Disclaimer: I own nothing except my OCs and possibly some percentage of the plot.
Cara had set out to properly learn the basics of sabre play from Obi-Wan so that she could pass them along to Anakin. Anakin took to them as quickly as she did, but for slightly different reasons. While Cara followed the movements as choreography, mentally distancing herself from the martial aspect and instead focusing on the movements themselves, Anakin fell straight into them as combat forms, naturally making the small adjustments that took them from a series of movements and changing them in all the small ways that made them the actions of a fighter. Cara had to half bury herself in the Force to draw the line between making Anakin get the move right and being too focused on the technical to allow him to adjust for his height and reach in the course of fighting.
She was unsurprised that the two forms he seemed to get on with best were Ataru and Djem So. Anakin was very direct, driven and lacked subtlety. Djem So worked with that part of him. But he was also a pilot, and there was a sense of ease that he clearly found in a form dedicated to the closest a human being could manage to a strafing run. Ataru was like piloting, where the defensive manoeuvre was not blocking the attack, but simply not being there when it came, like a dogfighter avoiding blasterfire. The flips and excess movements were just like all his favourite piloting moves.
Anakin meanwhile enjoyed the new activity. He loved the way he could feel the Force wrap around him and amplify his senses and reflexes. He also loved practising with Cara. She didn't treat it like fighting, even when she was working him through very careful sparring, she treated it like dancing, and he could feel her in the Force, sheer joy at the act of movement, echoing the way he felt so right when he was practising the katas.
It was also one of the really just fun things that he had to learn. There was just so much stuff, and it was harder because he'd been so much more interested in piloting and droids at school. He'd actually tested out of a bunch of those subjects, but all that had done was open up space to learn more languages, take courses in politics and a whole bunch of stuff he wasn't at all interested in. It led to him changing schools again, this time to one that dovetailed into political training. Still, every time he complained to Cara she was able to come up with a reason that might make something useful. "You make everything sound useful," he complained.
She smiled at him, sadly. "My dad once said you never know what you'll need to know, so it's best to know as much as you can."
He was twelve now and she'd finally let him help her with some of her less horrible memories of her time with the darksider, and he now knew, the one who'd her killed both her parents. It was scary what they were like and how it felt to touch the dark side. She was also working through her contacts with the Association to try and find a former Jedi to teach him.
It wasn't going so well. He knew it because he kept on coming upstairs to see her throwing things at the wall, scaring Threepio and annoying Artoo who still fought over the charging outlet in her kitchen. She kept threatening to move the cupboard in front of it, but she never did.
She also taught him how to swear like a Corellian spacer - his mother had been not-very-happy about that, a lot of trivia about ballet and several piloting tricks to be done with Corellian-built freighters that he was sure could be adapted to other ships just as soon as he had the chance to work it out.
The only thing that kept him from being completely impatient was that every time he meditated, the Force kept telling him something was coming, he just had to wait for it.
When he turned thirteen, it arrived.
Obi-Wan had spent the better part of a year turning the thought over in his head. It wasn't that he'd never contemplated leaving the Jedi before he'd met Cara and it wasn't just that he couldn't stay with the Jedi and also have a romantic relationship.
It was that he'd looked at the fact that the Order didn't merely have government oversight, but that they were specifically subject to and controlled by the Senate. Master Jinn had been right to be concerned about the lack of independence.
It was that he had difficulty with the Code itself. The old form of the Code accepted that, while the Force might run through all things and bind them together, physical beings existed in the physical world and could not be divorced from their physical selves. The new form of the Code, the one taught in the Temple to Obi-Wan and his crechemates, did not accept that and seemed to pretend that the physical world was an illusion. He was tired of releasing his emotions rather than understanding and accepting them and he was tired of pretending that he thought being attached was nothing but a weakness inevitably to turn him to evil. Despite Cara having determinedly stopped debating the Code with him, her early complaints that the Jedi had been driven by fear in so many of their policies felt true. The more he tried to release his doubt the stronger it came back to him. He wanted to stop feeling immediately guilty every time he had a flash of temper, as though somehow being human enough to get angry were morally wrong. He wanted to stop feeling eyes on him because he was the first initiate in a bantha's age to be chosen as a padawan after being aged out. He wanted to stop being The Sith-Killer, while at the same time be told that the Zabrak hadn't been a Sith.
Neither least nor most important, he wanted to try to have a relationship with Cara. To do it without sneaking around because it wasn't allowed. To have the (frequent) encouragement of her friends rather than the unsubtle reminders from his that it was wrong.
Still, the Temple was the only life he'd ever known and he had worked so hard to be a Jedi. Should he really give it up? It was on the day that he finally threw the question to the Force while meditating that he had his answer. He wondered why it had taken him so long to meditate on the question of leaving itself.
He was, nonetheless, determined to do the thing correctly and made the request to stand before the council. "Leaving us you are," Master Yoda said.
Obi-Wan bowed. "I am, Master. I . . . have been thinking over the past year and I no longer feel my path is with the Temple here."
