Elena

Dear Diary,

Today has been a good day. We have been in Thailand for over a week now. I have always wanted to go to Thailand. Of course, not under these conditions. But Phuket really is breathtaking. The beaches are bluer than anything I have ever seen. (Even Matt's eyes). The sand is clean and warm. I love curling my toes underneath the little particles. The sun is always out. It is a drastic change from the snow in Bavaria. A good one though. Here, I do not feel as trapped as I did in the mountains. Don't be mistaken, I still feel like a prisoner. But the environment is so open, even our house feels open. It's a breath of fresh air really.

Kol and Klaus got back yesterday from some trip they had to take. Klaus does that a lot. Go on quick trips. Probably spreading mass death and torture. Kol does not usually go with him. He will occasionally make quick trips of his own. If Klaus is accompanied by another Original, it is most always Elijah. The two, despite their bickering, have probably the deepest bond of all the originals. Not that Rebekah isn't close to them, but it is different. I guess really nothing compared to the bond of brotherhood. But I mean, tell that to Finn. Klaus still keeps him locked in a coffin. I wonder why. I once asked Kol about Finn. He said he was boring. Never wanted the whole vampire thing. Different than Rebekah. Kol said Finn was just unfazed. Like nothing ever mattered. He said the only time Finn has ever shown emotion after turning was for a girl. Sage. That was her name. Kol says Finn was enchanted by her. Which was odd because Finn was always guarded. Scared to get close to anyone, even his siblings'. I learned that there was another sibling before Elijah was even born. Freya. They don't speak much of her but until our recent awkwardness, Kol has answered all my questions. He was Esther's firstborn. Unfortunately, sickness took her. It's sad but I also cannot imagine another Mikaelson running around. Kol says she and their dad were close. And that after his little girl's death, he changed. That was the only ever mention of their father. When I asked, Kol, he told me not to push it. So, I never did.

I wish Kol and I still had our little conversations. But things are different now. He has feelings for me, and I will not allow myself to reciprocate. But it is hard. Like really hard. My body is telling me to grab him but my brain is won't allow it. Being in the same room as he is beyond difficult. One of the hardest challenges I have ever faced. I cannot bring myself to look into his eyes. His deep brown eyes are so comforting and reassuring. Eyes that leave me hypnotized.

I spend most of my time with Rebekah. Every day we become closer. She is not as much of a bitch as I used to think. Which is surprising. She is really smart though. Like really smart. I guess if you are alive for a thousand years, you learn a thing or two. She has become my confidant. But it is not like I can talk to her about her brothers.

Klaus. Well, Klaus was in such a good mood yesterday after they returned. It was weird. Like very weird. I guess their trip was successful. He has avoided me though. More than usual. I am really unsure of what to make of that.

Elijah and I have begun talking more again. I guess he is finally forgiving me for calling home in Berkshire. The conversations began brief but over the past two weeks, they have returned to our introspective and confiding selves. Despite the reboot, I find myself still preferring Rebekah's company. Maybe because I miss Caroline and Bonnie. It is nice to have female friends. You talk about different things than you do with men. Clothes, boys, nails, etc.

Now I know this entry is very surface level. My words lacking metaphors and complex introspection. Honestly, it might be because I am tired of thinking. Thinking about Kol, about missing home, about trying to understand the motivations of Klaus Mikaelsom. It's not that I cannot put the words to paper, but I just do not want to. To agonize over emotions that I cannot control. So here I am writing what appears to be a summary of my day.

And my last thought for tonight. See Rebekah promised me that if something happens to me or if I am still here in exactly ten years from the new year, she will give all my journal entries to you, Jeremy. So that maybe you won't feel so distanced from me.

So…

Dear Jeremy,

First and foremost, I miss you. I love you more than you could ever know. It pains me that I am not able to be with you. To be your family. To watch you become a great man. But I know that's where you're headed. I hope nothing but the best for you. So if you're reading this. And for some reason, you're still stuck in the supernatural drama. Leave. Go live your life. All I want is for you to be happy. To fall in love, like deeply in love. Have kids. And one day, if I find my way back to you, laugh with my niece or nephew. Hopefully both. I love you Jer. And I hope you never read this. But know that I am not completely miserable. I mean I am. I miss you. But there are moments where I find a glimpse of happiness here. You probably hate that I have feelings for an original or that I am befriending Rebekah. But these little things are how I get myself out of bed every morning. But the main reason is that I know that you're okay. I hope you stopped looking for me. And I hope you found happiness. That you escaped all the death and devastation that comes with our life. I wish I could hug you right now. And hopefully, you find comfort in these journals. That you are able to know what I have been doing and that I'm not locked away somewhere. Again. I really do love you, Jeremy

Love always,

Your sister.

