It wasn't easy having to explain to our mothers that our dumb-as-shit dads have joined Nyarlathotep's little club. It was fucking crazy. Did our fathers have any idea what they were getting into? Especially Stan's dad Randy who came home safely but whose head was already filled with the most outlandish ideas and thoughts as he tried explaining himself to an unconvinced Sharon that having an Outer God be part of their town was a good thing…
"I saw other worlds," Randy said wonderstruck. "Infinite universes, new worlds, new technology… Do you realize the potential of all that, Sharon? Don't' you know what this means for us all? Our town could be the first to evolve. We could bring new things to this world."
"Dad, are you fucking listening to yourself?" Stan said angrily. "May I remind you that this is a Lovecraftian God we're dealing with here? Like hello? Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos? That monster can't be trusted! I thought you were smarter than this dad, but apparently I was wrong."
"It isn't wrong! Will you two just hear me out?" Randy insisted stubbornly. "Think about it. Nyarlathotep promised us arcane knowledge and the power to look into the future. If we play our cards right, we can put that kind of power to good use. We can use it to stop future terrorist attacks, cure future diseases, and avoid future disasters! It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Nyarlathotep showed me many things… And he showed me the Nickelodeon time capsule…"
"The Nickelodeon time capsule…? Really Randy?" Sharon face-palmed irritably.
"Yes Sharon… When I finally saw that, I was convinced," Randy said with a look of amazement. "So now do you see? Nyarlathotep doesn't have to be our enemy. If we accept his teachings, we can learn a lot. So whaddya say? Sharon? Stanley? Don't you at least want to try?" But Sharon and Stan were already walking away from him.
"Fuck you dad. You can go suck Nyarlathotep's dick yourself," Stan said disgustedly.
"I better get to the food-market before it gets packed. I still need to shop for a Christmas ham," Sharon said absent-mindedly while completely ignoring her husband.
…
Later in the afternoon, I met up with the guys down by the basketball court. Cartman was off playing basketball with Craig, Tweek, Clyde, and Token. Butters and Bradley were hanging out together and the two of them were watching something on Butters' iPad. I went over to join Stan and Kyle. Stan was admiring Kyle's new dreidel-necklace while Kyle was on his laptop and he was typing something into it. As soon as I sat down Kyle turned the laptop around to show me something.
"That creature you fought last night? I know what it is. It's called a Mi-Go," Kyle explained. He showed me a picture of the exact same bizarre Lovecraftian fungus-crab-insect from yesterday. "The Mi-Go is highly intelligent and an independent race, renowned for their worship of the Outer Gods: Yog-Sothoth, Nyarlathotep and Shub-Niggurath."
"Great. That would certainly explain why Nyarlathotep thought it was funny to sic one on me," I said, frowning grimly. "I wonder why it attacked like that. Are the Mi-Go usually dangerous to humans?"
"Well…not necessarily," Kyle said uneasily. "The Mi-Go come from another planet called Yuggoth. They rarely come to the earth. Even if they do, they're known to remove human brains, intact and alive, and place them inside technologically advanced cylinders where they can remain."
"Damn dude…," Stan was grossed out by this. "Maybe it's a good thing Cartman blew that creature's head off. Otherwise it might've tried to collect our brains."
I was thinking about the way the Mi-Go clicked its pinchers at me. The way its head seemed to change color. No doubt it was intelligent and trying to communicate with me… But it was still dangerous. "Yeah, good thing," I agreed.
"So how do we get rid of Nyarlathotep?" Kyle asked. He was looking between Stan and me with a serious expression. "Now it's more complicated than ever because our dads are totally onboard with this cult. My dad was saying just this morning that with his unlimitless knowledge, our fortunes are about to improve."
"There's only one way to beat Nyarlathotep at his own game." I looked up to see Stan and Kyle listening. "It's up to me. I'm the only one capable of taking on an Outer God. Thanks to my own eldritch-power, it shields me from madness or mind-control. I think Nyarlathotep knows this and tries to manipulate me into giving in to his corruption."
"But how are you going to do it?" Stan asked. He reached out for my hand and held it. "You need to be careful with this, Kenny. I don't want to lose you."
"You won't ever lose me, Stan," I gently reassured him. "I know what I'm doing. But it has to be done. And I'm going to need Cartman's help on this one."
With that, I got up and started walking over to Cartman who was still in the middle of a basketball game. "You can't use that move, you cheating asshole!" Cartman snapped over at Craig who merely flipped him off. Luckily I was able to pull Cartman aside before he started any sports argument. While we were walking by Butters and Bradley, I cast a curious look over at them. Bradley looked obviously smitten with Butters. I wonder if there's anything between them.
Cartman snickered under his breath. "I can't believe Butters was crushing on a guy on the internet the whole time. At least that Bradley is easy on the eyes. I still think that Butters should totally tap that."
