Hope everyone's been doing alright ^^
Let's Agree to Disagree
Two brothers have a discussion... or perhaps an argument.
Choromatsu continued to stare daggers into him. For a moment, Karamatsu's confused mind could do nothing more than to just panic. Quickly trying to swallow the lump in his throat, he took a step forward and opened his mouth.
"Choromatsu, listen-"
However, Choromatsu was not having it.
"Don't you 'Choromatsu, listen' me!" the younger brother shouted, taking a step back repulsed. He clenched his fists hard at his sides, baring his teeth at the elder. "Who is that guy anyways? He looks exactly like us!"
Karamatsu flinched. He had a lot of questions he wanted to ask. He really wanted to know how Choromatsu even found out about Osomatsu in the first place. Was it Todomatsu? Dekapan? He couldn't deny that the situation he had found himself in was incredibly unlucky and equally frustrating.
It was only a few hours ago that things were manageable. It was something Karamastu could handle. Remembering how Osomatsu had reassured him and taking some of the heaviness and stress out of him.
'I guess it would be easier dealin' with one thing at a time right? '
But the moment Choromatsu spoke- standing in front of him, confronting him with that one question- all the feelings of security and reassurances shattered in an instance.
He really wished that he had been given the time like expected. The much needed time like he had hoped for. Especially after such a very, very long day, Karamatsu felt like he at least deserved a nice rest. Why did things never go his way?
But it hardly even mattered now. When Choromatsu got like this, he had no choice but to do something. Simply telling the brother to leave it for the morning was definitely not the favorable option.
More importantly, he just needed to calm the other down first.
"I know, I know. Choromatsu, please just-"
Unfortunately, much to Karamatsu's chagrin, Choromatsu continued on his tirade.
"When were you going to tell me? Were you even going to tell me at all?!"
"Of course we were!" Karamatsu tried to defend himself. "We just wanted to give some time beforehand since-"
"We? WE?! So the others do know about this! No wonder you all have been acting strange. Oh, that makes perfect sense now. I bet you also told Todomatsu about all this before even me. Are you kidding me, Karamatsu?"
Karamatsu couldn't help but feel the immense sense of guilt looking at the anger and betrayal in his brother's eyes.
However, the more Choromatsu screamed, the more the older brother began to worry. A creeping dreadful fear started to inch it's way closer towards him. If only Choromatsu could calm down and let him explain the situation.
If things continued to escalate this quickly, then…
"I didn't tell him!" Karamatsu quickly replied, now desperately trying to get through to Choromatsu. "He was the one who found him! It was only by chance the others and I-!"
"And yet, you still didn't even let me in on this when you did find out?!" Choromatsu's heavy breathing began to quicken; eyes widening and shoulders shaking.
"I swear to you Choromatsu!" Karamatsu begged. "I was going to tell you! I swear! Just please, calm down and let me explain!"
But Choromatsu was no longer listening to him. No longer focusing on him. Choromatsu, instead, was staring down at his feet, as if he was somewhere else.
He wore an unhinged grin on his face.
"I can't believe it…" His voice was soft and hushed. "Is he… Is he really...? So he's alive? He's alive-!"
"Choromatsu…?"
Choromatsu kept muttering to himself.
"No… No, he can't be… But if he is… then… then I… I…"
The grin then disappeared. A scared, almost devastating look morphed on Choromatsu's face as though the younger had started to slowly realize something absolutely terrifying.
Karamatsu knew that look anywhere.
"I… I-...*pant* oh god… *pant* oh god… OH GOD-!"
As soon as the short, heavy breaths and choking sounds started, Karamatsu closed the gap between him and his brother. He thought he heard some thumps upstairs but quickly ignored them, going over to Choromatsu's side.
Karamatsu frowned, biting his bottom lip as he saw Choromatsu crying and gasping for air.
He knew it.
He knew this information was too much for Choromatsu. It had been a few months since Choromatsu's last panic attack. That time, it was a big one. The unpleasant memories were still fresh in the older brother's mind.
When Choromatsu got like this, it was usually Karamatsu or their parents who had to reel him back in.
Karamatsu hated when he was the one to do it.
Steeling himself, Karamatsu firmly took a hold of his brother's face in his hands.
"Hey." Karamatsu said urgently, trying to maintain a calm and clear voice despite the fear inside him. "Hey Choromatsu, breathe. You need to breathe."
The other shook his head within Karamatsu's grasp.
"O-Oso…*pant* Osoma... Nii-...No *gasp*...no….no..."
"Breathe Choromatsu. Breathe. Count with me, okay? 1, 2, 3, In… 1, 2, 3, Out…"
Karamatsu began to count out loud, watching Choromatsu carefully.
