Waking up in the afternoon of my first day of break, it almost felt as if life had finally gone back to normal. No girlfriend of 5 months calling me in the morning demanding a date. Never had been. No devils trying to tell me they pissed rainbows and spat sprinkles lying to my face about wanting to be friends.

My old man sucked, but his advice didn't. Someone being overly familiar with you as soon as you met them was trying to sell you something. I guess in this case that something was: life as a slave isn't so bad.

Yeah, and I was the Bodhisattva Hachiman reborn.

There wasn't even a precocious little sister demanding I get up and do something. No, there was nothing more than a lazy sixteen-year-old who had pulled an all-nighter playing games and fallen into the realm of Morpheus to escape the rising light of Apollo.

Tossing and turning away from the awful, burning light, I struggled in vain to cling to the vestiges of my passing dreams.

Her warm breath in my ear fogged my brain. Her hair, a curtain of darkness shading darker eyes, tumbled over my shoulders and carried the promising scent of sweet strawberries. I was the prey, helpless and prone on the grass underneath. She was the huntress elated with her catch, trapping me beneath her with leonine grace and power. She would devour all of me, and rather than struggle, I wanted to surrender. She wet her lips slowly with her tongue, and I knew every word that emerged would be the truth. "I really like you, Hachiman."

I sprung from my bed with all the force I could manage. Turns out I could manage to get my face to meet my door handle a half second before the rest of my body crashed into the door itself. There was no pain, I belatedly noticed. Instead, I was more focused on the intense sensation of nausea rising up from the depths of my stomach.

That face… that voice… the feel of her body above mine… already they were disappearing from my mind, and yet the feelings they had stirred left me cowering on the floor in a sheen of sweat. I was shaking from the cold, and the beam of light peeking past my curtain had my eyes watering.

If I were to compare what I'd felt in that moment to how I'd felt in middle school, there was no competition.

I swore to myself that I'd never let myself experience that hell again.

I stood, trying to ignore the lethargy the sun seemed to bring upon me, and checked my door over for any signs of damage, then made for the toilet. I needed to brush the taste of a night's sleep out of my mouth.

That done, I headed downstairs to scrounge something up to eat. It was only a little after three, so it'd still be a while before Komachi started preparing dinner for the family. Our folks never really made it home in time, and yet she steadfastly and summarily denied any and all requests to just make it earlier for us and stick the rest in the fridge.

Care like that was probably part of the reason they favoured her over me, but I couldn't see the point in making myself go hungry for a couple more hours just so their food had only been cold for two hours rather than five. It's not my problem you can't say no to after work drinks with your boss, old man.

My quest for sustenance within the cupboards was interrupted by a pair of slender arms winding their way around my waist. What the hell… was I still asleep? It's every house husband's dream to be hugged from behind by a lovely woman, but that's normally when they're cooking. Also, the one hugging them is their wife, and a glance behind me revealed the last person on Earth I wanted to marry.

Komachi was too good for a deadbeat like me. She'd work then come home and do all the housework as well. If she came up to me and said "Big bro, I wanna marry you when I grow up!" I'd have to refuse. Dad would beat me up if you said that to me instead of to him, you know.

Komachi's face remained buried in my back. When her arms began to tremble, I became worried.

"Hey, hey, what's up? Did something happen? Did Kamakura escape? Did some little shit ask you out and not take no for an answer? Tell me his name! I promise you won't ever see him again!"

While I panicked and threatened to beat up a fourteen-year-old, Komachi's trembling arms intensified. So it really was some little worm!

My nascent plans to hunt down a middle schooler were interrupted when Komachi broke into peals of laughter. My confusion must have looked especially funny, because her laughs grew louder when she finally saw my face.

"Hey, Bro, did you seriously throw a fit at school about getting dumped in one of your games? I knew you were trash, but I didn't think you were that deep in the dump!" Bile rose up in my throat at the thought of how far the rumours had spread and how badly they had been mangled. Even middle school girls who didn't attend Kuoh had already heard them!

