First chapter...Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Even though I want to, I don't own Osomatsu-san.


Beating Around the Bush

A glimpse of Osomatsu's current lifestyle.


It was about 4:45 in the morning.

The small light above the ceiling fan flickered dimly over the shabby, tattered one-room apartment. The occupant in the room, a man looking to be about in his early 40s, was still awake as he was looking over yesterday's newspaper, taking a few long breaths from the cigarette in his hand. The man took a quick glance at his watch and made an irritated huff.

"He's late," he muttered and took another puff of his cigarette.

A few minutes passed until the sound of a key unlocking the front door brought up the man's attention. The head of a young man slowly popped up, peeking into the room. When the boy spotted the occupant's annoyed face, he could only chuckle shyly as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. He was clutching a rather heavy bag close to his chest.

"Hehe...*pant*...S-sorry Tougou-sama…" he whispered at the older man. The young man looked exhausted as if he ran a marathon. He had his hoodie covering his face but the other man could see sweat drops falling from his chin. "H-had to…ah….take a different path and…*pant* God, stupid police...hold on."

The boy, too out of breath to speak, threw the bag haphazardly on the small coffee table where the man, Tougou, was seated by. He then walk tiredly to the kitchen grabbing himself a bottle of beer from the fridge. Popping open the bottle, he chugged down the drink in a fast and unmannerly fashion; a stream of the alcohol spilling on his hoodie. The man seemed pleased as he gave a sigh of satisfaction, wiping his mouth and beamed at the beer bottle. The older man just rolled his eyes and looked over at the bag on the table.

"It's fine," Tougou said in a disinterested voice. He put down the newspaper and moved over to the bag. "So how much did you get Osomatsu?"

Osomatsu removed the hood from his face and smiled proudly at Tougou. He walked over to Tougou and spread his arms out gesturing to the bag.

"See for yourself, Tougou-sama."

Tougou raised his eyebrow at Osomatsu in suspicion but then gave a long sigh and shook his head. He took the bag and dumped it's contents from onto the table.

"Hmm...a few wallets with a good amount of cash, a lot of jewelry...probably can make up about few 100s in US dough, and... a whole purse full of shit." He looked up at the boy. "Where did you go anyway?"

"Hehe, had to go to a city almost 3 hours away from here," Osomatsu answered, his index finger rubbing nose. "They've got this shady district which of course means a lot of illegal cash."

"Really, is that so?" Tougou looked at Osomatsu as if we were about to scold him.

"Oh, calm down Tougou-sama. Obviously, I made sure to stay away from the mafia, big gun type folks. The prostitutes and their pimps, one-man drug dealers, and a few innocent bystanders however...weren't so lucky." Osomatsu giggled to himself at what he just said.

"I see." Tougou blew a couple of puffs from his cigarette and his eyes moved slowly to Osomatsu's hoodie pocket. "Didn't get messy I hope?"

To reply, the boy just scoffed.

"Nah, they were easy. A whole lot of them were a bunch of cowards. Crying and begging for their lives, and pissing themselves from the sight of my knife." Osomatsu then pulled a clean knife from his hoodie pocket, waving it in the air dramatically.

"P-p-please don't hurt me! H-here's my money just don't kill me!" He mocked; mimicking his scarred victims' whimpers. " And wah wah wah! Cry cry cry! Yeah, so violence wasn't even needed. Thank goodness right?"

"Hmmm...didn't you mention something about the police?"

"Urgh, yeah…" Osomatsu groaned. He sat down next to Tougou, placing his knife on the table, and started examining the stolen objects. "Got a little ahead of myself outside the train station on the way back. A policeman was nearby, saw the knife, called for back up, y'know that shit."

"You stupid brat…" Tougou then proceeded to hit the top of the boy's head really hard.

"Ow!" Osomatsu began rubbing his head looking at the older man with a disappointed face similar to that of a child's. "That's gonna leave a huge bump Tougou-sama," he whined.

"Shut up," Tougou said putting out his cigarette in the ash tray. "You're lucky I didn't give you a black eye like last time. What did I tell you about stealing close to our place? I don't plan on moving again."

