Author's Note: Hey guys, wow does time fly! I want to apologize for being silent since April. I have a lot on my plate right now, mainly school. I just started college for the first time this past fall, and let me tell you it is a crazy adjustment from high school. It has been hard keeping track of the work I need to do for my classes let alone find time to write for my stories. Now this chapter I actually had written for quite some time and hadn't posted it because I was focused on getting prepared to leave for school as well as I was kind of lazy and didn't feel like editing the chapter after I had written it, so again sorry. I do have half of next chapter written which is a plus, but I can't promise you guys a specific time and date it will be posted, as well as future updates. On top of that, I also find the problem that when I start jumping from show to show I end up getting inspired to write for those instead, leaving my past stories on the shelves for a bit. Right now my interests currently lay with the shows Ghost Whisperer and 9-1-1, which of course both have the amazing Jennifer Love Hewitt. If you haven't watched either of these shows I highly recommend both. Anyways, I just want to thank everyone who left a comment. It makes me so happy to know that everyone is enjoying the story so far.
Castlejune: I'm glad you like the altered dynamics, as I highly enjoy writing them. That is what I love most about writing this story so much, is being able to take storylines in the show and seeing how I can flip them and or make some my own.
Guest: I'm super sorry if I hadn't made this clear to you and every person reading this, but don't worry, there will be no romantic relationship with Brandon and Callie in this story. Sorry to those who do like Brandon and Callie together, but that is just something I personally didn't like about the show, especially when they kept dragging it on. I strictly see Brandon and Callie as siblings and best friends, that is it. So yeah, just for future warning, whenever there is a Callie and Brandon scene, which there is down below, the love he feels is brotherly and for her sisterly, don't look into that too deeply.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Fosters or any characters you recognize.
Callie found she couldn't really sleep that night, not that any other night is completely different, but she had this nagging feeling to go check on her brother. After spending almost two years making sure he was always safe and away from their foster parents' view, she wasn't used to being in separate rooms again. There was also the fact that Callie has had so many restless nights these past three months wondering if the next time she saw her brother would he be alive or in the ground; or if he would even be in the same foster home she had left him at.
Then to top of these last few months, there were yesterday's events.
Callie is sure seeing a gun waved around carelessly in front of your face wouldn't be a great memory, not that Jude hasn't already seen things that would probably haunt him for the rest of his life. It's different though, being smacked around and having a piece of metal waving around in your face that could end your existence in a heartbeat. It just wasn't something any 11 year old should have to go through, any person really, but Callie couldn't shake the imagine of Jude standing in that kitchen with her, his hands cupping his ears as his body trembled in her arms, neither of them sure how the next few seconds were going to unfold.
Not being able to wait any longer, Callie pulled back her covers and quietly tiptoed towards the bedroom door and slowly opened it. For a moment Callie cringes at herself, watching as Mariana tosses in her bed from the sudden creak of the door. The teen was still sound asleep though, and Callie couldn't help but smile that a door of all things could disturb Mariana's rest, yet she could sleep through her alarm clock and both of her moms yelling at her that it was time to get up.
Gently closing the door behind her, Callie heads towards her brother's room and peeks in through the small crack the door was left open. Jude is fast asleep on his bed, his tiny arm dangling off the side of the mattress. He looks rather peaceful considering everything that has happened these past couple months—years even.
Callie knows Jude though.
The only reason he is sleeping so soundly tonight is because he knows they are safe. Even if they don't have that forever Callie is glad Jude can relax for a moment and actually be an 11 year old boy.
Seeing her brother sleeping peacefully lifts some weight off the brunette's shoulders, but even so Callie isn't quite ready to head back to bed. She was well aware of what awaited her there. So Callie makes a quick decision and walks downstairs and into the kitchen.
The kitchen is almost pitch black except for the small beams of moonlight that spill through the windows above the sink. Her right hand hovers above the lightswitch but decides against it. Callie didn't want to risk waking up Stef or Lena by turning the light on, so instead she allows the moon to be the only light in the room, and takes a seat at the kitchen island resting her head in her arms.
This past day and a half has been crazier than Callie could have ever dreamed, and after all these hours her head feels somewhat clearer and her mind feels like it can finally process her recent actions.