"You are leaving because of that woman," Master Windu said bluntly.
The flash of ire he felt over the assumption that love wasn't reason enough, and also that it was assumed he couldn't possibly have another reason, was dissipated into the Force, but not before the masters picked it up, sharing the same looks of disappointment he recalled from his childhood. He kept all his words behind his teeth because it would do no good to speak them. "It is a factor in my decision," he admitted instead. Then, because he didn't want to drag it out longer than necessary, he detached his lightsabre from his belt, handed it to Master Yoda, bowed and walked out before they could call him back.
He had already packed the few items that could be called his, left messages with all his friends telling them where he planned to be going and promising to get them a comm address as soon as he had one and headed for the Temple exit for those who were not a part of the Order. He was met at the door by Bant who was looking at him reproachfully. "I can't believe you're leaving," she said.
Obi-Wan looked at his Mon Calamari friend and tried to explain. "Bant, I just feel as though I don't belong here at the Temple."
She shot him a Look. "She must be special. You didn't leave after Satine, and I know you nearly left then."
"I do wish that I could convince you that it is not Cara. I meditated on the question and the Force practically shouted in my ear," groused Obi-Wan. "Yes, I think I might want to attempt a romantic relationship with her, but if it were only that I would not be leaving."
She looked at him with that Mon Cala fixity that was like a human narrowing their eyes, then leaned back. "I believe you. You promise to call once you have a settled comm address?"
He smiled in relief. As much as it pained him that the Council didn't believe him, it would have hurt far worse for his friends to lose their faith in him. "I will, I promise."
They hugged and he left, making his way to the transport that would bring him back to Naboo. He spent the bulk of the trip in meditation, unsure of what he was doing, but knowing that something was taking him back to Cara.
Obi-Wan made his way down the street through Cara's neighbourhood, starting to feel the oddest thrum in the Force. The closer he got the more he felt like he was vibrating, right down to the soles of his feet. He turned up the walk and raised a hand to press the door buzzer.
"Anakin! I swear on all the Sith hells that if you don't stop that I'm going to make you read all that Jedi philosophy and the next time Crispin passes through you'll have to get him to explain it!" There was a pause. "And get your droids out of my kitchen!" Cara sounded as though she had been feeling the vibration for quite a while. Obi-Wan paused, letting whatever drama was happening in the home pass.
"Cara! They're here!" It was a boy's voice. Not too young, though it was difficult to tell. The sense of a young teenager drifted through the Force.
It sounded like a glass broke.
"Anakin! Clean that up!"
"Mom! I gotta-"
"Anakin Skywalker clean up that glass-" The mother was interrupted by Cara's voice.
"Without levitating anything!"
The door opened and Cara was in front of him looking frazzled. "Hello."
"You're here," she said blankly. "Why are you here? Now?"
It was the first time in his life that it was an option to do this without his vows to the Order hanging over his head. Obi-Wan kissed her. He felt her startlement, then the way she relaxed into him. When it was over, he pulled back enough to look her in the eye and say, "I've left the Order. I didn't leave for you, but might I ask-"
He didn't get to finish asking as a blond boy of thirteen elbowed his way between them. "You're who the Force said was coming. Cara! Have you been dating my new teacher the whole time?"
Obi-Wan blinked at the boy who was the cause of all the Force vibration going on. A closer look showed a padawan-aged, reasonably trained and very powerful Force sensitive who was trying to sneak Cara's lightsabre around with him.
A slightly older woman with brown hair came to the door and shot her son a very unimpressed look. "Ani, give Cara back the sabre, get out of the doorway and stop making the floor vibrate."
"Try to pretend that I've taught you some self-control," Cara said with gritted teeth. She turned to Obi-Wan. "You, yes," she said, softening. Then she turned to Anakin. "You, inside, moving meditation in the basement and don't come out for at least a half an hour."
"But-"
Cara shot him a look that was meaningful, wide-eyed with raised eyebrows that made Anakin turn and sulk his way downstairs. A moment later the Force settled back into stillness. Both women half collapsed. Cara pointed in his direction from where she had gracelessly sprawled on the sofa. "I'm happy to see you, but I'm blaming this on you because you're very convenient right now."
He snorted, laughter escaping despite his best efforts. He turned to the other woman. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi."
She straightened, and he blinked in surprise as he felt the gentle sweep of the Force as she used it to look him over as any Jedi would an unfamiliar and unexpected arrival. "I am Shmi Skywalker. You have already met my son, Anakin."
In the basement of the house, a muffled Force aura was in meditation. It was a fairly strong signature, but not wholly indicative of the sort of power that had been trembling in the air when he'd approached the home. "A pleasure," he said, inclining his head. He turned to Cara. "You've been teaching him?"
She nodded. "Since he was nine. That's him tamping down how strong he is so he doesn't look like a white dwarf from three feet away."
Obi-Wan blinked, then thought about Cara's skill at hiding her Force signature. "I see," he said.
"Ani has been insistent all day that the teacher he needs would be coming," Shmi told him.
