Trigger Warning: Suicide, other forms of self-harm and abusive parents.


Palomino Burton, District 10

"And the gun that's hanging on the kitchen wall, dear,

Is like a road sign pointing straight to Satan's cage."

Gram Parsons, Kiss the Children


Juanita Gallina was used to serving at the Burtons' dinner table. She wasn't used to sitting at it.

Now she felt the burn of her old employers' eyes on her. On the expensive engagement ring on her hand. On the pregnant curve of her belly. They blamed her for this, clearly. They blamed the common harlot who'd seduced their precious son.

Juanita knew better. Palomino Burton was a serial womaniser. He'd slept with every one of the maids working at his parents' house. Juanita was just the unlucky one that he'd made pregnant.

Luckily for her, Palomino had enough honour to marry her. He'd realised that this was his fault. Juanita still didn't love him enough to marry him but it was a better option than getting fired and having to find a new job while being pregnant with twins.

Palomino was barely eighteen years old. He was incredibly careless but he hadn't forced any of the maids to sleep with him. They'd all just assumed that he'd get them fired if they refused - Juanita included - but now she realised that he wasn't that cruel.

When Palomino had first started taking an interest in Juanita, he'd tried to woo her, sending her flowers and chocolates and other gifts. Maybe he'd believed that she'd loved him. Maybe he'd been naïve enough to forget what desperate women forced themselves to do for rich men. Maybe Juanita had been foolish as well, smiling a little too wide at her first ever taste of chocolate, assuming too many things.

Assuming that, since Palomino was rich enough to afford contraceptives, he'd be smart enough to use them.

The other maids began to serve dinner. Juanita noticed the dirty looks in their eyes, a mix of envy and pity. None of the Burtons noticed.

There were so many Burtons at the table. A large portion of the family had been invited to Palomino's engagement dinner. Juanita had endured so many backhanded compliments. The only person aside from Palomino who didn't glare at her with a mix of fury and disgust was Palomino's eccentric aunt, Stallie. District 10's only victor picked at her food, refusing to make eye-contact with anyone.

"The food's delicious," Palomino said, for the fourth time that evening. "Compliments to the chef."

He reached out and squeezed Juanita's hand, something he'd been doing a lot. He seemed tense, wound up like a clockwork figure who kept repeating the same actions over and over. It had fallen on his shoulders to decrease the tension. He was doing an admirable job. Juanita would've been surprised that Palomino, the spoiled brat, hadn't already buckled under the pressure if she hadn't seen a few things that'd surprised her already.

The night she'd conceived her children, she'd seen bruises all over Palomino's body and scars on his wrists.

Palomino's older brother, Trojan, sipped at a glass of wine.

"I must say, I'm surprised that my baby brother managed to find a woman before I did," he said, spitefully. "What kind of dowry are we getting?"

"Dowry?" Palomino asked.

"Trojan, it's rude to discuss such matters," Palomino's mother, Epona, said. She didn't sound that bothered. The likelihood was that she wanted to know as well.

"I'm sure Miss Gallina's parents will be able to produce a suitable figure," said Palomino's father, Shetland.

"They're dead," Juanita said, quietly. "I have no family."

"Lucky," Palomino muttered.

Everyone laughed.

"I'm being serious," Palomino declared, pushing his chair back. "I think that you are all terrible people. Whenever I make the tiniest of mistakes, you all treat me like I'm a complete and utter disappointment."

Stallie looks up from her steak and whoops. "Finally, someone says what I've been thinking for years."

"I'd hardly call getting the maid pregnant 'the tiniest of mistakes'," Shetland sneered. "You never had any responsibility, boy."

"Maybe it's because you never let me have any responsibility!" Palomino cried. "Maybe it's because you've been controlling every single aspect of my life since I was born. Remember when you beat me because I wouldn't eat my vegetables? What about when you locked me in the cellar for a week because I failed a test? What about Trojan? How come you treat him like the perfect golden child and I'm always the disappointment?"

"Your brother does what he's told!" Shetland roared.

