Willie visits Julia at the sanitarium and plays Cupid for the doctor and the vampire.


While Willie kept a low profile, the Collinsport Ghoul, as he was dubbed, flourished in his bloodthirsty quest and the body count was climbing. Now the word vampire was being bandied about, and the graveyard was often crawling with policemen or vigilantes with shotguns and silver bullets, hoping to bring down the culprit.

As the incidents escalated in severity, Willie continued to hide out in the secret room and was forced to avoid downtown Collinsport altogether. Each evening he visited Barnabas and fed blood to his old boss before driving out of the area to satisfy his own needs. It would have been more convenient to move back into the Old House, but now was not a good time to be toting one's coffin through the town.

Each night he had to drive farther and farther to evade the watchful eye of the law. If this kept up, he would be back to bringing down deer in the forest again, except that the woods were also crawling with ghoul hunters.

The vampire's blood revived Barnabas, and slowly he began to recover and reverse the aging process. Willie contemplated whether to tell Julia about what they were doing; would she be a help or a hindrance? It seemed to him that her medical theories were a load of crap, but she was a doctor, and with his delicate health, maybe Barnabas should be monitored.

With steely determination, Willie resolved to fly the 20 miles to Wyndcliffe without crashing into anything or being eaten by a larger predator. The trek was exhausting but ultimately so satisfying that the vampire dismissed his aching arm muscles as a necessary inconvenience.

He signed the visitor's registration book as Barney Williams.

Julia Hoffman was in the day room, seated at a table before an enormous jigsaw puzzle in which all the pieces looked jarringly alike. Soothing classical music played over the loud speaker. It was weird to see her in loose, casual clothing instead of her usual business suits and dress slacks.

"What's up, Doc?" he ventured when she did not look up at his approach.

"Almost finished." She furiously rearranged the interlocking cutouts. "If I can figure out how these last few pieces fit in the equation, I'll have the solution."

"What's that a picture of?"

"It's a polar bear in a snowstorm, you idiot!" she snapped.

"I went to see Barnabas. He was awful sick, but I think he's doin' better now."

"Barnabas?" Her head shot up and she saw the young man for the first time. "Willie, what are you doing here? I didn't call for you. Go back to your chores, and let me work in peace. I'm close to a breakthrough."

Willie sat in the chair next to her and spoke softly so the others wouldn't hear. "He got real old, Julia, he was gonna die, so I'm helpin' him turn back into a vampire. I-I didn't know what else to do." The doctor looked sadly at him. "I'm sorry your experiment didn't work. I wish ya could come look at him, and make sure I'm doin' it right."

"I had what they call a nervous breakdown, so I'm going to stay here a while longer. You take care of Barnabas for me, see to it that he gets well. How is your hand?"

"Christ, Julia, will you shuddup about my hand? It's fine." He looked her in the eye. "He needs you, and you owe him. Now, we both know you're a crazy bitch, but that don't matter to Barnabas; he thinks you're hot shit—and I know you're in love with him."

Julia's eyes lit up. "Does he really think I'm—what you said?"

"Absolutely." Unbeknownst to Julia, Barnabas was notorious, in Willie's eyes, for being pussy-whipped by every female who walked through the door, but he told Julia what he thought she wanted to hear. "So get your ass in gear and check out of this loony bin."

On his way out, Willie inquired at the desk as to a Eugene—what was his name? So much for his impeccable memory. The receptionist knew the patient because he was the nephew of Dr. Hoffman.

Gene was in the TV room, staring into space, medicated to the gills, but still healthier looking than when Willie had last seen him.

"Hey, Gene, remember me, Wil—I mean Igor?"

Gene flailed in Willie's direction. "He's back! I see him!" he screamed.

Willie pushed the young patient's arms down as the other residents howled, "Shut the fuck up, you filthy lowlife! It's Final Jeopardy!"

"Sorry."

Willie pushed his friend's wheelchair into the hallway and closed the door. When Gene started to tremble and cry, the vampire grabbed his shoulders.

"Stop that. Listen to me, you are not loony. Your aunt, she tried to do the same thing to me, tell me it was all my imagination, but it's not true. I mean, it is true. I'm real and so is the vampire."

"They told me you would say that."

"Don't you remember when I came to see ya in the hospital? Did an imaginary person pay your bill?" Gene shook his head emphatically. "No, because it all really happened. You don't belong in this nuthouse." He crouched by the chair and lowered his voice as an orderly walked by. "But ya can't go and tell 'em you met a real vampire. You gotta say what they wanna hear, so they'll think you're better. Then get off those drugs or they'll fry your brain, and get yourself outta here before your psycho aunt figures it out."

"This is for my own good. Aunt Jules wants me to get well."

"Yeah, right. I know better."

Gene reached out his hand. "I dreamed about you, and the vampire. It was the most wonderful night of my life."

"I thought Julia hypnotized ya to forget all that."

"I would never look directly at that medallion of hers. I'm crazy, not stupid." Willie smiled at the frail young man. "I'm so glad you came. Can I see you again when I get released?"

"I dunno," the other said. "It's complicated, 'cause the bloodsucker turned into a human and now I'm a vampire, and I—haveta lie low for a while. I don't exactly have an address."

"I see." Gene looked deflated as Willie stood.

"Tell ya what, look for me at the Blue Whale; it's a bar in Collinsport. I go there every night."

"And will you bite me?" he asked hopefully.

"I-I was thinkin' we could just be friends. I could use a friend."

Gene smiled. "Me too."

"Good. I gotta go. Free hug." Willie, who was not good at the hugging thing, did it without being asked.

Nice place, the vampire thought as he flew home. They have a TV room.


Soon Barnabas had recovered sufficiently to stand up and move about the room with the aid of his cane. When Julia was discharged, she moved back to Collinwood but spent the daylight hours at the Old House caring for the elderly patient. Willie came in the evenings to provide dinner and read to him by the fire.

The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote de la Mancha was the story of an old nutcase and his faithful servant who had wonderful adventures. By the time they finished the 64 chapters, Barnabas was ready to move back into his basement coffin. For the final step of the transformation, Willie would have to feed from the master until he was dead.

"I dunno if I can do this," the young vampire said, feeling squeamish at the sight of his master's sagging flesh. "Me bitin' you on the neck—is just too weird."

"We can do it this way, if you prefer." Barnabas proffered his wrist.

Only slightly better, he thought, but he didn't want to offend the old man. "I guess so…" Willie closed his eyes and chomped on his boss's arm.

By dawn, Barnabas had returned to his former self, straight backed and tall, his hair was dark brown, his eyes clear and sharp, and his face pale and smooth except for the characteristic frown lines that were ever present.