There were many things that Butch Deloria knew; that he was the coolest guy in the vault, that the Tunnel Snakes ruled, that the Doc's kid was a damn nerd, that his mom drank too much sometimes..., but there were also just a couple of things that he wasn't sure about, like what colour underwear Amata Almodovar wore.
For weeks he had been preoccupied thinking (definitely NOT worrying mom) about the G.O.A.T., the Generalized Occupation uhh Test thingy, the one that would decide his entire future, what he would have to do every day... forever... and even more importantly how he would have to dress, he had hoped not to have to end up in some old musty white coat like Jonas or the Doc.
And then he had taken the test, along with the rest of his class, and found out that he was supposed be a "hairdresser" like he was some kind of pansy. The current vault hairdresser was an old woman! Butch wasn't going to do a girl's job! No, he would be a barber. Being a barber sounded a lot better, because it kind of sounded like Barbarian, and who wouldn't want to be like Grognak?
After the test was over he met up with his fellow Tunnel Snakes; Paul and Wally. Paul was happy to share that he would be becoming an engineer, but he seemed nervous about working with Andy, that old robot had been unstable forever, and he wouldn't want to be the one to break it.
Wally would be joining his older brother Stevie in Vault Security, he didn't seem too excited, but Paul promised to talk to his dad and see if he could get Wally a nice cushy job guarding the never used cells, rather than endless patrols through the dark lower levels clearing out roaches.
Butch had by now come to the conclusion that if he had to be a barber, he was going to be the best barber ever, and anyone who saw his hair would know that was actually already the case. When he announced this to his friends they were slightly taken aback, but Paul assured him that he would always get his hair cut at Butch's Barbershop from now on.
Freddie had finally joined them after that, looking extremely confused and refusing to say what his G.O.A.T. result was. When he wouldn't budge, Butch and the others decided that they should go celebrate in the diner, every year Chip Taylor's grandma lead the old ladies of the Vault in cooking up a feast for the G.O.A.T. students.
Just as they were about to get into the diner, Butch saw the Doc's kid hanging out in the hallway with Amata. He waved the rest of the Tunnel Snakes forward and went over to talk to the pair of girls.
"Hey ladies," Butch favoured them with his winning grin, "What did you get on the G.O.A.T.?"
"None of your business meathead," the doc's kid said, somehow Butch never remembered her name despite knowing her forever. "Get lost Butch!" Amata added, she must still be mad from this morning; damn hormonal women.
Butch, being a reasonable young man, ignored the feminine chatter, and leaned closer to Amata. "Come on babe, you know you don't want me to leave."
While all of his attention was focused on Amata, Butch didn't notice the other girl moving around to get behind him. "Why won't you just admit it Amata, you like me... Really, really, like me." Butch gave a last grin, before the Doc's kid slammed into him from behind, sending the perfectly-coiffed head straight into the hard metal wall.
Butch collapsed instantly, not even noticing the world fading to black.
Next thing he knew, Butch was waking up from a sleep he never entered. His eyes were heavy, and it was nearly impossible to open them. His ears were ringing, and he felt oddly cold. He felt like he was being bumped around, like he was being carried or something.
"Hey you. You're finally awake!"
Butch's eyes finally opened.
