Urg, I'm super sorry it took me so long to update. When I came home from my weekend trip I got sick and lay in bed for a few days with the typical flue. But now I'm good and here is the new chapter. Enjoy!
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WHAT IF
Chapter 16 - Freedom
Hermione Granger had made a decision. From today on she didn't care anymore about Fred Weasley. The guy was taken and had a soulmate. And from now on she would heal her broken heart and forget him. He was just her best friend's older brother. And she would get over it.
So, Hermione buried herself in things that made her happy. She studied - because honestly, that was something that made her happy -, she researched for S.P.E.W. and she helped Harry with getting ready for the next task. She met with Ginny and had girls' nights. She tried to spend more time with Lavender and Parvati, even if it was exhausting from time to time.
And Hermione stopped avoiding Fred. It simply wasn't healthy or normal to avoid him any longer just because she had feelings for him. She needed to treat him as she had before this whole mess started. And that's what she did. Hermione started to spend time with Harry, Ron and the twins again in the common room, playing exploding snap and laughing about silly pranks.
And of course, Hermione was still on her little side project of finding out how the hell Rita Skeeter got her information. The woman had either a source inside the castle or she had found a way inside the castle herself despite Dumbledore banning her from the grounds. But no matter how many theories Hermione had, not one seemed to fit.
Her first theory had been that Skeeter used an invisibility cloak. So, Hermione checked with Professor Moody who was able to see through such cloaks with his magical eye. But unfortunately, he was absolutely sure that Skeeter hadn't been at the lake during the second task. Now this theory was off the table. Huffing Hermione left the room to tell Harry and Ron about it.
"Blimey, Hermione, can't you let it go? We have enough problems without starting a fight with Rita Skeeter," Ron complained while Harry just stayed silent. It hadn't escaped Hermione's notice that Harry had a new strategy with dealing with Ron's and her fights, and that was keeping silent and not choosing sites. On one hand, Hermione was glad about it because it meant that he wouldn't choose Ron automatically, but on the other site, she was a bit disappointed that Harry never took her site. Even when Hermione was right.
"Well, no one asked you to get involved, Ron," Hermione glared at him and then headed to the library.
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After Hermione had made the decision to let go of Fred she noticed a change in herself. She felt free. It was like a heavy weight was lifted off her chest and now she was able to breathe again. The knowledge that Fred Weasley was completely out of reach for her - that she would never have a chance - freed her. It wasn't logical, because Hermione knew that normally she should be distraught and sad, broken-hearted, but in a way, it helped her because now all hope was surely gone. And without hope, it didn't hurt that much when she saw Fred and Angelina walking through the halls together.
A few weeks after Hermione had overheard the conversation in the common room the whole school knew that Fred Weasley and Angelina Johnson were dating. The two were in no way indiscreet. They never kissed in public, but from time to time they held hands or Fred wrapped an arm around Angelina's waist or shoulder. Little touches to show his affection. As always the gossip was spreading. Half of the girls of Hogwarts were jealous as hell and wished for a quick break-up, while the other half thought that the couple was the sweetest thing ever.
Hermione tried to ignore the rumours and the whispering, instead, she focused on her own relationship. Now that she was doing everything to really forget Fred, she had time and energy to concentrate on Viktor. To really only focus on him and her feelings for him.
And that was why Hermione finally realised that Viktor was indeed behaving differently than before. On first glance, nothing had changed. They spent the weeks after their last heated snogging session as usual in the library - now that Fred and Angelina were the centres of the gossip, no one was paying Hermione and Viktor any attention -, studying in a nice, quiet place. Sometimes they went to the courtyard or the lake, now that the weather was slowly getting warmer. They talked about everything from Durmstrang and house elves to their families and lives in general. Viktor was actually interested in Hermione's parents, as he had never met any muggles before. And they were still kissing occasionally but not like last time. Not in such a heated way.
Hermione was secretly glad that their physical relationship wasn't proceeding further because deep inside she knew she wasn't ready for more than kisses. Even if the memories still made her tingly.
