So…-Robin continued- Spandam grabbed me by the hair, and dragged me all the way upstairs again. And when we were about to reach the Gates entrance, I panicked, and tried to run away again…- She closed her eyes, trying to avoid her overwhelming emotions. 'To tell you the truth, I do sympathize with you. But what can I do? You life is worthless'. - But he caught me and pinned me to the Bridge's floor, and then…-Robin felt a throbbing pain in her throat, and was truly unable to speak. She was at the verge of tears, and she couldn't do anything about it.
Robin recalled how she bit the stone edge of the Bridge of Hesitation only to cling herself to life. 'What a shameful attachment to life. You're only a criminal. You can only make people happy by dying'. Robin was feeling now more vulnerable than she'd been in a long, long time. She was upset about the fact that she felt like being eight years old again. She was upset about Zoro being right: she was fighting to be able to trust her nakama. To be vulnerable around them. To let them know she was broken. To let them know Spandam did manage to break her emotionally. She couldn't stand the fact that her usual numbness was gone, and was replaced by raw pain.
-I…I bit the edge to avoid being dragged- admitted Robin, with a voice that sounded far more off than they were used to hear from her.- And Spandam kicked me again, several times. That's why my teeth hurt so much.- A single tear managed to escape her eyes, and now she was feeling like she was burning inside from pain.
-I can make you a numbing toothpaste, it should help with that. Besides, you need to eat, Robin.-said Chopper, with sadness and anger in his eyes. Nami was looking at her with the same look. They both wanted so much to kick Spandam's ass right now.
Robin didn't even thanked the doctor. She was trying to put her thoughts together to tell them the last events before Franky arrived to save her. Nami, that knew her friend was struggling to end her story, decided to give her the last encouraging words. Zoro was sitting in the same spot, still with an increasing killer aura that was evidently directed towards the Chief of the CP9.
-What happened then?- Nami said. 'You can do this, Robin'.
-Was then when Uso…-Zoro remembered that Chopper had believed Usopp's disguise- eh, Sogeking shot the marines and Franky arrived?
-Almost. Spandam took a rope and decided that, since I wasn't going to walk anymore, dragging me all the way left was the better option. And he…-by this time, Robin was properly crying. At least, tears were flowing down her cheek freely- he told me he knew the details about what happened in Ohara…-she sobbed.
You think I don't know anything uh? About the former Marine Headquarter's Vice-Admiral, Jaguar D. Saul's violent conduct. About your mother, Nico Olvia, I know everything. All because I was told. Stepping into Ohara, where the devil's lived; revealing their great crime, and triggering the Buster Call; that was all done by the former chief of CP9, my father Spandine!
-Spandam's father was the one that triggered the Buster Call in Ohara, and…- Robin voice got out like a painful plea.-And…he was the one who put a bounty on my head 20 years ago.
How was it? How many times was an eight year old brat about to be killed for money by adults? Can't trust anyone who approaches you. No place to get a good night's sleep…no food, either. I don't even want to imagine having such a shitty life for twenty years. It was so miserable that made you cry?
Recalling those words made Robin finally broke. The pain was too much for her to handle. Her life had been miserable, and no one could claim otherwise. She knew that was a fact. And she had managed to ignore it all this time. She was pathetic. She was pitiful. She had wanted to die so many times in the past that she couldn't count them. And the only reason she was still alive is because she had buried all that behind a facade. One that was falling apart right now.
Robin hid herself in her cool persona many years ago, both to protect herself from others and from herself. And now she was there, completely exposed, in front of her nakama. Did she even deserve them? Robin wanted so much the answer to be yes, but knew it was improbable. She could not even recall how many people she'd killed. She could not recall how many people she'd betrayed, or how many had betrayed her. She helped Crocodile to almost destroy Alabasta, their friend's home. She had sneaked into the Going Merry only to avoid being arrested, and forced herself into the crew because she didn't have a better option. And yet these people had accepted her. These people love her. They almost got killed for her. They want Nico Robin, the Devil's Child, in their crew, not as a tool, but as a friend. They trust her, and were willing her to do the same in return. And she was so frustrated by the fact she needed to fight so much to allow herself to return that trust. Robin hated herself for it.