"Don't be ridiculous," I said. "Your big brother is way better than that. I'll have you know he had a fit because he dreamed a crazy ex killed him, and thought it was real." I wanted to cry at the thought of lying to my sister, but there was no way in hell I was getting her involved in a supernatural slavery ring. There was also no way in hell I was going to let people think I was some loser otaku.

Komachi looked at me dubiously. If she didn't believe me, I was prepared to explain in excruciating detail the looks and words of derision I'd received mid-fit, but she chose to hug me again instead.

"Whatever happened, I'm just glad you're okay," she mumbled into my shirt. Looking down at her, I realised that it must have been hard for her hearing those rumours. She'd probably been hearing all sorts of horrible things about her brother and hadn't had any way of finding out what was true or not. I hadn't exactly made myself available since Christmas morning. "Ah, this must give me so many Komachi points."

My sympathy was wasted on this brat. "What the hell are Komachi po— " I was cut off by the sound of the doorbell.

A quick ocular duel left me defeated and dragging my feet towards the door while Komachi went back to whatever.

I took a moment to try (and fail) to put a smile on my face. Screw whoever was at the door. I wanted food, and they were keeping me from it.

Opening it up, I was left dumbfounded to see Gremory standing there in all her buxom glory. She was dressed in her school uniform, despite the break. Did she not own any other clothes? Maybe all she owned were Devil clothes that would repulse for our poor, pious human eyes.

Like all good Japanese people, I made sure to greet her with respect.

Komachi cried in alarm as the sound of the door slamming shut echoed throughout the house. Huh, that was louder than I expected. Maybe the old man really didn't mean to slam it every morning when he left. On the other hand, the old bastard should damn well know better by now – he's been doing it for years.

I made a promise to myself to slam it extra hard this weekend. Just for him.

My trudge back towards my room was cut short when Komachi poked her head out from whatever she was doing in the living room. That's a mighty fine glare you have there. If I didn't know you were in fact the cutest thing in the world, I'd swear you were an evil fairy on the cusp of becoming a dragon.

By the way, the finger you're pointing at the door does you no favours in that regard. It just makes you look like mom on a bad day. Don't try and copy her too much, okay? Dad would seriously kill me if I gave you wrinkles as well!

I don't even know why she gave a crap about me answering the door. I considered it as I paced back over. Did the Devil on my doorstep somehow corrupt her? What would I do if she had? I wonder how effectively toilet water would substitute for Holy Water? Wait, did Holy Water even work on Devils, or was that a myth?

"So? What the hell are you doing here?" Opening the door, I spat the first thing I could think of. Really, some might find it bizarre that I made such a rude display of myself despite wanting to be a house husband. I would simply shake my head at them as they're devoured by the vampire they let inside.

Just as it did yesterday, my poison had no effect on her. That was just plain unfair. Early bosses aren't meant to be immune to poison. Loners like me who have wasted our days grinding to get the ability early aren't supposed to have our efforts mitigated so quickly.

"Hikigaya-kun. Might you come with me to a nice café nearby? I wanted to continue our conversation from yesterday." Her lips quirked into that perfect smile. No doubt practiced a thousand times from a young age for the sole purpose of fooling idiots. The way she clasped her hands in front of her so that her arms pushed together and emphasised her womanly appeal added bouncy detail to her false air.

"Hell no. What do you want?" I needed to end this fast. I didn't want to go, and social pressure might force me.

I could already hear Komachi stirring again as her curiosity was roused. I guess it was pretty obvious that I wasn't talking to the Amazon delivery driver.

"As I said, I'd like to continue our conversation from yesterday. It ended rather quickly and there's quite a lot we never got to cover – I didn't even get a chance to answer all your first set of questions." True, I was still rather curious what the hell that Twice Critical thing was…

No! Stay strong, Hachiman! This is your Winter Break. No dumb devils and their supernatural BS were going to keep you from being a couch potato for these next two weeks!

