Nothing, he wanted to say.

Nothing.

He had not protected her.

He had not been the one to kill Cancer that fateful day.

He had not been present when she had taken a tumble only a few cycles ago.

Nothing.

So, he said nothing as shame built in his body like pressure inside of a canister filled with oxygen.

AE-3803 stood in front of him, her hands atop her hips while a frown painted her pursed lips. Seeing her like that… It confused 1146, but caused him great alarm, though.

In all the time that he had spent on her, all those times that he had spotted her during some of her deliveries and throughout their conversations… she had never, not even once, had looked at him with such anger and disappointment. As a cell who prided himself on being perfect, of being the sort of cell that would willingly do anything for the body, now all he had one desire.

He wanted to have 3803's features to return to their normally cheery disposition.

It was 3803 who spoke up first.

Unlike her usual display of cheeriness or her calm, polite manner of speaking when they had first met, her words were harsh. Unguided. Completely irrational.

Yet, it was still unmistakably, undeniably her.

"How long have you been planning on talking to that poor normal cell?" She stalked towards him, her movements, while not as lithe or as graceful as a seasoned warrior's, struck enough fear into 1146's very being. Her golden eyes flashed as she finally reached his form and as she poked him hard on the chest. "Answer me, U-1146. How long?"

1146 swallowed and looked away from the questioning redhead. He didn't want to admit it, but he had felt his organelles constrict and his heart wilt a little at his full designation and rank instead of her usual moniker for him.

"I just… I happened across the normal cell today." It wasn't technically a lie. He had been commissioned by AA-5100 to seek out AE-3803 and that had been the catalyst for this cycle's events. What he hadn't counted on was actually coming across the former cancerous cell—that was simply coincidence! "Miss AA-5100 told me to go see you… I think she's worried about you."

For the first time since 1146 had seen her in the cafe, 3803 softened and her demeanor dropped slightly. When she spoke, her voice wavered, as if suddenly realizing the consequences of her actions that have been mounting through the past several cycles.

"She is?" 3803 clenched her fists at her sides, her voice coming out in a low croak in her throat. "Why would… I'm fine! I'm always doing fine!"

1146 stepped closer to the red blood cell, careful to keep his steps light, but present all the same. He wanted to make sure that she could still hear him, but he didn't want to be loud enough so that she couldn't keep track of his movements if she wanted. After all, after that… incident, he never wanted to make her feel helpless ever again.

Her weight in his arms after all those cycles of not eating, of not receiving the sustenance that she needed….

"No one said that you weren't," he tried to soothe.

Awkwardly, he raised his hands up and slowly settled them on her shoulders. He had allowed enough time for her to acknowledge him and if she had given the slightest hint that she didn't want him to do so, he would have definitely let her be. However, she stayed perfectly still in his touch. Not rigid, per se, but she stood still, but hunched over as her hands settled over the lids of her eyes.

For a moment, in the midst of the bustling populace, both of the cells were all alone.

There was no body.

No duties.

No looming threat of a cell that was long gone and dead.

Recalling the sight of macrophages trying to soothe young erythroblasts and his own memories of his mentor trying to calm down hysterical young cells, he began to rub circles up and down her back. At first, he might have used just a little more pressure than was probably necessary because she slightly adjusted herself so that he wasn't pressing hard on her, but eventually, 1146 mastered the art of soothing the cries of her shuddering body.

"I'm just… Doesn't anybody trust me? My mentor, the macrophages, even you… Does anyone have faith that I can actually do one thing right?" Abruptly, she pushed 1146 away. Out of respect for her, 1146 allowed her to leave his side—even if his hands twitched to bring her close to him again. Her warmth was… almost addicting.

"Miss Red Blood—" 1146 tried to soothe again, but the erythrocyte looked up at him, eyes filled with betrayal and—

"You're crying," 1146 whispered. Immediately, his face fell and his body seemed to go limp against the wall as he thought about his next move. What should he do? "Please… don't—"

3803 rounded upon him, her tears falling without interference. As her tears fell down her plump cheeks, she moved forward and wiped her tears away with the back of her hands.

"Don't tell me what to do. Don't you dare tell me what to do when you have not been giving me a choice for so long."

1146 panicked. What did she mean? He had given her space, had made sure that she was protected and safe while she was on her deliveries. He had even gone as far as to ponder the idea of eliminating NC-1998 if it ever came down to it. Of course, he would have advised her to change routes or perhaps he would have made sure that the former cancer cell would have never gotten in her way ever again. Killing NC-1998 was always a last resort if she so wished it.

He would have promised her that.

If he wasn't so dutiful towards the body, he would have went against protocol.

Just for her.

So why was she thinking that everyone thought that she could do nothing for herself? That she wasn't worth the trust of those who would lay their lives on the line for her?

Where was she getting all of these ideas?

In fact, perhaps he should find those cells who would dare say such things or have insinuated those things and—

"Even now, you're thinking of ways to help me. It's ironic," 3803 continued to swipe at her tears. A bitter, biting smile appeared on her lips, which bared the tips of her teeth. "You want to know why, Mr. Neutrophil?"

