Mostly fluff in this one.
Hope you'll enjoy, and thank you for your patience, I know this update is way overdue.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or other references to the original work of J.K Rowling. I only own my own mistakes
-o-o-o-
"I can't," Hermione said, exasperated. They were standing in the hallway of Draco's flat.
The second the door had closed behind them he'd noticed the usual warmth she exuded was gone, her eyes looked blank, cold. Was this the end of it? Had his selfishness in not telling her been the breaking point for her, or was it the ugliness in the words that his callous father had shouted?
He felt his legs weakening and he struggled to keep standing, leaning against the wall for support, he had to check to see he was still breathing because he felt dead inside.
Can't be with him anymore? Was there even oxygen available for him to breathe?
He couldn't blame her, why would she want to? In a way he had forced her there, made her revisit the place of her torture, only for her to leave with yet another memory to plague her, to hurt her.
She walked closer to him, he straightened his back, pushing back whatever it was he was feeling.
"I'm sorry," she said and her soft fingertips met the skin on his cheeks.
"You can't touch me like that, not when you're telling me you can't with this, with us." Even his voice sounded broken and he couldn't bring himself to meet her brown eyes, because no matter how hard she'd try to hide it he would see the truth in them.
-o-o-o-
Hermione didn't know what to think or how to feel, the anger was bubbling just below the surface, the rest of her felt indifferent. Her thoughts were scattered, she thought of how stupid she had been to put herself in this situation. She had reconciled with the fact others would always see her as unworthy of magic, that to certain people she'd never be more than a mudblood. Even so, she was incapable of denying how angry and hurt it made her to have Lucius continuously declaring those thoughts. In some ways it had been easier when she was able loathe the Malfoy name and everyone belonging to it..
Lucius was vile, and yet that wasn't the sole reason for her desolation. Draco could've been a father, and it wouldn't have been her child. The thought alone made her stomach turn.
"I can't," she said, because she wasn't sure she could have this conversation with him. Did she even want to know what it was that happened between him and Astoria? Was it even within her rights to know?
She figured Draco might be upset she'd stupefied his father but when she looked at him she saw no anger, he looked hurt and she couldn't fathom why.
Her mind raised with options, she barely registered that he'd said something. All she could see was the pain that caused his body to lean for support against the wall. Was it his father that had him look like this? That had to be it. Or maybe what his father had said had brought back whatever pain Astoria had caused him by doing what she did.
It wasn't the words Lucius had said themselves, it was the meaning behind them. Draco had been called out for being a blood traitor, for denying his family a pure blood heir, disgracing the Malfoy name by being with a mudblood. By being with her.
She couldn't hinder the thought, was it all worth it to him, was she worth it? She didn't allow that thought to linger, she brushed it away because it was too damn hard to even consider.
When she touched his cheek to comfort him, she finally registered what he'd said. 'if you can't with this, with us anymore'. She cradled his face between her hands, standing on her toes to reach properly.
"What do you mean?" she asked. They stayed quiet for while, his grey eyes finally meeting hers, searching for answers unspoken.
He then repeated what she had said and she realised how it might have come off to him.
She took deep breaths, something she'd learned as a child, was the best way to gather ones thoughts. "I didn't mean I can't with us, I meant I don't know if I can handle this right now." She waved her hands in resignation, staring at the portrait in the frame behind him instead of directly at him as she continued to explain, "it's your family. I can't with them, with how they treat you, or me, and I won't apologise for stupefying your father even though he was wandless at the time." She said on one breath.
Her emotions were everywhere and she was unsure how to handle the situation. He'd really thought she'd leave him? Did he not understand how he was all she ever could think about these days.
"Well shit woman, finish your damn sentences then. You just about broke me." He confessed and when he didn't meet her eyes she knew the last part was a show of vulnerability he hadn't meant for. She imagined she'd feel just the same if the roles were reversed.
Draco hugged her tightly, his forehead resting against her shoulder. Her fingers tangled in his soft hair as she breathed in the familiar scent that was entirely his. They stood like that for a while. Lucius words still remained in the air and she decided she needed to know. She needed to hear it from him.