"That's nice, but can't it wait until class resumes? I'm not one of your club members, so it's not like you needed to come all the way from Kuoh to visit me. …How did you know my address anyway?"

"But you are a member!" She sounded too damn perky about informing me of yet another bond of slavery being imposed upon me. "I had Akeno push through your application last night! We had to look up your personal details from your office records, but…."

I didn't bother to pay attention to the rest of whatever spiel she was giving me. I just had to resist the urge to grin like a madman. Thank you, Gremory, for giving me exactly what I need to get rid of you!

I screwed up my face into the most disgusted look I could imagine. It was easy. I just copied the look girls gave me whenever we were paired in English class. "You stole my personal record so you could force me to join your club?!" I made sure to raise my voice so that Komachi could hear. Even she wouldn't want anything to do with some stalker, right? No matter how pretty and nice they acted. "That's so creepy! Do you, like, have any idea how seriously pathetic that sounds?! Seriously, freaky! No wonder you're a virgin."

I closed the door once more in her baffled face.

Turning to finally return to my room, I came face to face with my beloved little sister once again. Her eyes regarded mine with the same consideration as a month's worth of unwashed dishes. Whether she found what she was looking for or not I have no idea, she just sighed and shooed me off.

How indulgent of you, Komachi! Thank you for understanding that your big brother has no time for the vile niceties of being a decent human person. Your brother knows and understands that he is a walking pile of trash. Please help me explain this to our parents so that they'll let me stay at home and live off their support for the rest of my life.

Retreating to my room, I heard Komachi open the door and begin apologising to the evil monster who apparently still lurked on our doorstep.

She was such a good girl. She'd even apologise to foul monstrosities that dared ask innocent boys to actually leave the house on their winter break.

Seriously, go back to hell, Rias Gremory.


Unfortunately for my sanity, Gremory had been disinclined to remove herself from my house and Komachi, bless her still innocent soul, had been far too enraptured with the gorgeous beast to force her out.

Instead I'd been forced to listen to the incessant prattle of a little girl trying to act mature talking shop with an older, foreign girl who seemed to grow more immature with every passing sentence. Faced with the options of confronting her face to face again or remaining imprisoned within my bedroom, I was ready to be called the Prisoner of Azkaban.

I had the soul devouring monsters outside my cell and everything.

When at last the sun began to set, and Gremory had returned from whence she came, I poked my head outside my bedroom door to check that she hadn't just pretended to leave.

I was met by a disgusted look from Komachi.

"Rias-neechan said that another member of the Occult Research Club will come around tomorrow, since you don't want to talk with her. She seemed really sad too. You suck, Bro."

And with that she left me to my own devices.

Which was good, because it allowed me to instantly start making plans to be anywhere but in this house when the next interloper descended upon my divine respite.

Thus as the infernal sun breached the horizon and cascaded upon me a headache of assuredly diabolic origin, the overly observant, not to mention tasteless, stalker finds me riding my bike away from my house in Chiba and to the arcade in Kuoh some 10-odd kilometres away.

If Gremory was sending one of her lackeys all the way into Chiba city to look for me, the perfect place to be instead was hiding in tiny little Kuoh. Let the Devils waste their day scrounging through Chiba's many amusement places. I'll spend my morning instead beating all who are foolish enough to challenge me in Tekken before the try-hard losers with more money than sense show up to beat me around lunch, and then I'll laugh comfortably through the afternoon from a nearby internet cafe with unlimited refills.

It was the perfect plan.

So it was in following that plan that I laughed gleefully as the latest middle schooler stepped up to the partnered arcade cabinet, replacing the elementary schooler, the fifth kid so far, that I'd cleaned up in three consecutive perfect rounds. The little scrub.

"Don't worry, Kenta. I'm gonna kick this boomer's ass for you. Promise!" Say what you want about me brat, you've got nothing I've never heard before. We'll see how happy your little brother is when he sees his hero fall like the rest.

