Disclaimer: Skip Beat! does not belong to me.
A/N: Now the riveting romance you all read about in the previous chapter is a real story! Uh, it's definitely AU. Like, seriously alternate universe.
-Skip Beat! Stories You Wish Will Never Come True-
Blossoming Until Bloomed Part 1
It was midnight and Kyouko was clothed in a silky dress the color of jade. It fit well on her slender body and she hoped ever so much that her beloved Shou-sama would love it as much as she did. She trailed down the rose covered staircase, smiling just like the fair young maiden that she was.
"Oh, I do hope ever so much that my lord loves it so!"
Kyouko was an aspiring, perky, and feisty young woman with many dreams and aspirations who just happened to be in a romance novel approximately 600 pages long but heavily condensed into a few chapters. She had worked at Fuwa Manor for Shou-sama around several years now and like almost all feisty romance novel heroines, she only fell in love with her employee after he made out with her for the first time.
Shou-sama strutted in the room, wearing nothing but a robe made entirely of diamonds and a blue body suit underneath since this is a T-Rated story and we don't want to give anyone any ideas. With his smoldering eyes of seduction, he pulled her into his grasp and whispered sexily,"You're fired. Get out."
"...What?"
"You heard me. Get the hell out."
Kyouko was completely floored and it didn't know whether to cry or get mad. As soon as Shou-sama dragged in some bimbo with curly hair and a voluptuous body, she started to seethe with rage. He saw her expression and smirked, purposely pulling the bimbo closer to him.
"Yeah, this chick right here is gonna take your place. So, go away."
"REVENGE!"
"Yeah, whatever."
Three long years later...
Kyouko had finally been able to find a new job as a maid. She was working for a secretly bitter and angry young man who seemed much older than he really was. His name-or so he said-was Tsuruga Ren and he was the heir to a mysterious fortune gifted to him by his adoptive father. Who happened to be the president of a famous agency.
However, none of this mattered anymore because Kyouko was deeply in love with her new employer and she didn't know it! Even after he kissed her and told her,"I am deeply in love with you and would like to do things that we cannot discuss in this story since it is not rated M."
"No! You could never love a mere peasant such as myself! I am not worthy of your manly perfection, Tsuruga-sama,"she had screamed.
"Uh, okay..."
So, Kyouko had resigned herself to a life of revenge and cleaning toilets.
While cleaning said toilets, she came across a small piece of paper that said,"Meet me on the balcony outside."
Curious, she went to the place-despite the fact that the area was on a neighborhood crime watch and a serial killer was on the loose. She gazed across the grand balcony and saw her employer run up to her. Then, with a mysterious look of angst on his face he whispered,"I cannot live if you do not love me, Kyouko-san. Will you love me as well?"
"We have only known each other for three months and I have never even kissed you!"
With that, Tsuruga-sama gave her a deeply romantic and incredibly meaningful kiss. As she looked into those beautiful eyes of his, she got lost in her thoughts. Kyouko knew now how she felt about her tall and handsome employer and moaned to herself,"I am in love with Tsuruga-sama, even though I am his maid and our passion will most certainly not bloom into anything at all. My heart burns to love a man so perfect as he, with such a glowing and gentlemanly smile!"
"When is our wedding,"she finally asked.
"Um...The rule in an unrealistic fairy tale romance is to generally wait three days to two weeks to get married. You're moving too fast,"he exclaimed laughing.
They laughed together and that night they shared a passionate night typical of a steamy romance novel. If you want to know what they did, then use your vast and colorful imagination.
Meanwhile, at Fuwa Manor...
"Hey, just to add some controversy to the story, I'm suddenly in love with my old maid,"Shou said to his new maid. His maid, who had proved to be a very capable and intelligent woman who was far from being a bimbo, just nodded and went back to dusting some expensive vase.
He got up from his diamond covered couch and put on his best suit. In a style reminiscent of James Bond, he grabbed his silver revolver and strutted out of the elegant manor. Smirking, he drove his horse powered carriage to an estate far, far away.
When he got there, he was angered by the sight that he saw.
"My eternal rival, Tsuruga Ren,"he hissed.
Tsuruga's head whipped around and the brunette glared fiercely at the other tremendously perfect man that was wearing a swanky black suit with the shirt loosely buttoned up. There were millions of tiny rubies sewed on his fine attire. Oh, and because it totally matters, Tsuruga was wearing a long, dark grey jacket with a t-shirt and a pair of astronomically tight black pants. It seemed to be Opposite Day for the two men, as they were wearing outfits that the other would normally wear.
