Meanwhile at the Broflovski residence… Kyle was looking up more information about the Shining Trapezohedron on his laptop. Kenny's plan still worried him. Nyarlathotep was a powerful cunning Outer God. One wrong move and Kenny would end up getting himself killed for good. With a yawn, Kyle finally logged off his computer and turned his attention to his boyfriend Cartman on his bed, lying lazily on his back. Cartman had been checking his emails on his phone when they both heard his cell-phone make a silly cartoon-noise. It was the sound of someone sending Cartman a text.
Cartman opened the text and saw that it was from Butters. However Kyle saw him wearing a suspicious frown. "What is it?" Kyle asked him.
There Cartman sat up and held up his cell-phone for Kyle to see too. "Butters sent me a message just now. It's a bit disconcerting. Read for yourself." Kyle leaned over to read the text message. "Help! Starry Wisdom!" By the looks of it, this text seemed to have been sent in a hurry.
Kyle reread the text and then looked up at Cartman with a worried expression. "Why would Butters send a text like that? Do you think something happened to him?"
"Only one way to find out," Cartman said who decided to give Butters a call. After three rings, somebody finally answered only it didn't sound like Butters.
"Hewwo? Hello?" The nervous voice belonged to Tweek Tweak. Tweek still possessed Butters' cell-phone. He'd been hesitant to answer the phone at first but upon seeing it was Eric Cartman decided to pick up. "Thank god it's you, Cartman. I'm in some deep shit here."
"Tweek?" Cartman said surprised while Kyle listened on in bewilderment. "Why the hell do you have Butters' cell-phone? Where's Butters?"
"I don't know what happened to Butters!" Tweek said stressfully over the phone. "I have to warn you. I think the Starry Wisdom cult is going around kidnapping people! They must've got Butters. And they took Craig not long ago! I'm going after him!"
Now Kyle reached over, took Cartman's cell and spoke into it too. "Tweek, where are you right now?"
"I'm heading to the church," Tweek said on the other end. "I know that's where they took Craig and Butters. I don't know if they've got to anyone else yet. This is some crazy shit right here! Why are they doing this? Why are they kidnapping people now?"
"I don't know exactly what's going on. But listen to me, Tweek. Don't go inside the church!" Kyle warned. "The church is still dangerous. I want you to wait for us by the trees, ok? We'll try to help out, but you need to stay away from the church."
"You don't have to tell me twice," Tweek said anxiously. "But I…I can't leave Craig there. If you're not here in forty-five minutes, I'm going inside. I don't give a shit if it's dangerous or not! I won't let them hurt Craig!"
"Okay Tweek, okay," Kyle agreed. Then he handed the phone back to Cartman who threw him an annoyed look.
"Well it's about time, you phone-hog," Cartman chided Kyle. "Stay put Tweek. Try not to do anything stupid. We'll break into the church if we have to but we'll get your precious Craig back. And Butters too if he's still alive…"
After hanging up, Kyle was already putting on his shoes and orange winter-coat. "This is bad. We've got to start warning people about the Starry Wisdom cult," he said urgently. Now he took out his own cell-phone and called his best friend. "Stan! I've got bad news. We just found out that Butters was kidnapped by the Starry Wisdom Cult. They even took Craig Tucker. Tweek told us what happened."
"Yeah, I know," Stan said to Kyle's surprise. "I'm over at Kenny's house. Officer Barbrady was just here. He said he saw the Starry Wisdom cult kidnapping Butters and Bradley. Kenny went off with Barbrady. I'm about to go join them."
"Alright then. Meet us around the Church of Starry Wisdom," Kyle said. "I have a feeling that's where they're holding our friends prisoner. If we can break into the church, we may be able to rescue them."
Now Kyle hung up and looked over to see Cartman also putting on his red-winter-coat and he was making his way to the door. "We're definitely going to need weapons," Cartman told Kyle. "I'm heading back to my place to collect a few things. We'll meet up with Stan, Kenny and Tweek down by the church."
"Great idea," Kyle agreed. But then he added. "And Cartman… I want the 500 Smith & Wesson magnum."
"Smart, badass and good taste in firearms," Cartman said admiringly. "That's my Kahl. Those Starry assholes really are as good as dead now." Cartman and Kyle shared a hot kiss before going their separate ways for now.
…
Cartman ran over to his house and went inside. "Mom!" he called out. No answer. His mother probably wasn't back from her job yet. Now he hurried up the stairs and went straight for his bedroom. Entering his bedroom, Cartman immediately went to his closet, flung it wide open, and took out briefcases of handguns, magnums among other weapon parts. Thanks to Stan's Uncle Jimbo, Cartman had also gotten into the hobby of being a gun collector. If they were going to take on the Starry Wisdom cult, they'd need some serious fire power.
Cartman was admiring a pump-action shotgun when he suddenly heard the front-door opening from downstairs. "Mom? Is that you?" Cartman called out. Again no answer. It had to be his mom. Cartman went back to looking for some ammo for the shotgun when he heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. And that's when Cartman realized it wasn't his mom. He was able to recognize his mother's footsteps and these were not it. Somebody was sneaking around inside his own home. Feeling paranoid, Cartman picked up his loaded Smith & Wesson handgun and slowly began to approach his bedroom door.
Listening carefully to the footsteps coming up the stairs, whoever it was had reached the top floor. Gripping the handgun tightly in both hands, Cartman took a deep breath and prepared himself. Now he reached out and flung open his bedroom door and stepped out into the hallway with his gun ready. The hallway was deserted. Nobody was here and yet… Cartman knew someone or something was lurking nearby. Armed with his handgun, Cartman decided to have a look around.
"Is someone here?" Cartman called out. Of course there came no answer. Perhaps it was a burglar looking to steal Christmas presents. "You picked the wrong house, motherfucker," Cartman murmured to himself.
There Cartman checked his mom's bedroom and then he carefully observed the bathroom. He found nothing. However he knew he wasn't alone up here. With the gun still in hand, Cartman decided to head back to his own bedroom for the moment. But he stopped when he heard a sound. A noise coming from his bedroom. Keeping his trigger-finger ready, Cartman pushed his bedroom-door open and stepped inside with his gun at the ready. No one was in here… And yet Cartman's instincts told him something wasn't right.
Then Cartman spun around to see a Starry Wisdom cultist standing right behind him. Like reflex, Cartman automatically pulled the trigger and shot the hooded figure. The cultist went down at once. As Cartman took a moment to calm his wildly beating heart, now he reached down and yanked off the hood to reveal a haggard-looking man underneath. The man was dead, having been shot in the neck. Cartman thought the cultist was dead when suddenly…
The cultist began twitching unpleasantly as an ugly black tentacle came wriggling out of his mouth. Cartman raised the gun to shoot the slimy thing but thankfully due to the bright lights in here, the black tentacle was melting and writhing into a gooey mess. That was going to create a bad stink in here. Cartman made a disgusted face and pinched his nose as he looked down at the dead cultist and black tentacle. No doubt this guy's other cult friends were lurking nearby. And then that's when Cartman got an idea. With a devious smirk, Cartman started dragging the dead body down the stairs and planned to dispose of it. He was seriously going to piss Kyle off for what he was about to do…
Yeah, all of these kidnappings are really building up to something big. And what is Cartman already plotting to do? Stick around for more! I know Cartman appears to be a lot more heroic in this story but just like the show, I like how Cartman's role changes periodically. One minute he's a hero, sometimes Cartman is a anti-hero, or he'll become an all-out villain. It makes sense for Cartman to be remain unpredictable at times. But that's just how I choose to see it. Thanks for reading my ramblings. See you soon!