Chopper, Nami and Zoro stood there in silence, without moving. They watched as Robin couldn't take it anymore, and started crying silently. They saw her trembling, grabbing her face with her hands. They all knew this wasn't only about the events of that day, but something much more deeper. This was about the pain Robin had carried for twenty years of being completely alone, and the catarsis needed to heal from it. Chopper lift his head to face Nami, who could tell the reindeer was crying, fighting to keep it silent in order to not disturb Robin, or made her self-aware of the situation. Nami was also about to cry, but managed to keep her composure. Zoro had taken off his bandana, and was looking at Robin with a compassionate look. 'At least she took the pain off her chest', he thought. He then turn to see Nami, and made a subtle gesture towards their friend. 'She needs comfort, you know', Nami read in Zoro's eyes. She nodded and, still a bit afraid of Robin's reaction, she walked towards her, sit at her side, and hugged her tightly.
Robin was completely trapped in her own thoughts, and didn't notice when Nami approached and hugged her. She felt the embrace, and recognize Nami by her scent. Nami felt Robin stiff at her touch. A few seconds later, she felt Robin relax, and then return the hug. Nami put her hand gently in Robin's head, and stroke her hair. Chopper walked towards them and joined the embrace. Zoro got up from his spot, and took a sit beside them.
-It's alright, Robin…-Nami finally said.-We're here for you. You won't be alone anymore.
Minutes passed and all of them remained silent. Robin cried almost silently, just sobbing a bit from time to time. Sometimes, she had seemed to stop finally, but after a pause, she continued. This went on for about twenty minutes. Neither Zoro, nor Nami or Chopper said anything. They didn't have anything worthy to say, or at least nothing that their actions hadn't already said. Finally, Robin seemed too tired to even be able to stay awake. Nami could tell that she was so exhausted at this point that she was barely conscious. Zoro noticed it too, and stood up. He walked silently towards the infirmary door and stopped just before making his way out.
-Whatever your burden is, Robin, now we carry it together. Don't forget that- Zoro said, right before getting out of there and closing the door.
Back in the deck, he spotted Luffy nearby, staring the infirmary's door with a serious expression. He looked up to meet Zoro's eyes, asking an unspoken question. Zoro nodded, and Luffy grinned.
Inside the infirmary, Nami took Robin without saying a word and made her lie down in bed. Robin complied, accommodated her pillow, and opened her eyes. Chopper searched through the infirmary's drawers, and handed the prescribed medicines to her. She took them with a blank face, silently. She didn't know what to say anyway. Should she apologize? Should she thank them? She didn't have the slightest idea. Nami was the one that spoke first.
-So…-she was thinking her words carefully- …do you want us to leave or…?- Nami remembered that her friend had told her she wanted to be alone before. Now that the problem was 'solved', she didn't want to pressure Robin even more.
-Hum…-Robin muttered- I would prefer to have some company tonight- Robin was embarrassed for asking that. She wasn't a child anymore, she was a grown-up assassin. But it felt right to do so.
-So be it- stated Nami finally relaxing, while Chopper was already getting under the covers at Robin's side with a big grin on his face.
That was the first time in Robin's life that she had asked someone to share her bed. She had slept with Chopper a few times, when he came to her because he was having nightmares, or wanted someone to tell him stories. She had slept with several men, to gain favors or because she had been threatened. But she never had asked for it, and now that she did, she was happy.
Chopper was so tired that he felt asleep almost instantly. Nami had gone to the women's bedroom to get her night dress, and returned. She found Robin petting the reindeer's head, while he was muttering something about cotton candy. A few moments later, Nami joined the two of them, yawning profusely.
-You know you're stubborn as hell, right?- she asked, returning completely to her normal self.
-I'm sorry- Robin said with an honest smile.
-Next time you make me spend most of my night with Zoro, I'm gonna charge you- Nami stated childishly.
-I will keep that in mind- Robin answered. She sprouted a limb to turn off the lights, and both of them moved a bit to get more comfortable.
-Oh, and Robin…-Nami said.
-Yes?
-You better stop the nicknames bullshit now.
-Of course, Nami.
