"Jesper," Kaz hissed, tapping Jesper's face with gloved fingers. "Wake up, you idiot!"

Rubble from the building Wylan managed to blow up was piled on top of Jesper. Kaz and the rest of the Crows had been looking for him over an hour. Ever since the building blew and Jesper didn't show up to their rendezvous.

If Kaz hadn't noticed the slight rise and fall of his chest, Kaz would have believed Jesper to be dead.

"Jesper!"

Jesper's eyes barely opened, but that wasn't good enough for Kaz.

"Jesper, can you hear me?"

It took him a moment to reply but eventually Jesper replied.

"Yeah, I can hear you,"he rasped. "Idiot."

Kaz almost smiled.

"Can you move?" Kaz asked, beginning to move the rocks on top of Jesper before he could reply.

"I think so."

Kaz continued moving the rocks until Jesper was uncovered.

He helped Jesper to his feet and one of Jesper's arms was draped over Kaz's shoulder.

Kaz wished he could ignore the heat coming of Jesper, seeping through his coat where they touched. But he couldn't.

The contact was enough to make him sick.

The sooner they reached the Slat, the better.

Kaz considered going to find the others and tell them he found Jesper, but he didn't have time. He needed to get Jesper home.

He started walking for the Slat.

"What happened? Why weren't you at the rendezvous?" Kaz asked, once he had shifted to hold Jesper up in a position where they wouldn't fall.

"I got called away."

Kaz shook his head.

Who the hell could call him away? Towards a building he knew was about to explode?

Jesper suddenly became much heavier. Kaz came to a stop before his bad knee buckled.

"Jes! Dammit, Fahey! Just stay awake!"

Jesper got his feet under him again.

"I'm not asleep, Kaz."

"Are you bleeding?"

"What?"

Kaz sighed and walked them to a bench. He lowered Jesper as easily as he could. What a sight they were.

Dirtyhands and his sharpshooter.

If anyone saw them, Kaz wouldn't hear the end of it.

Jesper's side was dark with blood.

Kaz cursed under his breath.

It was too much blood. Jesper needed a healer. A Grisha healer. And Kaz didn't have one. His old healer had disappeared. Kaz wasn't sure if they left voluntarily or if the Dregs just hadn't found the body yet.

"Jesper, did you ever buy Nina those waffles?" Kaz asked, grasping for anything to keep Jesper awake and talking.

That was enough to make Jesper open his eyes.

"You promised Nina waffles. Remember?"

Kaz didn't know why he chose waffles as the subject to keep Jesper awake but if it worked then Kaz didn't really mind.

"Um, yeah. Why do you care?"

"None of your business. How did it go?"

Jesper started telling him about the breakfast, but Kaz could not follow what he was saying. Even if Jesper was making sense, Kaz wouldn"t have been able to concentrate on his words anyway.

He had to get Jesper to the Slat. It was further than Kaz would have liked. It was a distance even if he had his cane and wasn't supporting Jesper's weight.

"Kaz?" Jesper asked, pausing his story.

"What?"

"What's wrong?"

Kaz shook his head. Bloody idiot.

"You got hurt, Jes."

"Well, yeah. Duh." Jesper laughed and Kaz found the sound disturbing.

He was carrying his best friend through the streets in the dead of night and the only sound was laughing.

"It's not that big a deal, Kaz. I've had worse."

Kaz shook his head. "No, you haven't." I would have remembered.

"My first week of gambling in the Barrel. Man, I was an idiot."

"You still are."

"I, uh, got stabbed," Jesper said, either ignoring Kaz or just not hearing him. "Walking back to the university."

Kaz risked a glance over to Jesper. His eyes were unfocused, but he didn't look like he was lying.

"Some bloke thought I had money. I didn't. I spent all I carried with me at the tables." Jesper laughed again, but it wasn't as jovial.

"What happened? Kaz asked before he could stop himself.

"A, um, grisha found me. Saved me." Jesper sighed. "I thought I was going to die that night."

Kaz didn't know how to reply, so he didn't.

After a moment, Jesper continued.

"I joined the Dregs soon after."

"Your worst mistake yet."

Jesper smiled. "Yeah. Probably."

When Jesper didn't reply, Kaz glanced over at him.

His head was hanging, and his eyes were shut.

"Jesper!"

Jesper's eyes blinked open.

"I wasn't asleep," he said.

"Bull."

"What do you know about bulls, Barrel Boy?"

Kaz shook his head. Quite a lot, actually.

Instead he said, "I know you. You're as bull-headed as they come."

"You're worse than I am."

Kaz carried them across a bridge. It wasn't much further to the Slat now.

"You're proving my point," Kaz said, focusing on the cobblestones in front of them.

