Chapter 3
I was wiping down the bar after some bimbo Tanya look-a-like spilled her drink to get my attention, again. Honey, I have enough work to do, fuck you very much! Don't make me work for it. I think to myself as I roll my eyes, hoping she sees.
"Anything else I can get for you, princess?" I say as sweetly as I can muster without throwing up.
"Just your number and where we can meet for some real fun, lover boy." She says in what she probably thinks is a sexy purr. I think I just threw up in my mouth.
"Whit!" I call out to Jasper, slashing a finger at my throat. The universal signal that this bitch is cut off. Jasper gives me a quick nod in understanding. Sorry, peaches, nobody calls me lover boy and continues to drink. That includes your friends too!
"Sorry ladies! Thanks to your friend. peaches here, y'all are cut off!" I tell them as I slap their tab in front of them on the bar. They all look shocked with that OH SHIT! look on their faces. Oh, this is priceless!
"Forget your wallets ladies?" I smirk and roll my eyes as I signal for Jasper and Emmett to come over. Emmett's our bouncer tonight and he's big and intimidating. The ladies looked upset and the one who was trying to be sexy started to backtrack as tears filled her eyes.. That should be good.
"Eddie, don't you remember our agreement? We drink for free and you … Well. Eddie Junior will be happpyyy…" she slurs between dry sobs and It takes everything to not laugh. Sometimes, the drunk really bug me. She should not be that drunk. I look over at Jasper and Emmett and Emmett starts to laugh.
"You do realize that Eddie here is gay right?" Emmett cries out in laughter. Jasper and I join in. Two of our locals, Garrett and Kate, are watching and Garrett gives me a look. Oh, this will be fun. I love playing with the drunks!
"Sexy beast! There is my sexy beast! Eduardo! Give me some sugar!" If I didn't know Garrett as well as I do, you would think he was gay. But nope. He just loves playing with people too much. And I think his woman gets turned on by it. I digress.
"Hey, big Papi! You know you have to wait till I am off the clock!" I say with a wink.
"Fine, just let me touch that fine ass of yours and I will leave you alone. Remember, that dick is mine, and I don't share! Come on Mami, let's find you a Papi of your own. Bye bitches!" Garrett says as he rolls his neck and gives the girls a snap in a 'Z' formation. I shake my ass at him as he tries to grab it but I am too fast for his drunk ass. The women just stand there stuck on stupid. A couple of them don't know whether to be turned on or disgusted. Then one turns on the other, and I might have to break out the baby oil for a catfight.
"You insisted that he was straight! How is this plan going to work? I needed him to put a baby in me tonight or Alec will leave me! How will I find a baby daddy this way! Bitch! You lost me my chance! A man that could almost be his twin!" WOW, am I dodging a huge bullet, or what? I ain't gonna be anybody's baby's daddy anytime soon. Watching the speechless woman getting chastised by her friend is so awesome!
"Excuse me, ladies, did I hear you right? You were plannin' on using this man to be a baby daddy? And just how was ya plannin' on doin' that? Punchin' holes in the condom or stealin' his used one for a turkey baster later on?" A couple of the girls looked at each other with guilty looks.
The man then gave them a sour look. "You skanks are disgustin'. You realize that even if he consents to sex if you take his sperm without his consent, that is pretty much rape and sexual assault right? Among other charges?"
Sheriff Peter Whitlock is another of our regulars. He's one of the best cops in the sheriff's office. Peter says he's Jasper's brother from another mother, even though as far as they know, they aren't even related. I call bullshit! What are the chances of these two guys, from neighboring small towns in Texas, that look so much alike they could at least be cousins? I think somewhere down the line, 'Papa was a rolling stone'.
"Hey, sexy sheriff! What brings you in this early? You know now is my normal time with Rett! He can't see you here! I can't have you two fighting again!" I pretended to be worried. Thankfully, my friends are all used to this game. For some reason, I think I played this game more than Emmett and Jasper do. I wonder if one of them pays some of these people? I honestly would not put it past Emmett. He is twisted. Really twisted.
"Aww, Sher, you know me, but these lovely ladies don't. I mean, they must be desperately in need of baby daddy to be barkin' up this tree! Sorry, peaches, but this puppy's been fixed. Y'all wastin' your time. Now, this sexy Sheriff will be escorting y'all outta here since ya don't plan on payin'. Charge them with whatever you think fits, tiger." I say with a wink and purr.
"Done and done. I will see you in the morning, sugar! MUAH!" Peter takes the three ladies and they leave.
Garrett and Kate come up after they are gone and they are crying they are laughing so hard.
"Yo, big daddy, how does it feel to be studded out for your sperm? It must make you feel real good. Shame that you are fixed. We would have make beautiful babies! Wouldn't we, Rett?" Kate loves to pick on me. Here is proof of that.
"Hey, Mami! How was Papi hunting? There are some really yummy looking ones here tonight. I could be your Papi if this idiot can't handle you." I say to her and she laughs.
"Oh, honey, you wouldn't be my Papi, you'd be my big Daddy!. You're packing some ammo for sure! A real lady pleaser. I am sure they beg you for more each time, don't they big Daddy?" Kate purrs as she tries to grab my dick. Oh, she is trying to get her man all pissed off and territorial. Teasing me for reasons I do not understand nor do I want to.
"Thank you, lovely lady. You know just how to make a man feel wanted. Now, when are we going to stop this playing back and forth and just go for the gold? Don't you want some of this Cockward? You know you want a piece of Cockward anyway you can get him. Don't ya?" I look and Garrett is ready to kill and Emmett and Jasper are in shock. Well. Most of the people around us are.
"Maybe another time, Assward. Woman, we have to go. Or I will make you scream in front of all these people. Are. We. Clear?" Oh yeah. Garrett really turned on by me bantering with his woman.
Something is wrong with that. But that is for another time.
"Maybe next time you are here we can actually hang out, Rett. Thanks for saving me from those girls. That was too much! And Kate, thank you for helping the rest of the patrons know I am that good at my job as a man. It means the world to me. And maybe a lucky lady here." I hug her and try to ignore the growling from Garrett. She laughs.
"Anything for you, lover." She laughs. "On that note, the old man and I got to go. He needs to be punished for his antics from tonight. See you, boys, later!" She blows us a kiss and grabs Garrett by the shirt, throwing him against the closest wall, where she shows him who wears the pants in their relationship. Which is definitely not him.
I wonder what it is like to be pussy-whipped like? I almost enjoy my freedom. Until I see the smile on his face as he leaves the bar.
The bar continues to have patrons, but nothing compared to the women from before. Peter comes back and fills us in on what happened to the ladies from earlier. Small world. Two of the three of them knew Tanya and were trying to help her. The Alec character is real. He looks a lot like me. If nothing else, they were trying to get Tanya pregnant with a baby that would look like mine. Yeah. Cause in the almost year I have been here, we have had mad amounts of sex.
I have a decent sized cock, but not big enough to fuck her while I am in Nashville and she is in Seattle. Not even close. And I am man enough to admit it. Not that any man is that big.
I guess she misses me. Not that I blame her. I am pretty fan-fuckin'-tastic!
AN: I can't believe it is June! I hope that you are safe and healthy. Thank you for reading and your comments!
I own none of the characters or the song.