"Have you ever wondered why I don't?" Palomino asked, his voice shaking. "Because I tried. I tried. But you wouldn't stop. So I just gave up. I kept going to parties and getting drunk and courting commoners because I knew there was no point in trying to be your perfect son. Now cut me off. Disown me. I dare you."

He stalked out of the room. Juanita followed him, unable to carry on sitting with his family.

"Palomino?" She asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he took a shuddering breath. "We're leaving. I never want to see them again."

"What about money?" Juanita asked. "How are we going to support our kids? There aren't many jobs out there for pregnant women."

"Then I'll get a job." Palomino said. "I'm not going to let you down. I'm not going to let our kids down. It doesn't matter how rich we are. I just want to be a better parent for them than my parents were for me."

Juanita stared into the wide, grey eyes of the man who was going to be her husband. They were full of guilt. He hated himself for what he'd done to her.

Maybe he hated himself for other reasons as well.

One thing that was certain was that he was going to try to make things better, to do the right thing, which meant that Juanita needed him. Not just for herself. For the twins.

"Okay," she said, comfortingly. "We'll be fine. We'll get through this."

Juanita took Palomino's hand and they carried on down the corridor. For the first time in her life, she felt like she had a family. She hadn't chosen Palomino but she felt like she could grow to love him.


Juanita Burton waited in the corridor of the Justice Building. About two months ago, she'd married Palomino Burton here, in a ceremony that had involved their names being signed on a piece of paper and not much more. A few weeks after the wedding, she'd given birth to Emelia and Louis. Emmy and Lou. Her twins.

They'd rented an apartment. Palomino had got a job at a nearby ranch. She'd be able to get one as well, once the kids were old enough to go to school. Palomino's parents had kept sending him letters and money, but they'd never been desperate enough to spend the money. Things had looked bright.

Then Palomino had been claimed by his final reaping.

It had come out of nowhere. Juanita had forgotten what it was like to worry about the reaping. Her last one had been five years ago. It wasn't like Palomino had taken any tesserae, either.

But now he was likely to die and leave her to support their two kids without any help.

Palomino was talking to his parents. Things were getting heated. Voices were raised. They were yelling some things that made Juanita want to cover her babies' ears but since Emmy and Lou had four ears between them and she only had two hands, there was no point. All the noise was upsetting the babies. They thrashed about, wailing, and Juanita couldn't do anything to comfort them.

Finally, Palomino's parents left and Juanita was allowed in. Palomino noticed that she was struggling to carry the two babies and carefully took Lou from her.

"Shhh, shhh," he whispered. "It'll be alright. Daddy's got you. He made the mean, shouty people go away."

Juanita could tell from the look in Palomino's eyes that it wasn't going to be alright. He was terrified. She thought of her husband going into the Hunger Games. Her sensitive, sheltered husband, who'd come home from his first day of work and cried because it'd been so hard for him, who beat himself up over the smallest things, who had no useful skills to help him fight off Careers or survive in the wilderness.

He wouldn't last five minutes.

"I'm going to use the money your parents gave us," Juanita said. "Maybe I can move in with them."

"No!" Palomino said, quickly. "They won't let you."

"Emmy and Lou are their grandchildren."

"They don't care," Palomino sobbed. "When I'm gone, they'll forget that Emmy and Lou are my children. They'll just be two common kids."

"What can I do?" Juanita asked. "What'll happen when the money runs out? Do you think anyone will give me a job when I'll have to devote so much time and effort to my kids?"

"Wait for me," Palomino said, eyes hard. "I'll win. I'll do whatever it takes."


Juanita Burton stood on the train platform, waiting for her husband. It had been difficult for her to watch the games. When Palomino hadn't been killing people, he'd been carving letters into his arms with his own knife. She knew that he used to harm himself all the time, when he'd lived with his parents. They'd made him feel worthless.

Juanita had never seen him that bad and she'd worked for his parents, lived in the same house as him, for years. He'd always been so good at pretending to be okay. Being in the arena and being forced to kill people to survive must have taken a sledgehammer to Palomino's mental health.

