Synopsis: Willie returns to the Old House and wants Barnabas to teach him vampire stuff, but She Who Must Be Obeyed has other plans.
Barnabas was first to find his voice. "Oh, good lord," he sighed. "If you are now a vampire, civilization, as we know it, is at an end."
"Call me Mercutio from now on."
"I will do no such thing. Close the window and come down from there. Just because you can now scale walls doesn't mean you have to, or that it's appropriate."
Willie tossed down his satchel and dropped to the floor. "First off, I wanna learn how to fly."
"Oh, be quiet." Barnabas turned his attention to Dr. Hoffman. "Julia, this is an unexpected turn of events," he said with calibrated calmness. "It will no doubt make an interesting footnote in your medical report."
"Just a minute, I'm taking notes." Indeed, Julia was scribbling away in her journal. She crossed to Willie. "Open up," the doctor instructed, poking inside his mouth with a penlight. Then she messed up his hair checking the laceration, unbuttoned his shirt and examined the bullet wounds, noting her findings in the book. "When did this condition begin?"
Condition? "Yesterday—no, last night. I woke up in the morgue."
"This should not have happened." Julia muttered with consternation, putting a stethoscope to his chest. "Take off your jacket."
"Really?" Willie retorted. "Barnabas fed me vampire blood on Christmas night, then you pumped in some more. What did ya think was gonna happen?"
"This is all new to us." The doctor rolled up Willie's sleeve and brought forward a hypodermic, but he quickly pulled away.
"Goddamit , woman, what is it with you and needles?"
"Willie, do as you're told for once," Barnabas said wearily. He stood by the window, withdrawn.
"I want to run some tests," Julia explained, taking back Willie's arm with her usual air of authority. "We must figure out why this happened after you were dead for almost two weeks." She drew her sample.
"It's takin' a long time for you to make Barnabas human again. Maybe it works like that the other way too."
The older vampire peered through the drapes. "The sun is about to rise."
"Do you want me to drive Dr. Hoffman back to Collinwood?" the young man asked.
"That won't be necessary. We have made other arrangements."
Willie stopped in the process of rolling down his sleeve. "Is there another little boy sleeping in my bed?" he asked deliberately, paraphrasing his childhood storybook.(6)
"What was I to do? You abandoned me." Willie recognized the beginning of one of the boss's rants, usually a list of grievances in which his heedless servant was invariably the culprit.
"For some unfathomable reason, you ignored my wishes by drinking in a tavern where you overheard things you shouldn't have. Then, in an act of seeming betrayal to me, you broke into Miss Evans' bedroom in yet another failed attempt to save a woman who shows her gratitude in very unorthodox ways. I hope finally your obsession with her has been quelled."
Willie lumbered into a corner by the armoire and slumped onto the floor. The master always knew just which verbal swords would deflate his delicate ego, plus he was receiving no sympathy at all for being dead.
"After being slaughtered as a result of your misguided bravado, there was no one to care for the house and watch over me in the day, so I enlisted the services of Harry Johnson," Barnabas continued.
"Fuck, no—anyone but him!" Willie jumped up, railing. "He's a stupid, cowardly criminal who drinks too much."
Both Barnabas and Julia gave him a look, their brows raised.
"What?" Willie scowled at the couple when they declined to respond.
"Oh. You think I'm being hypocritical," he sneered. "Yeah, I know that word, and maybe that's what I am, but you made a big mistake. You shoulda picked Buzz Hackett. He's smart; I bet he'd really like the books in your library."
Then again, Buzz didn't deserve a life of involuntary servitude. Willie remembered times when his employment at the Old House was far from pleasant. It was becoming evident that his return was not a blessed relief but unexpected, awkward and inconvenient. They weren't even impressed by his cool clothes.
"I guess you don't need me anymore," Willie added with quiet realization. "I should go."
The others did not protest as he buttoned his cuff, his eyes avoiding theirs. The young vampire knew he had nowhere to go. Despite frequent declaration to the contrary, Willie had always been better off when someone else steered his course and kept him out of trouble. Now, after all those months when he dreamed of breaking the bonds of slavery, he wasn't sure if he knew how to be anything else.
"Let's not talk of such matters now," Barnabas assumed a lighter tone. "There is a second coffin in the cellar, and tomorrow is another night."
Willie silently donned his fine leather jacket and the two vampires retired to the basement.
The young man was not pleased to settle into the pink quilted casket lining, and he noted the intentional shoddy workmanship with which he had constructed the piece. This coffin had been built for Maggie, and Willie had hoped, if the boss found it unsuitable, it would delay his plans to kill her.
"Good day, Willie." Barnabas lowered the lid for his young companion.
