Disclaimer : I do not own Doom Patrol or any affiliated characters.

The Monkey Buffet festival had been attacked by demonic Barbie dolls, but the Doom Patrol had received an emergency signal and thanks to Danny and Casey, had arrived early.

The attack was due in a few minutes, and they had to evacuate the festival, but the monkeys wanted to keep eating and were very stubborn indeed.

-« We're running out of time ! » said Cliff

And then the Barbies attacked. Hammerhead took over Jane's body, while yelling a long stream of profanity that would have any parent running for the soap and smashing the pink-clad, high-heeled, sharp-toothed dolls. Casey electrocuted two at once, the Negative Spirit beat them out of the way as Larry was sleeping, experiencing the life of a young man who would play Little League as a kid, have a part-time job as an ice-cream seller in high school, get crowned prom king, go enlist to fight in the army, and die in a jungle wondering what that cloud looked like, exactly, Robotman punched them with all the strength he could muster (a lot), Kate colaguated as many as she could get her hands on, Lucius and Lotion had spent the night playing videogames, and were therefore asleep at home and not on the mission, Rita had decided to accompany the Teen Titans on a mission to track down a group of mercenaries, one of whom could generate gigantic walls of wood and that her powers were subsequently good at stopping (as opposed to fighting the knee-high Barbie dolls, a situation in which gigantism would not be a great help) and was therefore also not on the mission, one of Dorothy's imaginary friends was exploding some of the Barbie dolls, and Mento had therapy. And the Chief had been kicked off the team a while back, if you were interested in knowing.

The Barbies came in waves, like the effects of LSD. They came in several types : some were dressed in popstar attire, and when they wailed, people in their vicinity suddenly started getting ill. Cliff was needed to deal with them, owing to the fact that little of him could get sick in the first place. Others were dressed in veterinarian clothing and held seal pups they could merge with. It would have been more useful near water.

-"We really need to find whoever's controlling those Barbies, stat !" yelled Casey.

-"Fugg !" Fugg agreed

Just then some kind of ginormous blob made of what looked like mucus, or maybe gelatin, stuffed in a pink princess dress and waving a gem-studded stick that was desperately trying to convince everyone it was a wand, teleported in a burst of pink light.

-"Foul heroes !" it cried, floating in midair, fuchsia sparkles glimmering around it, "you will not stop me and my subjects from turning this world into the pinkest of realms. I, the Princess of Limerick, will destroy y-"

Just then the Bandage People, who were on screaming Barbie popstar duty, restrained her and with the wand, managed to make all the Barbies walk themselves into Danny.

-"Hww dawe ywu cowwowers westrain a pwin-."

Marion added more bandage to her gag.

-"You saved the day !" exclaimed Kate

-"HEY ! THOSE ARE THE GUYS WHO RUINED OUR FESTIVAL !" shouted one bystander

- "THEY TRASHED EVERYTHING !"

- "EEEAAKK !"

- "I NEARLY DIED !"

- "We should start going back home, guys" Cliff commented as an angry mob started forming. "And bring the Princess with you. I guess she needs a proper trial. Although I'll wager that there isn't a special law court for blobs of whatever the f*** she's made of."

- "AFTER THEM !"

- "EEAAKKK !"

- "I don't know what those guys are saying, but they sound angry. We really need to leave", added Kate, who was being hit over the head by a furious monkey.

And so they left, and spent the rest of the day at Dannyland, and the next day they went to go and fight a hurricane of zombie clowns, this time accompanied by Rita, who had been of invaluable help to the Teen Titans, especially considering the fight over the remote she had helped settle as the temporary grown-up (all of the usual resident adults, like Nightwing, Troia or Starfire, were over on other teams doing something else, were spending some time off, or were partaking in the fight over the remote), and Lucius and Lotion, who had sworn to Lucius's parents and Casey to never spend the night videogaming instead of sleeping again. The Barbies and their princess were tried in front of a judge and jury and managed to wriggle out of jail thanks to the Princess having a good lawyer.

A/N: The monkey buffet festival is a real thing. It's in Thailand by the way.

My monkey cry was probably all wrong, though. The Doom Patrol is a team of superheroes who typically deal with "weird" stuff, like a cult run by puppets or a hole in the universe who wants to become president by using the psychic emanations of the bicycle of the guy who discovered LSD. The three best runs of the Doom Patrol are (in my opinion) under Grant Morrison, Rachel Pollack and Gérard Way. I haven't posted anything in a really long time for various number of reasons, and I'm really sorry. My excuses to anyone who's been waiting for new content, especially since to recent various issues, I won't be able to post regularly for a while. Hope you enjoyed it !