It was dark out by the time I reached the Church of Starry Wisdom. By the time I arrived, it was surprisingly quiet and uneventful. Where were our dads? I've seen their footprints in the snowy trail that led up to here. So where were they? As I approached the gothic-looking church, I got chills that had nothing to do with the cold weather. Even more unsettling was the familiar power stirring awake within me. As usual the church still managed to look ominous… But right now I was too concerned about my dad and the other guys. Did something happen to them? Something horrible…?
Carefully I walked around to the side of the church and decided to play it safe by peeking through the crack in the window. It was dark as usual inside but I didn't see any cultists hanging around in there. This whole place was practically deserted. I didn't like it. And as much as I didn't want to, I decided to go inside the church to look around for our dads. Opening the door and stepping inside, I remembered the first time I came in here. Nyarlathotep was lurking somewhere in here. Maybe if I was quiet, I could go undetected. Walking down the aisles and past the pews, I finally reached the center of the church.
The first thing I did was look over at the altar-door where Nyarlathotep's burning-red three-lobed eyes used to peer out at me from the deepest darkness. Thankfully the altar door was closed and I didn't sense the Outer God's presence around here. But where was everybody? I had to investigate so I began to explore the empty church. It was so dark in here that I had to bring out my flashlight again in order to see. The painted-black windows really made me wonder… Did Nyarlathotep not like light?
I was still worried about our dads so I started to look for them. Upon exploring further beyond the altar, that's when I discovered the slight-of-stairs for the first time. I didn't know there was a second floor. I started to head up the stairs. The church was so eerily silent, I was afraid the slightest noise would give me away. Reaching the top, I was surprised to come upon what appeared to be a library of some sort. After a moment of debating, I decided to have a look around. I doubted any of these books were of any use to me, but a nearby table with a lit candle did interest me.
"What have we here?" I said quietly to myself as I found myself looking down at what appeared to be books with illustrated drawings. Was somebody here not long ago?
Now these were some scary-looking books. Most of them were written in a language I didn't recognize. But the drawings on the other hand… One book depicted what appeared to be a black man, a pharaoh of Egyptian origins. It looked oddly familiar. Picking up another book, I looked flipped through the pages and realized they contained pictures too. Disturbing images of unspeakable monsters that couldn't even be humanly described… The next book I looked through contained horrific images of people being sacrificed to eldritch creatures. I slammed the book shut and decided I didn't want to see anymore.
None of these books were anything I was interested in so I went on exploring further. I spotted another flight of stairs and curiously approached it. It was especially pitch-dark up there. I couldn't explain it but I already sensed that there was something up there. Something I was meant to find. I carefully began to climb up the spiral stairs that led upward. This must lead to the church's steeple. When I finally reached the top, I immediately realized that I probably never should have come up here.
My hand wouldn't stop shaking that I could barely hold the flashlight steady. It took a few minutes for my mind to register what I was actually looking at. At the tallest tower of the Starry Wisdom Church, I've found skeletons. Human skeletons… I backed up into the wall and realized how scared I was. My god, it couldn't be… These human remains couldn't possibly be what were left of our dads. I couldn't take my eyes off the skeletons that seemed scattered around on the floor. And when I used the flashlight to study them better, that's when I realized that these really couldn't be skeletal remains of the men from town.
"These skeletons are old," I told myself. By the looks of it, these skeletons looked way too old to be recent. So these aren't the gruesome remains of our fathers. I felt relieved and got back my courage. But then another horrible thought crossed my mind. These were previous victims. They all fell prey to Nyarlathotep and his cult.
I don't know what happened to our dads. I had to find them and fast. With that, I was already hurrying for the stairs. Seeing those human skeletons really spooked me. It's best that I make sure that I don't end up a skeleton too… As I was heading back down to the first floor, I started walking by the altar when something caught my eye. I didn't notice it at first but there was no mistaking it. The Shining Trapezohedron… The very thing that could summon Nyarlathotep. I knew it was probably unwise. But I approached the purplish-black crystal contained within its hexagonal box and gazed deep within it.
A minute passed…another minute passed…I don't know what I was expecting. But in no time at all, I heard "his" voice speak to me. "It's been awhile since we've last saw each other. It's good to see you, Kenny." Nyarlathotep greeted me like an old friend. "What do you come here for?"
I decided to come right out with it. "Where are my dad and the others?" I asked. I hope I get a straight answer for once.
