Disclaimer: I don't own the Hobbit!
A/N: Thank you all for the reviews you left me. They were a wonderful New Years gift! I'm so happy that you like what's happening so far and I too feel bad for what I put Bilbo through.
Unfortunately my University is silly and decided to start classes up again today instead of on the 7th like every other school so I won't be able to work on this as much as I'd like to. Still to make up for it here's a slightly longer chapter than the previous. Enjoy!
Chapter 2
Bilbo woke up naked but thankfully alone. He was sore and felt dirty. He wanted to clean all the dirt and grime and, most pressingly, he wanted to be rid of the evidence of last night from his body.
He dressed himself in his clothes which lay on the floor and then headed for the door. Outside the room he met up with the same orc from yesterday. "Take me someplace to clean up," Bilbo said shortly. He wasn't in the mood to be polite and definitely didn't want to hear any of the greetings the orc had to offer him.
"Of course, my lord." The orc led him further underground until they hit an underground spring. Bilbo told the orc to leave him alone and then did the best he could to feel clean. He practically rubbed his skin raw but that was what it took to finally forget the feel of Azog on his body.
When Bilbo left the water he saw that his old clothes were missing. In their place was leather orc armour in his size. He considered his only option and thought, 'Why the hell not?' He was already stuck with orcs for the foreseeable future, and the armour was cleaner than his clothes.
"What now, my lord?" the orc had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, startling the hobbit. What to do now, that was a good question.
"Where is Azog?" Bilbo asked—he needed time and space away from the pale orc to accomplish his objectives: kill the orc and leave this place. An ugly expression appeared on the orc's face which prompted Bilbo to ask what was wrong.
"His majesty is out with a hunting pack following the dwarves' trail and because I was chosen to be a part of your guard I could not join." Bilbo looked at the orc in surprise. He didn't know that orcs could feel anything other than anger, fear and hunger.
Something other than surprise must have appeared on Bilbo's face because the orc suddenly became angry. "I don't need some Halfling pitying me," he growled out.
"I don't pity you!" Bilbo sputtered out. "What's your name anyway?" Bilbo didn't want to keep denoting the orcs by numbers or descriptors like 'the guide' in his head when there were hundreds of orcs in the nest—he could see it becoming confusing very quickly. Additionally, he now had proof that they weren't just primal beings, consuming and destroying wherever they went—they had individual thought too.
"I am called Gurak," Bilbo's guide answered with a strange expression on his face.
"Well then Gurak," Bilbo said clearing his throat and fiddling with his shirt. "Our next order of business will be getting something to eat and meeting up with the rest of my guard. I want to get to know the people who are supposed to protect me."
Gurak made a strange sound which resembled a disbelieving snort but otherwise made no sound of complaint. Gurak let Bilbo outside and into the surrounding forest where he made some guttural sounds and caught the attention of five other orcs and two goblins who were bickering with others in the surrounding forest. Gurak made a few more words before switching to the common tongue.
"These are Bazul, Ushnar, Khargol, Arob and Marad, the only female in your guard." Gurak said, pointing to each of the orcs one by one. Bilbo couldn't help but try to spot any difference between the female orc and the males but he saw none. "These two are Rem and Zragd," Gurak finished.
"Right err, it's good to finally know your names." Bilbo said as he placed the name to the face of each orc or goblin. It was no easy feat because they all looked so similar. "So, shall we go find food?"
Gurak nodded to Bilbo's guard and then his guard all let out a shrill whistle. The ground shook as eight wargs ran towards their riders. Each orc and goblin easily swung themselves up onto their warg leaving Bilbo standing there the only one without a mount. It appeared as if they would have to hunt their food and once again Bilbo was feeling a bit lost.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Let out a whistle and call your warg," Gurak said with much exasperation, as if he were talking to a child.
"My warg? I don't have one," Bilbo replied, absolutely flummoxed.
"Your warg chose you last night when you defeated Bor in battle. Now hurry it up little lord. We're all starving," Gurak said, annoyed.
Bilbo decided there was no harm in amusing Gurak's assumptions and let out his best whistle; it wasn't as shrill as the orcs' or goblins' but was still a decent volume. It was a surprise when he heard the stomping of warg feet and then out of the forest a magnificent silver warg appeared. Bilbo turned to look at his astonished guard and gave them the first real grin he'd had since he left the Shire.
"Shall we go hunt?"
It was already late afternoon when Bilbo and his guard set out for their hunt—Bilbo had apparently slept the entire day away—which was a good thing since orcs and goblins favoured the darkness to the light. Their wargs quickly smelt a herd of deer a few miles out and the group began racing towards their prey. The only weapon on Bilbo's person was his elvish sword, which had been returned to him by Gurak after he had called his warg, and so wasn't very helpful in taking down the deer.