While everything seemed fine on the surface, Hermione noticed more and more that Viktor seemed tense around her. For some reason, since the second task, he seemed to hold back in several ways. Hermione had the impression that he was a bit too careful with his words, always thought twice before he said something, and sometimes he even seemed to hold back from saying something.
She had tried to ask him about it several times, but he always claimed to be just nervous because of the third task and tired, because Karkaroff was training him too hard. Hermione was sure Viktor was lying but no matter how hard she thought about it, she couldn't understand what was wrong with him.
Hermione, he's three years older than you and maybe has other... desires and expectations than you. Hermione remembered Fred's word one evening while she laid in bed, thinking about how Viktor had broken away from their kiss this afternoon with a distressed look in his eyes. A tingle went from her toes to her stomach as she thought about what desires Viktor could have. Certainly, things she wasn't ready for…
With the decision made that she had to talk with Viktor, Hermione fell asleep.
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Hermione bit her lip for the thousands time. Opposite of her Viktor sat on the library table, an open book in front of him, but Hermione could see that he wasn't actually reading. He just thumbed through it, pretending to be immersed. But his brows were knitted tightly together like he was worried about something.
"Viktor, is everything alright?" Hermione whispered, but Madame Pince shot her glare regardless. Viktor just nodded, his eyes never leaving the book. Huffing Hermione got up, pulling Viktor up by his arm and to a secluded corner of the library, where Madame Pince wouldn't hear them.
"Look, if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. I won't force you. But if you need someone to talk about whatever is making you so tense and… miserable than talk to me. I'm here for you." Hermione tried a reassuring smile but inside she was shaking from nervousness. They weren't a couple and Hermione was afraid that she overstepped an invisible boundary.
"Thank you," Viktor sighed and pulled her to him. Gingerly he laid his forehead on her shoulder, his hands lightly on her waist. Instantly Hermione wrapped her arms around his back.
"I'm nervous about third task. Karkaroff vants me to vin. And he vants me to stay avay from you." Viktor sighed into her hair. "He believes your spying for Potter."
"I would never do that. First Ron, now Karkaroff. Maybe they could get together and discuss who is spying on whom before they make these stupid accusations." Hermione began to draw soothing circles over Viktor's tense shoulders.
"Is that really everything? It's not something I did?" Hermione asked timidly. That was her real fear. That she had said or done something that weighed Viktor down. But he only shook his head and then - for a moment only - he buried his nose her neck and placed a chaste kiss on the small spot behind her ear.
"No, you couldn't," and with a sigh, Viktor straightened up again. He leaned his back against one of the bookshelves, pulling Hermione with him so that she was flush against him. He pressed a kiss against her forehead and then - a mere whisper - he said something that shocked Hermione deeply.
"I love you."
With wide eyes Hermione stared up to him. Viktor's eyes were dark and a timid smile laid on his lips. Her mind swirled. Hermione hadn't expected him to say something like this. Hell, she hadn't even expected that he could feel for her like this. He loved her. Viktor loved her. Viktor Krum loved Hermione Granger. And she was still trying to figure out if they had a relationship or not. If they were just snogging in dark corners or not. Seemed like Viktor already had made up his mind.
Hermione knew she had to say something. Anything. She needed to say or do something. Instead, she just stood there and stared at him with wide eyes.
"Viktor…" But before Hermione could attempt to proceed with her poor response, he silenced her with a kiss. His lips were warm and soft as ever but there it was again. Desperation. Longing. But it remained chaste. Just tender kisses and caressing hands. Hermione had her hands around Viktor's neck, playing with his hair, while he had her in a tight embrace.
"Well, I hate to interrupt," a voice behind them suddenly declared and with a small jump Hermione backed away from Viktor. The shock and surprise visible in both their faces. "But I really need a book right there."
And with that Fred Weasley rounded the corner, leaning against the shelf with one shoulder. His arms were folded and an unreadable expression on his face. Hermione flushed. She just knew that right now her face had to be the colour of a ripe tomato.
