An: I reread the first chapter and it was just a work of art another chapter was well overdue

Ps, hermione granger will never be called mione someone pointed out that she's never been called that and now it's annoying as fuck

Pps that song was written in like 10 mins, cut me some slack.

Hogwarts stood tall and buff against the sick ass backdrop of stars and shit. It's towers swanned and the stonework veiny. This castle had some thicc guns. Just Harry stared up in amazement from his little boat. The girl next to him hermione granger talked plenty about how excited she was, that there had never been a lifter in her family, that she'd practiced some forms before arriving at hogwarts and how nervous she was for the sorting. Just harry just stared at the skinny girl. She had no gains just like him.

They arrived at the hench ass doors the large knockers upon them were 45 plates, shagrid knocked loudly on the door 10 times... For each arm "always was more of a rep guy mesel'"

mcgainogal opened the door "ack!" she said as she downed a single malt scotch "shagrid, are these the lifters? A dinae see a single gain among em... Well we'll sort tha right opt just like i did oor Wullie"

The hall was magnificent "the ceiling is enchanted to replay rich piana talking about all the drugs he used RIP I read that in hogwarts, ah history"

Harry spotted a emo teacher all pale and with like dark eye shadow and his barbell shaped scar hurt immensely.

"ack! There be 4 Hooses! Gryffinbro, hufflebuff, shavin'balls and slifteryn. This here rymin hat gon' sort you" mcgainogall pulled out a big ass wizard hat with a face on. It took one deep ass breath before belting out a banger

Get on the gains train

Fuck learning, that's your brains game

This here schools for liftin

There ain't no messin cuz

Just trainin

You go to Griffinbro you get the hoes

You get swole as fuck I ain't messin tho

The bitches there suck dick just for protein gains bro

Or head to hufflebuff where youre jacked and tan,

The women there have onlyfans

Theyll fingerfuck to make a buck

And the guys take tren and shag till ten

Or maybe you're more refined, and to shavin'balls you'll head

There's no carbs there so you better hate bread

You see it's all about what fits your macros and the calorie counting begins

Cheat meals there are the worst of sins

Finally the last and I'm all out of gas

Should you end up in slifterin?

I kid you not here broscience is art

You best come from lifters, genetics plays its part

You say you got slow gains and your calves just aren't swole

Thats down to your genes its not your fault youre small!

So come one come all and ill squat on your head,

ill read your thoughts and put them to bed

This mad hatter will sort you, correctly I bet

So step right up and you'll end up a head!

Applause rang out from all. "better than eminem!"

"Fo sho, heard he's got a deal with uber eats to sing a shit jingle"

"Eeee I love you hat! Fuck me!"

And so proceeded a bunch of weak ass first years to be sorted.

And let's get to the point, blond boy got put into slifterin, just Harry to Griffinbro with his soon to be lift buddies grangeting boom town and the redheaded dreaded weaselbro also big tits suzie got into hufflebuff and why she always got them big thick titties in fics?

Harry sat and drank his protein shake off the table. He was determined to make gains. "can i see it?" Ron asked. "See what?" Ron glanced around before saying "your scarbell" Harry lifted his hair up to reveal a silvery barbell the scar even had knurled grips. "Woah it's Olympic as well!"

Harry and Ron ran to transbiguration. They were late. Ron let out a massive sigh thank god mcgainogall isn't here! Could you imagine her face!" suddenly a kettlebell at the desk suddenly turned into mcgainogall."perhaps I should change one of you into a watch then maybe one of you would be on time"

"sorry brofessor we got lost"

"then perhaps a map made by 4 students with weird names that shows everyone in the castle hmm? Sit."

"ack! Noo transbiguration is nee joke! It's a serious and dangerous brofession and not to be taken lightly! There will be no tomfoolery or leg day skipping! I expect yees all ti have had a preworkout before and a protein shake after! Now first...

The lesson was great, just Harry already felt slightly bigger, next lesson was taught by brofessor biggius flick-chicks. He was a tiny brofessor but don't let that fool you! He had biceps twice the size of any man besides shagrid and dumbelldore.

With his chosen brofession though it made sense.

He squeaked as he read out the register, falling over when he read out just Harry's name.

"welcome all! Welcome to arms! Today we will begin with the most holy of all lifts in the church of iron. The preacher curl. With this we commune with the broly spirit and give thanks for are gains! The movement is like so, a lift and squeeze!"

Multiple preacher curl benches appeared with a flick of flick-chicks wand. Alot of the Griffinbros struggled.

Ron strained and growled, his face bright red and struggling to lift.

" no no no Ron your form is all wrong!"

" well let's see you do it then!"

hermione took out a note pad and pen, a protractor and began making calculations. Before primly sitting in the perfect position and lifting. She had all the weights stacked and was lifting like a pro.

"wow! Miss granger has done it! Bravo bravo! 10 points to Griffinbro!

It was this day that hermione granger became hermione growth hormone.