I take no pleasure in saying it was an utter obliteration. A single combo string paired with the right stage meant that the timer had barely ticked below 80 before the round was over. Repeat x3.

That was a lie. I took enormous pleasure in it. It would be no exaggeration to say that that was the best thing I'd felt since before Christmas. I stood tall and proud, cackling like the stereotypical villain I no doubt was in this scene right out of a shitty 4-koma.

Before I could issue a proclamation of my complete dominance, I was cut short by an impatient voice already seated behind the partnered machine.

"Sit down, shut up, and fight me."

What a rude girl. At least I think it's a girl. Might be a boy with a high-pitched voice. Puberty can suck like that sometimes. My voice didn't crack until halfway through middle school.

"Nah, I've had enough of beating on little kids. How about trying that guy?" I pointed at a random kid in the crowd around the machines. "He might be more on your level."

My would-be opponent said nothing as I strolled away. Good. I wasn't scared of a kid. I was just tired of playing that game. In fact, I was in the mood for a rail shooter.

That the rail shooters are on the next level and on the opposite side from the fighters has absolutely nothing to do with that decision.

When I finally made it there, I had my pick from all of them. What did I feel like shooting…? Zombies? Nah, that's just too cliché. Transformers? Why were these things still around? The movies were years ago, and they all sucked. There was also a police one and… was that aliens? Of course, it was.

Holy crap these were all so old. What's wrong with these game companies? Can't they make something that isn't a complete rehash?

Deciding to go with aliens, I made my way over and lackadaisically progressed through the controls and superfluous fluff.

"Hey mister, can I join?" Lost as I was, I hadn't noticed when some kid approached me. I could barely make out the voice over the screams of dying extra-terrestrials.

"Sure, whatever. Don't expect me to carry you, though."

Any worry about needing to help them was completely unnecessary, though. The kid was a crack-shot.

I was able to steal some glances at her between levels but could only take in the barest of details. She barely reached the middle of my chest. White hair. A familiar uniform.

A uniform on an elementary schooler, huh. Must be some rich brat going to a fancy private school.

When we managed to clear the final boss, a devil-like thing that had nothing to do with aliens, I was finally able to turn my head and take her in properly.

"You really suck at games, huh Senpai," the brat said from beside me. "Don't talk about carrying people when you need to be carried yourself, loser."

Her final score was over 2 million more than mine. Her number of rescues didn't need to be mentioned.

I see. She wasn't in elementary school; she was in middle school. She wasn't a brat; she was a loli.

Gremory's loli.

According to my perfect plan, she should have been wasting her day hunting for me in Chiba City's arcades. Not handing me my ass in Kuoh's.

Well, too bad for her. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of reacting to her presence. I would just ignore her and continue with my plan.

Too bad for me that I forgot even the greatest of plans don't survive an encounter with an enemy.

If I had, I might not have spent the next hour being trailed around the arcade getting my ass kicked in every game I tried. It didn't matter what type of game I played—racing, rhythm, even Pac-Man; it didn't matter what kind of dirty trick I pulled (and I seriously tried all of them that I knew); or how ridiculously inappropriate the game, she was there ready and able to defeat me soundly.

And I'd thought I was decent at Strip Mahjong, dammit…

Even if I went for games with no partner cabinets, she just stood there like a creepy little statue staring blankly into the back of my head.

Have fun with that, you little blight on the world. I'm playing Trivia.

"So, there is something you're not terrible at," my unwanted observer commented as I answered a question about Chiba—I was so good at those questions I should just change my name to Hachibaman, already.

"Shut up and leave me alone already, you damn loli," I said under my breath. That comment earned me a kick to the leg that I swear almost shattered it.

"Ow! What kind of demonic loli are you? You're way too strong."

Now my other leg felt like it had barely survived being broken. Alright, note to self: don't call the loli a loli when there aren't other people to hide behind.