Osomatsu huffed. "I know I know! Sorry!" There was a slight pause between the two until the younger man began to inch closer to Tougou, looking at him with a devilish smile. "Soooooo…."

"What?" Tougou didn't bother to look over at the 18 year old. Instead, he had returned to his newspaper.

"Aww, don't be like that Tougou-sama," Osomatsu giggled, coming from behind Tougou and placing his hands on the man's shoulders. "C'mon, what do you think? Aside from the cops, I did pretty good tonight huh?"

Tougou shrugged the boy off of him and gave another long, irritated sigh.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied. That made Osomatsu puff his cheeks in a pout.

"Man, what's the matter Tougou-samaaaaa?"

Tougou glanced over at the now upset young man. "What are you going on about now?"

"You!" The boy pointed at the older man. "You keep sighing like that and acting so down lately. It's so annoying!"

"You give me good reason to."

"What? Why? Because I can do some great steals without any help whatsoever?" The boy said cheekily.

"Listen here cocky brat," Tougou growled, his attention now fully on Osomatsu. "You've been acting pretty damn reckless with your nighttime robberies-"

"Hey, I said I was sorry-"

"That's not the point you little shit. You're getting too use to this."

Both of them were now standing and glaring at each other. The older man now baring his shark-like teeth at the boy.

"I told you already that I'm fine. Besides, you're getting old and you can't move around as much as before!"

"Keep your damn voice down and I'm NOT that old-"

"Yeah you are! Remember what happened to your leg last time?"

"Kid, you're really testing me...What I'm saying is you shouldn't be doing this on your own." His voice was lowered; making sure no one but Osomatsu could hear. "You were only suppose to do a few SMALL robberies by yourself until I could take charge again."

"You're still in charge Tougou-sama! I'm just being a good partner while your leg-"

"My leg has been healed for a month now and you keep going off without my permission!"

"Now look who's the one shouting?!" Osomatsu was out of breath again. The boy was confused and exhaled tiredly. "I don't see what's the problem? What? Because you're worried that you're not there to keep an eye on me? I've told you a HUNDRED times that I'll keep my promise. We're PARTNERS remember?"

For a moment, there was silence between the two. After a few seconds, the hostility between the two began to slowly disappear as quickly as it came.

"If you're that upset about me going out without your approval, I'll ASK next time. There, problem solved! Man, you sure have some trust issues y'know."

Despite the boy's reassurance, Tougou looked incredibly dissatisfied. The older felt a migraine coming along and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"It's not that you idiot," the man aggressively whispered under his breath. "You don't need to-"

"Tougou-sama? Helloooo?" Osomatsu looked over at Tougou with puppy-dog eyes; clearly oblivious to what the older man said. "I'm sorry for being mad at you. Are we good?"

Tougou closed his eyes, taking a sharp intake of air and letting it out slowly. "Yeah, fine, whatever… Just go ahead and take your half of this," he said gesturing to the stolen loot. "Oh, better rest up now and be ready later today. I found OUR next target when I was reading the newspaper earlier."

Osomatsu perked up at the word 'target.' "Ooooh really?"

"Seems to promise a big load. Probably can last us a year or two if we're lucky. It's about 7 hours away. We'll be taking car so we'll have to leave around the afternoon if we want to make it there by nightfall. Now, hurry up and get your ass to bed."

Osomatsu began to smile from ear to ear and ran up to Tougou, giving him a short hug. "Okie dokie Tougou-sama!" He then knelt down to collect his share.

"And one more thing Osomatsu."

"Ye-" Suddenly Osomatsu was give a swift smack to the side of his head. "Ow! That hurt!"

"That's for even arguing with me and yelling at fucking 5 in the morning," he said as they now heard the loud banging and angry shouts of their neighbor.

"Hey! Will you two shut up?! I'm still sleeping here!"

Osomatsu could only rub the side of his hurt face and give a bashful grin at the unamused Tougou.

"Hehe…Oops?"