A/N: Crack fic time!


"... Thank you, Link." Zelda dismissed the knight to his task, feeling hopeful that he would be able to help. Urbosa, her surrogate mother and confidant, and Mipha, a dear friend and encourager, had both arrived and would be holding an audience with the Hylian Princess in her private quarters. Seeing how rarely the three of them could get together, Zelda wanted everything to be perfect. Though neither Urbosa nor Mipha would have held it against her, the Princess had noticed that a few of their refreshments had been poorly prepared last time, especially the dishes prepared for Mipha and her younger brother.

However, she had recently learned that Link had quite a high standard when it came to food and would accept nothing less than perfection. Hopefully, he could get everything in the kitchen sorted out for her.

If nothing else, he was quite skilled in the culinary arts. Perhaps he could even handle the dishes himself.

A firm knock on her door drug her out of her thoughts. She smiled brightly as she recognized that particular sound.

"Come in, Urbosa!" she called.

The Gerudo Chieftain opened the door and sashayed into the spacious lounge. "Hello, Little Bird." She wrapped Zelda in a strong embrace, nearly lifting the girl off her feet. "How have you been?"

"Well," Zelda wheezed, almost unable to breathe.

Urbosa laughed heartily, relaxing her grip on the girl and allowing her to catch her breath.

"I've missed you." It always surprised her how excited she was to see the Gerudo woman. Sometimes, she was worried what Urbosa might have thought of her or that she was too busy for her; however, the Gerudo's playful smile and reassuring presence was always enough to set her at ease immediately.

"And I you." Urbosa chose a cushioned seat, reclining back as she continued watching Zelda. "So, how have you really been?"

"... Things could be better," Zelda admitted quietly. "Father is still frustrated with how slow things are going but he has been more… understanding."

"I am glad to hear that he is at least being more patient with you."

"I just wish-" Zelda was cut off by a quiet knock. "Come in!"

Mipha entered, quietly as ever. "I apologize for being late. I received a letter from my father this morning that I had to attend to immediately."

"There's no need to apologize," Zelda answered with a smile as she moved to embrace the Zora Princess. "Link still isn't back from the kitchens, so there was no need to rush."

"... What?"

The confusion and near panic that she heard in the Zora's voice gave her pause. She took a step back, sizing Mipha up. "I sent Link to the kitchen to fetch lunch for us."

"... Oh dear." Mipha's hand covered her forehead as she took a couple of deep breaths. "If you'll excuse me I need to…" the Zora Princess turned away, rushing out of the room.

"Mipha!" Zelda cried out, hoping to at least figure out what was causing her such distress. Unfortunately, the Zora in question was either already out of earshot or was too caught up in the moment to respond.

"Now I have to see this." Behind her, Urbosa had climbed to her feet and was already halfway to the door. "Care to join me?"

Together, the two women made their way to the kitchen quickly, hoping to catch up to Mipha in the process.


Sidon watched with narrowed eyes as Link tasted the dish that one of the cooks brought. He could feel the Hylian tense up beneath him from where he sat on Link's shoulders. Without warning, the Hylian threw the spoon down in anger, causing the cook to flinch and back up a step.

Link took another spoon and, collecting a small mouthful, held it up for Sidon to try. Leaning forward, the young Zora Prince tasted the food. His face twisted as he shook his head, hoping the physical motion would remove the flavor from his mouth. "Too much salt!"

Link motioned for the cook to come forward before holding another spoon out to him. The cook took the utensil tentatively, as though worried the Hylian might lash out. It wasn't long before the man's face had paled considerably and he took the pan away and dumped it in the trash. Hanging his head low, he set the pan in a pile of dirty dishes and moved back to his station. "Remember to try it this time!" Sidon called, hoping to be somewhat helpful.

Link turned sharply, forcing the Zora Prince to hang on tighter as he was nearly knocked off the Hylian's shoulders. At first, he couldn't help but be curious as to what had caught his attention; however, it only took him a moment to spot the cook that was trying to sneak his creation past them. Link motioned sharply to the man but he either didn't notice or was pretending not to. "Hey! Get over here!"

The man slumped his shoulders in resignation as he brought his plate over. On it rested a rack of lamb. Link took the plate, poking at it. The now irate Hylian knight tossed the plate before rubbing his face in a mixture of anger and agony.

"It's raw," Sidon explained, losing patience himself. He hadn't really had a passion for food until he had started hanging around his sister's friend. Now, not only was he passionate about fine cuisine, but he also was exponentially more passionate when around Link.

"What?"

"It's raw!"

Link made a gesture toward Sidon, much to the confusion of the cook.

"He's telling you I don't even eat lamb and I know it's raw!"

Just like the man before, this one walked away with an ashen face. The Zora Prince took a moment to cool off before Link sharply demanded his attention again. The Hylian knight pointed toward the plate once again. To his embarrassment, it took him a moment to see the issue. "Where's the lamb sauce?!" The cook in question hung his head in shame.

"Link! Sidon!"

Upon hearing his sister's voice, Sidon immediately lost focus on the hectic kitchen around him. "Hey, big sis!"

"What are you both doing?"

"We're helping!" the Zora Prince answered as he flashed her the sweetest smile he could. He really didn't want her to know that he was yelling about food again. The last lecture had been unpleasant enough.

"I see…" His older sister tried to move into Link's field of view as the Hylian watched over a few nearby cooks. "Thank you for helping to ensure that we get the best the kitchen has to offer but I think that we should leave them alone now so they can finish their work now."

Link said nothing.

"Link?"

Another cook, this one knowing there was no escape for her, approached with a plate of steamed fish. Taking a small morsel, Link popped it in his mouth and remained motionless for a moment. Finally, he nodded and took the plate.

"Oh, thank the Goddess," Sidon groaned as Link took a choice few and placed them on a plate before dressing them up with a garnish.

"Sidon!"

"What?" he complained. "I'm translating."

The sound of a hearty laugh distracted everyone. Urbosa and Zelda had arrived and were surveying the room with no small amount of amusement on the older woman's part. Zelda, on the other hand, appeared to be rather concerned about what she was witnessing.

Sidon was jolted as Mipha, who must have reached the limit of what she would willingly put up with, grabbed onto Link and tried to drag him away even as he held onto the plate of fish. Urbosa and Zelda watched the Zora Princess struggle for a moment before moving to help. Together, the three women dragged Link and Sidon as far away from the kitchen as they could, with Sidon voicing Link's complaints the entire time.