He'd become so sick that the Capitol had decided that he wasn't fit to give an interview. The moment his physical wounds had been healed, they'd put him on a train so he could return home. There were no cameras on the platform, no fans. Just Juanita, the twins in a pram that the Capitol had generously supplied, and a handful of peacekeepers. It worried Juanita. If the Capitol had deemed that Palomino had suffered too much to be a spectacle, something had so be seriously wrong.

The train pulled into the station. The doors opened and Palomino shuffled out, eyes haunted. The moment he saw Juanita, he ran to her and started crying in her arms. She tried to comfort him like he was a crying child, something she had a lot of experience with. Holding him close, Juanita realised that she loved her husband. Not just for his money but because she knew that he was a good person who'd been hurt too much by life. She wanted to help him get better.

When Palomino's body stopped shaking with sobs, he asked if he could see his kids. Juanita led him over to the pram so he could hold the twins. He smiled, gently, as he held his daughter in his arms. One side of his face was distorted by a long, crooked scar - caused by a bat with razor-sharp claws. Juanita found that she didn't mind it.

It was the one scar that Palomino hadn't given himself.


"You look great," Juanita Burton told her husband.

"Thanks," he said. "You look beautiful."

Palomino had recovered enough from his games for the Capitol to deem him healthy enough to do a victory tour but they'd also allowed Juanita and the twins to come with him. One of the only reasons why he'd recovered so quickly was that he'd needed to care for his kids.

Something had taken over Palomino's mind in the arena. An urge to kill himself, so strong that he'd sliced his family's names into his arms to remind himself that he had something to live for. It had broken Juanita's heart when she'd seen her name written in scars on her husband's skin. It was the kind of thing that Careers did to their victims, not something that people did to themselves.

Juanita had learned that some of the lies that Palomino had learned from his parents - that he was worthless and didn't deserve happiness - had never really left him. Whenever he did something that felt wrong, he expected to be punished and, if nobody punished him, he punished himself. Even after escaping his parents, Palomino had felt a great, empty vacuum where they'd been, that'd dragged him into harming himself.

He was getting better, though. Juanita had given him a loving family - a real family. Every morning, he woke up looking brighter than he'd done the day before.

"Are you excited to see all the districts?" Juanita asked.

"I'm not excited to see all the families," Palomino said, darkly.

"They'll understand," Juanita said. "They'd have probably done the same things for their kids. What about the scenery? Apparently, Stallie's really excited to see District 7."

"Of course she is," Palomino laughed. "She loves trees so much. She told me it was because, whenever her parents were angry at her or her brother wanted to fight her, she could just climb a tree and avoid them... It runs in the family, doesn't it?"

Juanita shook her head. "Not our family. We're not going to be anything like them."

"Good," Palomino said, sounding reassured. "I love you. I love my new family."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her. Juanita wrapped her arms around Palomino's waist and pulled him close, feeling the life pulse through him.


Juanita Burton tried to dry her tears after saying goodbye to her son. Emmy and Lou had both been reaped for the Second Quarter Quell. Either one or both of them would die.

Given that they were both only twelve years old, the likelihood was that she'd lose both her kids.

As she sank to the floor and began to sob, too devastated to stand, she overheard a conversation going on in the other male tribute's room. She hardly remembered the boy who'd been reaped immediately after Louis. She'd known that he'd only be able to survive if both her children died. He was at a bit of a disadvantage, since both of District 10's mentors were related to his competition. Stallie and Palomino would both be playing favourites.

But there was something familiar about the tone of that boy's voice as he spoke to someone he loved.

Juanita watched as a young woman left the room. She couldn't have been much older than eighteen or nineteen. She had a baby in her arms. She looked on Juanita with dark eyes full of concern.

"Are you okay?" She asked. "Sorry, that's a stupid question."

"It's okay," Juanita said. "Your baby's lovely."

"He is," the woman took a seat beside Juanita. "His name's Julio. You can hold him if you want."

"I think you should keep hold of him," Juanita said. "Never let him go."