"Tomorrow will bring new adventures."
"Indeed?"
"That's what ya always used to say to me when ya went to bed, and I closed yer lid."
Within a few minutes, Willie popped the hood open again.
"Barnabas? Are ya awake?"
"What is it?"
"Can I sleep with the top up?"
"Vampires mustn't be afraid of the dark."
"I'm not—really. But, uh, yours is up."
"That is because I am in the process of becoming human." Willie pulled the coffin lid up and down several times, listening to the variations of hinge creaks. "Very well," Barnabas snapped. "Leave it open."
Willie restlessly shifted in his casket trying to get comfortable, but it felt weird. There was nowhere to toss and turn. He used to sleep curled up in a ball in cold weather and sprawled everywhere when it was warm, but neither was now possible.
"Barnabas?" No answer. "You still awake?
"Now what?"
"I was just thinkin', if I'm a vampire now and you become human, then I could be the master, and you could be my slave."
"That will never happen."
"But why not?"
"Because I have said as much, and this is my house. Now go to sleep!"
"Yessir."
The following evening, Willie watched the moon rise from the top of the Old House. Frosty wind whipped his hair as he strolled along the roof, admiring the excellent vantage point a building atop this hill afforded. Through the bare trees the young vampire could see Collinwood, its electric lights glowing in the growing darkness.
He could see the fishing village below—hell, with this new, improved vision, he could pick out individual structures: the Blue Whale, the Episcopal church, the library, town hall. With the power of flight, Willie could go to all those places, find himself a pretty little snack, and be back in a New York minute.
A colony of bats swooped past his head. He reached up and grabbed one. It fluttered as he cupped it in his hand.
"How do ya do it?" He asked the animal. "Teach me how to fly. I wanna play with the big boys." He tossed the creature back into the air where it winged away to rejoin its companions.
What are you doing up there?
Nothin'. Just lookin' around.
What did I tell you about climbing the walls? Come down here now so your lesson may begin. Do you wish to reap the benefit of my knowledge or not?
Yeah! I wanna fly!
I'm leaving without you.
"I'm here, I'm here." Willie was in the foyer helping the master into his wool overcoat.
"Very well then, come. I shall take you into the woods and instruct how to bring down a deer for your dinner," he said.
"What?" That was not the assignment with which Willie wished to begin. "Eww, no. I don't wanna animal," he whined. "I wanna girl. A pretty one with big—"
"You will have an animal or you will go without."
"But why?"
"It is beyond me why everything must be explained to you, or why I indulge your insolence." He took Willie by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. "Do you not think it would be ill advised for you to be seen in the village? According to the populace, not only did you abduct and attempt to murder Maggie Evans, but you also died in the process."
"I knew it!" Willie broke the older man's grasp and stomped away, shaking his head. "I knew I was gonna take the fall for that kidnappin'. Not fair, Barnabas!" The older man raised a brow. "Sir," he cautiously added.
"You assumed the blame yourself when you broke into the woman's bedroom. Now you must stay in hiding until we can figure out what's to be done with you." Barnabas retrieved his walking stick from the coat tree and straightened his coat.
Resigned, the young vampire joined his master on a nighttime hunting trip. The smell of mammals pervaded the frigid air as they strolled into a thicket of trees in search of their evening meal.
"You must tread lightly, so that the sound of your footfall does not alarm your prey," Barnabas began his instruction. "Powdered snow is helpful, but be wary of brittle leaves and branches."
"Hey, I know!" Willie said, his voice echoing in the empty forest. "Maybe we could say it was some other guy who looked just like me. That's easy to prove, since he's dead and I'm not."
"Are you paying heed to what I say?"
"Tell 'em you and Dr. Hoffman made a mistake when ya did that ID in the morgue.
"There were other witnesses: Miss Evans, for instance, and Sheriff Patterson."
"Yeah, but it was dark, and everyone knows Maggie's a friggin' nutcase, shootin' at people like that. And the sheriff, well—you could bite him, and then he'd have to do what you say."
"Or you could."
"Uh uh." Willie shook his head. "I am not gonna bite some fat guy on the neck. But, face it, you'll suck on anything: girls, boys, craggy old men, rats, cows—it's gross."
Barnabas stopped and put his finger to his lips, pointing to a young buck in the distance as it gnawed the bark off of a sapling. The two stood silent and still in the moon shadow of an old oak as the mentor telepathically instructed his student how to approach and conquer the animal. He remained behind as Willie launched into a sprint of unnatural speed.
The deer's head came up at the sight of the approaching predator and sprang away. Willie pursued the creature like a bat out of hell, taking flying leaps over fallen logs, the excitement accelerating his stride.