His guard and their wargs took down three deer in total, all old or previously injured because apparently orcs and goblins actually cared about the future populations of their meals. They shared their spoils amongst everyone, including the wargs, and ate their fill. What they didn't finish they placed into rawhide bags for later.
While the orcs, goblins, and wargs were fine off a diet of pure protein, Bilbo needed some greens mixed in with his meals so asked for an extra bag when his guard was packing up the extra meat so that he could collect some apples from the nearby tree he had spotted.
The hobbit easily climbed up the tree which amazed the orcs and goblins since they were terrible climbers. "Marad wants to know what you're doing up a tree," Gurak translated for the female orc when she asked a question.
"I'm collecting apples. They're sweet red fruit," Bilbo answered. He looked downwards to see the curious looks of his guard and decided to let them have a taste. "Here, try some," he called out before dropping one into Marad's open hands. The female orc looked at the strange food and gave it a whiff. There was nothing wrong with its scent and so she bit into it only to spit it out right away and make a strange hacking sound. She let out what Bilbo assumed were curses which caused the other orcs and goblins to laugh. Bilbo couldn't help but join in.
He climbed back down the tree with his bag full of apples and then gave Marad an apologetic look. "I guess you all really are carnivores," Bilbo said before biting into one of the apples he collected. His guard gave him disgusted looks but Bilbo just smiled in response.
The group climbed back onto their wargs and headed back to the nest. Once there, Bilbo turned towards his guard and asked them what they usually do now.
Gurak translated Bilbo's question to the others and then said, "We usually talk or fight amongst ourselves or we sleep."
"Right okay… Well, I'd really like to learn how to speak your language and how to use a bow and arrow since I don't think throwing a spear is something meant for my stature."
Gurak conversed with the guard before it seemed they came to an agreement. "I'm the only one who knows the common tongue. so it falls to me to teach you orcish. Once you're decent at that, Rem has offered to teach you the goblin tongue. Zragd and Marad will switch off with teaching you how to use a bow and you will train with your sword skill with Bazul and Ushnar since your technique is atrocious. You were very lucky that you won against Bor. Khargol and Arob will teach you how to properly ride your warg. Today, you were just hanging on to the silver one's fur, afraid to fall off—it was offensive to see you ride."
Bilbo opened his mouth to make a spiteful comment about how he wasn't born for this kind of life before thinking better of it. It didn't matter what kind of life he led in the past because this was his life now and he needed new skills if he wanted to survive. So instead of complaining Bilbo took the harsh criticism and gave his guards a nod before asking, "What do I learn first?"
And so, Bilbo's sleeping schedule changed and during the days he would sleep in the barracks where his guard slept—he refused to sleep in the bed where Azog took him. At nights they would all go on a hunt and then come back to the nest where Bilbo would learn orcish and later the goblin language.
He shot arrows until his fingers could no longer pull back the bow string, swung his sword until his arms groaned and perfected his warg riding abilities until the rest of his body was sore. He stopped his studies only to eat on the short breaks he insisted on having—his guard may survive on one big feast of meat at night but Bilbo needed to eat throughout the time that he was awake.
During his training, Bilbo and his guards slowly got to know each other better and Bilbo surprised himself when he realized that he had begun to feel at ease with them. They were so different from hobbitfolk, and dwarven folk too but less so, Bilbo didn't know how to feel about that change that had occurred in him to be able to accept races who lived so differently compared to how a gentle hobbit should live. It wasn't a thought that he lingered on because doing so caused internal strife that he didn't need—he still had the threat of Azog's return over his head and he needed to be focused on his primary goal.
One night, about a week after Azog had left to look for Thorin, the schedule that Bilbo and his guard had set up was disrupted unexpectedly. It was during one of Ushnar's sword fighting lessons; Bilbo noticed the orc becoming more and more agitated. The orc's movements during their spar were becoming more sloppy as a result and Bilbo quickly put a stop to their bout with a well-placed strike, leaving Ushnar without a sword.
"What is it?" Bilbo asked in orcish. He was now fluent enough to hold simple conversations; being surrounded by only orcs and goblins really quickened the language learning process.
Bilbo's question only served to make Ushnar even more agitated which caused Bilbo to look around for the orc's initial trigger.
In the distance he saw a group of orcs looking in their direction and while Bilbo couldn't hear what they were saying he knew that orcs had better hearing and whatever they were saying had to be insults in Ushnar's direction.
A strange anger filled Bilbo's blood as he walked over to the group of orcs. Outwardly he looked calm, but really he was ready to give those orcs a tongue-lashing with a splash of violence, because they compared to Ushnar, they were nothing in Bilbo's eyes. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that this was not how he usually behaved, but he placed those thoughts aside where he would consider them later because he had to focus on his current objective: teach the orcs who was their superior.