For one, she hadn't expected Lena to be waiting outside the gates for her and then bring her here. How was it that one minute she was on the floor getting the life beaten out of her for sticking up for herself, and the next she was standing in her former foster dad's kitchen as he waved a gun around as if it were some toy. When the hell had he even gotten a gun?
Has Jim always owned one?
Callie knows one thing for sure though, Jim didn't need a gun to hurt someone when he did just well with his fists. If Stef hadn't found the trio Callie is sure one of the three siblings would be rolled out in a body bag, because Pearson had been that crazy. He wouldn't have cared either—Callie could still hear his voice even after all this time, "No one would care what happened to you, you're a foster kid. You don't have anyone." She knew that wasn't totally true though, although she would be lying if she said it didn't bother her just a little. She knew she had Jude though, Jude would care. And to be honest, Jude is all she needs, just as well as he needs her.
Which is why Callie felt extremely guilty for ending up in Juvie in the first place, because that meant Jude had to spend an extra three months living with that abusive man alone. While she had only lived there for three months herself with him, Callie knew just how much danger her brother was in. Hell, she could still practically feel the man's hand gripping her right arm tight enough to leave his handprint for weeks, or the bruise she had received on her thigh when Jim got so angry he threw a plate at her.
And now, to top everything off, she had taken Mariana to go get Jude out of that house. What the hell had she been thinking? Callie knew how dangerous her former foster father had been and she had led her foster sibling into the line of a gun. What if Mariana had been shot? What if she had died?
While Callie didn't for one second regret going straight for Jude, she did regret going with the plan she had. She should have just told Lena in the car on the way back to the house or let Mariana call Stef, who she doesn't doubt would have dropped everything to go rescue Jude the minute she received the call. But then there was still Brandon, and why did he have to suffer because of an abusive middle aged man he had never met before.
Why does she keep making these stupid mistakes? Why couldn't she seem to stop bringing trouble to people around her wherever she went?
"Couldn't sleep?" Callie's head shot up in the now lit up kitchen, Brandon standing at the doorway. "Oh, uh, hey. What are you doing up?"
"Thirsty. If you were down here why didn't you turn on the lights?" Brandon made his way over to the cabinet that held their cups and snatched a glass off the shelf, filling it up halfway from the tap. He took a sip then sat down next to Callie. "I didn't want to wake anyone up."
"Oh." A long silence settled between them and Brandon took a few more sips of his water. "Are you okay? You know, after what happened earlier. We really didn't talk that much after you got back." Callie gave him a small smile, resting her cheek on her left hand. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've seen a lot worse, but I um...I'm really sorry I took Mariana with me. I knew how dangerous that man was and...she could have….you know...gotten really hurt."
"That's not what I heard. Mariana said she wanted to go with you." Callie looked at Brandon shaking her head. "Yeah, but I shouldn't have let her go with me. I should have made her stay here and went by myself."
"Callie, we both know once Mariana makes her mind up there's no going back. She wanted to help Jude get out of that house as much as you did, and to be honest if it were me I would have gone with you too."
"I wouldn't have let you."
"Just like you didn't let Mariana? Look, what you guys did was extremely dangerous and yes there could have been a worse outcome, but did you force Mariana to get on that bus?"
"No."
"And did you bring Mariana into that guy's house with you?" Callie rubbed the sides of her head not wanting to think of another version of herself allowing Mariana to step foot into that home. "God, of course not. I told her that no matter what happened she was to stay outside and in the front yard. I can't believe she knocked on his door after I told her what he did to Jude."
"See," Brandon said. "Mariana chose to get on that bus, she chose to knock on that man's door, and she chose to step into that house. You can't beat yourself up for something that was out of your control." Callie shot him a sad smile, her eyes watering. "It just isn't that simple."
Brandon could sense Callie wasn't really up for discussing this topic farther, so he dumped the rest of his water down the sink and rinsed the glass out putting it back where it belonged. "You know I'm sure you heard this a lot today, but I just want you to know that I really missed you Callie."
He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before flicking the kitchen light back off, leaving Callie where he had first found her.