And with that, I close my journal. My hand is cramping from writing for an hour. I place my journal on the white desk in the corner of the room. The pen adjacent.

I go to the bathroom. Wash my face. I love washing my face. My skin feels refreshed every time I do. Sometimes, if it is an especially boring day – I wash my face three times. Otherwise, always in the morning and always at night.

I go to the bathroom. Brush my teeth. And floss. I never flossed before being taken away. Maybe because I have a lot more time on my hands now so why not. The first few times I floss actually blood seeped out of my gums. It was much needed.

Finally, I tuck myself under the covers. The blanket is satin. And the mattress feels like it was made of pillows. I will say, this is without a doubt the comfiest bed I have ever slept in. I turn off the lamp on my dresser, and I fall asleep.

The next morning, I wake up and feel extremely well-rested. I complete my morning routine. Last night Rebekah and I said we were going to get a good tan in. Not that she can actually tan being dead and all. This is pretty much all we have done since arriving in Thailand. We spend every day on the beach connected to our house. Because I am still not allowed to leave. She went to town when we first arrived and bought me a month's worth of brand-new bathing suits. They're all super cute. She does have great taste. So, I put on my suit, my sunglasses, and a cover-up. And I head downstairs.

The living room is open. Windows aligns the wall that faces the beach. As well as a sliding door that leads to the patio. The patio is on top of the sand, so we are surrounded by the beautiful waters of Thailand. A view I could never get sick of. I sit in a white chair with light wooden pegs. The room itself is decorated very beachy. Everything about the décor is light and airy. Rebekah picked everything out herself. I'm sure the men couldn't care less.

It is beginning to feel less like a prison every day. A thought that is difficult for me to think.

As were laying on the beach, Lisa joins us on the lounge chairs. I like Lisa. She is a hybrid but not cocky like the others. This is the second time we have invited her to join us. Having a new company is appreciated. I don't think Klaus is a big fan of us befriending her. But he cannot expect me to talk to the same four people forever. It is good to get a little change.

"So where did Klaus end up taking you?" I ask Lisa as we are laying on the chairs. Our eyes are closed so we're not actually facing each other. Just sunbathing.

"You know Klaus in his missions," Lisa says. "You know I can't actually tell you guys." Another reason I like talking to Lisa is that it doesn't feel less formal. Yeah, she is older, 26. But she doesn't speak in the formal millennial old language that the Mikaelson's do. Lisa is absolutely beautiful. She has dark brown hair which may even be considered black. Her face is perfectly symmetrical. Even her freckles appear symmetrical. Her eyes are hazel. The brown around the rim deflects from the otherwise darker green eyes. I admire her eyes; they are highlighted in the sun. Lighting up her entire face. Her lips are very full and plump. She also has a very toned body. Her arms have clear muscles, and she has abs. They're not extremely buff but appear in a bikini. She could be a runway model. Yet, like the badass, she is she chose the military. Served for almost four years. She entered the military immediately after college and was stationed in Germany. That's how Klaus found her. She activated her werewolf gene within the first week of being in active duty. I guess if you were going to trigger the werewolf curse, the military would be a more acceptable route. Not that taking a life is ever acceptable.

"Worth a shot," I say. Lisa giggles. Rebekah releases a small smile. Lisa does laugh a lot. A laughter that is contagious. Rebekah laughs only if something is so funny that Lisa and I would have to be hysterical.

I also know Rebekah knows. Klaus pulled her away from our conversation when they got back two nights ago. I assume he explained everything. Like Klaus, Rebekah's mood has also increased since their return. In fact, all the Mikaelsons' have.

After a few hours on the beach, I feel exhausted from the sun. I had fun though. Lisa told us about Benjamin. Klaus's first hybrid other than Tyler. Her and Benjamin have been flirting a lot. She is really into him. She likes to bring him up whenever he can be relevant to the conversation. I do not mind. I used to do that when Stefan and I first got together. I couldn't shut up about him. Benjamin and Lisa remind me of that giddy feeling I used to have with Stefan.

Lisa heads back to the hybrid house next door as Rebekah and myself walk inside. After a good shower, I feel cooled down. I brush my hair, put on some sweatpants, and head for lunch.

Klaus still insists we all eat together. With a compelled human serving us. The hybrids join us for dinner but not for lunch. We never eat breakfast together. It's nice to have that break.