"Could you repeat what you said about my guard?" Bilbo asked calmly in orcish once he was a couple of feet away from the group of orcs. The orcs stopped their chatter and turned to sneer at Bilbo. Before one of them could say a word though Bilbo raised his sword and held it level to the nearest orc's throats.
"Do not forget that you speak to your king's mate. Be careful how you act." The guttural sounds of the orc tongue made his words all the more menacing and the orcs quickly adapted a more submissive stance. None of them dared to speak out what they had said earlier fearing the resulting punishment.
"Well? I'm waiting." Bilbo brought his glowing blade closer to the orc's neck so that it actually gave the orc a small nick after which the orc finally began to speak.
"We called Ushnar your bitch since he does whatever you please. We also talked about how he had become weak since he was an esteemed warrior and now he is stuck teaching…" the orc hesitated to continue but one look at Bilbo's glare made him go on, "he is now teaching a child how to walk."
"I see," Bilbo withdrew his sword. "And I am this child you speak of." The silence from the group of orcs was more than enough confirmation.
"Draw your swords," Bilbo said after a moment of contemplation. A voice inside his head panicked and asked what the hell he was doing but Bilbo squashed it down and kept his eyes focused on the group of orcs who were confused but had drawn their swords.
"Now attack me." The orcs looked at each other, flummoxed but Bilbo was dead serious in his order. "I said attack me!" he yelled out in orcish and attacked the nearest orc. The orc defended himself and the other four finally understood what Bilbo wanted them to do and attacked the small hobbit.
Just a couple of weeks ago Bilbo would have been terrified and ran away but now he was dodging and attacking with such grace and finesse that he easily knocked away each and every sword out of the orcs' hands.
The orcs stared at Bilbo with frightened eyes expecting death to be their sentence. "I should kill you," Bilbo began earning whimpers from the orcs. "You forgot your place beneath me and beneath my guard," he continued.
"We're sorry, we were only joking," one of the orcs cried out.
"Then learn to hold your tongues!" Bilbo shouted in response. He paused for a moment, taking pleasure in their scared forms. The voice from before came back and asked what the hell Bilbo had become, but Bilbo didn't care. He couldn't keep acting the way he did in the Shire because otherwise, he wouldn't survive.
"I won't kill you," Bilbo finally said, giving the orcs relief. "But you forget your place again and I won't hesitate to chop off your heads."
"Don't forget that you're my bitches," Bilbo said before turning his back on them and heading towards Ushnar who was staring at him with something akin to reverence.
After that night, Bilbo's guard started looking at him differently. Before, there was respect, not a lot of it, but he did kill their second in command in a one on one fight, no matter if it was by sheer luck. There was also a lot of annoyance since they had to teach Bilbo every orc and goblin custom. Now though, the respect was overwhelming and Bilbo felt that they may also, dare he think it, trust him. The notion was absurd, but once Bilbo began to reflect on how he viewed his guard he would actually say that he trusted them too.
Bilbo's comradeship towards his guard was tested one night when they went a little too far north-east from their territory and came too close to wood elf territory. It just so happened that a group of elves were scouting the perimeter of their forest and they caught sight of Bilbo and his company with their superior elf vision.
Bilbo's company continued riding, unaware of the danger they were in, and then to Bilbo's far right Arob gave out a cry as he was shot off of his warg. "Elves!" the orc yelled out in the Black Speech.
It was a testament to how much Bilbo had grown to care about his guard that his first thought was not 'Elves! I am finally saved,' and instead it was 'Damn it, we've come too close to elf territory, we need to turn back!' It didn't even occur to the hobbit to leave his company behind.
By now, the rest of the orcs and goblins in his pack had turned towards where the elves were and got ready to attack.
"No! Turn back," Bilbo ordered as he turned his warg around to go towards Arob. He held his arm downwards and grabbed Arob's outstretched arm before he used all his strength to pull the orc onto his silver warg.
Bilbo checked to make sure that the others had followed his orders and thankfully they had. The hobbit then turned towards Arob who sat behind him and he asked, "Can you ride on your own?"
The orc grunted an agreement and before whistling to call his warg back to him. Bilbo's silver warg and Arob's warg moved side by side and then Arob leapt the distance so he was seated on his warg.
"Good, go follow the others. The elves will be on our trail. I'll distract them long enough for you to get to a safe distance."
Arob looked hesitant to leave the person he was supposed to be protecting alone with elves, but eventually gave in after Bilbo reminded him who was in charge. Once Arob was a good enough distance away, Bilbo whispered some commands to his warg before leaping down and holding his hands up in surrender. He made sure to hold up his elvish sword too to make the story he was about to spin more believable.