"I'm strong because I'm a Rook. Way stronger than a Bishop like you will ever be, even with your Twice Critical." Her voice was way too smug for someone who would be lucky to escape being called a midget for the rest of her life. And seriously, what the hell was this Twice Critical thing.

"Why are you bringing up chess?" The terms obviously meant something—and considering Gremory had pulled out a Pawn piece when explaining Evil Pieces, I'm assuming it was something important.

"Too complicated to explain," she yawned. Literally. It was actually really hard to understand what she said. You really are a rude little brat. "Ask Rias."

Right, I'll get right on that. Right between never and when hell freezes over. Now that I think about it…

"Hey, brat. Is Hell frozen or is it still full of flames." Since she didn't seem to be leaving any time soon, and my legs were too sore to keep standing at the trivia game, I might as well pick her brain for some knowledge while I rested. First up was whether I'd be spending the rest of my life in Australia or Antarctica.

"Neither. Hell doesn't exist, we live in the Underworld." The frown on her face made it clear that she found my labelling of her home offensive. Like I cared. You could live in a perfect recreation of my house; so long as my time there was as a wage slave (emphasis on slave) to Devils then it was Hell. "And it's normal. It looks just like the human world, except the sky is purple and there are no oceans."

"Right, sounds like Paradise." I said sarcastically. She twitched slightly at my words, and I chalked a point up in my favour. Hachiman: 1, Loli: too many to count. "How'd you find me anyway, brat?"

"Contrary to whatever you think, the world doesn't revolve around you." I'm well aware of that. I am a side-character among side-characters, not even worthy to add flavour to the protagonist's world. In an anime, they wouldn't even bother drawing my face. I'd be lucky to keep my hair. "You being here has nothing to do with me being here. Your sister messaged Rias this morning saying you'd left. I thought it'd be a pain in the ass trying to look for you and came here. Just my luck you were here picking on kids."

"I didn't come here just to pick on kids, brat. I—" She cut me off.

"My name is Koneko. Use it. And I don't care. I talked to you, so my job is done. Go away."

Well, at least there was one among their number I could count on to care about me as much as I cared about them.

Watching the lol— watching Koneko get up and walk away, I realised it was going on lunch time and I'd spent less money at the arcade than I'd expected. I didn't even need to waste money hiring a cubicle at the internet café. The internet at home was better and I now knew no one would be coming.

This called for a celebratory lunch at Saize, I think.


I stared down at the plate of pasta I was picking at. People say Saizeriya serves substandard, uninspired slop straight off the assembly line. Lying morons, all of them. Saize is a fantastic family restaurant.

I'd like to see whatever shitty local eatery you think is better, idiots. I bet it doesn't even have unlimited free refills, does it? Ha, I thought not! Not even Gusto has that!

"Why did we have to come here to eat? You know we passed a Gusto on the way, right?"

For that matter, why was I even here? This wasn't my room. I had conquered the loathsome Devils who disturbed my Winter hibernation, but they had nothing on the inconsiderate whims of a fourteen-year-old girl, apparently.

Said girl ignored my question, distracted by her phone. How rude. At the dining table, phones should be put away in favour of making conversation with the people in front of you.

That's what you and mum kept telling me, at least. Are you saying I'm free to go back to ignoring her lectures to 'at least join a club, Hachiman?'

I'll join a club willingly the day you work less than 12 hours, mother dearest.

Komachi snapped her phone shut with a huff and levelled me with a glare. Whoa! I promise I'll keep faking that I'm listening to mum, so stop looking at me like that. Also, hurry up and replace that flip-phone. It's embarrassing being seen with someone so out of date.

"Hurry up and finish your food," Komachi said, unnervingly serious. "You're taking me clothes shopping. The sooner we start, the more I'll get to try."

While I'm sure that sounds just dire to a preteen girl, I couldn't care less. It must have shown on my face, because her scowl got worse. What the hell? Who are you, and what have you done with Komachi? Komachi is too cute to look like my tormentors from last year.