"And I refuse to make Obi-Wan feel like he has to take on a pseudo-Jedi apprentice just because he's here and has left the Order," Cara said. "I can try for whatsisname from the Corellian Temple."
Glancing between them, he said, "Perhaps you should explain further why you feel Anakin needs another teacher. Cara is more than competent." She truly was, and he once again felt a small frisson of regret he would not see her at the Temple, but he had now left and had to walk the path he had set himself, wherever it led.
Cara tilted her head at Shmi, who inclined her own and began. "Although we tell people Cara is my sister-in-law, we were in fact brought together specifically so that she could teach Anakin. Ani and I were slaves on Tatooine." Obi-Wan inhaled sharply. She glanced at him a moment, seeing something in him that understood what those words truly meant. "When Ani was nine, a woman came to our owner and purchased us both. She took us onto a ship, declared us free and brought us to a world that is on the boundaries of Wild Space."
Obi-Wan listened to the story of the loose association of Force sensitives who were neither Jedi nor darksiders who wanted their talents trained, but also wanted nothing to do with the Order. A philosophy of people who worshipped other gods, who did not believe in gods and all of whom had a wholly demystified view of the Force. Most of them saw the will of the Force as an aggravation to be put up with as little as possible, only bending to it when a painfully clear message was sent or applying for indications of better directions, but otherwise choosing to follow their own paths without considering the Force. It was something of a surprise as to him the Force had always felt like a beneficent . . . well . . . force.
He thought back to when Anakin would have been nine. When he had met Cara. Then imagined Qui-Gon Jinn upon finding a power in the Force in the form of a child like Anakin on Tatooine. "So, Cara was tapped to teach Anakin?" he asked.
"I'm one of the strongest people connected to the Association," she said. "They wanted to get Anakin trained, but they wanted someone strong enough to handle him if he got uppity or got himself into trouble."
Now that Obi-Wan thought about it, most of the padawans in the Temple tended to be matched to masters with equivalent midichlorian counts. There were some exceptions, but mostly they matched. he'd never thought of it, but thinking back, it seemed the trend. Most initiates tended to look into the archives at some point to see who was stronger in the Force after all. It wasn't a secret.
"But why did you want to give Anakin Jedi training?" he asked, puzzled. "It doesn't seem quite your . . . inclination."
Shmi glanced with some fondness at the basement door. "Anakin wishes to free all the slaves of the Outer Rim. To do that he will need skills to fight, to lead, to negotiate. He will need to understand how to do those things if he wishes to do this and do it well."
Everything Obi-Wan had trained for under his old master. "He will need the skill sets of a Jedi," he said, feeling his way through the words.
Cara heaved a sigh. "Exactly. I can throw books at him about history and politics, but I don't know how to do the wheeling and dealing needed for treaties. I can't actually teach him how to use a lightsabre beyond the basics, and we both know that's coming. He took to it like a politician to an open bar, by the way." She smiled wryly at Obi-Wan, "And I certainly can't teach him how to appear calm and serene in the face of aggravation."
"No," Shmi told her dryly. "You've simply taught him how to impersonate the worst sort of Corellian smuggler."
Cara shot the other woman an equally amused look. "He'll be a dashing heartbreaker by the time he turns seventeen. That's when I'll teach him how to drink."
They talked a while longer, but suddenly the earlier-dictated half hour of meditation was over and Anakin came thundering up the stairs. "Hi!" he said, stopping in front of Obi-Wan. He didn't fidget, but it seemed an act of will for the boy to stand still.
"Good afternoon, Anakin," he greeted. "I am Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Anakin blinked, then asked, "Are you always this formal?"
"Are you always so informal?" he responded, curious where this would go.
Anakin eyed him a moment, plunking down in the armchair across the way. "Well, no. But you're supposed to be my teacher," he declared. "And I don't think we'd get along so good if you didn't like me the way I am."
"So well," Obi-Wan corrected. "Perhaps not," the former knight then conceded, "But perhaps you might wish to make a better first impression."
"But we're gonna be spending a lot of time together and I can't fake being like that all the time," Anakin said. His voice and demeanour shifted in a way that was characteristic of Cara, "One should begin as one means to go on."
Obi-Wan suppressed a smile. He liked this one already. "And you would do this with anyone you planned to spend a longer period of time with in a more professional manner?"
Making a face, Anakin retorted, "But this isn't professional, like business or politics. So the same rules don't apply. Anyhow it's not like you're someone important."
Despite knowing what Anakin intended with those words, Obi-Wan raised a chiding eyebrow at the boy as Qui-Gon had done so many times to him.
Eyes widening as he realised what he'd said, Anakin stumbled out, "I mean, important to me, sure. But not to politicians or rich people or something. I mean . . ." he trailed off.
Shmi put her face in her hands and Cara burst out laughing and slid off the sofa.