Callie opened her eyes, for a moment, confused where she was. "Hey love, good morning." Callie stretched, realizing she was still in the kitchen sitting at the table island they always ate at. She must have fallen asleep at the table a little after Brandon had left. "Mmm...good morning," she replied to Stef. The woman stood next to her in her police uniform looking worried. "You okay? Why were you asleep at the kitchen table?"
"I couldn't sleep last night so I came downstairs. I guess I fell asleep at the table." Stef watched as Callie rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, well aware that the girl hadn't answered her first question. "Well alright. Since you're awake why don't you go get dressed and join us for breakfast. Everyone else is already up and should be down soon."
"Yeah, sure." Callie headed for the stairs greeting Lena as the woman came strolling down past her. Lena made her way into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee, leaning against the counter as Stef flipped a pancake in a pan on the stove. "So I found Callie asleep this morning at the table. It took calling her name 5 times to get her up."
"Why was she sleeping downstairs?" Lena asked, blowing on her coffee and taking a small sip. "She said she couldn't sleep, but I'm worried." Lena placed her cup down and patted Stef's back before going to the fridge and taking out the carton of orange juice. "Callie has had it rough these past couple months, and last night probably didn't help either. I think we just need to give her time to readjust to living here."
"And that's the problem." Stef sighed, scooping the cooked pancake out of the pan and placing it with the others on a large plate. "Callie shouldn't have to get used to readjusting to living here because she is our daughter and this is her home. She lived here for three years. We spent all that time trying to make sure she felt loved and safe and even getting her to trust us. She spends a year and a half in the foster care system and suddenly three years of hard work goes down the drain. She doesn't even see us as her parents anymore, Lena. Last night after we brought her home I asked if she needed something and she said I'm okay Stef. Not once have I ever hated being called Stef by someone until yesterday."
Lena sighed, pulling Stef in for a hug. "I understand that. On the drive back to the house the other day it hit me too, that she called me Lena instead of mama. But, Stef, you should have seen Callie's face when I saw her walk through those gates. When she saw me it was like, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. It is going to take some time for her to readjust, but for everyone else in the house as well. Callie is 15 now, not the 12 year old girl we last knew. The most important thing to look at at this moment is we have her back with us, we have both Callie and Jude back safe and sound. Right now all we can do is focus on moving forward with them."
"I know, you're right. I'm just glad Jude is the same." Lena smiled, "Almost like he never left."
At that moment, Jude came walking into the kitchen, a smile on his own face as he noticed his two mothers. Stef and Lena couldn't help but share a look filled with love for their youngest child. "Hey there buddy," Stef greeted him. "How did you sleep last night?"
"Great. I like sleeping with Jesus again, I missed him as a roommate." Lena laughed, thinking how Jesus, even as much as he missed Jude, loved having his personal space. "I'm sure he loves having you back too, bubba." Stef scooped a few pancakes onto his plate while Jude poured himself a glass of orange juice.
The rest of the children came venturing in about a minute later, everyone sitting down in their normal spots. The plate full of pancakes was passed around, Jesus taking a few more than he probably should have, as Mariana complained about getting the last of the orange juice and how there was barely any left for her. Again.
Brandon grinned, while Jesus told her she should try to focus on being the first one downstairs one day instead of focusing on how perfect her hair looked when she walked out the front door. Mariana rolled her eyes and chose to ignore his comment, instead taking a bite from her pancake.
They all ate in silence for a few minutes before Mariana eventually broke it, not being able to contain her excitement any longer. "So is nobody else going to acknowledge the fact that, for the first time in three years, we are sitting down and eating breakfast as a whole family?!"
The rest of the family seemed to slowly come to the same realization as Mariana, as each set of eyes looked up and around the table.
This technically is their first complete family meal in three years, isn't it?
"Mariana is right." Lena set her cup of orange juice down and cupped her hands together. "This is a special occasion. I think tonight we should have a special dinner, Callie and Jude's pick. What do you guys say?"
Callie and Jude looked at each other, Callie already knowing what her brother really wanted. "I'm fine with whatever Jude wants."
Jude's eyes lit up. "Tacos!" he practically shouted. The mothers laughed at the excited young boy, somehow knowing that would be his option. Stef is sure if it were up to Jude the family would be eating tacos every day for dinner. Tacos became his favorite meal when he was 7 years old and apparently it hadn't changed.