Jesper didn't reply for a moment before saying, "I think Wylan may be more bull headed than either of us."

Kaz considered it for a moment before nodding. Yeah. Probably so.

When Kaz walked into the Slat, he didn't bother being quiet.

He slammed the door shut behind him with his heel.

The image of him coming in, Jesper slung across his shoulder was enough to get everyone in the Slat to shut up.

Jesper hadn't made it to the Slat before passing out.

Kaz started for the stairs, and Anika took Jesper's other arm without a word. The two managed to get Jesper up the stairs and to his room.

"Go find Nina," Kaz said, as she helped him lower Jesper on to the bed. "She's around the Cobweb's base."

Kaz barely registered her nod before she walked out.

A moment later, a Dreg whose name Kaz didn't bother remembering at the moment, walked in carrying bandages and everything Nina would need to fix Jesper. If she could.

Kaz had lost count of how many times she'd told him she wasn't a healer. She hadn't stayed at the Little Palace long enough to learn that.

Kaz didn't acknowledge the Dreg as he put the stuff down on the dresser and walked out again, shutting the door behind him.

"Jesper," Kaz said, shaking his shoulder. He didn't respond.

He wasn't supposed to be close to the blast. Kaz had told everyone exactly where to go so the explosion wouldn't catch any of them.

Why hadn't the idiot just listened?

How did Jesper get so distracted that he was there when Wylan's bomb went off?

The door behind Kaz opened but he didn't bother turning around. He knew who it was as soon as he'd heard her footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Saints," Nina whispered, walking around Kaz to get closer to Jesper. "What happened? Where was he?"

"At the blast. He was caught in the explosion. I found him under the rubble," Kaz said. "Fix him."

Nina gave him a look, but wisely didn't say anything. She walked over to the dresser and began picking out what she needed from the supplies.

"You need to go." She didn't look at Kaz when she spoke. "I can't work with you in here."

Kaz nodded and walked out the door.

The hallway was cramped and dark. The few fire-fueled lamps that lined the walls barely did anything to provide light. Chairs were methodically placed every few doors but they were coated in a thin coat of dust.

The walls of the hallway always looked slanted to Kaz, but that was probably just an illusion.

When Inej had been injured it'd been mid-fight. He'd been high on adrenaline. But when he found Jesper the adrenaline was gone. He didn't have anger to fuel him or Ooman to question.

The only anger he had was at himself.

He shouldn't have let Jesper get that close. He should have been able to prevent this.

He should have saved both of his brothers, but he was failing. Again.

"Kaz?" He instantly recognized Inej's voice.

He looked up. The rest of the Crows were in the hallway. They were sooty and dirty from the fight before the explosion and then searching for Jesper after.

"What's his status?" Matthias asked, sounding almost as tired as Kaz felt.

"Bad."

"What happened?" Wylan said. "Did the other gang find him? Was he shot?"

"No."

"Can Nina fix him?" Wylan said.

"We'll find out."

Kaz sat down heavily in one of the small chairs.

"Kaz," Inej said, before the other two could continue questioning. "Tell us what happened."

Kaz leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. He didn't say anything for a moment.

Eventually, Kaz leaned forward.

He explained to the trio what happened. How he found Jesper and the trip getting him back.

He told them about the injury. That Jesper was awake most of the time and only blacked out once the Slat was in sight.

When he finished he didn't bother looking at the others. He'd just see the same thing he already knew.

Disappointment. Maybe even betrayal.

He'd let them down.

Yes, members of his gang got hurt but he should have been able to prevent this.

"I did this," Wylan said. Kaz's head snapped up. "It was my bomb. If it hadn't been so—Just a little less powder and he would have been okay."

"Wylan—" Inej began.

"It's my fault."

"Don't be an idiot," Kaz muttered.

"I'm not being an idiot!"

"Then a dumbass, is that better?"

"Brekker, don't—"

"It's my fault—"

"YOU WERE FOLLOWING MY DAMN ORDERS!" Kaz yelled.

Wylan's eyes widened and even Matthias seemed to shrink.

"Stop trying to take the blame," Inej snapped. "Both of you. It doesn't help Jesper and it certainly doesn't help either of you."

Kaz sighed. He leaned his head forward into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.

This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go.

"Everyone is tired. Everyone is worried about Jesper. But there is nothing we can do about it. So just sit down and hope Nina can fix him," Inej said, her voice like steel.

Kaz didn't look up.

He heard Matthias walking away, but he came back a moment later.

Two more chairs were put beside Kaz's before Matthias went to grab one for himself.

Kaz hated nights like these. When he had to trust someone else to do a job because he couldn't.

Kaz got as comfortable as the chair allowed.

It was going to be a long night.