"Two things, young Padawan," Obi-Wan said. "The first is that it is wise to watch your tongue lest you say just such a thing as you did unintentionally. Even if it is to 'no one important', there is little to be gained by insult, whether intentional or not. The second is that you cannot always know who is 'important'," he delicately stressed the word. "The Queen of Naboo, for instance, often trades places with her handmaidens and indeed has been known to pretend to be one of them and walk about appearing as nothing more than another young lady."
Anakin froze. Then he looked up at his mother, vaguely stricken. "Padmé's the queen?" he asked Shmi.
"Oh, Ani," Shmi said, then ran an affectionate hand over the boy's head. "Yes."
"You mean I've been using the Queen's astromech?" he asked, sounding awed.
Cara sat up, a slight sense of alarm bleeding into the Force from her. "Twenty Anakin, and not one second sooner."
The thirteen-year-old pouted and slumped down.
Oh. The boy had a crush on a girl five years older than himself. Still, the connection could be useful, Obi-Wan thought. Not in terms of personal interactions, but when it came time for the part of an apprentice Jedi's training to go on missions, it would be useful if he could ask to be sent out to negotiate between Naboo and other planets.
"So, you're going to teach him?" Cara asked.
He brought his attention back to the room. Anakin was looking at him eagerly, his excitement pouring off him into the Force. The boy was clever and had an ambition that Obi-Wan thought he should encourage. He also quite liked the young teen. "I rather think I will."
"Yes!" Anakin leapt up, pumping a fist in the air.
"Thank the Swamp," Cara said, relieved. "I was so worried I was going to have to do something like track down . . . what's his name? The former Jedi . . . Count Dooku. I do not want to be trekking out to Serenno to deal with the nobility."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I very much doubt my grandmaster would be much interested in another padawan. We have spoken very little, but Master Jinn was . . . hesitant to speak of him."
"Yeah, okay," Anakin said dismissively. "So are you gonna teach me how to really fight with a lightsabre? Cara's great, but she treats it more like dancing and I wanna do the really wizard stuff. Can I drop my politics class now? If you're gonna be teaching me stuff I won't need to do that anymore, will I? Can you teach me stuff about flying? Cara's good but she doesn't know fighters and-"
"We shall have to see," Obi-Wan told him. "First I'll have to find out what you know and what you do not so that I can know what I need to teach you."
They did not in fact leap straight to finding out what Anakin knew, because despite the fact that Anakin wouldn't be a Jedi and Obi-Wan wasn't going to teach him to be a Jedi, he still wanted at least some of the formalities, including the training bond. With that established, Obi-Wan quickly realised just how complicated the problem of Anakin's control was. The Jedi were not, after all, without emotion. Inward and outward serenity was cultivated in the Temple; outwardly to assist in ensuring the appearance of rational neutrality when negotiating or being in otherwise delicate situation. The inward serenity had as much to do with the basic politeness of not inflicting your emotions on other people who could sense them as it did with being calm and centred so as to maintain calm equilibrium and avoid the dark side of the Force. Anakin was so very powerful in the Force that the normal bleed-off of feeling that any Jedi put out was double or triple the strength in him. He had the same internal control as anyone else of equivalent age, but the sheer power behind everything meant that his control was going to have to be better as a consequence.
Obi-Wan internally winced as he imagined the sort of blow-back Anakin would have gotten at the Temple had he been there. He was also grateful that Cara had the teaching of Anakin's early lessons. For all that she was very slack on the issue of emotional control (causing Anakin to have three settings - invisibly buried behind shields, a constant broadcast that felt unshielded and genuinely unshielded like a small sun turning everything white with too much power), she had grasped Anakin's constant submersion in the Force, teaching him how to narrow his connection, rather than assuming Anakin had to reach out to grasp the Force the way Obi-Wan did. Obi-Wan was rather certain that had he had the early training of Anakin he might have kriffed something up by assuming Anakin was being careless or showing off.
But his new not-exactly-a-padawan was adequately trained, had a decent grasp of many of the early lessons at the Temple as well as Cara's unusual Sith-based techniques, and Obi-Wan set with a will to determining what he needed to teach, what schooling Anakin should receive and to arrange for the pair of them to get kyber crystals so that they both could have lightsabres. It was, after all, not illegal to build a lightsabre, just usually Not Done unless you were a Jedi or darksider.
He also went directly to Queen Amidala who was now in her second term as queen, having been re-elected. "Knight Kenobi," she greeted him at the private audience he had requested. As ever, her face under the heavy face paint was still, but he could feel her happiness at seeing him. "I am most pleased to see your return to Naboo."
"I am pleased to once more be on your lovely planet, your Majesty," he replied, bowing. It was, of course, a limited sort of privacy as her handmaiden Sabé was present, as was Captain Panaka. He hesitated a moment, but plunged ahead. "I'm afraid I have come to ask a . . . an unusual favour of you," he said.
"Oh?" Padmé leaned forward, her face still unmoving, but her curiosity very apparent if you knew her.
He decided to approach bluntly. "After some consideration," he began, "I have made the choice to leave the Jedi."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "How did that come about?" she asked. Then she clearly recalled herself. "My apologies, it is not my concern what paths you take. I must assume, then, that your request is connected with this."