But Cartman cut the wisecracks once he saw the serious scowl I was wearing. "Cartman, you're the most bigoted, racist, sexist, foulmouthed, manipulative, tyrannical sociopath I know…"
"Thank you Kenny," Cartman wore a flattered smirk.
"I'm really going to need your help for this. What I'm about to do is risky but I want to do it right. I'll need you as backup. But if we work together, I'll be able to banish Nyarlathotep. It involves the Shining Trapezohedron…" Cartman and I continued talking in private while forming a plan to stop Nyarlathotep and the Starry Wisdom Cult.
…
By the time it was 5:10pm, it was already dark out. The boys decided to go their separate ways to enjoy the rest of their evening. Butters and Bradley left the basketball court together. The two boys took their time seeing the brightly-lit Christmas lights and decorations along the way. By now Butters and Bradley knew everything about each other. Despite the little misunderstanding over the internet, they've struck up an amazing friendship. Butters still marveled at how well he and Bradley got along so well with each other. It really began to make him wonder…
"I'm a real skilled chess-player," Bradley was cheerfully confiding in Butters as they walked by the neighborhood houses. "I've even won Chess Tournaments. You should come over to my place so I can show you my trophy. If you want, we can play a game of chess."
"Well sure Bradley, I'd love that," Butters said with a smile. "Are you doing anything special for Christmas? You can come over to my place for dinner. My mom makes all my favorite foods for the holidays. A glazed ham, roasted-potatoes, green-bean casserole and more… You interested?"
Bradley smiled side-ways at Butters and couldn't keep the flirtatiousness out of his voice. "Are you inviting me over for dinner? Like a date perhaps?" As much as Bradley was crushing on the buttery-blonde beside him, he also had to keep reminding himself to not get his hopes up too high.
"Gosh, I well…," Butters stuttered embarrassedly while looking all the more cute. "I just thought it would be nice to have a friend over for Christmas. But if you already have plans…" Butters realized he was going red in the face and felt even more flustered about it. Did Bradley have that effect on him?
Luckily for Butters, Bradley didn't make fun of him. "I'd love to come over for Christmas," he accepted. But then Bradley added awkwardly. "Uhhh… Your parents… they're not the…intolerant types, are they?"
Not for the first time, Butters felt that old familiar uneasiness at the mere mention of his parents. Butters wondered what would be their reaction upon learning that he was hanging out with a guy who was clearly gay. Would they accept that? But most importantly, would his parents ever accept it if "he" ever decided to date a guy? But then Butters frowned stubbornly to himself and realized that he didn't care. He liked Bradley and he wouldn't let his parents have any say in that. Butters was no longer intimidated by his parents, especially his dad.
Bradley caught the frown on Butters' face and for a moment there became worried. But instead Butters' smile returned. "It don't matter what my parents think. I like you, Bradley. You're always welcome around me," he said reassuringly.
They've finally reached Bradley's white-house where the two boys could part ways. Butters was having too much fun talking with Bradley that he realized he didn't want their evening together to end early. "So um…any chance you can invite me inside?" Butters asked coyly. "It is okay, isn't it?"
Bradley was hoping Butters would invite himself. "Of course it's okay," Bradley said happily. "Come inside and I'll make us some hot-chocolate. We can watch a couple of Christmas movies for fun."
"Great! I like mines with marshmallows," Butters said enthusiastically while following Bradley to his front door. "Which Christmas movies are your favorites?"
Unfortunately they never got the chance… Almost out of nowhere a large black van suddenly pulled up to the curb in front of the house where it's screeching tires caught the boys' attention. Butters and Bradley spun around in time to see the van's door sliding open and out jumped six or seven hooded men in black cloaks. The next thing they knew, these mysterious hooded men were moving in to grab Butters and Bradley who stood frozen in fear. However Butters reacted first and immediately tried pushing Bradley.
"Holy hamburgers on a stick! It's the Starry Wisdom cultists! They're here! We need to get out of here. Run Bradley run!" Butters cried.
"The Starry what? Who are they? What do they want?" Bradley shouted in alarm.
It was too late. They were easily outnumbered and the cultists grabbed a struggling Butters and Bradley. There they forcibly dragged the two boys into the waiting black van. Butters managed to pull out his cell-phone and text something on it before it got knocked out of his hand and clattered onto the pavement. Once the two boys were inside the van, the hooded men got back inside. Then the black van roared down the street and out of sight.
The only one to have witnessed this was Officer Barbrady who arrived too late to help the two boys. Now he stood watching helplessly as the black van sped off into the night. Officer Barbrady had a pretty good idea where they were going. But if the Starry Wisdom cultists were starting to kidnap people, what could be done about it? Officer Barbrady supposed he could try radioing in for backup but he knew it wouldn't do him any good. The Park County police were too cowardly to deal with anything Lovecraftian-related. There was only one person he could try asking for help.
"I need to get in contact with Mysterion," Barbrady said determinedly. "This town needs him more than ever!"