"Vell, then get your book," Viktor answered polite, while he stepped beside Hermione. With two large steps, Fred was at the shelf and pulled an old book from it. He took a look inside and then decided to keep it.
"As you're already here, Granger, can you help me with an essay?" Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. Fred never asked her for help with school work.
"Yeah sure, later in the common room?"
"Right now would be better," Fred stated with an apologetic smile on his face. "Unless you have something planned?" He looked pointy at Viktor.
"I have to go back to the ship anyvay," Viktor pressed Hermione's hand gently. "I see you tomorrov." Silently Hermione and Fred both watched how Viktor made his way back to the tables. With a still hot face, Hermione turned to Fred.
"You're two years ahead of me, Fred. How could I possibly help you?" She asked in a suspicious voice.
"Oh please, you have probably studied ahead everything till the seventh year. Should be piece of cake for you, Granger." The innocent smile was still on Fred's face and Hermione narrowed her eyes again. She knew the Weasley twins long enough to know that one should never believe them when they smiled like that.
"Okay, let me rephrase that. You don't care enough for your schoolwork to actually ask me for help. So what do you want, Weasley?" At this, Fred stopped smiling and furrowed his brows. He threw a glance around the corner to see if someone was around and then turned to her with a dead-serious face.
"Is he pressuring you?"
"I thought I made it clear that this is not your business?" Hermione knew her voice was colder than necessary.
"Maybe it's not my business but better safe than sorry. If he's asking you for anything that you don't want to do then you should tell someone. You can tell me." Fred took a step forward, teetering on his feet a bit.
"Yeah, I know but that's not necessary. Viktor isn't pressuring me." Hermione folded her arms protectively in front of her. She had no desire to discuss this with Fred, again.
"So, it was your idea to snog in some dark corner in the library? With his hands all over you?" Hermione blushed again and Fred just glared. "Yeah, thought so."
"It's still not your business. I don't understand why you see the need to play the big protector. It. Is. Not. Your. Business." Hermione stressed every word, glaring at him.
"He. Is. Three. Years. Older. Than. You." Fred snapped back. "That's the same age gap like between me and Ginny. Frankly, I think it's weird that someone like him is interested in a younger girl like you. Even if you are more mature than other girls. I mean, Hermione, he's Viktor Krum and you're-." Hermione felt like she had just been slapped.
"I'm what? A swotty bookworm without any appeal?" She snapped. Fred's eyes widened. Hermione knew it was an unfair accusation but right know she wanted Fred to shut the hell up.
"Ron already went out of his way to tell me that at the Yule Ball. Why don't you get together with Ron and you two can discuss how stupid I am for believing someone like Viktor Krum could genuinely like me? And in the meantime, you can stop worrying about me. I'm not Ginny. I'm not your little sister. So stop treating me that way." Without sparing another glance at Fred Hermione stormed off. With a flick of her wand, she summoned her bag and books. She could hear him call after her but Hermione - for once - was faster than Fred.
She didn't go back to the Gryffindor Tower. Instead, she went up to the Astronomy Tower, where no one was during this time of the day. There Hermione searched for the small alcove where one could still see the sky but was hidden from others' view.
Fred, the idiot! Now that she finally had gotten better with dealing with him, he had to play the worrying pseudo big brother and confuse her again.
She needed time to cool down. Time to think. She didn't want to think about Fred. Not at all. He was just his usual self. He had always been nice to her, always asking her if she was fine. And it was no surprise that he thought of her as he did of Ginny. Hermione had already known that. She was like a sister to Fred and therefore he couldn't understand what other boys could see in her. Of course, he couldn't. Even if Viktor had actual, genuine feelings for Hermione.
I love you.
Hermione's cheeks grew hot again as she thought back. Merlin, what should she do now? She had no idea what she felt for Viktor. With a sigh she helt her hot face into the chill evening air.
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When the Easter Holidays were finally there Hermione had spent one week not speaking with Fred. She knew he did mean well and she knew he wanted to apologise, but she wasn't ready for that. She needed space.
