hikaru and Kaoru are monkeys. They're so mischievous, always causing chaos for Tamaki and poor Kyoya. Just a good thing they don't really have tails, image how much more trouble they could get into!"
Honey burst into giggles that were so infectious that everyone was laughing and smiling after a moment. The twins shared a look, then shrugged and nodded in unison. They pulled faces and hooted at Sky, causing even more giggles from Honey.
"Yup. Definitely monkeys. Definitely."
"Yeah, well, what about Kyoya then? He's scary, he's probably like, a bear or alligator or something."
Sky still hadn't quite figured out how to tell the twins apart, so she wasn't sure which one had spoken. But the other nodded emphatically in agreement. Sky uttered a small laugh and shook her head.
"Nah. Kyoya's only scary when you guys are being crazy. Hmm…"
She cocked her head to one side, studying Kyoya. He was sitting primly as always, writing something in his notebook. He looked like he wasn't paying any attention, but Sky knew that he saw and heard so much more than he let on. He was just too good at not letting anything show on his face. After a moment, she nodded.
"I think Kyoya would be an owl. Very calm on the surface, but can see and hear nearly everything. His looks are deceiving in a way, because he doesn't look like he would be aggressive. And he isn't, usually. But once he hits his breaking point, those razor-sharp talons come out of hiding, and you're no better off than the little mouse caught in his claws."
Kyoya nudged his glasses up and turned to look at Sky with the barest hint of a smile.
"Very astute, Pixie. I think an owl would be an appropriate analogy. But what, pray tell, could have prompted you to pick a goldfinch for Tamaki? I think perhaps a large, bumbling dog of some sort would be a better fit."
"Hey, I am not bumbling! You're so cruel!"
Sky snickered a little at Tamaki's outburst.
"True enough, I initially thought of Tamaki as a puppy, he's so hyper and eager to please everyone. But I think really, it's more 'Prince Tamaki' the Host Club president that's the puppy. That's what people expect, so that's what he gives them. But the real Tamaki? He's just a sweet little golden songbird that just wants everything and everyone to be happy all the time."
"Awwww, Pixie! That's so sweet, princess!"
"Just the truth, Tamaki. And again, I'm not a princess."
Honey tapped her shoulder fervently. His eyes were wide as he clutched Usa-chan to his chest.
"You're so good at this, Pixie-chan! I can totally see everybody as the animals you picked! What about Takashi, what is he, what is he?"
"Oh that's easy. He's a wolf. Wolves are pack animals, strong and loyal, and they protect their pack no matter what. A wolf wouldn't randomly attack for no reason. They're actually very gentle, unless their pack is threatened. And then you wouldn't find a fiercer opponent. You guys are Takashi's pack, his family, and no one in their right mind would even think of hurting you."
There were nods of agreement from everyone before she had even finished speaking. She risked a small glance at the wolf in question, and was surprised to see a faint blush staining his cheeks. Huh. What's that about? She was shocked when Honey spoke after a moment, because he was calm and perfectly serious.
"You're right about everything except one thing. You said, 'you guys are Takashi's pack.' But Pixie-chan, you forgot to include yourself. You're one of us now, you're in our pack too."
Sky was so shocked, she couldn't speak. Her cheeks grew warm, her heart leapt into her throat, and her eyes filled. She looked around at the small group and saw fervent nods of agreement from all corners. She sniffled and cast her gaze down at her hands, which were twisted together in her lap. She cleared her throat roughly and, after a few false starts, finally managed to force her words out in a harsh whisper.
"That's… That's unbelievably sweet. But you all barely know me. Hardly at all. You don't… you don't know the real me at all. If, if… If you knew even half… I… Panic attacks are just the tip of the iceberg. Trust me, you, you… You wouldn't want anything to do with me if you knew who I really am. What I really am…"
"That's where you're wrong."