"I'm sorry about your kids," the woman said. "I couldn't imagine what it'd be like having them both go in at once. I had twins as well. Since Xavier was in JAMB, they let him freeze one of the embryos so we didn't have to raise them both at once. Hear that, Julio? When you're big enough to go to school, you're going to get a little brother."

Julio giggled, completely innocent.

Juanita smiled, sadly. She'd heard of JAMB - Jasper Academy of Mutt-Breeding. Ever since ex-gamemaker, Io Jasper had set up that school, it had grown in fame around the district. A few years ago, she and Palomino had gone on a tour of the school to see if they wanted to send Emmy and Lou there. They'd decided that it was too strict an environment.

"Xavier sounds like a lucky man," Juanita said. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"My husband," The woman let out a small sob. "He just got reaped. That's why I'm here. He's not lucky at all."

"He could win," Juanita said. "I've been there."

"But your kids..." The woman whispered.

Juanita broke down in tears. The woman started crying as well. Once they'd both pieced themselves back together, Juanita agreed to take her new friend out for lunch. They could help each other get through the hard times.

That was how Juanita Burton met Maria Lobos.


Juanita Burton watched, a sick feeling in her stomach, as Palomino knocked back another whiskey. Her husband was unraveling. Ever since he'd come back from the Capitol after both his children had died in the bloodbath, he'd had this empty look in his eyes. He'd hardly said a word to her and he kept drinking.

"Maybe that's enough, dear," she said.

Palomino's glass broke in his hand. He must've been gripping it so hard. He stared at his fistful of glass and blood, looking numb.

"Do you need help cleaning up?" Juanita asked, her voice thin. She'd been struggling to hold everything together since the reaping.

"Get out," Palomino muttered.

"I can help you-"

"I said get out!" Palomino turned to her, eyes wild, face twisted with fury. "I never want to see you again."

"Please don't push me away," Juanita said. "We can get through this."

"There is no 'We'," Palomino said, walking towards the gun on the kitchen wall. Most rich people in District 10 kept a gun, to deal with the coyotes that plagued the district. Their neighbourhoods were heavily monitored by peacekeepers. "I can't have a family. I can't have nice things. Because every time I have something good, I ruin it."

"It's not your fault Emmy and Lou were in the games," Juanita said. "The only way you're going to ruin this family is if you send me away. Then I'll be gone and it'll be your fault."

"It is my fault!" Palomino snapped. "They were reaped because I'm a victor. All the eligible victors' kids got reaped this year. The Careers just saved their kids with volunteers, like they always do."

"What about Arcas Starkwain?" Juanita asked. "He didn't get reaped and he's sixteen. Maybe it was a coincidence."

"He doesn't count. He's half-Capitol. His name probably isn't even in the ball. It's my fault our kids are dead. If I'd just killed myself in the arena, they'd probably still be alive."

There were tears in his eyes as he tugged the gun from the wall and aimed it at Juanita. She didn't know if Palomino could shoot a gun in this state but she didn't want to find out.

"Put the gun down," she said, as calmly as she could. "We can talk things through."

"It's too late," Palomino said, his voice hollow. "Get out, before I hurt you."

"You don't have do this. You have a choice-"

Palomino fired a warning shot at the ceiling before aiming at Juanita again. His hands were shaking so much that she was scared the gun would go off by accident.

"Go," He said.

"Okay," Juanita whispered. She backed away, slowly, trying to hold back tears. As she left the house, she wondered where she was going to go and what she was going to do. She found herself wandering to Maria Lobos' house.

She hoped that Palomino would have a change of heart and let her come back.


Juanita Burton sat in a jail cell, awaiting her execution.

She'd stayed at Maria's house for about a week, hoping that Xavier would win the games. He'd come tantalisingly close to victory only to be devoured by a pack of rabid squirrels. Then Stallie had come home and found Palomino's body...

Juanita still couldn't quite believe that her husband had killed himself. It was clearly suicide. Anyone who'd known Palomino well would've known that his family was the only thing keeping him alive. Now he'd lost his kids, he'd just given up, even though he'd had a caring aunt and a loving wife.

