Inside the evil Church of Starry Wisdom, all eyes were on Mysterion, Stan and Nyarlathotep. Everyone was in utter disbelief over the fact that their local heroic crime-fighter would side with the Outer God and his sinister cult. And now Mysterion held the Shining Trapezohedron in his fist where he could feel its immense power glowing brilliantly. For a moment, Mysterion feared its staggering power would overcome him but he could feel his own eldritch-power putting up its own defense to shield his mind from any harmful influence. It was all he needed…
Now Mysterion stared into Stan's eyes and held up the Shining Trapezohedron, he was ready to strike. Nyarlathotep's eyes were on him. The Outer God was distracted. Mysterion smirked, Stan closed his eyes… With his power combined with that of the Shining Trapezohedron, Mysterion reared back his fist and finally decided to hurt that son of a bitch right where it hurts. A powerful bolt of purple lightning shot out and hit Nyarlathotep squarely in between his burning-red three-lobed eye. The Outer God let out a inhuman, alien-like squeal that threatened to mentally break the minds of all those who were near.
As Mysterion hoped, he'd somehow manage to open a portal with the Shining Trapezohedron. And now he could banish Nyarlathotep from this dimension. But something went wrong… From inside the altar, Nyarlathotep was writhing aggressively and the pained squealing quickly became guttural snarling. Mysterion tried using the Shining Trapezohedron again to use its powers against the Nyarlathotep, but unfortunately he underestimated the Outer God. Those burning-red three-lobed eyes were locked on Mysterion and the whole church was shaking and quaking from the powerful force of Nyarlathotep's furious roaring voice.
"HOW DARE YOU! YOU WOULD TRY TO STRIKE ME DOWN? YOU INFERIOR HUMAN! I OFFER YOU THE CHANCE TO BECOME A LOVECRAFTIAN GOD AND YOU TOTALLY SPIT IN MY FACE! YOU'RE UNWORTHY! YOU CAN DIE! DIE A MILLIONS DEATHS! YOUR CURSE WILL BREAK YOU!"
I leaped out of the way as Nyarlathotep's tentacle tried crushing me on the spot. I grabbed Stan by the arm and immediately pulled him away from the altar. "So much for tricking him," Stan said seriously. "I think we've really pissed him off now."
Stan knew all along that I'd never sacrifice him to the Outer God. It was all part of our plan. Distract Nyarlathotep and take him off-guard. I'd done research of my own and knew the Shining Trapezohedron was capable of being weaponized. But it was also used for opening dimensions, create portals, and for summoning Lovecraftian beings like the Mi-Go. Unfortunately Nyarlathotep wasn't about to banished that easily. And now the whole church was shaking and trembling as Nyarlathotep was in an outrage.
"This isn't safe. Nyarlathotep is going to try to bring this whole church down on us," I said urgently. "Come on everyone! We've got to get out of here! Now!"
Stan and I raced over to rescue our captive friends along with our fathers. But the Starry Wisdom cultists stepped in our way and held their daggers threateningly at us. As Stan and I backed away from them, to our surprise, one of the hooded Starry Wisdom cultists turned to the next cultist and used his dagger to slit his throat. We didn't have time to wonder about that. Stan punched one cultist out of the way while I nailed another cultist in the groin before tossing him aside.
"Hurry! This place is falling apart!" Randy cried out.
Finally Stan and I managed to reach our friends and immediately began to untie them one by one. I was untying Craig and helping him up when the floor beneath us suddenly began to crack and break apart. And then I turned around in time to see the altar starting to crack apart as well. I suddenly realized what was happening… We definitely needed to get out of here and fast. I quickly went on to help untie Clyde. Stan untied Jimmy but unfortunately the handicapped boy had difficulty moving on his own.
"A little hel-hel-help here? Those cultist assholes took my crutches! I need my crutches!" Jimmy cried. Suddenly one of the Starry Wisdom cultists unexpectedly dropped the crutches at his feet before fighting back against the other cultists. "Th-Th-Thanks, I guess?" Jimmy said awkwardly.
I got to Butters and untied him. There Butters was able to quickly untie and free Bradley. "Come on Bradley! We've got to get out here! Move!" Butters helped Bradley get back on his feet and tried leading him to safety.
Once all our friends were freed, we hurried alongside our fathers to escape out the front-door as the church crumbled and shook all around us. Suddenly a large wooden beam fell from the roof and crashed into the door, completely destroying it and cutting off our only escape. "Fuck. Now what?!" I shouted over all the loud rumbling and cries of panic.
The sound of a smashing window caught our attention. Stan and I spun around to see Kyle waving furiously at us from the broken church window. "This way! Hurry!" Kyle urged.