"1, 2, 3, In … 1, 2, 3, Out…"
He kept repeating this action for what seemed like forever until he noticed Choromatsu closing his eyes. The younger slowly, but finally, followed Karamatsu counting; inhaling and exhaling shakingly in time with him.
Karamatsu wanted to take a sigh of relief at that moment. He was never good at this but, he felt lucky that this current attack was managed and he seemed to calm Choromatsu down enough before it got any bigger. Unlike the last one.
If that did happen, Karamatsu would not know what to do.
He continued to count as Choromatsu started to calm down significantly. He was still shaking but his body slightly loosened under Karamastu's grip.
"That's good, Choromatsu." Karamatsu said reassuringly. He gave a rather strained smile at him, hoping it would make the mood in the room less uncomfortable. "Just like that."
Choromatsu kept his eyes closed; still focusing on his ragged breathing.
Karamatsu looked away and patiently waited for when the second ('or was he third now?' Karamatsu thought) son was ready. He noticed Choromatsu started to cough a bit. He guessed that the other's throat was probably a bit sore. Not wanting to leave his side, he scanned the room. Luckily, he spotted a half empty bottled water on top of the shelf nearby and picked it up.
He walked over to Choromatsu and handed him the bottle, which the other took gratefully; chugging almost all of it down.
"Do… do you want me to go and grab your pills?" Karamatsu asked, unsure of what to do next.
Choromatsu finally looked at him and glared.
"Don't you dare."
His voice was this still hoarse, but the threat was crystal clear. Karamatsu quickly nodded, giving the other teen some space.
Karamatsu stood there awkwardly in tense silence and waited; shifting his feet a little from side to side.
Choromatsu rubbed his face with his hands tiredly; his breathing began to regulate and only the soft sounds of his breathing bouncing off the palms of his hands could be heard.
His hands stilled and it suddenly became a little too quiet.
Anxiously, Karamatsu moved a bit closer. Through the openings between his brother's fingers, Karamatsu noticed the other's unfocused eyes staring off in the distance.
"Uh, Choromatsu?"
As if the life had returned to his pale face, Choromatsu dropped his hands to his sides and looked at Karamatsu almost confused.
"What?"
There was a pause before Choromatsu perked up a bit and shook his head slightly, waving his hand dismissively.
"Oh… yeah…"
He then stared over at Karamatsu solemnly. "Nii-san?"
"Yes?"
"Explain. Everything."
"You okay?" Karamatsu asked, concerned as he rubbed circles around a hunched over Choromatsu's back.
After Karamatsu recounted the events of what happened, Choromatsu's reaction was unsurprising.
"Do I look okay to you?" Choromatsu removed the hand from his mouth to stop dry heaving for a moment to snap back. With hot tears from his eyes, he looked down at the mess on the floor embarrassingly. His cheeks turned red as he used the back of his hand to wipe the corners of his mouth.
"I'll… clean that up."
"Let me help," Karamatsu said. He didn't wait for Choromatsu's response, walking to the kitchen and grabbing wet towels, a plastic basin with warm soapy water, and another bottled water.
Seeing him enter back into the room, Choromatsu gave a defeated sigh; taking a towel from Karamatsu's hands and kneeling down to clean his mess.
"I also have some more water if you need it," Karamatsu added, placing the bottle on the table before getting on his knees and helping out as well.
"Thanks," Choromatsu replied apathetically, continuing to focus his attention on the floor.
The two brothers spent the next few minutes cleaning up in silence.
"And…" Choromatsu bit his lip. "And you're sure the results were correct?"
Karamatsu simply nodded. "Yes."
"He really doesn't remember us? At all?"
"Yeah. We… just got to give it some time. Dekapan says."
"Mm. But he is okay, right?" Worry in Choromatsu's voice.
"For the most part, he seems to be doing well. Just sore."
"I see." Choromatsu looked down unconvinced, but nodded understandingly. "That's good..."
Karamatsu just stayed silent as he watched his brother carefully. The younger's frame didn't relax and his hands clenched the wet rag as he continued to forcefully scrub the now fairly clean carpet. His face getting more agitated as the silence between them continued. Karamatsu held his breath, waiting, until...
"...Goddammit…god- FUCK!" Choromatsu quickly stood up and threw the rag back into the basin with a large splash; dirty water accidently spilling onto the carpet. He looked down at Karamatsu almost accusingly. "Why? If Osomatsu Nii-san was alive all this time, we shouldn't have given up then. We should have tried harder. Kept going! We should have-"
"No, we couldn't have known that" Karamatsu answered with a stern voice, having expected this. "You know as well as I do that the investigation had been going on for almost 3 years and all we got for evidence was-... was…" He clicked his tongue. "There was little hope left. Makihara-san, Mom, and Dad… they told us-"
"YEAH WELL THEY WERE FUCKING WRONG KARAMATSU!" Choromatsu screamed. "We could have found Osomatsu Nii-san sooner if we had just not given up. Eight years… we left him alone. We shouldn't have abandoned him… "
"Choromatsu, we didn't know. We thought he was dead."