When he broke apart from her he told her he shouldn't have made her come to the Manor. He said it with such remorse she was sure it was meant as an apology even though the actual words of 'I'm sorry' were never spoken.
Hermione knew she shouldn't have agreed to spend Christmas at Malfoy manor. She'd decided she wouldn't go, but after the dinner with the Potter's, when he'd told her he loved her too, she felt it necessary to establish some sort of relationship with his mother, to return what he'd given her by enduring a dinner with her friends.
When Draco seemed to have composed himself, she let her own selfishness show, asking a question that maybe wasn't her place to ask – but she felt it vital to know. She pictured Lucius smug face when he realised he had something to hold over her head, something to hurt her with without the use of a wand. The words escaped her lips, her voice calmer than she felt. "Tell me," she said. "What happened with Astoria?"
The way she said Astoria's name reminded her of how Ginny used to say Draco's, like she was the worst person to walk the earth. And to Hermione, right that second, she was. She hated her for the fact it had been Astoria's choice that had shaped their present. Had she made another one Draco would not be here with her. If Astoria had chosen another path, she was certain Draco would've grasped the opportunity, to raise their child. She'd seen it when she looked at him as Lucius spoke.
Maybe that's what hurt the most.
She was jealous and she couldn't stop it from unfolding.
"I found out a few weeks after our weekend at Hogwarts. Don't really know the details of it all myself, She didn't tell me much," Draco said, his voice low. She stayed quiet, holding back her thousands of questions.
Draco began walking back and forth, his hands clasped behind his back, not much unlike how Lucius had been pacing just over and hour ago. Explaining how he'd been upset to find out she'd had an abortion without telling him beforehand. That he thought the reason for it was her embarrassment of being associated with someone she considered a traitor to the cause.
Hermione let his words sink in. She tried to put herself in his position, it was difficult, the topic of abortion in it's essence was never easy, and could be perceived severely different depending on gender.
"That wasn't fair of her." Even to her the answer seemed lacking, brittle.
"I've come to terms with it I think. I was upset, threw her out of my flat, didn't handle it well," he mumbled on.
"You threw her out? Have you talked to her since?" she needed to know for personal reasons.
"No. I drank too much, watched that stupid film about that ship, and wrote you a howler." He was still pacing, looking down at his moving feet.
So that was when he'd written it. It made more sense now. She asked him why, her eyes following him as he continued to walk back and forth.
Draco sighed, his shoulder's slumping in resignation to the situation. "We," he paused, " you and I, didn't exactly leave things clear did we? I didn't even know if I'd see you again. Upon receiving a letter from Blaise, I was upset you seemed to have moved on, and I definitely had not. I wanted to tell you that I wanted, well, you, how I went about it really wasn't my proudest moment."
He itched his jaw, deep in thought. "I was afraid maybe you felt like she did, different, but the same foundation for not wanting to see me, maybe you didn't want anything to do with me, because I was, well, because I amme."
Any jealousy that was still present she shoved to the back of her mind, and she realised he'd been hurting for a while. Even though it was hard hearing him talk about a potential want for a future without her in it, she felt her heart swell to fit his pain.
"I can only imagine how you must've felt, I'm sorry that happened to you" she said, placing a hand over his heart. "but I can't deny I'm happy you sent me that stupid thing, because now you're mine, and it's the best feeling in the world." She said it in all seriousness, for once not caring of how brutally honest she was being.
He gave her a coy smile, a smile that told her he felt the same way. "Considering the two of us, things have a way of unfolding in the strangest ways," he said, looking at her so intensely she thought she might shatter. She pulled him closer, wanting the safety of his arms wrapped around her.
The entire evening had been draining; it felt like she had been strapped to a never-ending rollercoaster. When they finally crawled under the comforting covers of the bed, all she wanted was to hold onto him until the world fell away. Just like she felt privileged whenever she saw him with his hair out of place, she felt just as privileged to be the one he could depend on, to be vulnerable with.