Eventually, the hunter's fleeting pace prevailed. He overtook his victim as he leaped into the air and landed on the animal's back like a rodeo cowboy. Then, grabbing its antlers, the vampire twisted and pulled it to the ground, sinking his fangs into the deer's neck.
Willie struggled to retain his straddle as the animal kicked and reared, its eyes bulging with fear. As he drank, the young man was reminded of the first calf he had procured for Barnabas, how he had stroked and comforted it. It seemed his compassion had dissolved with the rest of his human qualities, for his primary motivation now was the efficient disposal of a food source. The buck trembled violently under the vampire's restraint. That progressed into a seizure, after which the beast lost consciousness.
Within a few minutes, Barnabas caught up and joined the feast. "I no longer have the speed and endurance for such a chase." He almost sounded out of breath.
Willie spat out a mouthful of fur. "Ya look older than ya used to."
"I have begun to age as a mortal now."
"And I will stay young and live forever."
"Yes, Peter Pan. Finish your dinner."
Later that evening, they met with Julia in the Old House's upstairs laboratory, where she brusquely related the results of the exhausting work which had monopolized her day. Barnabas seemed tired and gray as he sat by the window, contemplatively fingering the fringe on the draperies and watched dispassionately as Willie explored the physics of stacking empty beakers of various sizes. Lack of sleep intensified the doctor's usual no-nonsense demeanor as she presented her findings.
"Well, I called Eastern Maine and, according to their records, Willie was dissected by medical students then cremated on schedule. After all, they're not going to admit they lost a cadaver."
"You donated my body and was gonna let them barbeque me?"
"What was I to do?" Barnabas shrugged. "A magnanimous gesture was called for after the fervor you created."
Cheap bastard.
"If I may continue?" The doctor looked impatient. "Willie is unable to become a bat or fly because he has not completely transformed into a vampire. I won't know for a while if this is a permanent situation or if he is in a progressive state. My suggestion is that we rescind our former identification of his body—"
"Hah!" Willie shot a smug look to his master. Not only did Julia agree with him, but he knew what all those words meant.
"—And that we immediately start him on the same course of treatment as you, Barnabas, and bring him back to normal."
Willie's head shot up from his task. "What? No, wait a minute. I-I don't wanna be normal. I like bein' a vampire."
"I believe you're in the right, Julia; that would be the best solution. Willie is far too unpredictable to handle the powers he now possesses."
"Hel-lo?" the young man waved his arms in the air. "Why are you guys talkin' like I'm not even in the room? Don't I get a say in all this?"
"We know what's best for you." Julia patted his arm in a condescending manner. "You're going to have to trust our judgment."
"No!" The young vampire shouted, backing away. "Barnabas, what's the matter with you? Why do ya always do everythin' she says? You promised you were gonna teach me stuff!"
"You must calm down," Julia approached him soothingly as Barnabas looked away, and Willie's temper exploded.
"Get away from me, ya crazy witch, you're not gonna treat me for anythin'," the young man snarled. "Every time ya come near me, it's a fuckin' disaster. And you dunno what's gonna happen. If I turn human again, I'll probably die because I don't have a heart anymore. . ." Then he realized what he believed to be their true motivation. "That's what ya want, isn't it? You want me to die. That's what would be for the best."
Willie bolted for the door but the doctor had anticipated his move and was already there, blocking his path. "No, of course not," she said sedately. "Your heart is regenerating itself, like the flesh over your wounds."
"Bullshit."
He turned and swiftly made for the window, but Barnabas stood and intercepted him.
"You're being irrational, Willie," the older vampire said. "This is the very volatility of which I spoke. Perhaps Mercutio (7) is an appropriate name for you."
The two circled each other.
"Outta my way, old man," Willie growled, baring his fangs.
Willie shoved his master aside and reached for the window. Barnabas, his ire raised, lifted his hand to strike the servant, but the other grabbed him by the wrist, his eyes flaring and jaw clenched.
"You're not gonna do that to me ever again. I don't like it." The older vampire attacked with his other hand, but Willie caught that as well. They struggled, arms locked in a midair wrestling match.
"You will obey me!" Barnabas thundered.
"No, I'm not your slave anymore."
"Neither are you my equal." Willie's superior strength won out, and he pushed the older man into a chair.
"Damn straight," the former servant replied with a smirk.
"Willie, please, listen to me—" Julia grabbed him by the shoulder. As he spun around, the doctor struck him on the face with a silver crucifix she had procured from her handbag. The young vampire yelled as an X burned into his cheek and he passed out on the floor.
(6) Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie
(7) Mercutio's name is related to the word mercurial, meaning, having an unpredictable and fast changing mood. Source: Wikipedia.
