Author's Note:

This chapter did NOT want to get written. I got writer's block like seven times my god. But it's here now :D

Once again very dialogue heavy, but I've never written anything this long before so I'm sort of learning as I go.

Grace

The atmosphere in the car was tense. Sam had yet to say anything, and Dean was planning to let him decide how and when to begin this particular conversation, so they rode in silence.

Dean's eyes were glued to the road ahead of him, watching the street lights flicker past, and keeping his eye out for any quick, cheap food options.

Sam was radiating bad vibes from the passenger's seat. Dean was pretty sure he could actually feel Sam's pissed-offness on his skin like a physical itch beneath the surface. He was less than thrilled about that particular development.

The tension became too much for Dean and he gave in.

"You have to say something eventually, Sam."

Sam said nothing. Dean focused his attention back on the road ahead. Several minutes passed before Sam finally broke his silence.

"So I guess keeping massive secrets from each other is fine as long as it's you, right?" he said simply.

Dean winced, "C'mon Sam, you know that's not it."

"Do I? Because I'm pretty sure we just agreed to trust each other from now on." Sam was pissed, that much was obvious, but Dean had a feeling it was more than that.

The tight lines of Sam's face pointed to anger but they also pointed to hurt, and arguably even worse, resignation. Sam didn't think he deserved Dean's trust.

Dammit, Dean was getting pretty tired of feeling like the world's worst big brother.

"I trust you!" he insisted, Sam looked unconvinced.

"Then why didn't you tell me there was something wrong, Dean?"

"I- fuck, Sam, because I was scared! I was scared, and you're right, I shoulda' told you but I was busy pretending everything was fine," Sam looked shocked at first, but deflated moments later.

"I just wish you'd said something to me. I want to help," Dean hated hearing Sam's voice so small.

"I'm… sorry," Dean finally said. Sam still looked unsure so he continued, "No more secrets. For real this time. Promise." he affirmed, looking at Sam expectantly.

"Promise," Sam agreed.

They were silent for a few more moments as Dean pulled into a gas station. Sam was studying him when he looked up.

"So," Sam said after a beat, "do you… wanna talk about it?"

Dean didn't need to ask what he was talking about, "Absolutely fucking not," he said, and Sam's face fell. Dean sighed, "Listen, Sam, this is a lot. Not just whatever's going on with me, all of it. Ruby, Lucifer, Michael, the freaking apocalypse. Let's just make it to Bobby's, then we can talk about it."

Sam seemed to accept Dean's request and sat back in his seat with a huff.

Two gas station hotdogs and too many hours of driving later, they were finally making their way up the familiar gravel driveway. Bobby was of course absent, given that he was currently still hospitalized. But he wouldn't mind them using his place to talk as long as they didn't leave a mess.

Cas wasn't there either when they entered the house, so Dean sent him a quick prayer. The telltale fluttering of wings signaling Cas's arrival was accompanied by a slightly unpleasant jump from the buzz.

"I need to examine your soul," was the first thing Cas said. Straight to the point then.

"Hello to you too, Cas," Dean replied, "you want to what now?"

"Is that the best idea Cas?" Sam cut in, "Given what happened last time you tried to mojo him, I mean. Are you sure it won't, you know, explode again?"

"I will be more careful this time, I believe the nature of the problem is such that inspecting Dean's soul may be the only way to determine what is happening" Castiel's intense gaze was fixed on Dean. Dean almost swore he could see the light of Cas's grace behind his eyes. That was ridiculous, though, because humans definitely could not see angel grace.

"What exactly would 'inspecting my soul' involve, Cas?" Cas was being very grave about the whole thing and it made Dean nervous.

"It will be incredibly painful," of course it would.

"More painful than hell?" Dean asked. He hated being right.

"Most likely," Cas replied. Dean let out a slow breath and cursed.

"And there's no other way to find out what's going on?" Dean wasn't particularly optimistic about Cas's answer.