"But I-"
Karamatsu shook his head, annoyance and anger rising in him. He got up and glared at the younger.
"Listen!" Karamatsu growled. "WE were kids! YOU were in the hospital for weeks! Mom and Dad were so scared for you. For all of us. We had to move on. It wasn't healthy."
The outburst seemed to stop whatever Choromatsu was planning to say as he kept opening his mouth before closing it; almost like a gaping fish before stopping all together just to stare down at his feet.
Karamatsu anger subsided slightly, feeling guilty at the younger's dejected look. He took a long sigh and carefully placed a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder, a bit relieved that the latter didn't slap his hand away.
"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I was so worried how you would react especially with your condition." Karamatsu ignored the slight flinch he felt under his hand. "Again, NONE of us could have known. And you, of all people, need to stop blaming yourself…"
Karamatsu bit his tongue. The bitter addition of 'You weren't even there in the first place' was left unspoken in Karamatsu's mind.
"Fuck… tch," the younger look up at Karmatsu, still upset. "Does Mom or Dad know?"
Oh boy.
"Not yet."
"So when Osomatsu gets better, are you going to tell them?"
"... I don't know."
Choromatsu looked at him visibly confused.
"Wait, why?"
"It's… it's complicated."
"Yeah," the other snorted, removing Karamatsu's hand off his shoulder. "Complicated. And what am I exactly?"
Karamatsu rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
"That's wrong," Choromatsu shook his head in disagreement. "You can't make that decision Nii-san. Not for me and not for Mom and Dad."
"Telling them now wouldn't be a good idea Choromatsu."
"Says who?" By the tone of his voice, Choromatsu was getting angry again.
"Look at you!" Karamatsu gestured to the latter. It was mean, but he had to get the other to understand what he was trying to convey. "This kind of information might be too much for them to handle."
"Hey!" Choromatsu crossed his arms defiantly. "First off, fuck you! My… my 'condition' just came out again for a bit, that's all! I'm fine dammit! I still should have known the moment it happened. And second, I may be the one with the stupid medication but that's not Mom and Dad's excuse. We have to let them know."
Karamatsu wanted to question what the 'again' meant but decided it was best to stay on topic.
"And we will!" He tried to reassure his brother. "But just not yet."
"He's THEIR son!"
Karamatsu groaned and rubbed his face with his hand. "You don't think I haven't thought about that Choromatsu?"
"What's stopping you?" Choromatsu seethed. "Mom has been through so much. She's even been doing well now and she'll be even more happy with this news."
While he made a valid point, the elder refused to back down.
"But how long did that take?" Karamatsu replied. "It finally took her this long to let herself relax and enjoy herself for once. Think about it. To call her up while she is in another country to tell her that Osomatsu is alive, she may be overjoyed but she'll be so stressed out. She deserves at least this break away from home. Away from everything."
Choromatsu stared at him with disbelief.
"Do you really believe that, Karama-"
*BZZZ*... *BZZZ*... *BZZZ*...
The sound of Choromatsu's phone buzzing broke the two's argument. They were silent. Choromatsu pulled out his cellphone from his pocket and checked the caller ID. His eyes widened before showing Karamatsu the bright screen revealing their father's name. They looked at each other, both expecting and at a loss as what to do.
"Tch."
"Choromatsu, wa-"
Before Karamatsu could say anything, Choromatsu answered; putting the call on speaker.
"Hello?"
"Oh Choromatsu," Matsuzo's voice replied. "I'm sorry for calling so late but I figured you would still be awake right now."
"Yeah, it's fine. Is everything alright? How are you and Mom doing? How's France?"
"Ahaha! It's very nice actually. Your mother and I got to visit a lot of tourist spots and some fine restaurants. Your mother is having the time of her life eating all these foreign dishes. Although if you ask me, nothing beats a nice hot bowl of ramen or some sukiyaki on a cold day."
"Haha, that's great Dad." The other answered, feigning interest.
"Oh and the streets at night are quite lovely, but the snow is much heavier than it is in Tokyo."
"Uh huh."
"Which is actually why I had to call." They could hear their father give a harsh sigh on the other side of the line. "You see, it appears that we could be here in France for a little longer than expected. Unfortunately, a blizzard had rolled in and our flight had been canceled until further notice. It'll be awhile before we head to our next stop."
"A blizzard?" Choromatsu looked concerned as he glanced over at Karamatsu who held the same expression. "You guys are doing okay, right?"
"Ah yes, yes, we're doing fine," Matsuzo answered, sounding like he was smiling. "I just wanted to give you a head's up about the schedule change. We'll let you know if anything changes."
Choromatsu relaxed at his father's words and nodded.