No really, you're too cute Komachi. Your Mean Look has no effect on Hachiman.

Instead of falling prey to her childish glower, I responded in turn with my own childish mind. "Why?"

"I just told you." The look on her face screamed 'stop being stupid.' Sorry, but being stupid is keeping me away from going clothes shopping. I'll be dumber than one of Miura's handmaidens if it keeps me from that plight.

"Okay. But why?"

"Because I want new clothes."

"Sure, but why?"

Komachi's highly unimpressed stare made me giddy with satisfaction. "You suck, Hachiman."

Then she reached over the table and stole my food. She didn't even take the plate. Just stabbed her fork into the spaghetti, gave it a twist and lifted the whole thing off of it to place on to her own. I didn't know whether to be impressed or upset. So I settled for being annoying as I forced myself to make do with the one meatball she'd left behind.

"Seriously though, why me? Don't you have friends to do this kind of stuff with?"

"Of course I do. Unlike you, I'm popular. They're all at a concert today." She jabbed her fork into the plate so hard it might have cracked. Come to think of it, hadn't Komachi been complaining about sold out tickets for the last month? I don't see why that should be my problem though.

"So, what? You didn't think I might've had plans too?"

Komachi didn't even look up from her plate. "You're you. I know you didn't."

I couldn't refute that. So I just sat and scowled while she finished eating my food.


Soon enough she was done, and after paying the bill (her treat, since she ate for both of us), Komachi dragged me towards whatever clothing boutique is popular among middle schoolers.

It didn't take long for me to give up trying to keep track of where we were in the city. Instead I decided to spend the time thinking up new insults that I could use on the Devils when school started up again. The pretty girls actually talking to me caught me off guard before, but I won't be too dumbfounded to respond appropriately in the future.

I couldn't let them walk all over me. I couldn't let them keep setting the pace. And I sure as hell couldn't keep regurgitating the braindead playground insults other people had used on me before.

I wanted them to leave me alone. To get that, I needed them to hate me. To see me as a disgusting blight upon their otherwise pristine lives. I couldn't settle for just dislike—people get their kicks out of bothering people they dislike. It was only when you conjured all the wrathful fire of adolescence that they were content with ignoring your existence.

My middle school experience stands as testimony to this. QED.

But you don't hate idiots that talk like they'd think IQ is something to eat. You just pity them. And nothing is more annoying than being pitied. A pitiable existence is one with a glowing neon sign attached luring in normies who want to virtue signal. I won't be a slave to devils and I won't be a rusty tool for you to use to better your reputations.

"Get that look off your face. Your dead fish eyes have already given three old women heart attacks." Komachi's voice cut through the mire of loathing my mind was fast becoming. We were in the boutique, a cosy little place full of floor to ceiling shelves stuffed with all kinds of girls clothes. It was warm, smelled faintly of lavender and featured my little sister standing in front of me in her bra and panties.

"That has nothing to do with my eyes, and everything to do with you walking in and out of that dressing room in your underwear."

She looked down at her own body then back at me. "Nope, definitely you."

I cast my eyes around, looking for anyone I might recognise bearing witness to her dynamic display of shamelessness. For a moment I thought I might have seen a familiar flash of blond but disregarded it. We were in the heart of Chiba; blonde wasn't hard to come by between tourists and university students. I could let Komachi do as she pleased. She wasn't hurting anyone but her cringing future self.

Komachi skipped back over to me with arms full of different skirts and tops. I watched on in silence as she mixed and matched holding them over her body. When she spent a while considering a combo of a pink cropped sleeveless top and a purple skirt that seemed to only go to mid-thigh I had to comment.

"You realise it's winter, right?" I said in a tone specially reserved for the especially dim-witted. It was disappointing that I only ever got to use it on my little sister. "And that you're not a JRPG character? Wear those and the only heads that will be turning are the ones trying to cover laughs."