-o-o-o-
The smell of cinnamon led Hermione out to the kitchen. She cocked her head and watched in awe as Draco rummaged around in the kitchen, dressed in a pair of black slacks and no shirt. Their conversations last night still remained in her mind, and she kept telling herself all morning before getting out of bed to not be hung up on the past. So what if Astoria's decision had led to this outcome? The fallout of it worked in her favour. She reluctantly acknowledged her need to stop overthinking. Sometimes things just worked how they worked.
Draco had stirred a lot during the night, and she was sure he'd gotten next to no sleep at all after Lucius dinner crashing and their conversations last night. The half full coffee pot indicated he'd downed the other half before she woke.
"Merry Christmas, love," he said and turned towards her when he realised he was being watched. She was reminded then it was in fact Christmas morning and she was adamant to let yesterday's fury stay buried, so she smiled. She'd read it realises endorphins.
"Merry Christmas, honey," Hermione said. Deciding today would be theirs.
"Honey?" Draco grimaced and returned to cooking.
She jumped up to sit on the kitchen counter, stealing a grape from the fruit platter. "You always call me love, and I don't usually call you anything but Draco." She shrugged her shoulders.
"Don't think honey is it." He scrunched his nose.
"What about dream boat?" She quirked an eyebrow while watching the muscles on his back.
Draco chuckled, but his tone was serious. "Don't you ever call me that."
She jumped off the counter and smacked his bottom, an attempt to lighten the mood. Draco spun around immediately. "Stud muffin?" She grinned.
He looked at her like he was contemplating if she'd lost her brain. "Very funny," he wasn't laughing. "If I assure you I'm more than fine with Draco, will you stop coming up with other stupid things to call me?"
Hermione smiled mischievously and Draco sighed in resignation. "You're going to call me something anyways, right?"
"Maybe." She placed a kiss on his bare shoulder. "My sexy stud muffin." She winked.
Draco rolled his eyes. "Is this retaliation for my mistaken conclusion last night?"
"No," she tried her best to look crossed, "can't a girl want to have a cute nickname for her lover? Her eyes widened. "Ooh, lover boy, that's a good one!"
Draco shook his head like he couldn't be more disappointed in her, before turning around and continuing making the largest breakfast ever made for two people.
"Get off it, you are not calling me any of those dreadful things."
"And if I don't?"
That seemed to take his attention away from the frying pan. "I would have to punish you." He smiled at her wickedly.
"Hmm," she frowned like she was pondering the idea even though it was precisely what she'd been aiming for, "I'm okay with that."
"What, no nickname now?" It was his turn to feel crossed.
"I'll save it," she said and he shook his head again. "Until after you've used legilimency on me," she continued like it was nothing. She'd given it a lot of thought and then come to the conclusion she had no reason not trust him with that. After last night it felt like they'd overcome yet another hurdle, and she felt them both deserving of some wicked fun.
"A merry Christmas to me indeed," he said and snaked his arms around her waist.
"I swear you'll be the death of me." She meant it in full, not sure of how much more emotions could fit inside of her. Draco replied by kissing her with such passion she could feel tingles in her toes.
A girl could get used to this.
-o-o-o-
"You were up early today," Hermione said as they sat down to eat the breakfast Draco must have spent over an hour cooking. The pancakes were fluffy and melted in her mouth.
"Couldn't sleep, went for a run," he mumbled while pouring an obscene amount of maple syrup onto his pancakes.
Hermione sipped her tea and asked when they should exchange gifts. When she'd purchased it she'd been fairly confident he'd like it, but now, as she sat watching him she was unsure. She knew he was a bit materialistic, all of his clothing was of the finest fabrics and his flat alone was probably worth more than what she had in her vault at Gringotts. It was tremendously hard to find a something for someone who already had everything.
She bit her bottom lip. "Should we do it here?" she asked.
"Sure, I'm not opposed to christen the dinner table." He smirked and leaned back on the chair.
She rolled her eyes. "The gifts, stupid."
Draco chuckled and patted on his lap. She went over to him, not sure why her heart was beating fast, or why she was so nervous he wouldn't like it. "Alright, so if you don't like it I'm sure it can be exchanged-"
"I'll like it," he interrupted.