Despite his inability to answer, 1146 nodded slowly.

"Because even though I was speaking, you were clearly thinking of ways to save or help me even thought I haven't asked for it. Do you know how many times I've looked over my shoulder these past few cycles?"

1146 didn't answer.

Those times that he had sometimes spied her among the crowd… He hadn't meant to be there… but he had chosen to follow her sometimes to make sure that she wouldn't fall into the same trap that had been presented before her in the past. It was well within his rights to protect her to the best of his ability because…

That was his job, wasn't it?

He was supposed to be a professional and taking preemptive measures was something that should have been practiced more often so that certain incidents would have never come into fruition.

He was just doing his job.

He was protecting his friend.

If the two didn't cancel each other out or interfere with each other, then he was free to do so, correct?

But…

His logic seemed to fall flat as he watched 3803's face watch his. There was a knowing look in her eyes, as if she could see how he was justifying things to himself.

"I've… I've seen you sometimes in the crowd," he murmured. He looked askance, slightly feeling off knowing that 3803 must have not felt as… protected as he thought she must have felt whenever he was doing his "duties". Had he thought wrong? "B-but, I've only followed you a few times—"

That caught 3803's attention.

"So… it's true." Her face fell forward as her bangs fell onto her eyes, obscuring not only her vision, but 1146's view of her golden eyes. "I thought that the feeling of being watched was only paranoia, but you actually went ahead against my wishes." She raised her head and faced him head on. "Who else, Mr. Neutrophil? Did any of your friends follow me around as well? Did any of my colleagues do the same?"

With each damning question, 1146 felt his legs go weak, his mind becoming numb.

"I—"

But that was the thing that 1146 didn't want to admit. Amidst his concerns for his dear friend… he hadn't paid much mind to his fellow colleagues and friends. His mind had been completely centered on only her, that he hadn't been keeping up to date with his friends.

In fact, when he had been talking to U-2001 earlier that cycle, that had been the first time in a long time since he had talked to anybody…

What was wrong with him?

Surrendering to her piercing golden eyes and his internal want of trying to make things right again, he sunk down against the wall and brought both his hands to massage the temples at the sides of his face. Was he trying to wage war against his headache that was steadily mounting in strength? Or was he too guilt ridden to face her? 1146 didn't want to know.

"I'm not sure about the others… but I have been watching you, but never because I planned it!"

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Is that supposed to make up for all those times when I lost sleep? Is that supposed to make up for the times where I had to live through the paranoia that NC-1998 might not actually have a benign mutation?" 3803 shook her head, seemingly disgusted with herself and with 1146.

"Miss—"

"I put my faith in you. I—" She placed a hand over her chest. "—trusted you and now? I don't know what to think."

1146 looked up at her, his guilt encompassing his very being.

Was this what it felt like to truly fail? Throughout all of his time as a white blood cell, even when he was still toddling about with a plain wooden knife as a myelocyte, he had never encountered failure. He had made mistakes, yes, but he was a quick learner.

You had to be if you were supposed to be one of the main defense mechanisms for the body.

You had to be quick on your feet, quicker to use your wits and your brain in certain circumstances.

The fact of the matter was this: U-1146 was not accustomed to failure.

He was not prepared for the deluge of wrongness, of guilt that consumed his very being. He felt that his entire body was being submerged within the waters of the body, that he was being dragged down into the depths of his consciousness, drowning in the words that 3803 had seen fit to gift him. As 1146 looked up at 3803, he couldn't help but reach out for her. His gloved hand barely grazed her elbow, but she stepped away from him, fully ensconced in her own feelings—rightfully felt and within her own purview of justice to be sure—but he still couldn't help but feel so terrible.

Perhaps he deserved this.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of trying to right his breathing and come up with a reason why she could trust him again, the erythrocyte finally spoke again. She righted herself, stood tall, and with determination in her eyes, she faced the neutrophil.

He held his breath.

Opened his eyes wide.

"Mr. Neutrophil, I thank you for your concern and I respect what lengths you have to go through to protect the body. However—" Here, 1146 huddled into himself, not wanting to see her accusatory glare on his face upon him again. "—I ask that until I specifically request it, I don't want to ever see you again."

1146 didn't know what to say.

A deluge of half spoken words and apologies fell from his mouth, but 3803 waved them away with the imperiousness that could only come from a deep seated confidence within herself that 1146 had not seen or had neglected to acknowledge… That thought pained him.

How much had he willingly ignored in lieu of trying to do things for her even though she could have done things herself?

Had he lost her?

Or worse, had he lost himself?

Finally, the deluge stopped and he bowed his head low.

"If that is what you wish, Miss Red Blood Cell."

When he raised his head again, he found that she was long gone.

The taste of bile and guilt built up.

This was… This was definitely the feeling of failure.

Inside of his uniform breast pocket, the handkerchief that he was supposed to gift the red blood cell stung like an open wound. !