Everyone bee-lined for the broken window as the church continued to fall further and further apart. At this rate, I knew Nyarlathotep was aiming to kill everyone. All pleasantries have gone out the window. Now that Outer God was aiming to kill us all. One by one, our friends and fathers crawled through the window and safely outside. Wendy and Mr. Testaburger crawled through the window first with Bebe and her father following close behind. Butters allowed Bradley to crawl through first before crawling after him with Mr. Stotch in tow. The Starry Wisdom cultists were also frantically trying to escape and were even trying to push our friends aside in order to escape the church.
"Oh no you don't, you crazy bastards," Stan angrily pushed the Starry Wisdom cultist back. Together Stan and Randy fought back against the Starry Wisdom cultists trying to stop us from escaping.
I heard the sound of a glass breaking and I turned around to see one hooded Starry Wisdom cultist breaking through another window. I also noticed that this Starry Wisdom cultist seemed to be a little on the stocky side. That heavyset figure certainly looked familiar to me… Instead I helped out the rest our friends and fathers escape out the window. Tweek reached out his hand through the window and Craig took it and hoisted himself out. Mr. Tweak and Mr. Tucker hurried through the window and followed their sons. Mr. Valmer helped carry his son Jimmy up through the window while the rest of our friends and their fathers exited through the window.
I helped my own father over to the window but not before he turned and looked concernedly at me. "Thanks kid. But where's your dad?"
"My dad is safe," I told him gruffly. "I think you better get home and make sure your family is safe too." For a second, our eyes met. I stared into the exact same sky-blue eyes that I'd inherited. With that, I made sure that my father got out okay.
Stan hurried over to me and grabbed my arm. "Come on, Mysterion! We gotta go! Now!"
"Right," I agreed. Together we started to run for the window. But unfortunately my foot got caught and sank through the unstable floor. I was trapped! I looked up in time to see the roof about to cave in.
Stan reached the window but turned around to see that I wasn't going to make it. "Mysterion? Mysterion! Hold on! I'm coming!" Stan started to come back for me.
"No!" I shouted vehemently. "Get out of here Stan! Get out and don't look back!"
Stan hesitated before his father tugged on his arm, urging him to hurry. Stan gave me one final look before finally turning away and rushing out the window and off to safety. It took guts for Stan to leave me. But I wasn't worried. I was perfectly calm. I stopped fearing death a long time ago. However I looked up and met the abominable gaze of Nyarlathotep who glared hatefully down at me. And then I saw those ungodly bat-like wings unfurling from inside the altar and those three-lobed eyes burning an angry red. At long last, Nyarlathotep showed his real form to me and it was more hideous for words to describe. I smiled defiantly back at the Outer God.
"You are one ugly sonofabitch," I couldn't resist saying mockingly.
…
Everyone managed to put some safe distance between themselves and the Church of Starry Wisdom. The citizens of South Park stood gathered among the snowy trees and were looking fearfully back at the quaking and shaking church. Looking at it now, the place looked more rundown than ever. Stan watched as the roof of the church came crashing down with an ear-splitting roar that shook the snow off the trees. Now everyone stared over at the pitiful ruins of what was left of the church. Everything except for the church's steeple which surprisingly managed to remain intact.
It took Stan a moment to realize his eyes were teary but it wasn't because of the cold winter air. "Kenny…," he whispered gloomily to himself. There's no way his boyfriend could survive this. Kenny was dead.
Tweek hadn't let go of Craig's hand the whole time and then embraced him protectively. "Thank god! Are you okay Craig? What happened in there?" Tweek asked him.
"I'm fine," Craig said, looking unfazed as always. "Don't worry, you didn't miss much. Just our fathers acting like a bunch of stupid assholes and Lovecraftian stuff going on. Just the regular old crazy shit…"
As Craig and Tweek leaned into each other happily, Bradley was looking relieved to have come out of that alive. And now he turned to Butters with a happy smile. "Hey Butters… I just wanted to thank you for helping me get through all that. I was really scared and you were trying your hardest to keep me calm." Again Bradley felt shy all over again.
"Aw, you're welcome Bradley. I'm used to the crazy happenings here in South Park. It just takes a little practice to learn how to deal with situations like this one," Butters said modestly. But he still earned a look of admiration from the cute boy beside him.
While everyone was happy to have escaped and was talking to one another in relief, Kyle however was searching through the crowd, desperately trying to find his boyfriend. "Cartman? Where's Cartman? Has anybody seen Cartman?" No one has seen Cartman. He was still missing.