As the holidays approached Hermione also saw less and less from Viktor. Karkaroff trained him too hard at every free minute and as soon as there were no lessons the headmaster had Viktor training all day. Hermione couldn't help but be relieved. Relieved, because she had no idea what to tell Viktor. She knew sometime soon she had to give him an answer. An answer to his invitation to Bulgaria. An answer to his I love you. But she had no idea what to say. She was no step closer of finding out what she felt for Viktor. She was torn between feeling charmed by his confession and freaking out because he had such sincere feelings for her.
On Easter morning the packages arrived via owl. Her parents had sent Hermione some of her favourite sweets - all sugar free of course - and Mrs Weasley had also send a large package with chocolate Easter eggs for everyone. Hermione had been looking forward to the self-made chocolate since her parents seldom allowed her some, but as she opened hers, she realised that this was just not her year. Her egg was visibly smaller than the others'. After she got the confirmation from Ron that his mother had surely read Rita Skeeters terrible article, Hermione was more determined than ever to catch the witch.
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Hermione was on her way down to breakfast when suddenly Angelina Johnson appeared beside her.
"Morning, mind if I join you?" The older girl asked with a bright smile and together they climbed down the stairs to the Great Hall. They made small talk about the upcoming Third Task and discussed what it could probably be. Harry, Viktor and the other Champions had been called down to the Quidditch Pitch the night before to be instructed about the task. But Hermione hadn't seen Harry till now and so she was as clueless as Angelina.
"So, I know it's not my business and Fred did put his foot in his mouth," Angelina started, a nervous smile dancing on her lips, "but he's miserable. He didn't mean it like that."
"I know," Hermione sighed. "But I have enough of Weasley boys telling me what to do."
"Yeah, I get that. Leave him sweating a bit if you like, but don't be too cruel. He really is worried about you, even if you don't want that. To Fred and George you are family." Angelina nodded in the direction of the twins, who sat with Lee on the Gryffindor table and stared at Hermione with wide eyes.
"Did they ask you to do that?" Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Nah, I was just tired of Fred's constant whining. Kind of kills the mood," Angelina winked. Instantly not so nice comments about where Angelina could put her mood flitted through Hermione's mind but she forced the jealousy down. Angelina was Fred's girlfriend. Hermione had neither reason nor right to be jealous.
"Joke aside. I just wanted to talk to you because I know Fred is sorry and he feels awful. Just give him a chance to apologise." Angelina added, now serious again.
"I will think about it," Hermione answered and as she saw that Harry and Ron were coming to the hall, she excused herself to sit with them. She was curious to hear what Harry now knew about the Third Task. And it was a good opportunity to get away from Angelina.
As soon as Hermione sat down Harry started to tell them everything about the task, the maze and about the sudden appearance of Mr Crouch near the forbidden forest. Hermione should have known that only Harry could get into trouble while taking a walk. After they had finished breakfast they decided it was best to write a letter to Sirius.
Hermione tried to keep a cool head while she listened to Ron musing if it was possible that Viktor had attacked himself to play the victim. Hermione was quite proud that she snapped only once at Ron for his stupidity and that shut him up quite well. In reality, Hermione was really concerned about Viktor and already tried to think of an excuse to leave Harry and Ron later so she could visit him.
They had just sent one of the school owls away with the letter to Sirius when they heard voices from the stairs.
"I'm telling you, if you put that in writing, its blackmail!" The owlery door banged open and Fred and George came in, frozen at the sight of them.
"What are you doing here?" Ron and Fred said at the same time.
"Sending a letter," said Harry and George in unison.
"What, at this time?" said Hermione and Fred, then Fred grinned.
"Fine, we won't ask you what you're doing, if you don't ask us. Don't let us hold you up," he said, making a mock bow, and pointed at the door.
"Who're you blackmailing?" Ron asked, not moving an inch. Hermione rolled her eyes. As if the twins would tell them. She endured another banter between Ron and his brothers about Ron becoming an annoying prefect like Percy before Fred and George send their owl off and vanished. Hermione thought she saw a guilty impression on Fred's face for a second, but it was over too soon.