"Well, Tacos it is," Lena announced. The rest of the siblings seemed satisfied with that answer, and about a minute later Mariana started talking about this new boy who just enrolled at anchor beach, Chase, and how he was already a part of the theater crowd—which according to Mariana, a hard crowd to be apart of since no one really understood the value of acting.
Callie wasn't really listening though, but rather looking at the people who sat all around her. She never thought she would get this back. It was comfortable, and just the thought of being able to sit back and possibly get to be a 15 year old girl, a teenager, and nothing else seemed amazing; no longer would Callie have to be a mother, or a caregiver, and certainly not a bodyguard.
Maybe Callie had been over dramatic yesterday, maybe the Fosters really did still want the Jacob siblings, and maybe things won't be so bad after all.
Things were bad, so very bad.
Callie felt as if she were drowning, like no matter how hard she tried she just couldn't get enough air in her lungs—and Callie wasn't new to that feeling either.
Twice Callie had come close to drowning in her life.
The first time was when she was 2 years old. Her grandmother on her dad's side had been watching over her one day while her parents were working. Callie was playing outside by the pool near the shallow end at the stairs with her water toys, when her grandma stepped inside to answer the phone. The woman had only been gone for maybe less than a minute, but came back to find Callie flailing in the water attempting to keep herself afloat. She dived in and pulled her out, but Callie had not been in the water long so no real harm was done.
Her grandmother stopped coming around after that, and not long after apparently had passed away according to what her father had told her.
The second time Callie came close to drowning, she actually did. She was 4 years old when her mom and dad took a chance and bought a house with a pool. They had always been cautious after the first incident, but figuring she was old enough, and after many swimming lessons, knew how to float on her back just in case anything were to happen, it would make for the perfect home.
Jude had only been a couple of months old at the time and despite his cool and calm nature during the day, he cried all through the night. It used to keep her parents awake for hours which meant they barely got any sleep, and her mom would take a small cat nap whenever Callie took her nap during the day.
It was around the time Callie was supposed to take a nap that Callie, in fact, found her mother fast asleep on the couch—probably dozing off after another sleepless night.
Being a curious 4 year old and loving the outdoors, she slid open the backdoor that led straight to the pool. Callie started running around the pool, pretending she was a pirate and the pool was instead an ocean, when she accidentally slipped on the tiles hitting her head and falling into the deep end of the pool. Despite knowing how to float on her back she panicked having just hit her head and flailed for help just as she did when she was 2.
The next thing Callie knew she was in an ambulance on her way to the hospital. Apparently her mom found her floating in the pool after waking up and hearing the pool alarm go off.
It took Callie about two years to go swimming again.
Callie knew exactly what it felt like to drown, and while she had been very young, that feeling of helplessness had never gone away. It's like sometimes she still feels like that 4 year old girl attempting to breathe, but only receives lungs full of water instead.
And that's exactly how she felt now.
She was once again in a pool, or maybe it was the ocean with how far the water seemed to stretch, flailing to stay afloat. It seemed strange that she was struggling to swim, when she had learned years ago, when her mother was still alive, how to swim. But at this moment, it was like her brain and body were two different things. No matter how hard Callie tried to remember how to move her arms and legs to help her head stay above water, she just couldn't.
With one final gasp for air, water poured into her mouth and involuntarily invaded her throat. She choked on it, slowly sinking farther and farther in the rest of the water around her. The farther she went the darker it got. All she wanted was her mom, but that wasn't an option when Callie had no clue where she is and was probably about to die. Her eyes started to flutter shut, and right when Callie thought that was it, she gasped awake, her arms and legs kicking at something solid on her bed.
"Callie sweets, it's just me. It's mom. You're okay, it's okay." Stef turned on Callie's lamp, both enveloped in a soft yellow light. She can't help but stare at her 11 year old daughter worried—Callie hadn't had a nightmare this bad in months.
Callie on the other hand stopped thrashing around after hearing her mother's voice, but was still sobbing significantly. How many more times in her life would she have to endure the feeling of what it felt to slowly die by the hands of water?