Kyle went further into the trees looking around for any sign of Cartman. But now Kyle was gazing worriedly over at the ruined church and wondered if Cartman hadn't been able to get out in time. For a moment there, Kyle was tempted to approach the desolate church and search among the debris for his boyfriend. But he never got the chance. Suddenly from the shadows of the trees, two hands reached out and grabbed him from behind. When Kyle spun around, he found himself face-to-face with a surviving Starry Wisdom cultist.
Kyle instinctively reacted and reared back his fist to punch his assailant. But the Starry Wisdom cultist was too fast and dodged his swinging fist. Using his bulky build, the cultist easily pinned Kyle against a nearby oak tree and held him there. Before Kyle could strike back, he was completely stunned when the cultist suddenly leaned over and his hot lips pressed fully upon Kyle's own lips. Kyle hadn't been prepared for this at all. He closed his eyes and found himself locking lips with someone who seemed to really know how to arouse powerful emotions in him. A passionate kiss that threatened to make him melt in this stranger's arms.
And as Kyle deepened the kiss to distract the Starry Wisdom cultist, he finally brought his fist up and punched the bastard in the balls. "Sick pervert!" Kyle said angrily shoving the cultist off him.
The Starry Wisdom cultist grabbed his groin and dropped achingly onto his knees in the snow. "Fuck that hurts! What the fuck Kahl?" said a familiar voice that Kyle had no trouble recognizing.
"Huh? Cartman?" Kyle frowned suspiciously down at him. With that, he reached over and pulled back the hood. Sure enough, it was Cartman. "What the hell are you doing dressed like a Starry Wisdom cultist?" Kyle angrily demanded. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Wait a minute… Don't tell me that you've gone and joined the cult too? You better have one hell of an explanation for this, fatass."
As Cartman massaged his privates, he did look up and flash Kyle a dirty look. "Jesus Christ, Kahl! Did you have to nail me in the balls? Why couldn't you have just pushed me off or something?"
"Don't change the subject!" Kyle argued. "Why are you dressed as a Starry Wisdom cultist? Are you in cahoots with Nyarlathotep? I swear you better not have done anything stupid, fatass."
"It's not like that," Cartman explained while awkwardly managing to stand up now that his balls weren't feeling so sore. "One of the cultists tried to get the drop on me back at my house. I killed him and took his robes, ok? I thought I could infiltrate the cult from the inside, y' know? It's thanks to me that anyone was able to get out of that church alive!"
Now that Kyle looked back on it, he remembered seeing one of the Starry Wisdom cultists going rogue and killing the others and helping them all escape out the windows. So that had been Cartman all along? There Kyle finally went over and threw his arms around his boyfriend, grateful to know that he was alright. Cartman put his arms around his red-headed Jew and was glad that Kyle wasn't about to kick his ass for this. He'd even been kinda expecting it? Oh well, he should consider himself lucky that Kyle was safe and sound.
Stan still hadn't taken his eyes off of the destroyed church. Once again, Kenny died so that others could live. The only thing he could take comfort in was that Kenny would be back. Kenny always returned to him. As his father Randy came over to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, Stan sighed and decided it was over. "Come on everyone. Let's go home."
Everyone started to take the route back to South Park but a sudden unexpected trembling stopped them. Something suddenly wasn't right. And when Stan turned around and looked back, that's when he realized something was moving inside the church's remains. Something was still very much alive and lurking inside the church's steeple. As Stan squinted his eyes to try to see in the darkness, that's when he saw it. A three-lobed eye peering back at him from inside the pitch-black steeple, followed by that unnatural guttural roar that sent shockwaves through all their minds.
"It's Nyarlathotep…," Stan realized in horror. "Oh shit. That thing is still alive."
Soon everyone else saw it too and was all running through the trees in fright now. At least the town of South Park still had its bright lights and electricity to keep Nyarlathotep from attacking directly. The Church of Starry Wisdom had been destroyed along with its cult. But Nyarlathotep was still going to keep his promise of destroying everything in its path. The odds on stopping this Outer God's rampage were very slim indeed.
"Come on, everyone! Move it! We've got to keep moving! Back to the town everyone!" Randy was shouting to the others.
"But what are we supposed to do now?" Stephen asked Randy. "We can't run and hide. That creature will kill us all! How will we stop it?"
"I don't know. We'll figure something out when we get back to town," Randy said distractedly. "We just need to get away from that church."
Stan ran along with everyone else. But he couldn't stop looking back at the church and knowing that Nyarlathotep was still inside, still pissed off, still murderous. There was no way to fight off Nyarlathotep. The only person who could probably help them was dead now. Things were looking very grim. Stan could only pray that Kenny would return to life in time to stop the Outer God from wiping South Park off the map.
