This story fits into the Remembrance fic. You can read the story on my profile, but it's not necessary. All you need to know is that Papyrus remembers resets and has some serious issues. Also, he does not want Sans to find out.
Warning: Implied self-harm
"Y-You told?" His voice is hoarse, barely a whisper. The look on his face is enough to make your gut twist painfully. Because you can't stand the fact that you caused it.
"What was I supposed to do?" You can't look at his face, so you don't. The betrayal in those eyes is killing you. But what were you supposed to do, really?
What is anybody supposed to do? When your best friend starts wearing only long-sleeved shirts. When the sleeves bunch up and there are small, red-rimmed markings across smooth white bones. When you see the pained expression on his face as he notices you saw. When you demand he tells you who did this, who's ass you need kick.
When he asks if you can keep a secret.
When he tells you he did it to himself.
When he says it feels good. That it's practically the only thing keeping him sane.
What are you supposed to do then?
Panic fills his eyes. He grabs your shoulders roughly, hard bone digging into soft flesh, and it hurts, but you don't say so. Because the sudden change in his demeanor leaves the words stuck in your throat.
"Who?! Who did you tell, Undyne?!" Maybe he's trying to shake you or maybe he's just trembling too hard to hold still. "I need to know-"
He is so frantic that it scares you. You automatically think back to all the times you thought him too naive to be in the royal guard. All the times you thought he couldn't face the cruelty of the world.
Right now, his tone speaks of experiences you can't begin to phantom.
Right now, he looks as if he could kill somebody.
And the fact that this anger is directed at you only makes it worse.
"Alphys!" you quickly say, laying your hands over his arms. The touch is meant to be comforting in some way, but it feels all wrong. Everything about this feels all wrong. "She's a doctor, she can-"
"Not Sans?" Something seems to break inside him. Perhaps his very soul. Relief washes over him, a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. But it feels wrong as well. Deranged.
When he lets go of you he is grinning like a maniac, but there is no humor in his eyes. He is shaking, now.
"Papyrus-" The sound of his name seems to break him out of a spell. He looks at you then, but there is something on his face that should not be there. "I'm sorry if-"
He laughs. He laughs, but it sounds more like he's just trying to breathe, but forgot how. He picks at his arms, picks at the cuts, in what is obviously a habit by now. It's painful to watch. "You know, Undyne. I thought I could trust you..."
There is so much you want to say to that. So many things you could say. But at the same time, you can't. Because his face is full of those things that you've been trying to protect him from all along.
Disappointment. Disillusionment. Hate.
Directed at you.
"I thought you were my friend. Friends don't tell secrets..."
Anger rises in you then. It boils from somewhere deep inside and you grasp it with both hands, harbor it, because it is familiar and easy, and the only thing that still makes sense to you.
"Friends don't keep secrets either."
You meant it as a mild reproach, but the words seem to hit him like physical blows. He hunches in on himself, almost shrinking under your gaze, and somehow, you just made it worse.
"Never mind..." He isn't looking at you anymore. "It's been a week since the human left. It won't be long now. And next time..."
He sighs, long and deep, and it's like you can see the weight of the world on his shoulder, crushing him. Like you can see him fading away before your very eyes.
"Next time I'll know not to trust you."
Tumblr: sharada-n
