Disclaimer: Skip Beat! does not belong to me.
A/N: I knew I'd eventually get back to this fanfiction. Sorry for the hiatus. Also, I can't believe those people who thought Ren's gift was a pillow were right. I joked about that in this fanfic! I guess the joke is on me.
Skip Beat! Stories You Wish Will Never Come True
Blossoming Until Bloo-*riiiipppp!*
"This is the worst piece of crap I've ever read, "roared The Fanboy King. He took his mighty Rod of Hentai Justice and pounded the horrific fanfic romance novel into dust. Looking at one of his pock-faced servants, he shouted, "Who was the ignoramus who wrote this detestable bullfeces?!"
The servant trembled with fear at the sight of his menacing king, draped in the full glory of the Cloth of The Ancient Ones-a white shirt that is never washed and underpants with suspicious stains in suspicious areas.
"ANSWER ME SWIFTLY OR YOU SHALL BE FORCED TO READ A COMIC WITH NO INDICATION OF FEMALE BREASTS OR BUTTOCKS WHATSOEVER!"
The ultimate torture device! Oh, my tentacles! No, not that!
"...T-T-TohkoXKetsueki, your majesty, "the shaking servant squealed.
The king snarled at the mention of that name and beckoned to his court librarian to "come hither". The librarian walked forward and promptly took out a copy of the Ancient List of Laws. With a quick curtsy to the king, she put on her glasses and began to read.
"Article 697-B: There are several authors who shall not be permitted to blah, blah, blah, and more legal blahs...number 13 of these perpetrators is none other than TohkoXKetsueki. Her crimes include not finishing anything she writes and writing that detestable Chocolates For Beagle story. Most especially daring to make a good situation out of a bad one when we created the archive in which to store that tripe and she created that joke-fic in retaliation-"
"Precisely! Also, she lied! She said she would never write something as horrible as 'Blossoming Until Bloomed'!"
"But, s-sir! S-she never said she wouldn't type anything so horrible,"squeaked the servant, suddenly flabbergasted that the words had come out of his mouth. Usually, he wouldn't speak back to his king!
It was as if he was being controlled or something!
Nevertheless, the boy's error had proved to be detrimental. He sweated like a pig as his rotund and imposing sire pointed towards another servant and roared, "Taketh the fool to the torture chamber where he shall be forced to read quality (eh?) hentai..."
The poor boy relaxed. Naturally, he could deal with this.
"...while being drenched in ICE! COLD! WATER!"
"Noooooooo!"
The king glared at the kicking and screaming servant. Then, he whipped his head around and proclaimed, "Let no one question my law! For I am the beginning and the end!"
The librarian immediately snarked, "Yes, well, you were voted most likely to be either seme or uke in high school. So-"
"Silence! If I want to hear a woman speak, I shall hear her do so in my bed chamber-"
"Aheheheheh..."
A wave of dread washed over the king as he looked towards the fool that dared to laugh at him in his presence...and stared into the cold, emotionless eyes of the Yukihito Yashiro.
Clapping softly, the bespectacled gentleman coolly remarked, "Oh, by all means, Mr. False King, please do not stop shouting just because I am here."
Emperor Pharaoh Sultan Lord King Yukihito Yashiro-sama-tono-dono.
The true king of fanboys was so feared that the legends surrounding him had purposely been wiped from the memories of the populace. So great was his fanboy prowess that he had achieved the equivalent of nirvana when he finally got bored of doing the...ahem...solitary tango while "reading" comics. Now, he really does read them!
The king choked down the words that would have come out of his mouth and instead stammered, "E-Emperor Pharaoh Sultan Lord King Yukihito Yashiro-sama-tono-dono! I-I thought you were on the planet Earth! Why have you returned to the-"
"I suggest you keep your questions to yourself before I undo the memory spell put on the populace, Mr. Fake King, "he said very coldly because naturally when you think of Yashiro, you think of an ice king. Stepping towards the librarian, he whispered something and she nodded.
"...Well, if you are certain you want for it to be translated, then I suppose I shall work on it. But, with all...with all due respect, why would you record it in any language but your own?"
The true king smirked and casually replied, "Simple. The various transgressions that take place would burn the retinas of men weaker than I."
The librarian raised an eyebrow at that comment.
But, you're perfectly fine with letting my retinas burn?
Flipping his '90s hairstyle out of his eyes, he took out a slightly battered book. Inside was writing that to our mere mortal vision, would be nothing but circles and dots inside circles. Pointing to it, he arranged it with his reality warping powers so that the true font would be revealed. The author didn't have time to tell you what it looked like because she had things she needed to do.
Quickly looking through the book her king had given her to translate, the librarian hesitantly muttered, "...Um, sir, it appears some entries are missing."
"That's impossible-wait..."
His esteemed majesty glanced at the false king and sharply asked, "That fanfiction you were reading...When did that person write it?"
"...Sometime in 2011, Emperor Pharaoh Sultan-"
"Yes, yes! Oh, my tentacles...With that fact, some of the entries would be missing. It's been so long since I left that planet..."
Emperor Pharaoh Sultan Lord King Yukihito Yashiro-sama-tono-dono's face turned blood red and the air began to get chillier. The fake king and the librarian turned ghost white as they felt the ground start to shake. The man wondered briefly if perhaps he should leave, but decided against it as his king's reality twisting powers erased any method of entry or exit. The powers of their true king were of the sueish variety, after all.
"...Stranded in the depths of the space-time continuum because that infuriating fanfic writer would not hurry up and record my legacy for generations to come!"
Yukihito Yashiro was pissed-and when the true king was pissed, everyone suffered. So, while the four-eyed royal struck fear in the enormous basement style castle, the accused non-recorder of his legacy turns to her dear readers and says, "Please enjoy the next several chapters fully, absolutely, and resolutely."
-The End...for now.-
A/N: I personally believe one can use anything to their advantage. Thus, I have to thank that archive the king mentioned. Otherwise, this story would not exist. XD Oh, and the interruption was completely intentional. I never did forget about Yashiro's origin.