"Not without far more power than we have access to," right again. Dammit.

"Maybe you should wait outside for this one Sammy," Dean suggested, Sam's eyes widened.

"What? Why?!" he argued

"Dean may be correct Sam," Cas was frowning apologetically, "seeing your brother in this type of pain may cause… lasting distress."

Sam still looked like he wanted to argue, so Dean stepped in, "C'mon Sam. You and I both know you don't need any more trauma."

Now Sam just looked sad, "Neither do you," he said.

Dean frowned and glanced at Castiel, "Doesn't look like I have much choice this time."

Sam somehow managed to look even sadder, but all he said was, "Let me know when you're finished," before he left for the scrapyard.

Dean watched him go and then turned back to Cas, "Alright," he said, "how're we doing this?"

"I would suggest you lie down," Cas replied. Dean nodded and moved to the old worn sofa in Bobby's living room.

Dean settled himself down facing the ceiling and focused on Cas when he approached. Cas placed a hand on Dean's chest, and met his eyes with an intense gaze, "I will be as gentle as I can. I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean just nodded again, unable to come up with any words. His tongue felt heavy against his teeth. Dean didn't get nervous often, not anymore, but something supposedly worse than hell, that was a bit much even for him. The buzz was more restless than ever, almost as if it knew what was about to happen.

"I'm going to begin," Cas's voice drew Dean out of his thoughts, "are you ready?"

No, "Yeah. Do it, Cas."

Dean's not sure what he was expecting, maybe more of a buildup. But one second he was looking Cas in the eyes, and the next his vision went white and fire exploded through his body.

Definitely worse than hell, was all he managed to think before his world blacked out for the second time in as many days.

The void was familiar by now, almost comforting in a way. The light was more or less stuck to him now. Oddly, it never quite touched him, always stopping inches from making contact. It hovered around his body and left a sort of tingling feeling wherever it went.

The murmuring voices were familiar as well, a soft background to his thoughts. Just like last time though, a single voice caught his attention over the others.

Dean.

The voice sounded surprised. It was coming from somewhere behind him, so he turned around.

It was the same foreign/familiar light from before. It was closer this time, and he could just make out a tall glowing figure. It was fuzzy, not much more than a silhouette, but he could see the shadowed outline of two massive wings mantled at its sides. Two blue spotlight eyes contrasted starkly against the white of its body.

Dean, do you know where we are?

That was a strange question but the figure didn't give him time to answer. It moved closer to him. Close enough that he could almost make out something that looked like a face. Close enough to touch.

Suddenly, the light around him jumped and fizzled. The figure's approach seemed to agitate it for some reason, he felt like it should bother him too, and yet…

Something about the figure was just so familiar.

His calm apparently calmed the light as well, because the figure reached out for them next and the light only stilled before tentatively reaching back.

Both the figure and the light stopped just before making contact, and the figure looked up at him as if to ask for permission. Somehow he knew he could trust this figure, so he shrugged and nodded towards the almost-connection.

The figure seemed to understand, and reached the last of the distance to meet the light-

Dean surged forward with a gasp, unseeing eyes darting wildly around the room. The buzzing was all-encompassing, rattling around in his head and consuming his senses. It felt- excited about something, but he had no idea what.

He felt a hand come to rest on his shoulder. Before he could shake it off a warmth spread through his body and the buzzing receded.

Once he could focus on his surroundings again, Dean turned towards the hand on his shoulder and found Cas staring at him. He looked completely lost.

Dean furrowed his brow, "Cas? What happened? Did you find something?"

Cas didn't respond at first and Dean was about to repeat the question when he finally said something.

"Grace," he whispered.

"Grace? Cas, what? Is there something wrong with your grace?" Dean asked

Cas seemed to collect himself somewhat before he answered, "Inside of you," he said with wide eyes, "there is grace inside of you."

Author's Note:

I set up a tumblr for my writing, I'd love for you to come say hi!

blog/mythichollow