She waved her wand and accioed the gift. A gold envelope fell into her hands. "So its-"
"Stop just give it to me," he said impatiently, sensing her apprehension.
"Fine." Hermione pursed her lips together, and not so much gave, but shoved, the envelope into his hand, well aware she was acting ridiculous, but there was a part of her that needed him to love it, maybe it was her need for control, or perhaps it was because of yesterday.
You are putting way too much meaning behind a single Christmas gift, you're being stupid, she thought as she watched Draco open the envelope.
-o-o-o-
Christmas gifts rarely excited Draco, but he did his best to act as though he was, ignoring the tiny inclination, the voice in the back of his head whispering he was a liar, because he was indeed curious to know what she had gotten for him. He ripped the last part of the envelope.
"You got me tickets to see the Falmouth Falcons against Chudley Cannons?" He hadn't given much thought to what she might get him, never had it crossed his mind it could be quidditch related. The fact that she hated quidditch made it all the more special, it was a selfless gift, and it didn't feel hollow at all.
It didn't surpass him that Hermione was studying him closely. He hated this part of gifts opening, he wasn't good at showing emotion - and he felt he'd shown too much of it last night. When opening a gift from someone the expectation of the gift opener was imperative. Feeling rather uncomfortable, he cleared his throat, stalling, thinking of words that would express his feelings.
"Thank you." He cringed inwardly at his own privation of words.
Her response was a smile worthy of golden sunshine, a palpable contrast to the snow that whirled outside. Draco pulled her closer, tucked a curl behind her ear, a show of affection that had once seemed foreign to him.
It wasn't that it was hard to find something to give Hermione, he'd given it more thought than he ever had when gifting something before. Usually his ability to purchase gifts was a gift card with an immodest sum. He'd never gotten anyone he'd been with anything else, not even jewellery because it always appeared too personal. He watched her warily as she opened it, disguising his own insecurities about the whole ordeal by smirking slightly.
"Plane tickets?" Hermione said as she looked at the tickets in her lap.
"Figured some time off work would be nice," he said and shrugged his shoulders, as if it hadn't been a complete pain to buy those tickets. He'd never travelled by plane before, wizards rarely do. The entire process had been repugnant; he'd even had to get himself a muggle passport, he fought back a grimace from revealing the truth, but he couldn't stop from caressing her hand with his thumb, maybe that gave him away.
Draco listened half-heartedly when Hermione began explaining to him how exactly airplanes worked, only catching a few of the words, such as the importance of the shape of the wings and that it needed four forces to stay in the sky. To Draco it sounded like too much engineering when one could simply use a portkey instead. But the earnest way she explained it all had him feeling the ordeal was, and would be, worth it. He was especially looking forward to Hermione in a bathing suit on the beach in the Maldives.
He had a hard time deciding which he was more elated for, the quidditch tickets, spending time with her in the sunshine, or Hermione accepting his proposal to use legilimency. He smiled and watched as she moved on to describing the mundane experience of airport security and if maybe they'd have to explain their wands. He laughed inwardly, thinking of how her brain always seemed to be finding problems and figuring out solutions all at once.
He did admire that about her. Her brain was an enigma and he couldn't wait to dive into it.
-o-o-o-
Hermione glanced up from her book at Draco several times. They were seated on the divan part of the sofa; it was broad enough to fit them both. She leaned against the armrest with her legs resting on top of his thighs. If he noticed her glances he didn't show it, his eyes moved rapidly over the pages of the book in his hands. Draco had said next to nothing after probing around in her mind, uncovering all her secret desires with legilimency. He'd cleared his throat, deep in thought, raked his fingers through his blonde locks and whispered, "Who knew Hermione Granger's mind was filled with so much filth." She'd felt the warmth from his mouth as he whispered close to her ear, and then, he'd mentioned nothing of it. A part of her wanted to ask, straight out, and another part of her knew it would ruin the fun.
But even so, her curiosity and excitement made it hard for her to focus on her newly acquired book on ancient runes in front of her. It was rare for her to have time to read for fun, to read books not related to her work. Usually she enjoyed such opportunities immensely, but at the moment she was restless, trying to figure out what exactly he could've found in her mind. She'd heard legilimency could leave you with a headache but it had't. Draco explained beforehand he had spent months practicing it; therefore he could preform it to perfection.
