Lone Scarlet Lily, Hidden in the World of Snow: Waiting for the Spring.
Chapter 15: A Festering Wound
A blink, a deep inhale, and the light of mid-afternoon flooded my senses as I tried to make sense of the world around me.
I found myself upright, standing upon a tatami flooring that collected the drops of blood falling from my hands in pools that couldn't stain the padding fast enough. Wooden walls that had been covered by rice paper – splotches of red blooming across it like a field of scarlet spider lilies… A body, dead, on the floor. Flayed, by razor-sharp claws as the gouging gashes on his chest was any indication. A familiar sword glistened, removing my eyes from the crimson pools to that which dripped from the blade's edges. A scowl formed across my lips – deepening the angry lines of the furious expression that I wore. My body thrummed as it produced a low, continuous growl without my consent.
My body failed to listen – failed to obey me as I could only stand there with heaving breaths and that low growl that permeated the room. The one that dusted off the memories of the village I was born into: a lifetime ago. Shadows of demons who were nothing but beasts who acted on anger and pride – old memories that quickly were brushed aside as soon enough my mind refused me as well. And I was lost to that seething burn that raised my hairs and flushed my skin with a molten heat.
And all I could see was that blade, glinting at me through the crimson splotches that hid its metal sheen.
My heart was filled with a furious flurry of contradicting emotions and I couldn't understand why. The only thing I understood was that a thin line across my chest burned, and that only made me angrier, and that only morphed my face further into emotions that only flickered for a moment across my face before changing once more. The fickleness of my features was exhausting: I could feel the muscles beneath my brow ache as it morphed into crinkled lines of confusion before deep rifts of anger took over once more. The roiling muscles across my face refused to stop – as I couldn't find it in myself to force them to. Part of me believed that my expression was devoid of any sort of inclination of the storm that rolled just under the surface… Part of me knew that couldn't be true but refused to accept it. Refused to accept anything. The emotion, the blood, the pain, the bloodlust, the…
Disgust.
There was disgust in those shifting emotions.
What was it about that human's corpse that sickened me?
What was it about the claws that covered my fingertips that made my stomach churn?
Why did the sword make my heart sink and burn and freeze all at once?
What did I despise so much about this situation?
My surroundings shifted, and while I clearly remembered being in that small wooden room, I found that I was unable to recall how I had gotten outside. Why there were several people surrounding me – blocking my exits – as I cut the rope from my ankle. It was cold: cold enough to have the beginnings of frost settle on the recently dislodged roof tile, cold enough to question why I was still burning with anger. Why the blood on my fingers still felt warm and sticky and wrong.
What was wrong about it? It only came from humans.
Weak humans. Not strong enough to see past their misjudgments, weak enough to fuel such foolishness. Weak enough to stare me down as if I had done something wrong. They were wrong. They were always wrong. They were the ones who forced my bloodied hands to repay all their cold looks and fierce lies. Seething lies that washed over my skin when spoken and burned me just as well if they had poured boiling water over my form. They were the ones who had tricked me. How dare they. How dare they. How dare they?
The crimson that stained my hands belonged to a human who dared to believe that I owed him. That by drawing that damned sword I would be bound to him.
I let out a laugh, one that was cold and grating. One I couldn't recognize. One that displayed every inch of fury that somehow managed to be contained within my being.
The only thing I owed him was a swift death.
Just like the rest of them.
I understood it now – the killing games that demons played. The endless preying on humans for entertainment. I understood it so clearly now. How wrong I was. They were such weak creatures, and all they did was throw around their perceived power when it meant nothing. Like all things owed them just because they believe it to be they're entitled to it. They were far lesser than me – why had I spent this much effort?
Why had the smallest part of me wished that they could become so much more?
It was impossible.
Pointless.
A waste.
Hateful shouts and warnings erupted from the gathered crowd and deafened me: and standing in the middle of the cross-section I had walked many times before. This time, I stood alone against the throngs of humans who had done nothing but take advantage of my merciful nature. They couldn't trust. So, they couldn't be trusted. They were selfish creatures that only looked after themselves, only cared for themselves, only trusted themselves. There wasn't any room for anything else in those hateful minds. I should never have hoped there could be anything more than this. This hatred, this fear, this cacophony of sound that soothed as much as it isolated and shattered me.