Stallie had come to Juanita's cell and told her that she'd found a suicide note but the peacekeepers had conveniently disposed of it. According to the note, Palomino had been fighting the urge to take his own life for a little over a week. The final nail in his coffin had been when his parents came to his house to complain about what a disappointment he was. They'd tried to force their way back into his life several times over the last twelve years but Palomino had always found the strength to send them away.

He must've felt so trapped, so lost, stuck in his house with nobody but his demons for company. Juanita wasn't surprised that he'd let them in.

Despite the evidence that Palomino had committed suicide, Juanita had been put on trial for his murder. She'd had such a shock when the peacekeepers had burst into Maria's house and dragged her away. They'd claimed that she'd had the perfect motive - revenge against the man who'd failed to mentor her children to victory. She'd been told to plead guilty, otherwise Maria and Julio would be killed. Juanita knew better than to test the peacekeepers' ability to kill innocent people.

She was going to die. She was going to be executed on live television to show the public what happened to people who killed victors.

And to show the victors what would happen to their loved-ones if they ever committed suicide.

Juanita wondered what would have happened if the peacekeepers had left her alone. Would she have been able to forget about the last thirteen years of her life, forget about the people she'd loved and lost? Would she have been able to just wipe away her tears and return to the life she'd had before she'd been a mother?

She knew for sure that it wasn't worth sacrificing Maria and her sons for. She hoped that they had a bright future ahead of them, even though she knew that it'd be hard for Maria to balance work and childcare and pay for the operation she'd need for Manel to be born. She could've had that life if Palomino had died in his games.

Juanita's head told her that it would've been better if he had died. A life in poverty was better than no life. Her heart told her that it was better that he'd lived. Twelve years of happiness was better than a lifetime of toil.

Every part of her wished that her husband hadn't killed himself. She couldn't blame him for her imminent execution. Palomino had had no way of knowing what would happen to her after he'd shot his own brains out. Maybe he'd believed that she hadn't loved him. Maybe he'd been traumatised enough to forget that he'd been someone who'd deserved to be loved. But if Palomino hadn't chosen to shut her out of his life, they'd have been able to start over.

Now all she could do was hope that Maria Lobos could start over, that she'd be able to get herself through the hard times without any help.

That neither of her sons would go into the Hunger Games.


That chapter dealt with some pretty heavy issues. If you feel like you've been affected by some of the issues in this chapter or you have a friend or family member who may be struggling, don't suffer in silence. Talk to someone about it.

Palomino was a hard victor for me to write. I didn't want to demonise him because of his mental illness but I also didn't want to romanticise it. He overcame a lot, going from an irresponsible, rebellious teenager to a loving husband and father. If his children had been spared from going into the Quell, he'd have probably been able to live until the rebellion. Unfortunately, the Capitol stopped caring about Palomino's mental health when the next victor won and just wanted more legacy tributes.

Juanita's relationship with Palomino didn't have the best of beginnings or the best of endings - mostly because one of his biggest flaws is that he can't see the consequences of his actions. Palomino was shaped a lot by the abuse he'd suffered at his parents' hands and his determination to be better than them led to Juanita opening her heart to him. He never stopped trying to be a better person but, when his children died, he lost sight of what a better person was. Juanita and Palomino made the most of what they had. Not every couple in Panem is Everlark. Some of them are just people trying to do the best they can.

I was originally going to leave Juanita to move on from the loss of her family and start over - something she's probably capable of - but the Capitol probably would've wanted to deter more victors from killing themselves. Palomino died believing that he was protecting his wife when really he was doing the opposite.

As for Maria Lobos, she's possibly what Juanita could've become if Palomino hadn't won his games. It must be pretty hard being a single parent in Panem. I didn't plan for them to run into each other in the justice building but then I realised how cool it would be to have them meet. The Second Quarter Quell was a tough year for District 10's victors, since one of them lost their great-niece and great-nephew, one of them lost their kids and one of them lost their father (he isn't a victor yet but we'll get there).