"Please don't shoot!" Bilbo yelled out in the common tongue. Fear was clear on his face for the elves to see. Bilbo hoped to the Valar that they didn't notice him speaking in orcish earlier otherwise his act would be over before it even began.
A group of five elves emerged from the trees, all as beautiful as Bilbo remembered the elves to be in Rivendell. They looked over him suspiciously, their bows still drawn and ready to fire.
"Who are you? Why are you with the orcs?"
"I'm Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit from the Shire," Bilbo sputtered out. "I was travelling with a group of dwarfs and the wizard Gandalf when the orcs captured me. I'm so glad you're here. I was able to escape my captors whilst you attacked them. For that I am grateful." Bilbo gave them what he hoped was an innocent and relieved smile. Thankfully, it worked as most of the elves began to lower their bows.
"We know of the dwarfs you speak of, and Gandalf is a good friend of the elves. Come, we'll help you find your way back to your companions," one of the elves said, holding out an inviting hand.
Not all of the elves were convinced, however, and one was eyeing the tattoo on Bilbo's neck. Bilbo saw the elf's eyes widen in recognition and he opened his mouth to tell the other elves what he spied but it was already too late. Bilbo's warg had returned just as he had told it too and Bilbo pulled himself up as his warg raced by and quickly began weaving in and out of the trees to dodge the flying arrows from the angry elves whom he had deceived.
Once Bilbo was far enough to give him confidence that he had lost the elves, he gave a sigh of relief. Thank the Valar that elves weren't infallible.
When Bilbo met up with his company, he found them arguing amongst themselves. He couldn't make out what they were saying because they were all speaking at the same time. "What's this all about?"
His guard turned towards him, a lot of them showed surprise while a few looked smug. "I told you he would return!" said Arob.
"Well of course I came back. I was only distracting them so you could get away," Bilbo frowned. He didn't know why he was upset. If he were in their position, he'd probably think that he had run away too.
"Why did you even tell us to run? We could have fought them," Gurak retorted angrily.
Bilbo's grimace deepened. "Fought them, yes. Won, no. The elves had the advantage. They know their forest like the back of their hand while we made huge targets on the back of wargs. They would have hidden up in their trees and we wouldn't be able to give them a scratch let alone kill any of them. Or have you forgotten what happened to the orcs who followed the dwarfs near Rivendell. They were all but slaughtered."
Gurak looked away and growled. He didn't want to say it but he knew that Bilbo was right.
"Right then. Anyone else have any issues with what just happened?" The others all shook their heads.
"Arob, can you still join us hunting, or do you need to go back?" Bilbo asked. He had almost forgotten about the orc's wound with everything that had happened.
"They only clipped my shoulder. I'll be fine."
With everything in order, the group got back on their wargs and continued to look for their night's food. They came across a wild horse which they easily took down to eat that night. Bilbo gave his share to his warg because every time he thought of the horse, he ended up thinking of the pony he had ridden from the Shire and couldn't stomach it. So instead, he ate apples and berries he found in the forest.
There was an awkward silence over the group while they ate. It was the goblin, Zragd who finally broke it.
"Tell us what happened with the elves. It is not easy fooling their race."
Bilbo looked up from his food in surprise. They'd never shared stories of their adventures before. Nevertheless, his companions looked interested in what he had to say so he shared his story. He talked about how he used the elvish blade to help his image as a captured innocent and how scared he was that they would overlook his hobbit appearance and focus on the orc armour he wore.
He recounted how he had convinced most of the elves that he was harmless and would have succeeded in fooling them all had it not been for one of the few suspicious elves recognizing his tattoo. They all shared a laugh when Bilbo shared how the elves' faces had turned ugly and red when they found out they had been tricked.
When Bilbo realized that he was laughing about how he'd tricked elves, the race he had idolized so much, he couldn't help but laugh even harder. He never thought he would be in this position: laughing with the supposed enemy. Much later on, he would recount this moment to his nephew as one of his fonder memories.
Bilbo felt weird thinking it, but he was happy here with orcs and goblins who respected him and listened to him. He only remembered feeling such joy in his youth when he was out looking for elves in the bushes of Hobbiton.
The feeling carried on for the next few days but it couldn't stay. Not when he was still technically Azog's captive. The pale orc would eventually return and he did return. Three weeks after he left, Azog came back to the nest in the middle of the night, angry and accompanied by less orcs than the number that left with him.
It was obvious that Thorin and the others had escaped his grasp again, for which Bilbo was grateful. Still, it meant that Azog was in a mood and only one thing would console him. Bilbo, however, refused to let anyone or anything ruin him again.
Edit Feb 2021: This is where the 2013 version on FF ended. The rest will be edited versions from livejournal and new stuff.