I shouldn't have trust any of them.
In the noise, I could forget everything.
I could forget everything I tried to be. Everything she wanted me to be. Everything I had ever rejected about my heritage and everything I accepted from it. Everything I failed to be. I could forget it all, and just be that spiteful, mindless creature that they have always seen.
And, just like firing an arrow from a bowstring, it would be easy.
It would be so, so, so easyto fall into that void of nothingness – that welcoming feeling of not feeling anything. To finally 'embrace what I truly was', since in the end, that's all I ever would be.
…Just so I could forget about everything that had shattered inside myself when I saw that hatred in his eyes. So, I could forget about that damned sword and the life she had thrown me into without any care.
Then I could forget the way my heart thundered in my chest, how it crashed against my ribcage as it somehow lodged itself into my throat. How my lungs seemed to poison the air it breathed in, how every shuddered breath felt like thousands of blades ripping through my insides. That every moment spent thinking how much I'd rather be something I'm not was dangerous in a way I thought it could never be before. How the hurt was the reminder that…
I'm here and she's not.
But even as the noise made me forget, my eyes forced me to remember as they focused on that one figure I thought I could still trust in a village filled with my enemies. His brown eyes filled with that hatred: every moment and memory replaced and erased with the whispers they ushered into the ears of any who would listen – any who were fearful.
…I thought you wouldn't be afraid of me.
Even as you had aged beyond your sister. Even as your body was old and frail, and your hair had lost its youthful lustre… I thought I would never see that coldness reflecting from the eyes you shared with your sister. Not when your small hands used to clutch at my kimono so eagerly whenever we returned. Not with those secret glances we shared when you were hiding under fallen logs and arched root, so your sister wouldn't realize you had snuck out again.
But, yet again, I was wrong.
And it made me angry.
My surroundings whirled around once more, and I felt metal consume me. A hitched breath, eyelids fluttering as I watched my blood drip from the blade and pool against my stomach. The angry grooves running across my forehead smoothed, and I was left only with the anguish it was hiding. My body returned to me, and with that realization, my fingers twitched as that consuming cloud that shrouded my consciousness faded. Lodged into his chest, the slowing beat of the heart matching my own convulsed around my piercing grasp.
Scowling bitterly, I decided to cling to this. This agony that coursed through my veins, feeding the starved demon I had tried so hard to rid myself of after I left that village. The one that cared too little. The one that cared too much. The one that threw everything away just for that taste of vengeance to cleanse the anger I cultivated carefully.
"What a fool I was…" I spat those words at him like a curse, though it was directed at myself.
The world spun, disassembling into the darkness it was birthed from not too long ago. I fought back the frustration when my eyes glistened tearfully, focusing on sculpting a defiant look instead of noting the terror that clutched at me as the darkness neared.
"…To believe I belonged here."
And then everything disappeared as a deeper wound festered inside me.
O
My eyes flashed open, and my body lurched upwards in sync with the gasp that ripped through the quiet air. Unsettled, the feeling found a place in the pit of my stomach. Try as I might, it wouldn't fade even as I attempted to ignore it. Greedily, I gulped down the cool air that rustled the leaves above me as I glanced around me, adrenaline rushing through my body as I looked for any sort of danger.
I found none.
What I could see of the sky was grey, clouded over just enough to stop the sunlight from bearing down on the land, but didn't do much to obscure the bright light that filtered through the trees. Squinting my eyes at the contrast, I warily kept close watch on my surroundings as I waited for my racing heart to calm.
It was just a dream.
A memory.
I let out a small sigh as my right arm still hung limply at my side. The slight movement sent an electric pain shooting through the limb with the subtle brush of skin against the ground and my kimono. Considering that it was attempting to fix itself after being rejected by the Tenseiga and sliced by the Tessaiga, it was a miracle it was still attached. So, I tried not to feel irked by the pain of a thousand needles pressing tightly against the skin in comparison.
Instead, I decided to be annoyed by the angry pulsing of the scar line over my heart as the thunderous beating slowed. It stung, as it usually did after such a dream, but soon enough the itching pain ended just as my heart relaxed – or rather, I suppressed the feeling as I focused on other, more important, things.