Komachi in turn looked at me as if I was a particularly slow breed of sloth. It wasn't an altogether unfamiliar look from her. "I'm not going to wear it now. I'm buying it for summer."

"Why not just buy it in summer then?" I don't think I'd ever understand the mind of someone who likes clothes shopping. Just buy what you need, when you need it, I say. "Or even spring? It's not like any of that stuff is on special, right?"

"You just don't get it." She shook her head at me and dropped that outfit in the 'probably' pile. It was already ten outfits tall. There was only one outfit in the 'definitely' pile so far.

Komachi wandered off in search of more outfits, and my eyes in turn wandered the store. The hint of blond caught my eye again, but I just focused on what I'd told myself before. Chiba. Tourists. University students.

When Komachi returned she went back to testing clothes combinations above her body in front of the mirror. What was even the purpose of being near the dressing rooms if you weren't going to use it? She held up a bright yellow sweater, and looked at me. Apparently I'd now opened the floodgates of being asked for an opinion.

"Kamakura will pee on that and you won't even notice."

She scoffed. "No, he wouldn't. We've trained him better than that."

"Sure, and mum just happened to toss her brand-new dress of the same colour out for no reason last year."

Komachi put the yellow garment to the side. Praise me, sweater, I've saved you from an early death in a garbage bin smelling of cat pee.

"How's this one, then?" This next sweater was a deep, ugly, brown.

"You're moving up in bodily excretion."

She tossed the shitty thing at my head, but I caught it instead. I was debating throwing it back at her when I saw that her next choice was a snot green. Why was my sister so weird? Thankfully I didn't need to say anything about that one before she threw it in the discard pile. She did the same with a much nicer green one after that.

"Hey, don't throw that one away. It looks good." It was also the only in that pile of hers anywhere near a sensible colour.

"Huh? You think so?"

I tried to express just how little lack of energy I cared to expend on bullshitting about this bullshit. She seemed to understand because she broke out into a bright grin.

"Ha! You're finally getting into this, I see. I'll get you to be a proper shopper yet!" She shook a fist in my direction, smile crinkling her eyes in joy. "This is making my Komachi points go way up."

I rolled my eyes as she darted off again. This time when they caught sight of a blond there was no denying I knew them. As far as I knew, there were no tourists or university students that wore the Kuoh High uniform, after all. I felt an incandescent rage begin to build within me.

I ground my teeth and focused, for the moment, on the girl in front of me. She seemed happy and content as she skipped over to a nearby rack full of dresses. It hurt to realise, but she was growing up. Not too long ago she wouldn't have been caught dead looking at something so girly.

Despite my grumbling, today had been fun. Probably the most fun I'd had all week. Looking back, I realised that this had been the first time we'd spent more than a meal together in months. I added that flare of shame to the indignant anger as she stepped back over to me carrying a number of different hangers.

"These ones next, I think." She said with a bright grin. It was kind of painful to look at.

"Make sure to actually use the dressing room. I need to go use the toilet." Her smile slipped, and I hurried to fix it. "Tell me which one you like the most and I'll buy it for your birthday."

"That's so stingy! You're supposed to surprise me with that kind of stuff!" Nonetheless she stepped into the dressing room.

Once it was locked, I turned and marched down the aisles, looking for the asshole who just didn't know how to leave well enough alone. I found him quickly, comparing a handful of dresses.

"You're a little too flat-chested to fit in any of those, slut." I said as I came up behind him. …Why?! Why did I only prepare insults for the three she-Devils?! I'd only just begun the confrontation and I was already losing! He must have heard me coming, because he didn't seem startled in the least. He was even kind enough to completely ignore that embarrassing failure! Damn you, Kiba Yuuto.

"Hikigaya-san, what a coincidence!" Again, damn you, Kiba Yuuto. Just how stupid do you all think I am? My maths grades may be abhorrent but even I know enough to recognise a simple pattern.

