Yui POV
Time: 1:00 AM
I hate the quietness that comes with the night. How it's able to unlock the key to Pandora's box of unwanted thoughts. Random thoughts that you locked away during the day because you can't afford to be lost. But as the day goes by, that box starts to overflow and the lock starts to give way. And by the time your head touches the pillow, the box explodes.
I hate the fact that those thoughts are preventing me from falling asleep. I tried my best to handle it myself, from meditation to light exercises before sleep to tire me out, and one-by-one, it all failed.
Soon enough, the effects were starting to show. I kept falling asleep in class and I was much more irritable. And every time someone were to ask if I was fine, I would answer with "I'm fine".
But am I really? Am I really going to bottle up these emotions and hope for the best that they never bubble up to the surface?
Knowing the answer, I snatched my phone off my nightstand and scrolled through my contacts until I found the person I was looking for. Which didn't take too long, luckily. I don't think I can handle seeing their names, let alone see them together after what I saw them do.
God, I could still feel my heartstrings being torn to shreds after seeing them reach a new stage in their relationship right before my eyes.
I saw his name along with the American flag emoji next to it, tapped on his name, and selected the text option. I had a moment of hesitation before I sent the text.
(Me): Hey you still up?
(Him): Yes ma'am.
That's WAY too quick. Almost like he was waiting for me.
(Me): That was quick. Were you waiting for me? Creep (ન_੦)
(Him): No, texting a friend back home.
(Me) Oh sorry if I'm bothering you two.
He didn't answer back right away, probably still talking to his friend. I'm surprised that he is able to stay in contact with his friends despite living thousands of kilometers apart.
(Him): You're fine. So what's keeping you up?
In the short time that I've known him, I learned that he can be an extremely perceptive person and I know for a fact that he knew something was wrong with me well before I texted him.
(Him): Is it about them? About what happened?
I was glad that I didn't have to spell things out from him, but I feel so ashamed talking to him about this since we've done it so many times already. I'm starting to wonder if I'm a burden.
(Me): Yeah
(Me): Can we do a video chat?
(Him): Go ahead
I got up and grabbed my laptop from the desk and sat back down on my bed then opened up a video call. A few rings later, he picked up.
"Hey." his tired voice echoes out from my laptop's microphone.
There he is. Chubby cheeks that contrasted his well-built physique and bed hair that looks like a cow straight up licked the side of his head. I would've totally made fun of him if it weren't for our current situation. And his face also had this look where you could feel totally comfortable talking to him about anything.
"Hey," I said sheepishly, taking note of what I'm seeing.
Even though he said it was completely fine for us to talk about this, some parts of me remained extremely hesitant. Does he know how many times I talked to him about this? Or are Americans always this nice and helpful to others that they forget how many times they helped them?
"So, Hachiman and Yukino?" he asked straight away.
He got part of it right. But this call had more to do with him than it does with them.
"Oh...um." I played with my thumbs as I tried to find the right words to say.
"Before that, are you sure it's okay for us to talk about this...again?"
He shook his head, "Mm, yeah, it's fine. But it does make me wonder, are you actually trying to move on or...what?" he asked, quizzingly.
I looked down at the keyboards, pretending that my internet was acting up and that I wasn't able to hear him clearly. And at that moment, I start to feel a lump in my throat.
But why? Didn't I already accept the fact that Hikki and I are never going to be together, no matter how much I tried? And even if, IF we got together, our relationship is going to be a loveless one with us always walking on eggshells before it eventually crashes and burns.
I took a deep breath to push all my feelings down.
"U-um, yeah I-I have-"
"Yui," he said in a stern tone, smelling the b.s immediately. "The more you lie to others and the more you lie to yourself, the longer the pain lingers...Trust me, I've been there."
As much I hate to say it, he was right. And as much as I hate to agree with him, I couldn't bring myself to spell it out. I wanted to break down and scream my problems straight at the screen, straight at him because it felt like he was the only one who understands. And I know he won't stupidly justify the action by saying, "you and Hachiman never dated" like some of my friends said before.
I know he won't because he just said it, he was in my position. It was half of the reason why he left America for here, so he can move on from his ex-girlfriend completely. Telling people that he's here for high school and then for college because he wanted the experience of studying abroad was only a small portion of the truth.
People called him an idiot for living with his sister here in Japan just because he got heartbroken by his ex and a couple of girls afterward. But here he is, much happier than the day I met him.
"No," I admitted.
"Tell me," he said in a much softer tone.
I gave in, I don't want to hold back anymore, "Okay. Do you remember when we hung out at the park a few days ago?"
Regret starts to fill in as I start to recall the events.
"Yeah."
"And how I wanted to buy us drinks and you had to use the bathroom?"
"Yeah…?"
I could tell that he had no clue where this conversation was going so I had to get to the point quickly.
"When I came back…I-I." I started to choke on my words. A lump formed in my throat again and I could feel the tears starting to swell.
I'm not sure why though. I didn't cry when I saw them. In fact, I didn't remember feeling anything that resembled sadness at all.