Such as making my way over to Sesshōmaru.
It had been a few days, and I grow more and more restless with each passing day. I had thought that remaining still for a while would aid in the healing process but at this point I was wanting to move on again. I wasn't getting any closer to ridding myself of the scattered traces of Midoriko by resting – and the shorter the involvement I had with the demon lord, the less likely he'd leave me behind before he's no longer useful.
Nodding to myself, I slid up the bark of the tree with the help of my left hand. The forest was still quiet – the animals that live nearby had been scared off by the lord's presence in the area for a prolonged period. It was a perfect indication that it was time to move on already. My left hand ghosted over the sword that still found its place snugly against my hip.
Reaching down to grab Katashi's bow with my left hand, I started the walk further into the forest. My muscles ached – Tenseiga's refusal of my touch seemed to do quite a number on my body. But, the tenderness of my body couldn't be compared to the crippling pain in my right arm. Seeing as how Sesshōmaru's energy hadn't shifted from its place at all, it was safe to assume he was taking his time to heal… While the Tenseiga certainly did protect him from the majority of the wounds he would've sustained (that is, if he didn't get obliterated first), it was still the Tessaiga. A weapon forged from a Great Demon's fang – and an old one at that, too. It was unsettling to think about the power the demon lord would grow into with age – from what little I knew of Tōga's power, he was already quite close to that range of power.
An involuntary shiver ran down my spine.
Great Demons were amazing. With that amount of power, most life-threatening situations for regular demons could be shrugged off like brushing a leaf that landed lightly on the body. It meant no grovelling under those stronger than you – as you were the strongest. The times I had to subject myself to such a thing still left a bitter taste in my mouth: the unfortunate reality for the ruthless world demons thrive in. I wouldn't have it any other way, either. With demons, I knew exactly where I stood upon the first meeting: whoever had the most power was to be held in the higher regard.
With humans… They complicated everything that was simple with 'morality' and whatnot.
But, those thoughts are merely the remainder of a dream. Of a life long ago – one that didn't matter at all in this one. With that, I pushed the thoughts away and forged onwards through the branches and over the curled roots that lined the forest floor. With the morning sunlight still silently pouring through the canopy, I found Lord Sesshōmaru's form leaning against a tree trunk. Ivy wrapped around the tree, tangling its vines from root to branch, making the lord's striking white hair and fur train stand out more so than usual. His golden eyes had found my figure already, the anger born from frustration boiling under the hue as his face was as impassive as ever. Well… actually, that's not quite true.
Seems like irritation was the only emotion his face freely morphed into: the eyebrows pulled in tighter together, the slight squinting of the eyes, the way the line of his mouth was pulled downwards ever-so-slightly. With a quick scan of his injuries, it seemed that most of them had healed well – the blood that stained his skin and clothes was old. The rips in the fabric were still there, so he must be too weak to keep up appearances… Well, with all his energy going towards healing himself, no wonder he looked decent for getting hit with the Wind Scar. And, with how he was leaned against the tree, not matching the contemplative pose I saw him in frequently when he sat, his body had probably stopped him from moving so it could heal properly… It was a little refreshing to see so much with only a glance.
While I did enjoy seeing a Great Demon in this state – proving once again that even they aren't infallible – now wasn't the time to comment on it.
I briefly thought of doing so anyway, but reason seemed to win over amusement for once. I still needed to make sure I didn't annoy him enough to have him leave me behind when our goals are still aligned…
So, I approached silently. Meeting the warning in his gaze defiantly as I coolly ignored it. As expected, he didn't need (but mostly, didn't want) my help or my presence. Too bad he couldn't do anything about it right now. And what I decided to avoid in speech, I more than made up for in action.
As I went to kneel beside him, it was his voice that broke the silent conversation we shared, "I don't need your help." It was a snarled comment, eyes glaring into my own with a quiet anger. His voice didn't waver and was strong in its refusal in my aid.
Like father, like son: both just as foolish as the other.
"You mistake me for someone who cares for your needs, Lord Sesshy." Too bad I was used to hearing such comments when doing my job, and so was well-versed in ignoring them completely, "As I've told you before; I'm not that imp of yours, so don't think for a second that I'm acting without my own interests in mind."
