Chapter Twelve

Liz's call to the Post Office found them neck deep into a lead that had broken while she and Tom had been dodging bullets. They had found Petrov's safe house and moved in quickly, uncovering the treasure trove that Reddington had promised with The Collector. Ressler, Park, and Aram were all still there when Liz and Tom stepped out of the lift and into the War Room. They used the time to search what they could for entry and exits on the building that Brigitte Tremblay had shot from, hoping for a break of their own.

"I'm telling you, this woman's a pro," Tom said as he motioned to the single photo they'd found. It was grainy, triggered by a car flying through a red light, but even if Aram cleaned it up it wouldn't do any good. All they could see was the bill of her cap shading her face from view.

The lift sounded, drawing their attention, and Liz's three partners trudged their way in. Ressler spotted her first. "Cooper said that Tolliver's dead?"

She let a breath out on a sigh. "It's been a long day."

Park set her things down on her desk. "Any leads on who killed her?"

"Yes and no. We think it was the woman who hired Tom, but this is the best photo we have of her." Liz swiveled the computer screen around to show what she and Tom had been looking at.

Aram visibly cringed. "Nothing else?"

"No, and I need to go pick up Agnes from her friend's house."

"I'll keep looking," Tom offered. "I have a couple of contacts. It's a long shot, but —"

"No."

He blinked hard, a sign she knew well of him resetting. "Why?"

"Because she's been using you. We have no idea if she's going to try to tie up loose ends or what she's doing."

"I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself," he promised.

Liz looked past him at her team that was trying to look busy with anything else to give them what little privacy the War Room could afford and she let the honest answer roll off her tongue before she could talk herself out of it. "I'm scared. I've lost you too many times. I can't do it again."

She watched his expression soften at that and his hand twitched at his side, almost like he was about to reach for her. "So now what?"

"I just need to know you're safe."

"Okay…" he drawled out. "I can't exactly crash on your couch with the kid there."

Liz looked past him, her gaze sweeping the space. She couldn't just leave him there. It'd be safe, sure, but Cooper would never go for it and Tom would feel like a prisoner. With everything going on she needed him safe, but she needed to keep his trust too. She knew he was desperate and clinging to any hope that she could help him remember. The last thing she wanted was to somehow spark that instinct he had to run. Asking him to let her lock him away in a government bunker might just do it.

"I got a couch."

Both Keens turned to Ressler who shrugged. "What?"

"Are you offering?" Liz asked skeptically as Tom said:

"Yeah, that's really not necessary, man."

Ressler quirked an eyebrow. "Alternative is putting a cot in one of the holding cells."

"Or just finding my own place to crash and reconvening tomorrow," Tom countered.

"Listen," Ressler said as he stepped towards them and Liz didn't miss the way Tom drew himself up a little taller. "Just an offer. For Liz. Otherwise she'll be stressing out over you and she won't be good to any of us when we have to hit the ground running tomorrow."

She caught her partner's gaze briefly. She owed him. Hell, she owed him more favours than she could count by this point.

Tom's shoulders sagged just a little and he turned back to Liz. "One night."

"Thank you." She had to stop herself from tipping forward and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Instead she reached forward and her hand squeezed his before releasing. "I need to go pick up Agnes. Ressler..."

"I'll add it to the list," he huffed and she tried for a smile.

"Thank you. I'll see you guys in the morning."

She turned and started for the door.


It had been a long day for everyone. Tom finished filling them in on the details of the chaos and Ressler found himself shaking his head. Somewhere along the way this had become normal, or at least expected. With the spies and secrets that could get you killed and people that had been dead for years popping up with a decade's worth of memories missing, it was a wonder they hadn't all lost it yet. If Park's reaction was anything to go by, maybe they all should have run from it by this point.

For that moment, though, he was looking forward to a shower and his bed. Somehow he and Tom were the last ones out.

"Let me grab my keys and we'll head out," Ressler called over and Tom looked up from the computer he'd been given limited access to in order to research Tremblay. He shifted, his expression careful and his gaze steady like he was looking for something.

"Listen," he said slowly and nothing about his tone instilled any confidence that Ressler was going to like what came next, "I get Liz is… worried. I guess. From what she's filled me in on we've been through a lot."