It was like a scene from a movie. The sunset was a perfect background as the main guy and girl share a passionate kiss, trapped in their own little world, not caring for the people around them. But this wasn't a movie, it was real life, my life. And the main guy was the one I fell in love with for all the wrong reasons and the main girl was my best friend.
I felt happy seeing them reach a new stage. But at the same time, I couldn't bring myself to watch another second of it.
"You saw them by accident," he said, almost piecing together the puzzle.
I nodded my head but stayed completely silent.
I look at the screen to see his eyes moving from side to side as if he was figuring out the final piece of the puzzle.
"And that's when you lashed out at me?" he asked, putting in the final piece.
A single tear rolled down my face. I lashed out at the person who noticed that something was off and was only asking if I was okay.
"Yui, if something's wrong, you have to say-"
I scratched my head out of frustration, "I don't want to talk about it. Gosh, you can be so annoying! No wonder your girlfriend left you-"
I immediately slammed my mouth shut, regretting what I just said. His neck snaps and looks at me with eyes full of pain and wrath that was ready to lunge out at me. I knew just how sensitive of a topic his love life was and I was ready to take the consequences of my actions.
He let out a deep breath and his eyes were now void of any emotion, "Let's go home." his voice also carried no emotion.
The train ride home was the tensest I've ever felt in my life and I know for a fact that nothing will ever compare to it. No, not by a long shot.
"I am so, so, so, sorry," I said as I silently sobbed into my hands.
He was completely silent as I cried alone in this dark room.
I wished we were together in person, but like the selfish woman that I am, I distanced myself from him for two whole days to save my own feelings and made sure he didn't have the opportunity to lash out at me in return.
Him. Someone who knew my situation better than anyone else our age since he lived through a similar heartbreak and then some. Someone simply wanted to help me the only he knew how. To let the person talk. Because even though he could figure it out himself, he wanted people to actually say what's bothering them. But what did I do instead? I ripped open an old wound or in his case, wounds that almost completely healed.
"I'm sorry too." I heard out of all nowhere.
I look up at the computer screen in complete shock.
"Huh, why?" I asked in a raspy voice. "You were simply trying to help and I-"
"No, I wasn't. You asked me to help you move on and I should've known that bringing up Hachiman was going to hit a nerve. And yet, I kept pushing you to talk. I sorry-"
"B-but I brought your ex and all these things you said about-"
"You would have never done it if I hadn't pushed you up against a wall." he looks off to the side as if he remembered something. "She was right about me. I'm annoying as all hell. I talk way too much for my own good, always asking questions that I should've known the answer to."
No, it wasn't true. He's not annoying, he was simply experiencing romance for the first time. Just like me. Fell in love for all the wrong reasons like me. But lived and suffered through a loveless relationship for nearly a year where I could only guess where my imaginary relationship with Hikki would fail.
He wiped away a tear, "Sorry, this call is about you, not me."
"No!" I said way too loudly. I looked at the bedroom door, hoping that my mom wouldn't come in to take away my laptop. "This shouldn't be a one-sided thing. We should talk to each other about our problems. See what's bothering us and help each other. That's what friends are for, right?... What's that phrase you guys use?"
"A friend in need is a friend indeed?
I nodded, "You truly are a friend indeed. Thank you."
He smiled from cheek to cheek, "Same to you, Yui."
It was almost two in the morning, but I didn't feel like going to sleep. If anything, I just wanted to talk to him. I feel this sense of calm when I'm with him and I don't know why. And if it comes to it, I don't mind falling asleep on the call.
"Hey, do you mind if we just...talk?
"Sure," he said with no hesitation.
We talked about anything that came into mind. Everyday topics like college and where we want to travel if money wasn't an issue. To much deeper ones like what type of person we want to date and end up marrying and what our ideal date night would be with that person. There were times that we had to hold in our laughter the best we could so that we didn't wake anyone in our homes and potentially get in trouble.
Three o'clock, four o'clock, five o'clock, and six o'clock went by and the only reason we stopped was that we noticed that the sun was rising.
Not wanting to risk being yelled at by the teachers for sleeping in class, he and I decided to call in sick and rest up for the day.
Later in the afternoon, he and I agreed to meet up at a nearby park. And the second he was close enough, I wrapped my arm around him and dug my head into his chest, hearing and feeling his beating heart. He wrapped his arms around me after the initial shock went away. We didn't say anything for a solid minute, nor did we care about the people passing by judging us.
With all those times he's helped me out, it just felt so...right.
"Thank you so much."
Author's Note
Hello everyone. This is a pilot chapter for a Yui x OC fic that I am planning to release by the end of March 2021 (hopefully). It is meant to test the waters to see if people like the idea, but after reading the comment section of SouBU's Unmade, it made me realize just how dumb people can be. Anyway, this one-shot and the long fic that will be released is going to focus on Yui's journey moving on from Hachiman and potentially meeting someone else. Something that Shin should be doing, but from what I'm hearing, it's not.
A huge thank you to Xynovitch, The Quotable Patella, and a few people from the Oregairu discord server for guiding me through this one shot and overall helping improve my writing.
-tabascao571