She'd read that it could feel like sharp razor blades when having it used on oneself by someone who wasn't gentle or properly trained. A wash of relief enveloped her when he'd entered her mind and it had felt like a soft feather brushing through her mind. It had felt strange, surely, but not uncomfortable. She'd tried her best to follow as he uncovered her fantasies, but he worked incredibly fast and she had a hard time keeping up. Therefore she was now convinced he'd seen a lot more beyond what she'd been able to register.
She lowered the book in her hands. Studying his side profile, the sharpness of his jawline, the straight nose, the faintest of wrinkle that formed just at the beginning of his left eyebrow.
His lips curved into his usual smirk. Indisputably amused by the attention.
"I thought you'd gotten over the whole staring thing," he said smugly, still with eyes glued to the yellowing pages.
"You thought wrong then," she said matter-of-factly.
When Hermione suggested they'd go to the Christmas market in Diagon Alley Draco thought it to be a good idea. He'd had to distract himself properly with one of his books about Russian wizarding war fare, not the most enticing read, but good enough to keep him from losing his shit over what he'd seen. He'd always been aware her kinks were extraordinary, but she had been holding back on a few things. Now that he knew just exactly how much she craved to be used, he'd found himself with not one, but three erections and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. The images kept flooding his mind, and he re-read the same sentences too many times to count.
The things she wanted him to do to her, fuck, it was beautiful.
He could fuck her right now, all it would take was a few words describing the inebriating discoveries in her mind, but, he couldn't well punish her until she'd done something to deserve it. So, he waited, albeit impatiently but still. Biding his time and coming up with plans were fun as well, albeit straining on his body for being in constant state of arousal.
Hermione pulled him off the sofa, and the feeling of her hand in his had him imagining hers around another part of his body. He tried to think of other things, like Blais's mothers bad cooking to keep from a fourth erection. Draco quickly donned his coat and dragonhide gloves, catching a glimpse of the three opened letters on the coffee table, making a mental note to write Theo back that evening. The twat had been pestering him about that pub-crawl Blaise had suggested a while back.
-o-o-o-
The streets of Diagon Alley were filled with people in joyous Christmas spirit, it was easy to get swept away in it. There were stands on either side of the street and people moved without rush. The snow was still coming down, making for icy and slippery cobblestones. So far it was a good distraction. He brushed off some snowflakes that had landed on his hair, only slightly bothered by how it destroyed the work he'done on it this morning. He chose to ignore the not so subtle stares from people, fully aware it was starting to annoy Hermione, he saw her glaring at them left and right and he remembered a time when he used to be at the recipient end of those. He squeezed her hand as to calm her and pondered when they'd mastered the skill of silent communication. When her brown eyes looked up at him he could see them soften, perhaps his did too whenever her gaze caught his.
"It doesn't bother you?" Hermione said, a frown lurking at her features.
He nudged her with his shoulder. "Nah, they're just staring because we look so good."
"You're impossible."
Hermione breathed in the cold air and fidgeted with her hand inside her pocket, looking for the familiar feel of the cigarette pack in there. Her fingertips grazed the plastic wrapping around it, feeling comfort just knowing they were there. Pondering how Draco could be so calm at times and extremely dramatic at others. It was the kind of calmness and control he exuded anytime they were physical as well, or when she was the one glaring at him. Perhaps he'd mastered the skill only to annoy her.
Yes, that was probably it.
They stopped at a hot beverage stand. It was so cold outside her eyelashes were turning white with frost. The line was a short one and she wrapped her hands around the cup immediately, not caring it was burning her fingers. She'd already cast two warming charms on herself, but the cold still made it's way beneath her winter coat. The coffee helped heat her up from the inside out, and as she was in the process of yet again burning her tongue a familiar voice shouted at them. They both spun around to find a tall, gangly and poised man walking towards them, a smile plastered on his face.
He stretched his arms out as to express his surprise at seeing them. "Look who's out of their cave, the death eater and golden girl," he shouted, earning looks from all around, referencing to the infamous article in Witches Weekly.