Another compelled human acts as our chef. I know Klaus pays them. The two people are local, and I guess this is their job. They remember serving us, just forget anything they overhear and that we're vampires. So, when they return home, they just remember serving a normal family. Nothing special.

Lunch was delicious. We had sushi. A favorite of mine.

Kol, like always is seated directly across from me. I know he stares at me, but like always I pretend not to notice in order to avoid any eye contact. Avoiding Kol has become a specialty of mine. We chat about our day as usual. Halfway through the meal the conversation actually gets interesting. Something about someone named Michael.

"Who's Michael?" I ask.

Everyone immediately stares at me. Like I just said the biggest taboo. I gulp in awkwardness.

"Why not tell her? I mean he's gone and it's not like she doesn't know things that others outside our family are unaware of," Elijah contests.

"I suppose," Klaus places his elbows on the table. Lifts his forearms. Then intertwines his hands. A stern look indicating the topic is serious.

"Mikael is our father," his words shock me. I know they have to have a father. I have learned their mom was the witch that cursed them. But their father. He was a topic I was instructed to avoid. "During Kol and my most recent travel, we killed him." Now I am in shock. Frozen for a second.

"So, Michael, he wasn't an original?" I ask warily.

I can tell Klaus is more hesitant to tell me the next part. "Mikael was an original. Before you get any ideas, the weapon that killed him no longer exists. Destroyed with him. So don't get any ideas."

Of course, I would get an idea. A weapon to kill an original. Not dagger. But kill. Is Klaus lying? Is the weapon really destroyed? Or do they just not want me digging? Because obviously, I am going to dig. Not to kill them, okay maybe Klaus, but to just leave. Then the next thought that crossed my mind was darker. What could Michael possibly have done to deserve being killed by his son's hands? How horrible of a father was he?

"May I ask why?" I get up the courage to say.

"Mikael wasn't exactly the father of the millennial," Kol interjects.

"Elena, you know how Klaus came from another father. How our mother had a lover," Elijah questions. I nod. "Well in revenge, Mikael killed our mother. Murdered her. Even before he wasn't exactly loving. He never praised. He even…. Never mind." Elijah shakes his head. Careful to watch his boundaries of what he can reveal. "Elena Mikael wanted us all dead. To reverse the evil, he unleashed. See he made us strong to protect us, not to be bloodthirsty. To him, we are nothing but evil, a monster that was never meant to exist. He chased us for centuries. Trying to kill us. Especially Niklaus. He was a constant reminder of our mother's infidelity." Elijah looks at Klaus with caution. Klaus readjusts himself revealing his unease with the subject. "Anyways, Mikael is gone now, and we are free now." Elijah clears his throat.

That was a lot of information to process. I never imagined the original family fearing anything. I always thought of them at the top of the food chain. But they were running.

"Ironic," I whisper to myself. A foolish act as all of them have supernatural hearing.

"And why is that?" Klaus questions.

I refuse to answer. And not another word is spoken for the rest of the meal.

After lunch, I go to my room and turn on the television that faces the black couch. The room is much larger than the one in the mountains. More of a living space, which makes avoiding the common areas easier.

After a few episodes of friends, I hear a knock on the door. I ask who it is. Kol answers. After a quick thought, I convince myself to allow him to enter. He does. Kol sits on the other end of the sofa.

"Look, there are things that shouldn't know. I mean the more family secrets you learn, the less likely you are ever to be set free. Elena, I know you are curious, but it might be best if you just ignored family subjects," Kol informs me.

I know his warning is sincere. And he's right. If I want to leave, knowing the most powerful and secretive family better than anyone would hurt my chances. Not to mention those who would love to know the information I have. Those who are enemies to the Mikaelson's.

"But couldn't you just compel me to forget everything?"

"Sometimes compulsion can disappear. A thought my brother is aware of. It's difficult and takes a powerful witch but it can happen. Do you understand?"

I nod my head. He gets up and begins walking to the door.

"Kol wait," I call out for him. Kol stops immediately in his tracks and turns to face me. "I miss talking to you."

He lets out a smile. "I miss talking to you too."

Now I smile.

"I'm sorry. For everything," I say.

Kol sits back down on the couch. This time he is directly beside me leaving no room for misunderstanding. "Elena Gilbert. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I told you I'll wait."

We're so close I can hear him breathing. I lower my eyes and speak, "you know, you may be waiting forever."

He places his right hand on my cheek. His touch is warm. I missed his touch. "It's a good thing that I'm immortal." With those words he moves his head closer to mine, kissing the top of my head. It's a slow kiss. One that took great restraint. And with that, he walks out my bedroom door. Leaving me filled with more confusion yet more delight.