"Understatement," Ressler muttered as he grabbed his coat from the back of the chair it had been draped over.

"But with everything that's going on…. she could be in danger too. I'm not just gonna sit around."

"You just said you understood that she's worried about you," Ressler pointed out.

"Right, so if she thinks I crashed at your place she won't be. Everybody wins." Tom flashed what Ressler was sure he thought was a charming smile, but it reminded him of the days when he wanted nothing more than to take a swing at that smug look. Sometimes he had.

"You want me to lie to her?"

Tom's expression shifted to confusion. "Well… yeah. So she doesn't worry. She's got enough on her plate right now."

Ressler snorted and shook his head. If it weren't so idiotic it might have been funny. Was this really how Tom's brain worked the entirety of his and Liz's first marriage? No wonder she'd shot him. He took a beat, pulled a breath in, and tried to curb the sarcasm as he spoke. "Listen, pal, I get you didn't see what she went through when she lost you, but I did. It destroyed her. That woman - the one that you're just trying to placate right now - hasn't been the same since. I don't wanna see her go through that again, so if I have to lock you in the box to make you keep your promise to her tonight, I'll do it. Happily."

"What box?"

Ressler smirked and watched Tom's expression grow a little more worried. "You can sleep locked up here or you can crash on my couch. Only two options."

The other man watched him carefully as if he were trying to gauge just how far Ressler was willing to take this. Finally he relented. "Couch it is."

"Thought so."

The drive to Ressler's apartment was tense and quiet, Tom looking like he was just waiting for his opening to do what he wanted to despite Ressler's threats. He reminded the agent of the asshole fresh out of captivity on the boat that had been looking for any angle he could work. It had been so long since Ressler had seen him in that light, but for Tom, he was still in that mindset. As much as the older man hated to admit it, he didn't know any better.

Ressler unlocked the front door to his apartment and motioned for Tom to enter. "You hungry?" he asked, giving civility another try.

"I think I'm just gonna crash. Get an early start tomorrow." He tossed his go-bag onto the couch. "You got a shower I can use?"

"Yeah. Just through there," Ressler said as he motioned towards the bathroom. "Hey?" he called out, stopping Tom midway. "I know you don't remember and I don't know what all she's told you, but I'm gonna give you a piece of advice."

"Pretty sure I didn't ask for it,"

"Don't lie to Liz."

Tom snorted. "I get that you're a cop and you've got this whole —"

"This isn't about me. It's about her. And you. You spent your first marriage manipulating and lying to her because you thought you could run the board and get everything you wanted. It ended with Liz in a really dark place and you with a couple rounds through you. After all of this, she doesn't deserve to have to be put through you figuring it out again."

Tom's dark blue eyes were fixed on him and there was a hint of danger in them, his tone careful as he spoke. "I don't know what you want from me, man."

"I'm just trying to help you both. Be honest with her. It'll save you both a lot of pain." At that he turned, disappearing into his room and hoping Tom would be there in the morning.


He wasn't sure what he had missed. Liz said she knew him, and she knew enough that he couldn't help but believe her, so why wouldn't she expect this? She must know that he needed results, that that drove him. He needed somewhere to focus his energy. If he was working for Tremblay or not, his job was to keep her safe. He couldn't do that without answers, and he couldn't wait for play dates and workdays to wrap up to get those. He didn't hold that against her, but in the same way surely she didn't hold that against him. It had to be more of a way to protect herself rather than a real expectation. At least that's what he'd assumed before Ressler's whole lecture.

The shower did nothing to provide any clarity, but by the time Jacob emerged, steam following him out the door, he found a pillow and some blankets on the couch for him. Ressler's door was shut and the light was off inside. Well, at least he didn't have to work his way through any further conversation. The best remaining option was to try to get some sleep.

His mind was spinning as he shut his eyes, dozens of images and thoughts colliding together. Somewhere along the way he must have slipped a little deeper and it was like being dropped in a room filled with people. He could hear the constant chatter of voices that he didn't recognize talking about things that didn't make sense, and he could feel his anxiety spike as he tried to cover for his obvious lack of intel. Everything he said was wrong and he knew it. They knew it too, and the more he screwed up the worse it got.