To my surprise, Nyarlathotep did answer my question. "I've enlightened them…," he said mysteriously. "I've shown them the way. I've showed them other worlds, other galaxies, and the secrets of arcane and paradoxical knowledge. They were intrigued. I've offered them anything they want…"
Despite Nyarlathotep's chilling words, I still face-palmed upon realizing what must have happened. So our dads did come here to the church. But Nyarlathotep must have easily manipulated them all into doing his bidding somehow. "Jesus Christ, why am I not surprised?" I growled irritably. My dad and the others were not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. Of course they could easily be persuaded otherwise…
But Nyarlathotep wasn't finished speaking with me. "But I can still help you, Kenny. I see you've managed to put Adam Godwin out of his misery. He couldn't live with the Lovecraftian power he'd been cursed with. But that doesn't have to be your fate. I can cure you of your affliction. I can make you normal again."
Suddenly I was listening. I looked up at the glowing Shining Trapezohedron and it got me thinking. Nyarlathotep saw that he had my attention and went on. "Eldritch-powers infest your soul like a parasite but I can have it removed. You won't be cursed with immortality and self-resurrection anymore. You could finally lead a normal life, Kenny. Not one with constant death waiting at your doorstep. Do you want me to help you?"
And as the Shining Trapezohedron shined brighter, I stared mesmerized into its glassy surface until the purplish-black light reflected in my eyes. Despite my reservations, I was tempted. The one chance I have to be normal. To not keep dying in the worst possible ways… "Reach out and touch the Shining Trapezohedron, Kenny," Nyarlathotep gently instructed. "Do this and I will cure you of your curse."
Before I realized it, I was holding my hand out to the Shining Trapezohedron. Was I really doing this? Is this what I truly want? I wanted to touch the Shining Trapezohedron… but something stopped me. The eldritch-power that co-existed with my soul seemed to resonate within me. It was like it was communicating with me. And in that very moment, I suddenly thought of Stan, my friends, my family… Too much was at stake here. As if breaking out of the hypnotic trance of the Shining Trapezohedron, I regained my senses and I lowered my hand.
If my friendship with Eric Cartman has taught me anything is that you can't trust evil sociopaths… especially an Outer God who thrived on chaos. Scowling distastefully at the black-purplish crystal, I backed away at once. Nyarlathotep saw it as my rejection. "I see…you insignificant ant. Allow me to enlighten you, Kenny. Gaze into the Shining Trapezohedron and see other worlds, other dimensions and its denizens…"
Nyarlathotep's tone became menacing. Looks like I've really gone and pissed him off now… The Shining Trapezohedron was glowing brighter and brighter that I had to look away in order to not become blinded by its brilliance. And deep within the shiny crystal, Nyarlathotep easily opened a portal to another world. And I immediately saw that he was summoning something forth. My eyes widened in horror when I saw something alien-looking come crawling out. It was unlike anything I've ever saw before and if it weren't for my eldritch-power shielding me, I would have been driven into insanity just by its appearance alone.
How could I describe it? It was pinkish in color. And yet it looked like a cross between a fungus, insect and crustacean with fleshy wings and covered in antennae where a head would normally be. Whatever the hell it was, it was crawling on all four insect-like legs and moving threateningly toward me. Without thinking I was already running straight for the front-door. But when I tried to yank the doors open, I discovered to my shock that the doors were shut tight. I couldn't force the doors open no matter how hard I tried. I was locked in here with that thing!"
"You've got to be fucking kidding!" I cried and spun around in time to see the monstrous thing letting out an alien-like buzz and coming at me with those deadly pincers.
I leaped out of the way as the fungi-crab-insect tried pouncing on me. My next thought was to look for something to smash the window with and exit out that way. Goddamn it, I should have brought my gun! While frantically looking for a way to break the window, the fungi-crab-insect was still chasing me, smashing through the wooden pews with frightening force and letting out guttural buzzes that sounded unnatural. Was this Nyarlathotep's idea of a sick joke? Sic a fungus crab bug after me? While taking refuge behind a pillar, I couldn't keep my eyes off the strange newcomer.
I was afraid for my life but I was also curious about this Lovecraftian monster. I couldn't help noticing the odd-out creature appeared to move in a clumsy-like manner and it couldn't flutter its wings very well. It appeared to be confused. Perhaps being in this dimension had a bad effect on it somehow? Even more curiously, its bulbous head seemed to change color which was fascinating to see. Nevertheless, I had to get out of there. I picked up a candelabrum and decided to use it to break the window. But just as I approached the window and held up the candelabra, there was a knock at the door and a sudden voice called in.
"Kenny? Hey Kenny! Are you in there? Why is the door locked?" It was Stan! I'd forgotten that he wanted to come here to back me up! To my horror, the fungi-crab-insect heard the knocking too and turned around toward the source of the sound.
"Stan! Don't you dare fucking come in here!" I yelled back. I didn't care anymore. I didn't want this thing anywhere near my boyfriend. "Stay outside! Get as far away from the church as you can!"
I prayed that Stan heard me. Instead I decided to distract the fungi-crab-insect by shouting at it. "Hey you ugly motherfucker! Get away from the door!" As I'd hoped, this was enough to draw the monster away from the door and it went back to focusing on me again. With its ear-splitting guttural buzzing, it was moving toward me with frightening speed.