"Theo," Draco said in a tone of surprise, not minding the insults the slightest. Hermione on the other hand did not take well to the extra attention from the people around them.
Could he stop being so loud?
"You just gonna ignore me huh? How about picking up a quill now and then to let your friends now you're still walking around with your nose in the air."
Draco rolled his eyes. "If you wanted love letters everyday I'm not the right one for the job."
Theo scoffed, waving his hand dismissively. "Oi, love letters no, but a sign that you're still breathing would be nice. However, plans have changed, since your lack of reply Blaise and I decided we'd turn the pub-crawl into a new years eve thing. You two in?" He pointed at Draco then Hermione.
She wasn't at a complete loss as to what Theo was going on about, she'd seen the occasional letter dropping in with his big tufted eagle owl. She shot him a smile. He was wearing a thick knitted beanie too big for his head, his cheeks were flushed from the cold, but he didn't look to be freezing in that massive brown coat he was wearing.
"We're in," she paused, shifting her gaze to Draco, "aren't we stud muffin?" Her tone was casual, as if she called him that on the daily. He did not look happy with her at all. Theo burst out laughing, the kind of laugh that had your stomach muscles working overtime.
"I'm sorry," he held up a hand like a stop sign. Still laughing loudly. "What did you call him?"
"Stud muffin," Hermione repeated, shrugging her shoulders like it was no big deal. Draco clenched his jaw so hard Hermione wondered if his teeth might shatter. Theo's laugh grew impossibly louder and Hermione did her best work of staying composed whilst dying of laughter on the inside.
Draco cleared his throat. "We'll se you on new years, we're are we meeting?"
The long gangly man straightened his back, finally gathering himself, his hands still placed on his stomach. "Pre-drinks at Blaise's new place, he insisted. Probably wants to brag about his overpriced new penthouse, time is to be determined." His eyes shifted to Hermione "Invite whoever, the more the merrier."
"I might take you up on that offer," she said and smiled, already trying to come up with a way to convince Ginny, Harry and Parvati to join them.
Theo looked at them both, shook his head while smiling widely. Probably still elated with his new knowledge of Hermione's nickname for Draco "I gotta be off, you two have a good time now, see you on new years," he said, hesitating a little before finishing off with, "Stud muffin." He grinned towards his childhood friend before sauntering towards a restaurant.
Draco turned towards her, his face hard as marble, fists clenched. "That's the moment you picked?" He was clearly referencing to this mornings events, sounding less than thrilled by her choice of words and timing. Hermione smiled cheekily in reply, filled with anticipation for the punishment promised in the stormy greys.
Without another word he grabbed her wrist and disapparated them both to his flat. Hermione wondered if he was really angry or simply seized the opportunity he'd been offered this morning, all whilst trying to figure out what fantasy he was going to make reality.
As they entered his flat, there was one thing she was sure of, she was in for something riveting, something that would have her body aching deliciously for days to come. He pulled her top over her head and pushed her against the wall. The anticipation of what he had planned for her was almost too overwhelming. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it might escape her chest. His hand grabbed her throat.
"Did you know, when I squeeze your throat like this when I'm inside of you, I can feel your cunt clench." His eyes never left hers, he didn't let go of her throat until she was desperate for air. When he unbuckled his belt all she could think was how lucky she was to be his. "This is what you wanted right?" He said while she gasped for breath. "I remember distinctively telling you what would happen if you called me that one more time. And now, here we are. Still remember your safeword?"
Still recovering from being choked, she nodded in reply.
"Good. Remove your clothes and get on your knees." His tone was hard, his eyes like the darkest of nights. "Now it's my turn to break you."
Yes sir.
-o-o-o-
Next chapter will be the last one for this story, and then there will also be an epilogue.
In the meantime, if you haven't already, please check out "Misery is better together" - a one shot related to this story!
Again, I do apologise immensely for this very late update. I've been drowning in work. I hope you still like it and find it worth the wait. Please feel free to leave any thoughts you have.
I wish you all a belated happy new year.
Lots of love.