The glaring intensified briefly, the golden eyes flashing with anger, but after a few moments they cooled as they looked off into the distance. Rather than seeming to be a dismissal of my words, the lord's gaze fixed on something beyond the trees as it approached – now that I listened for it I heard the not-so-subtle rummaging of a body through the forest. Seeing as how I hadn't picked up any demonic energy (and seeing as how Sesshōmaru was relatively unconcerned with their appearance), I focused my attention on healing the Great Demon.
Placing Katashi's bow to the side, my left hand hovered above the lord's curved stomach as it dipped to follow the curve of the roots he sat in. I felt his gaze flick towards me again, but I pointedly ignored it. While it wasn't as efficient as direct contact with the body, I figured that touching him right now might result in me losing a hand. Which wouldn't be the worst, but it certainly wouldn't be a favourable outcome either…
So, hand hovering an inch above his body, I guided my demonic energy into Sesshōmaru's wounded body. Just as before, there was no way I could match his energy, so the only way that my intrusive energy wouldn't be rejected would be for the patient to allow my energy to flow in tandem with their own. As weak as I was, having the Great Demon's energy attack mine would be… bad. Very bad. So, for just a second, I met the gaze that still watched me carefully.
And with it came a challenge: Reject it. I dare you.
It was infuriating how he still had all the power when he was so far from his usual level of strength. But, that was how things were. And he knew it. Sure, the pride of the demon lord was expected: his immediate refusal of my approach was merely a reaction of that. Certainly, his pride as a Great Demon would lead him to refuse my services a number of times… But if I knew anything of the wayfaring demon it was that he hated being stuck in one place as much as I did.
Surely someone as smart as Sesshōmaru could see that there was more benefit than harm in healing him quickly?
If not, this was a perfect chance to lay his foolish pride as the boundary that would not be crossed.
Just like his father.
But the second ended, and my eyes returned to their work as I felt no resistance come from Lord Sesshōmaru's energy. Focusing my attention on guiding my energy to the areas that needed the most help with the recovery, I vaguely understood who had approached. The same human girl who had approached me had also apparently found Sesshōmaru as well and settled down next to me at the lord's side. I felt her gaze on me for a moment, before offering Sesshōmaru an uncooked lizard and mouse on a broad leaf. A curious offering, confirming that the little girl was… stranger than I first thought her to be.
"Don't bother." From the corner of my eye, I saw the little girl let out a silent sigh as her excitement faded into what seemed to be disappointment.
Sesshōmaru's cold response was a little harsh, perhaps… But necessary. Humans only caused trouble when they thought themselves capable of understanding the way of demons. Better for them to not get involved than to quit half-way through. The girl had probably been lucky enough to not be in a hungry demon's path – if she had, this child's innocent behaviour in dealing with us would be non-existent.
"What happened to your face?" My eyes darted to Sesshōmaru, who had turned his face away from the both of us to look off into this distance. This time, however, it was to ignore our looks.
Why did he care what had happened to the child? Sure, she might have brought him things as she did with myself (which I assume he promptly refused)… But that couldn't possibly be enough to get attached? To a human child?
Of course.
Just when I thought I was beginning to understand him, it turns out that I don't understand him at all.
I spied the girl from the corner of my eye, seeing her open her mouth but no sound came out. As if the words got caught in her throat and she was left making these breathy sounds she soon gave up on. But, looking at her now, I could see what the lord was talking about. The little girl had all kinds of bruises and cuts on her face – the skin swelling into sickening welts that were darkening in the middle of the yellow sheen. Seeing how she never had any interaction with demons… did humans do this? To a child?
"…You don't have to say if you don't want to."
She smiled at that. With all sorts of bruises on her face pulling at her skin, she smiled as if she didn't have a care in the world with that simple statement…
I shrugged off the girl, refusing to get caught up in another human's life, and withdrew my energy from Sesshōmaru. While there wasn't much left to heal, the body still experienced a shock, and because of that it was refusing to move until the healing process had been completed. Now, with what little remains of his healing, Sesshōmaru should be ready to leave this place shortly.
Giving me just enough time to see if this village the girl comes from carried any quivers.