"It is," Obi-Wan said. "It has been brought to my attention that you are aware of a boy named Anakin Skywalker." He paused, looking at her inquiringly.
For a brief moment, her lips twitched and some fondness was apparent in her aura. "I am better acquainted with his mother, Shmi Skywalker, who has significant responsibility in our Tatooine initiative. But, yes, I have spoken with Anakin many times."
"Anakin Skywalker is Force sensitive, and with his ambitions to free slaves of the Outer Rim I am in agreement with his aunt and mother that the training offered a Jedi would be of use to him. More, I believe he would take that training well. Although the Temple does not take students who are as old as he is, it is my intention to train him as I would have a Jedi apprentice." And here was where his favour lay. "The one difficulty I have is that without the Temple to provide the missions of diplomacy and peacekeeping I would have taken him on, I will have limited my ability to teach him those skills."
Never say Padmé Amidala wasn't sharp-witted. "You wish to proffer your services as a negotiator to the Naboo." She eyed him a moment, "And perhaps build a neutral reputation such as the Jedi have."
He smiled then. "Indeed. I would ultimately prefer not to be seen as the mouthpiece of Naboo, but one must begin somewhere." Then he added wryly, "And without the Temple I shall have to find a means to pay my way."
The Queen had been leaning forward, but now she leaned back. "I believe, Mr. Kenobi, that I have heard of your work both on Ryloth and with the Trading Clans." She turned to Sabé. "Put in a request to Rabé for a contract." Then she turned back to Obi-Wan. "There is a dispute on our Northern Continent between the Farmers' Guild and the Gungans there regarding the use of certain lands. I believe that you would provide adequate neutral third party assistance to reach an equitable agreement. I shall have all the available information sent to you and arrange transport. The relationship with the Gungans remains too new and delicate for any errors of judgment at this time and the assistance of a Jedi, even a former Jedi, would be highly appreciated."
It was exactly what he had hoped for as a start. "My deepest gratitude, your Majesty," he replied, bowing.
He brought Anakin with him, arranging to take him out of school for the trip, and cheerfully letting the Naboo make whatever presumptions they wished, given they were willing to elect fourteen-year-olds to the position of planetary leader. Anakin was not inclined to find the delicacies of negotiations very interesting (though Obi-Wan delighted in the complexity of fair allocation given who had had primary usage, who had traditional legal rights, the competing cultural practices regarding ownership of lands - he could spend hours happily working through it for an equitable division). However, Anakin had put in a serious effort to at least understand what Obi-Wan was doing and why, which was all he could ask.
The negotiations went well, the dispute was settled, and Obi-Wan then walked Anakin through the process of writing out an incident report. Anakin eyed him in some confusion when he'd first requested it. "Why are we doing this? We don't have anyone to report to, right?"
"Actually, we should report to the Queen," Obi-Wan explained. "As she was the one who arranged for us to be sent to deal with the negotiations, we should be sending her people our summary of what happened because we are the independent third party who is supposed to have no biases as to the events."
"Oh," Anakin nodded. "Okay, but I don't understand everything," he said. "You explained some of it, but shouldn't you be writing it?"
"I will be writing one," Obi-Wan said. "But you're going to have to learn how to do them, so that means you have to write one as well, then I'll look it over and go through it with you."
"But why'm'I gonna have to know how to do these?" Anakin asked. "I mean, okay, I need to know how to negotiate if I'm freeing slaves and stuff, but I'd be there doing that, so I wouldn't need to write myself a report." Obi-Wan received an unhappy look as his apprentice continued. "And don't say just because you say so, because that's not a reason. Cara always explains how stupid pointless stuff helps me with important stuff."
A Temple-raised padawan might never have asked such a question, and Obi-Wan thought he might be in for a rather continuous stream of questions regarding the validity of everything he asked Anakin to do. Hopefully, if Anakin ever chanced on something that was genuinely unneeded Obi-Wan would have the humility to not force the issue. Thankfully, there were several good reasons long-term for the reports. "To start with, Anakin, if you write such a report for me it will let me know what you understand and what you don't, which will help me explain better. Second, writing is a very important skill, and the sort of formal writing that goes into these reports is a valuable skill and one you should develop. Lastly, you cannot remember everything, and you may wish to write such reports for yourself in future years precisely because it will ensure you have all the pertinent events available not just for yourself, but for someone else who may need that information."
Anakin carefully considered the thought, then nodded and went off to write up a report along the lines of the template Obi-Wan provided him.
In between various diplomatic missions which were very much unlike anything Obi-Wan had gone on with Qui-Gon or alone because not once did he wind up needing a lightsabre, being shot at, running away, or taking off limbs (when he mentioned this to his friends over the comm, Bant told him she thought it reflected poorly on both Qui-Gon and himself that they had so rarely managed to avoid blaster fire and Quin said he thought it proved the Council was hoping they'd be severely enough injured as to be permanently confined to the Temple so as to stop causing trouble), Anakin continued to go to school and received a much more focused level of lightsabre and Force training from Obi-Wan than he had been receiving with Cara.