"Alright, thanks for letting me know."
"Oh! I also called to check up on things over there. How are your brothers doing? You all taking care of yourselves? Mother also asked if Todomatsu was back at home."
"Um yeah…" Choromatsu, now nervous, glanced over at Karamatsu who was sweating bullets. "Hey Dad, listen..."
Karamastu gulped anxiously. He wanted to immediately grab the phone from Choromatsu. He wanted to yell out that everything was fine and hang up. However, it felt like he couldn't move. All he could do was desperately look at Choromatsu in the eyes, pleading to him.
'Please.'
"Choromatsu, is something wrong."
Fear and anxiety consumed him; watching, waiting for Choromatsu's next move. The other continued to stare at him.
'Please.'
Choromatsu dropped his shoulders and shook his head.
"No, it's nothing." Choromatsu answered dully, allowing a wave of relief to wash over Karamatsu. The elder let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in.
Choromatsu continued. "We're doing fine mostly. Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu are still in their finals week. And Karamatsu is resting upstairs. Todomatsu… uh, he's just giving us a hard time right now."
"I figured," Matsuzo chuckled a bit, though it sounded strained. "But do watch out for him. Take care of each other, alright?"
Karamatsu could see Choromatsu gripping his phone slightly.
"... Alright."
"Well, I'll let you go now. Goodnight Choromatsu. Do call us if there's any problems."
"Mm, I will. Bye."
Choromatsu hung up with a defeated sigh. Karamatsu gave him a shy smile.
"Thank you."
"Whatever," he huffed, looking away and knelt down to pick up the basin. "I still think I should have just said it."
Karamatsu followed Choromatsu silently into the kitchen as the latter emptied the dirty water into the sink. Karamatsu continued to keep his distance, waiting patiently for the over to finish. However, the few minutes of silence seemed to bother Choromatsu as he turned around and leaned against the sick, arms crossed.
"Just say what you want to say instead of hovering Nii-san."
Karamatsu hesitated for a moment before nodding. He took a step forward.
"Look, I have to ask." Concern and wonder laced his voice. "When Osomatsu does get better, will you be okay with seeing him in person? I mean, the others and I weren't exactly prepared but what about you?"
Choromatsu looked as if he had insulted him at first.
"Of course! I-... I … hmm."
Then he looked down in silence, considering for a moment. His face looked conflicted, unsure with how to answer. Choromatsu's eyebrows furrowed and he started chewing the inside of his mouth. He then closed his eyes and shrugged.
Karamatsu looked at him understandingly.
"You don't have to give an answer yet." Karamatsu took out his phone and glanced down at the time. It was half past midnight now and he was beyond tired.
"It's late," he continued. "It's best that you take the time to process everything. If you want, we'll talk about this more in the morning. We don't have to worry about it now."
The younger scoffed. "Tsk, easy for you to say…" He muttered begrudgingly.
Karamatsu sighed inwardly. Choromatsu was probably right. At this point, those words were just meaningless.
"I'm going upstairs now," the older said regardless. "Let me know if you need anything."
Before he exited the room, Karamatsu heard Choromatsu speak.
"Osomatsu Nii-san is alive."
He said the statement simply and calmly. It didn't sound like a question, but a confirmation. Nonetheless, Karamatsu answered back.
"Yeah. He is."
"The thing that happened earlier, it didn't happen. Got it, Karamatsu."
The threat lacked any substance, but the older brother nodded anyways.
"Okay, Goodnight Choromatsu."
"...Mm."
As Karamatsu walked up the stairs, he stared up at Jyushimatsu who had been sitting in the middle of the steps; a bottle of pills in his hand.
The fourth son looked tired but his concern seemed more prominent, staring at Karamatsu waiting. Karamatsu tried to force himself to smile, but to no avail. He was just too tired now.
"He'll be fine," Karamatsu whispered. He felt that he was trying to convince himself rather than to the other. He then looked down ashamed. "Sorry you had to hear all that. You should have gone to bed. You have another exam in the morning."
Jyushimatsu shook his head, slowly getting up and stretching his arms a bit. "It's alright, Nii-san. I wanted to…" He looked at the bottle in his hands with a sad smile. "... just in case."
Karamatsu's lips formed into a thin line. "Thanks."
Jyushimatsu appeared as though he wanted to say more but seemed to have given up on the thought.
"Um… here," he whispered, giving the bottle to Karamatsu. "You should put this back before he notices." Without waiting for a reply, Jyushimatsu hurriedly, but quietly, walked back towards the direction of his room. Jyushimatsu stopped for a moment, then looked at Karamatsu.
"Goodnight, Nii-san," he said before retreating into his room.
Out of all the looks Karamatsu received today, the sympathetic expression his younger brother gave him was enough to make his chest hurt.
He walked with heavy steps up to his room, silently closing the door behind him.