"M...mom?" Callie knows it's her, knows Stef is sitting right in front of her and rubbing small circles on her left hand, but she has to ask just to make sure she isn't still dreaming. "Yeah, baby," Stef replies. "It's me. And everything is okay, you were just having a nightmare."
It didn't feel like a nightmare, and how could it when she had experienced it for real before. It did seem a little silly that she was holding onto the memory of her drowning when she was 4, because honestly she couldn't remember everything as she did die and was brought back to life. Callie knows while that's where her small fear of swimming had rooted itself in her brain, it was actually the camping trip the family just took that triggered the dream.
As if on cue, her mom spoke up. "Do you want to talk about it?" She pulled Callie in for a hug and kept her there. "Not really."
"Are you sure? It might make you feel better." Callie wasn't so sure about that. It might make her feel worse because someone else would be walking around knowing she was afraid of something as silly as water above all things.
But this is her mother. Stef would never hurt her own daughter intentionally.
"I...I was drowning. I couldn't b...brea...breathe." She could feel the tears spring back to her eyes and tried her best at keeping them in. If she started sobbing again there would be no way this dream would be talked out. "I forgot how to swim...and I, I could feel the water…" there was nothing else to be told really. She's sure Stef understood what she meant.
"Oh, love. I'm sorry, but remember it was just a nightmare. We wouldn't let anything like that happen to you." Stef ran her fingers through Callie's hair, pulling Callie in for a side hug with her right arm.
"You can't promise that." Stef looked down at her daughter slightly confused. "What?"
"You can't p...promise me you can k...keep me safe." Stef sighed, this dream had done a real number tonight. "You're right, I can't promise to keep you safe from every danger of this world, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."
Callie knew that, which is why she loves Stef and Lena so much, because no matter what they are willing to go through hell and back for their children.
That was exactly what Callie needed to hear to keep her fears at bay and after a few minutes of silence she completely calmed down. Stef was about to suggest they both get some sleep when Callie's young voice filled the air, her voice so quiet that Stef was sure Callie would leave the subject alone if her mother hadn't heard her the first time. "I drowned twice before."
"Wha...what?" Stef didn't like the sound of that. She didn't want to ever picture a young Callie being helpless to keep herself afloat. "The reason I had that reaction at the lake today wasn't because I fell into the water when I was 2, I had been really lucky then. When I was 4 years old I slipped into the deep end of my parent's pool. I knew how to float on my back to the shallow end so I could get out of the water if anything like that had ever happened again to me, but when I slipped...I fell and hit my head and panicked. The paramedics brought me back to life in the ambulance…at least that's what my mom had said. I can't really remember much, but that's why I hesitated when everyone wanted to go swimming for the first time, and that's why I panicked when Jesus shoved my head under the water. I just don't know why I can't get over it, it's so stupid. I was 4 years old when it happened."
"Hey, don't you say that." Stef gently titled Callie's chin up, forcing her daughter to look at her face. "Being afraid of something isn't stupid, no matter when it happened. Being scared doesn't show weakness Callie, it shows great strength. Not many people are able to voice their fears like you just did, and I'm so glad you shared this with me, love. Sharing things like this means it takes a weight off your shoulders, and you never have to venture anywhere like that alone again. That's why we have people we love. They are always there to reassure us during the tough times."
Callie could barely form the words of gratitude toward this woman. She never thought she'd have a mom again in her life, let alone two, who would fight for her and protect her just as much her birth mom had. Stef never failed to amaze Callie and somehow found everyday she loved this woman more and more. "Thanks mom." Callie leapt into the blonde's arms, not wasting a second to show her mother how much she meant to her in this moment. "I love you, so so much. Both you and mama."
"And we love you sweets, more than you'll ever know."
Author's Note: So i'm going to be honest, I, again, was kind of unsure about the flashback I wrote here. It was definitely an in the moment thing which I thought would be fun to connect to a later flashback. I like it and I kind of don't, but hey, we are just going to roll with it and see where it leads us. Please tell me what you thought. Also, sorry for any grammar mistakes you may have just read and totally bugged you. I am literally editing this at 6:30 in the morning. I hope everything actually made sense, lol. Until next update my friends!