"You don't think they know something about all this, do you? About Crouch and everything." Hermione asked a tad afraid of the answer.
"Don't know, but I'm worried. This joke shop, they really mean it. And they need gold to do it, that's all they're talking about since month." Ron stared after the owl as he talked. It was seldom to see him this serious and concerned about his brothers.
"But they wouldn't do something illegal, something against the law, right?" Hermione asked, her heart beating nervously.
"Dunno, they don't exactly mind breaking rules, right?" Silently they made their way back to the common room. But shortly before they entered Hermione pretended that she still needed a book from the library. Now she had an hour or two before anyone would search for her.
"Hermione!" Harry called after her, Ron was nowhere in sight. "There's something I have to tell you. Yesterday, when Krum wanted to walk with me," Harry blushed a bit, "he wanted to talk with me about you. He asked me if there something between us. It seems like Skeeters article unsettled him a bit. I don't know what's going on between you, but I thought you should know. Of course, I told him we're just friends."
"Thanks, Harry." With a beating heart, Hermione hurried down to the Black Lake, where the Durmstrang ship was anchored. There was Viktor, duelling two of his classmates at the same time. Hermione stayed away from them, but close enough so that he could see. It only took five minutes for Viktor to recognize her and to stop the duel.
"Hermionny, vhat are you doing here?" Viktor strolled towards her. His clothes were wet from sweat and his hair was damp.
"Harry told me that you have been attacked. I wanted to see if you're alright." They didn't kiss or hug in public, but Viktor took her hand and pulled her to a near tree.
"I am, it vasn't that bad." Viktor looked down on the ground, his face as dark and unfriendly as ever.
"Harry also told me that you asked him about me. If there was anything between Harry and me." At this, Viktor looked extremely uncomfortable but still stared at the ground.
"Is that why you were so tense in the last weeks? Why didn't you ask me?" Hermione felt a bit sick. Just as she asked she already realised what the answer was. Viktor was jealous of Harry.
"Potter and you seem close. I thought I could ask him from man to man, vithout him telling you." He still didn't look at her and Hermione felt anger rising in her.
"Well, I would have preferred it if you had talked with me about it. Harry and I are just friends. But I'm constantly worried about him. He has a knack for getting into trouble and dangerous situations and he needs my help. And I will always protect Harry."
"I don't want to get betveen you and your friend. I vas just afraid of losing you." Now Viktor finally looked up, a hurt expression in his eyes. "I'm in love with you, Hermionny, I vas afraid and jealous. And I didn't vant you to know that. I had the feeling that there vas someone else, and I thought it vas Potter. It vas stupid."
At this something in Hermione clicked, it was like a revelation. Viktor loved her. He felt so much more and more intense for her than she did for him. Hermione liked Viktor, very much. Maybe she even had a little crush. She liked spending time with him. She liked kissing him. He made her feel good like she was beautiful and desirable. But she didn't love him. She couldn't. Because she loved Fred. And Viktor had felt it, subconsciously he had felt that her heart wasn't in it.
God, she had been so stupid. She should have never started something with Viktor while being hung up on another man. She was such an idiot.
"Viktor, I'm so sorry," a tear rolled down Hermione's cheek. "I think I've hurt you without wanting to. I can't reciprocate your feelings. I like you so much but I'm not in love with you. And it's just not fair to keep you waiting for something that might never happen. I don't want to hurt you any further." The last word was almost swallowed by a hiccup as Hermione tried to fight her tears back. Damn it, she had no right to cry. She was the one who hurt him, the one who was ending it right now. But she couldn't help it.
"It' okay, Hermionny, deep inside I knew you veren't ready for a serious relationship. You're too young. But I hoped." And without looking around for bystanders Viktor leaned down and gave Hermione one final kiss, a goodbye. And just like that Hermione experienced her first break-up.
Okay, next chapter the Third Task and the end of the fourth year. I hope I will get it out in the next days.
Please review, as always I'm anxious to see what you think about the developments.