Finally, they had the time to spare to find kyber crystals to make new lightsabres for the both of them. Obi-Wan had used the crystals Cara had previously had in her fans for training sabres for Anakin and himself, but there was nothing like a sabre built for your hands and with a crystal that resonated with your own spirit. It was just about the time most of the Temple initiates would be taken to Ilum for their first sabre crystals, and so to avoid the potential fracas he took Anakin to Jedha.
Anakin was appalled. "It's cold! It's sandy and it's cold? That's the worst of everything!"
"There are many planets in the galaxy, Anakin, and there were bound to be some like this. What is your issue with sand?" he asked.
Anakin loved taking trips to lakes and seasides, but considered beaches a deeply unpleasant travail to be gotten over as quickly as possible and refused to spend any more time than necessary crossing them to get to and from the water. Obi-Wan had been wondering ever since the first time he'd watched Cara set up a blanket on a beach and then sit and wait, thrumming with amusement. Shmi had shaken her head, comfortably setting out a picnic further back from the beach and easily chatting with the Tatooinian glassmaker who had since made a home on Naboo and was determinedly courting her, much to Anakin's internal conflict.
Anakin had studiously ignored the couple, walked up to the borderline between the grass and the sand and stood there glaring at the ground. He'd then meticulously taken out of his backpack a carton of water, several small cloths, three towels and a spare set of clothes in a clear plastic bag. He then fussily set up all these items in a careful configuration, after which he minced down to the water making disgusted noises the whole way.
"Anakin hates sand," Cara informed him once Anakin had dived under the water.
Obi-Wan had joined the boy in swimming, splash-fighting, wrestling and everything else he got up to with Bant, because one was not friends with a Mon Calamari without being wholly comfortable with playing in water. When they left the water, Obi-Wan had made his way back to Cara who had been reading in a highly distracting contortionist's position that she insisted was done purely for maintenance of a dancer's flexibility, and dried off. Anakin had minced his way back across the sand to his little setup, face set in a grimace as he went through a complex procedure involving all his cloths, two of the towels and all the water to remove all the sand from his person before changing into his fresh clothes in an oddly gymnastic series of contortions partially concealed behind the third towel.
Anakin was carefully mincing over the sandy ground of Jedha. "Sand is awful. It's coarse and rough and it gets into everything." He continued to grumble about sand in what appeared to be a well-rehearsed litany about the evils of sand. Despite the fact that he should probably discourage his student, Obi-Wan listened with amusement, wondering how long Anakin could go on for without repeating himself.
Fifteen minutes, it turned out. At that point, Obi-Wan interrupted. "As you have actually now repeated three of your points on your reasons for disliking sand, I fear I should take this opportunity to discuss some of what will happen when we are at the temple finding our respective crystals."
The thirteen-year-old blinked for a moment, then said, "Okay, but you get why sand is the worst, right?"
"I understand why it is that you have such a negative opinion, yes," Obi-Wan told him. "However, I'm afraid that of your points, a great many are matters of personal preference as opposed to fact. And while personal preference is not to be discounted, exactly, a distinction must be drawn between opinion and fact. That said, I believe your intense dislike is entirely valid."
Anakin eyed him suspiciously. "That just means you still find it as funny as Cara does." He humphed. "At least I don't fly speeders like a little old lady."
"Flying is for droids," Obi-Wan told him, trying to sound serene. It didn't work because he saw Anakin's lips twitch in the barest hint of a smile. "Now, as to finding a kyber crystal. I know that Cara has a . . . less mystical perspective on the matter of the Force than I do. But finding a kyber crystal is a very personal experience. Many who seek them have visions - as I had when finding my crystal."
"What sort of visions?" Anakin asked. "Like of the future? Or clairvoyant ones?"
Obi-Wan considered for a moment, but thought that perhaps Cara's tendency to avoid mysticism would work better for Anakin, who tended to have little in the way of introspective subtlety. "It very much depends. As I said, they're also very personal and I do not intend to tell you of my direct experiences. However, the process is supposed to be one of self-discovery. You are trying to find a crystal that . . . resonates with your . . . self."
"Cara said it's supposed to match your personality and stuff," Anakin said. "She said something about not being afraid of going dark, but she didn't say more."
When she had come out of the caves of Ilum she had been very shaken and had seemed even more so when the sabre had turned out to be the same colour as a darksider's eyes. "I would guess she had a vision. You may or you may not. It is not predictable. What you will need to do is use the Force and let it lead you to your crystal or crystals."
"You're getting a crystal too though, right?" Anakin asked him.
Obi-Wan smiled at his apprentice. "Yes, I will be getting a crystal for myself." He made an abortive motion to tug on a padawan braid that wasn't there.
Anakin may not have been a master of subtleties, but he was still capable of observing repeated motions. "Why do you keep doing that with your hand?"