I met his eyes and simply glared. "Don't try and peddle that bullshit to me. First Gremory, then the loli, now you. You're not even subtle about it." And tomorrow would no doubt be Himejima. Fantastic.

He had the gall to try and act embarrassed. It was kind of impressive, how he managed to fake a blush. Some kind of Devil magic, I presume. "Well, I… that is… err…"

What a joke. This was the guy that had half the girls in our year all twitterpated? I'd always thought it, watching on as he gently let girl after girl down with his 'oh so gentle' smile, but this guy was as fake as they come. That smile was as plastic as half of Hollywood's tits. He never reacted to anything. Never talked to anyone.

He was... it was like he was a window-dressing instead of a person. Something pretty on the other side of the glass.

And all the besotted idiots who fawned over him? Who begged to know the perfect prince's perfect price so they could trot him out on their arms, sparkling like his Hollywood smile?

Hah.

Even I knew if you had to ask, you couldn't afford it.

"Really though, who knew the so-called Prince was a paedophile? I'm sure the girls at school are gonna be just heartbroken to find out they're too old for you."

Kiba's face might have been hilarious, if I hadn't wanted to break it so damn much.

"What are you talking about!" Kiba's voice was high-pitched and incredulous. The accusation strangling what little wit he may have had.

"My sister. The thirteen-year-old I've caught you staring at three times now." My voice was cold with a fury I had never felt before. I could stare the bitch who'd enslaved me in the eye with nothing more than petty annoyance. But this guy? This guy I wanted nothing more than to see writhing in the fires of the hell he came from. I raised my hand to near my chest, "About this tall? Still flat as a board? Wandering around the store in her training bra?"

"Th-that's—I wasn't—I mean, I didn't—…"

"Too dumb to come up with an excuse? Sorry, even middle schoolers have higher standards than that."

"What are you— why are you—"

"You're sick. Creepy. Disgusting. Get the hell away from me and my sister. And tell Himejima she can find me at Chiba Station's Starbucks tomorrow at 10." I hope this isn't a repeating pattern.

"Ah… that's… she has work at the Inari Shrine in the morning…"

"Oh of course. How presumptuous of me. We wouldn't want to inconvenience her in inconveniencing me, now." That would be giving me what I want after all. Something you lot are obviously impervious to doing. "Fine. Whatever. Piss off already."

He spun with all the fluidity of a dancer, and all but ran out of the store. Until the moment he left my eyes I glared at his back, imagining rusty iron dagger after serrated steel blade piercing into it. He flinched with every wound, my mind's eye overlapping with reality. I could feel my blood rushing, the air warm around me as I poured every bit of impotent irritation into the back of a boy I wanted nothing more than to see cower in pain before me.

With the irritant successfully driven away, I returned to my impatiently waiting sister. She had, finally, put all her clothes on. In her arms was a pile of clothes, her chosen dress on top for me to pick up and carry to the counter myself.

It was a good thing New Years was right around the corner. This one dress was going to completely wipe out my wallet. How the hell did Komachi manage to pay for all of her clothes… wait, did she just pick the most expensive dress because I said I'd buy it?

I wouldn't put it past her.

There was a flash of green in the corner of my eye that caught my attention, but when I turned to see what it was all I saw was the cashier stuffing the last thing into Komachi's bag. My sister had a brilliant smile on her face, and I couldn't bring myself to remove it with my accusation just yet.

Ah. That was high in Hachiman points.


Delayed, but inevitable. Call me Rick Astley, cause I'm never giving up this story, no matter how long it takes between updates. Props to Magery for beta-ing. I pay him in nothing but my friendship, so I really can't believe he took a while to focus on his own extraordinarily busy life instead of immediately editing this when I sent it to him a month ago.

Next chapter is plotted out and writing started. I have exams for the next three weeks, but I hope to have it out before the end of June.

Feel free to leave some suggestions of requests/deals you might like to see Hachiman undertake as a Devil.