I couldn't escape from the church yet. I had to fight off this creature first. I turned and tried running for the stairs but I didn't make it. The fungi-crab-insect finally caught up to me and I saw its pincher aiming right for my throat. By some pure miracle, I caught its powerful pincher with both hands. The creature had me pinned down on the ground that it took using both my feet to keep this ugly fungi-crab at bay. Using all my strength to push back against the creature, I desperately tried thinking of something.
Acting on pure instinct, I reached down, grabbed a jagged piece of wood and jammed it as hard as I could into the monstrous being's abdomen. The pained buzzing wail almost blew through my ear-drums. But this gave me the chance to slip out of its grasp. Quickly picking up the candelabra, I used it to smash the window and finally made an opening for me to escape through. I didn't bother to look back as I crawled through and exited the Church of Starry Wisdom. My boots landed in the soft snow that I started running as fast as I could. That was a close one… Maybe Nyarlathotep hoped that fungi-crab-insect would kill me. I didn't want to stick around to find out.
When I finally reached the trees, that's when Stan stepped out from the shadows and reached for me. "Thank god you're okay. What the hell happened in there?" he asked.
I was out of breath and very shaken-up. I needed to rest. I reached up to remove my hood in order to feel a nice cold breeze on my sweaty face. Stan patiently waited for me before I finally said something. "Our dads aren't here anymore," I said seriously. "It's worse than we thought. I think Nyarlathotep convinced your dad and my dad to join him or something."
Stan was absolutely flabbergasted. "Wait a minute. You're not actually telling me. Are you saying that our dads just joined the Starry Wisdom cult? Are you for fucking real?"
"I know. I really wish I was joking, Stan," I said shaking my head in disbelief. "I was too late. I don't know what's going to happen now." I gave a sad sigh. "I'm tired. We should head back. Right now I just want to put as much distance between me and that church."
Stan understood and turned to lead the way back to South Park. We must have taken ten steps when out of the black-sky, the fungi-crab-insect dropped onto the ground in front of us and let out a loud guttural buzzing that seemed to echo throughout the snowy trees. Stan stood frozen in fear while staring up at the alien-like being before him. Damn it, that hideous bastard must have followed me out of the church! As the fungi-crab-insect started to crawl toward us, I jumped in front of Stan and was prepared to die if that's what it took to protect the love of my life…
My fierce desire to protect was so strong that I could see the glowing aura of my eldritch-power emanating from within me. We were both in for a huge surprise when the fungi-crab-insect stopped in its tracks and stood perfectly still. Up until now its bulbous head shone a deep red but it changed color again to a luminous green. I had a feeling it was studying me like I was some interesting specimen. And as Stan and I stared back at it warily, suddenly the fungi-crab-insect started doing something strange.
The fungi-crab-insect began to click its pinchers and then it waited. We didn't know what it was doing. Again the creature clicked its pinchers in a pattern that we didn't understand. And then it occurred to me that this Lovecraftian monster was trying to communicate with me. It must have sensed my eldritch-power. Did it think I was one of them? Maybe I was wrong about this thing. It seemed more intelligent than I took it for. Whatever it wanted, I didn't know how to communicate with it. Stan was still behind me so I reached over and took his hand and gave it a firm squeeze.
"Get ready to run like hell," I whispered to him while still keeping my eye on the alien-being. Stan squeezed my hand back. Taking a deep breath, Stan and I prepared to run for it.
Suddenly there was a loud bang and the fungi-crab-insect's bulbous head practically got blown off. Stan and I watched in astonishment as the Lovecraftian being's now lifeless body slumped over onto its side. It happened so fast that I barely knew what happened. It took me a few seconds to realize that somebody had shot at it. Then that's when we looked over and saw Eric Cartman standing there with a shotgun in hand. Kyle was with him and he too was staring at the fungi-crab-insect lying dead in the snow. Cartman also approached the alien-like corpse and poked at it with his shotgun.
"Heh. They're not so tough," Cartman said smugly.
"Are you guys alright?" Kyle asked Stan and me. "You guys look like you've been through hell." Then Kyle looked uneasily over at the dead creature. "Did "that" thing attack you? What the hell is it?"
"Beats the hell out of me," Stan said finally finding his voice. "Come on everyone. Let's go home. We'll talk more of this tomorrow."
I followed after Stan and soon Cartman and Kyle followed suit. I was so glad to have all my friends here with me. It was a real comfort. I was so exhausted. I was still worried about our missing fathers, though. I should have known something like this would happen. Nyarlathotep would've had no trouble talking them into joining his cult. Our fathers were way too stupid and opportunistic for their own good. But this time they've gone too far. They were about to find out the hard way that you don't deal with an Outer God and not walk away without some serious consequences.