"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said, "It's . . . I suppose not habit, but . . . in the Temple, when an initiate becomes a padawan their hair is given a specific cut and a braid. The braid is a symbol of padawan status. It's . . . traditional for a master to tug on their padawan's braid at times. As a gentle reminder to be polite or if some other extremely minor infraction has occurred. I suppose as I am mostly treating you as a padawan I keep expecting you to have one." He sighed regretfully. "One also adds beads and certain coloured threads in time to indicate certain achievements."
Just then they arrived at the ancient temple and made their way inside. The guardian was welcoming and when Obi-Wan indicated he was the person who had asked permission to enter the labyrinth beneath the temple in search of kyber they were both ushered down. At the entrance, Obi-Wan turned to Anakin. "Now, reach out to the Force and let it lead you where you need to be. If you can't seem to determine a direction, take a moment to meditate on the question."
Anakin nodded at his teacher and closed his eyes a moment, taking a deep breath as he did so. He centred himself, then reached out, looking for something that was maybe supposed to be part of him, or that vibrated with his sense of Self. His eyes snapped open and he found himself already walking deeper into the caves. It really did feel a little like a tiny piece of himself was waiting for him. Maybe not of himself, but that was connected to him. Like his mom, or maybe more the way Padmé felt the few times they'd been in the same room. Like there was potential for him to connect as deeply as to his mother.
He entered a chamber and that was when it happened. He was faced with twin men, maybe in their late teens or early twenties. One was dressed like a Jedi, the other was all in black and had eyes that were darksider yellow. "You have come far," said the Jedi, "But your path is longer still. You must consider your attachment to material things and people."
The other spoke. "Or you could reach for power instead." He smirked at the Jedi. "The power to free the slaves and destroy the Hutts and Zygerrians."
"Destruction as an end should not be sought by one with our abilities," responded the Jedi calmly. "By seeking destruction you will lose yourself."
The darksider shot a disgusted look at his twin. "By sitting in a tower serenely doing nothing you can lose yourself to contemplative navel-gazing."
The men looked so familiar and Anakin suddenly understood why. "You're a vision of possible mes," he said in sudden understanding.
"You must see your way forward," said the Jedi. "To do as the Force wills."
Mockingly, the darksider said, "Or you could make your way forward and have the Force do as you will."
And if he had to choose, he would choose the Jedi, Anakin thought, but did he have to choose? Cara had been a darksider and it had clearly been awful in a lot of ways. Obi-Wan had been a Jedi, but everything Anakin heard told him he didn't want to be that either. That had been the point of the Association. He looked at them and said firmly, "I don't have to listen to the Force to make my own choices, and I don't have to use the Force to make things happen. It's an energy field, not a person." He recalled something he'd once read. "I make my decisions, I reap my rewards and I face my consequences."
Then he walked forward, ignoring both extremes and . . . suddenly he was holding a kyber crystal that hummed in his hand and right through his bones.
Obi-Wan, despite knowing he should be meditating on his crystal, watched Anakin and felt a moment of envy that he had to release into the Force when he saw his student close his eyes for only a second and then practically stride off as though pulled by a magnet. He never had it that easy. He let the envy go because he knew he was better than that and settled into a light meditation, throwing a query to the Force to lead him to a new crystal.
The answer came quickly enough and Obi-Wan followed the call down a twisting passage, through this turn and that, eventually finding a chamber filled with crystals. He stepped forward and then took a startled step back as an older, black-clad and yellow-eyed Anakin stood before him. "You know, the Temple doesn't accept older initiates for a reason." As if to emphasise his words, the image of Anakin lit a blood-red lightsabre, tilting it back and forth contemplatively, as though examining the light.
Then Shmi Skywalker was there, speaking in her calm, wise way. "If you walk away from him now, he need not learn those dangerous things."
Cara was suddenly by his side, a disquieting smile playing around her lips, her eyes glowing yellow. "I did pass along a few bad habits," she told him. "And you've been overconfident with my little tricks in the past."
And didn't that speak to the heart of why the Jedi trained how they did? Not to mention that Obi-Wan recalled his own anger when he was younger, the way masters had told him he wasn't ready, was too angry, could never be a good Jedi. He had left the Temple, what right did he have to be here?
But this wasn't a vision of the future, it was possibilities. More than that, it was his fears. Shmi would never say such a thing, and Anakin would try to move to free the slaves when he got older. This knowledge and training would as much prevent a Fall as it might cause it. Cara's well-worn path of fear and anger could be dangerous, but she had clearly worked to keep Anakin from that path. He could keep his student from falling into that trap. He might be overconfident, but he had his lesson in humility from the darksider Sabacc game and would remind himself of it as often as need be.
His decision reached, the two women disappeared from existence. Anakin flickered a moment, an open, smiling and thankfully blue-eyed man in front of him replacing the darksider before vanishing, and Obi-Wan spotted the sparkle of his crystal waiting in the back of the cave. When he reached for it he found it was two smaller crystals that fit together as though meant to be one.
He worked his way back out, emerging at the same time Anakin did. "Everything alright?" Obi-Wan asked him. The thirteen-year-old looked contemplative, which was a strange look for the usually non-introspective boy.