"Ah, Fuwa Shou, we meet again,"the other masculine hero exclaimed icily.
"Please don't fight about me,"Kyouko moaned.
"Man, will you stop talking about yourself all the time,"Shou complained.
Tsuruga and Kyouko stared at him for a very long time.
"What?"
They shook their heads and the battle for Kyouko's affections raged on. Suddenly, Shou whipped out a huge sword encrusted with the finest of jewels and inscribed in silver letters were the words Iway Amway Ethay Osestclay Ingthay Otay Erfectionpay. He laughed and boasted that no man alive had a sword as gigantic as his. His laughter quickly died as his eternal rival pulled out the biggest sword he had ever seen. It was solid gold and the hilt was covered entirely with diamonds. Inscribed on the sword were the words Iway Otgay Isthay Ordsway Orfay Eapchay Onway EBayway.
"With the power of my muscles, I will protect yooouuu,"they both roared.
All of a sudden, they battled each other with such intensity that Kyouko thought she might pass out. She felt very light headed and the sight of two men battling made her want to cry. Like a typical damsel, she did absolutely nothing to alleviate the pain and fainted.
"Kyou...Ky...Kyouko!"
Our enchanting heroine awoke to the angelic sight of her lover, Tsuruga-sama, and her ex-lover, Shou-sama. She was still quite faint and in her eyes, the two men appeared to have golden halos behind their magazine shiny hair (that could be fixed by taking a nice shower, but not together because we don't want to give anyone any ideas). It was really from the light bulbs but in her dazed state, Kyouko wearily thought that perhaps she had died and gone to heaven.
"If they have kittens playing with toys in heaven, then I am yours forever, beautiful angels,"she moaned.
Shou snorted and said,"I'm in your heaven?"
The distressed damsel's eyes widened at that and she sat up, roaring,"I must still be alive, then!"
"Wait, you automatically thought you were alive rather than in hell,"Ren mentioned, quite confused.
"...Because you are here, my extravagant lover!"
Not wanting for the lovebirds to go into anything ridiculous, Shou remarked," You know, it's kinda possible that you're just a hallucinating fangirl dreaming about Tsuruga and how he falls head over heels in love with you. So maybe you are-"
"And it's kinda possible you're a sexy asshole,"she yelled victoriously.
"Got that right, baby,"he roared.
"Ahem, the story is about me. Not you and Fuwa or you and anyone but me,"Ren ever so politely pointed out.
"What? No, the story is about me and how I am trying to find myself, Tsuruga-sama,"Kyouko explained.
The tall employer laughed and exclaimed,"No, no, no. You may think it is about you, but the majority of fans will tell you otherwise."
Shou snorted and muttered,"Who died and made you the king of pretentious asswipes?"
An eyebrow raised, Ren shot back," Says the hypocrite."
"Dude, look, I have put up with your shit and your fangirls' shit for the longest time and I am sick and frickin' tired of it!"
His eternal rival cracked up and replied,"Good luck getting the author of this fanfiction to make you...you...thaaa...the...vic..tor...of...Kyo...Raaggggghhhhh!"
In a flurry of sexy angst, the man that makes Adonis look like the ugliest man in the world fell to his knees and fainted. Oh, wait. That's too girly. He passed out. Yeah, that is much more masculine.
"How could you Shou-sama,"Kyouko screamed.
"What the hell did I do,"Shou demanded.
He paused and looked over at Tsuruga and snorted.
"Oh, wait, sorry! I mean 'What the hell didn't I do,"he exclaimed before getting hit in the head with a porcelain toilet. He groaned in pain and glared hatefully at the raging goddess. He fought the urge to smile because if he admitted that he thought she was hot right now, he would sink down to Reino's level. That would be sinking way too low.
"That is for making my lord pass out,"she screamed valiantly. The power of love would prevail!
"I didn't make your lord pass out, idiot,"he screamed back.
Arguing as loud as they were, they never noticed him get back up and approach them.
"Hey, Pretty Boy and Sweet Cheeks, how 'bouts y'all invite me to this party?"
-To Be Continued-
A/N: They really were using swords. Ridiculous swords full of innuendos, but swords nonetheless. There is only going to be one or two more parts of this, by the way. Oh, and words were in Pig Latin. At least I hope it was.