Standing up, I retrieved Katashi's bow and slung it over my shoulder. Holding it in place loosely, I turned to walk from Sesshōmaru, "Come, girl. I will return you to your village before we leave." With a pointed look behind me at Sesshōmaru, but his eyes only met mine as he matched my gaze until I looked away.
The girl glanced between me and Sesshōmaru, turning her whole body in order to do so as she stood up. Within a moment, as I started walking the direction she came from, I heard her hurry after me.
I couldn't care less about walking the girl back – I just wanted to check if there were any quivers I could acquire (forcefully or not). Not only that, but humans and demons had no place with each other – something this human cub seemed to make Sesshōmaru forget readily. He, of all demons, I thought would understand that. There was no way I would let that fester, not when I needed him to continue searching for Naraku instead of fussing over a human child.
Besides, the demon lord probably needed some time to restore his pride. Which is very hard to do with someone watching.
O
-Disclaimer-
I do not own the InuYasha movies, manga, or anime. The only thing I own are my characters and the fanfic!
O Reviews O
roronoacami: I'm glad to hear you liked the pseudo-reunion between the two of them - it's kind of nice to see Nozo have a long-standing relationship!
Yeah, with Sesshy how he is, any sort of acknowledgment is good! :)
I've been out of the fanfic writing for a bit, but I hope you had a great summer, Cami! :D
ferallahey: Mm, history is easy to misinterpret and twist into what you want it to be. Because no one can correct it when no one is still around from that time. But, hey! The Demon Slayers, well, they slay demons. To have a story that would make people start thinking of 'good' and 'bad' demons, and have demon slayers question whether or not they should slay demons... well, that's not very good for business.
Yes! I can't wait for little Rin to hopefully heal the painful memories that Nozo has carried with her for quite some time. If she can look past her... past... long enough to see it, that is!
IBO: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I guess we're screaming now?
tushmonkey: Thank you for remembering to review this time! I hope you continue to enjoy Nozo's story!
1. Sesshy's subtlety and perceptiveness is the hardest to write: but, it easily keep him in character! Having Rin around will be fun, as it'll slowly allow Sesshy to start showing more and more of what he thinks and feels, especially to Nozo, who is getting more adept at reading him! The romance between them is gonna be a slower burn because of it: they both need to learn how to let go, and how to embrace their feelings!
I'm glad that you find Nozo's frigid bitterness more hidden then Sesshy's... sort of open disdain!
2. Haha! Yeah, from what I've seen everywhere Toga does seem pretty charming: a mix between Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, I think. Friendly and energetic, but is also not afraid to decimate whoever stands in his way. Of course, that's not all there is to him, but for a general basis I think it fits him well - especially because we don't see much of him canonically!
3. SUNSHINE BABY IS A PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF RIN AND I WILL NOW USE IT HAPPILY.
4. Good question - Nozo did not activate Tenseiga's barrier. She knew it was going to protect Sesshomaru, but only Sesshomaru: and she would be left to face the Wind Scar alone. So, she decided to 'tag along' with the Tenseiga as it whisked Sesshomaru to safety, since there was no way she'd match up to the Wind Scar... But, like Tessaiga, it doesn't like to be touched by just anyone, and rejected her.
Hope that clears it up a little - I'm planning to explain that in the story when it becomes a relevant to the conversation/thought process, sooooooo wait for that to come out to get a more 'in depth' answer~!
5. Yeaaaaah humans are big fans of twisting history to suit their narratives. Unfortunately for Nozomi, the Demon Slayers believed that Nozo would taint the priestess's legacy and so cut her out in such a way that it would teach other Demon Slayers not to make friends with demons.
Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
O
Been busy with a project over the summer, so unfortunately didn't have time to write... But now that the semester's gonna be coming back soon, I hope to start writing fanfiction again!
Anywayyyy...
Next time on the LSL, an Inuyasha fanfic...
Rin, Nozo, and Sesshy.
NOZO GOING ON A LITTLE EXCURSION WITH OUR ADORABLE RAY OF SUNSHINE?
More Jaken and Nozo banter, probably...
The road to Tokijin is paved?
How will Rin's arrival change things between Sesshy and Nozo?!
You'll have to tune in next chapter to maybe find out... :3