"Hmm?" Anakin seemed to pull his attention back to the moment with effort. "Oh. It's just . . . Cara once said that some things about knowing yourself or the Force can't be explained properly because you need to think them over and over. I think I just got what she meant."
With all of Cara and Anakin's determined pragmatism and opposition to the deeper spiritual aspects of the Force, it was something of a relief that she had at least attempted to pass along the notion that some lessons could only be learned through introspection. Still, "That sounds somewhat unlike her," Obi-Wan commented as they headed back up into the main temple.
"Sometimes some Jedi join up with the Association," Anakin said. "They'd be passing through and try to teach me stuff, but I never got what they were saying, so I'd ask Cara. She said that some of the reason they taught that way was probably that they'd never thought it could be taught any other way, and that they probably thought that they were things that had to be figured out like self-knowledge stuff needs to be worked out."
Not the way that Obi-Wan would have put it, but there was a reason why the choosing of a padawan was so individual. The master and padawan were to be matched in terms of how the student learned and how a teacher taught as much as in their personalities. "Some things do genuinely require one to consider the choices you make and the thoughts you have. Self-knowledge is important because you need to understand why you make the choices you do. Otherwise you run the risk of personal biases creeping in unintentionally or making decisions based on fears or anger or wants rather than based on facts and true need."
Anakin frowned in thought. "So . . . um . . . Cara and me've been working through my memories and stuff, and I guess that's the same."
"Some of it," Obi-Wan replied. "Though it is helpful to meditate not just on memories but on how you think in general."
The boy looked at his teacher and made a sudden decision. "Cara said you've been helping her with her really bad memories," he said. "I mean, she taught me how to do it for myself with the easier stuff, and let me do it with some of her . . . um . . . less bad ones."
Curious, Obi-Wan answered, "Yes," with a slightly questioning lilt at the end of the word.
"I want . . ." Anakin paused, hunting for what he wanted to say. "I trust Cara 'cause she's seen everything. Mostly. I just . . . I need you to understand why the slaves are so important." He looked at Obi-Wan anxiously.
Obi-Wan could feel his student's nerves and determination through the teaching bond, thought about all those times he'd wished he could at least properly try to make Qui-Gon understand his perspective. "When we are back at the ship, we can do so."
When the ship was locked and they were both settled, Obi-Wan sank into the Force, watching Anakin follow and then invite him past shields that were developing into the strong yet flexible barriers they needed to be. Anakin's mindscape bore some resemblance to Cara's, but his was a mostly well-put-together podracer with only some small areas of trouble. Then Anakin reached and they fell into a memory.
He was five and desperately trying to fix the door lock that had been broken by the latest fight that had broken out in Gardulla's audience chamber. He had to finish it before someone got angry and added to the bruises on his face and the stinging marks on his legs.
A shadow fell over him. He hadn't been fast enough.
The booming sound of Gardulla's voice, speaking Huttese, nonetheless startled him. "Bring the child as well as the mother. Perhaps he will work faster if he understands they both will be in trouble."
He was dragged in front of the giant slug and so was his mother. She was already tied down and Anakin desperately tried to look away because he didn't want to see his mom hurt. They didn't let him and he already knew enough not to close his eyes. The whip hissed through the air and then slammed into his mother's back. She let out a cry of pain and despite everything he knew, he couldn't help struggling, wanting to make them stop, wanting to make them hurt like his mother was.
It was like a curtain of red was descending over everything and he just knew if he could figure out how to use it he could make them stop.
His concentration was broken when a line of fire erupted in his own back.
He couldn't think and couldn't make himself do anything. The only thing that stayed in his mind was that he couldn't cry. They were being punished and wouldn't get any water that night, they had to be careful not to lose any more if they could help it.
Obi-Wan carefully tugged the boy out of the memory. "I will help you find a way," he promised. Anakin smiled tremulously back, and allowed his teacher to walk him through, to resolve the anger and fear and hatred and even the sense that if he'd only concentrated more he might have figured out how to use the Force to make it all stop.
Then Obi-Wan pulled him out of his own mind and into a set of austere, yet warm, quarters somewhere that felt serene and light. It took Anakin a moment to realise this was Obi-Wan's mindscape, and then he was dropped into a memory from his teacher.
It was from when Obi-Wan was thirteen, just like Anakin, and waking up after being kidnapped.
They relived the feeling of an explosive collar, a first night underground and the moment of despair upon realising the word 'slave' now applied to him. Chains and labour and the depths of the ocean where no sunlight penetrated.
And when the memory was over, Anakin knew how to help, knew just how much resistance or lack of resistance was reasonable, because slavery had been his life for so many years.
They both came out of the shared meditation and Anakin felt nothing but relief and understanding radiating from Obi-Wan, who actually understood and would help him.
He was thirteen and too old to do that sort of thing, but he did it anyway and flung himself at Obi-Wan, hugging him. "Thank you," he mumbled into his teacher's shoulder.
"You are always welcome, Ani," Obi-Wan told him. "And thank you as well."