Finally, for the first time, a voice he recognized broke through. Liz. It was Liz. Her name left his lips and it was like he'd banished all the other voices, the figures evaporating like ghosts and he was left standing alone in the center of a large room he didn't recognize. He turned, looking for her, and called out again. She answered and he started towards the voice.

Red and blue lights filled the interior space, but no sirens accompanied it. The only sounds Jacob could make out were Liz calling his name and the sound of his own heart pounding in his chest. He opened door after door, but she wasn't there. It was like her voice shifted, always out of reach, and he couldn't fight the overwhelming feeling that if he didn't find her now, he might never see her again.

"Liz!" His voice echoed through the empty hallways and he rounded to another closed door, throwing it open.

And there she stood, dressed in white with her hair trimmed short. Instead of the red and blue lights flashing he could hear the sound of the waves and see the sunset from the balcony behind her. She smiled, relieved. "You came."

"I've been looking all over for you," he managed, crossing the space between them.

Her smile broadened, but even though he was moving further into the room it felt like he was running in place. He reached out to her and there was a bright light that flashed. The sunset behind her disappeared and the flashing lights returned. He could see blood in her hair now and she met his eyes. "Tell Agnes about me."

"What?" he managed, but she was gone. It was as if she simply flashed out of existence with the lights and Jacob couldn't breathe. "Liz? Liz!"

"Tom?"

Dark blue eyes snapped open and Jacob was halfway to sitting before he realized he was no longer in the strange, shifting place that was becoming more and more shrouded with each passing second. He was pulling air into his lungs in painful gulps, the strain sending him hunching forward over his knees.

"You need a trash can? Because I really don't want you puking on my couch."

Jacob turned to find Donald Ressler squatted down next to the couch, his expression not quite irritated. It wasn't worried either. From what Jacob could tell in the dimly lit living room it looked a little closer to understanding. "I'm good."

"Nightmare?"

"What gave me away?" He swallowed hard, feeling the painful scratch all the way down. "You got, uh…."

"Water?"

"Yeah."
Ressler disappeared for just a moment before returning with a glass of tap water. He handed it over and Jacob took a long sip from it.
"Liz said that the doctors you saw after… everything said there was no sign of head trauma. If someone intentionally manipulated your memories -"

Jacob turned quickly, regretting the sharp moment in an instant, but he did his best to cover it. "How - or why - would someone do that?"

The fed snorted, shrugging as he stood again. "There's a process that people are trained in that can manipulate and… hide memories. Didn't Liz say anything about it?"

Jacob leaned back, listening to the other man rummage around his kitchen. "There's a lot of ground to cover in what I'm missing."

"Fair." He returned, a box of what was probably cold pizza in one hand and a couple of beers in the other. He set it all down on the coffee table and took a seat in the chair next to it, opening the pizza box. He glanced at Jacob. "If the nausea's passed, feel free to grab a slice."

Jacob swung his legs over the edge of the couch so that he was sitting up fully and took Ressler up on the offer. He hadn't realized just how hungry he was. Halfway through the second bite he risked a look at him. "People can screw with your memories?"

"In our experience, yeah. We've run into it a few times. Liz had some memories buried from when she was a kid and I, uh…. I had someone manipulate mine to get me to do something I wouldn't normally have done."

"Is there someone that would have? My memories, I mean."

Ressler loosed a breath and reached over to one of the beers, popping the top off of it. "A couple options," he said slowly. "Liz is leaning one direction, I'm wondering about another."

"And those are?"

"You need to talk to her about that." He motioned to the beer and the pizza box. "I had a lot of nightmares after they scrambled my brain like an egg. After the nausea was done, this helped ease the nerves."

"Thanks," Jacob huffed and took the second beer. Definitely not how he expected the night to go. "You ever…. get back what they took from you?"

Ressler's expression darkened and he reached for a second slice. "They didn't really take as much as they put stuff in there that didn't belong."

"I just have this massive, gaping blank," Jacob found himself saying. "There's nothing. It's like I went to bed one night and woke up ten years later."

"Hell of a thing to wake up to."

"You're telling me. I had scars I didn't recognize, nobody would tell me how I'd been hurt…. Guess that part makes more sense now. Gina…. Someone I work with -"

"I know who she is," Ressler answered and there was a hint of spite in his voice.

Jacob huffed a laugh. "She made it sound like it'd just been any other job that did it. She lied. I know that now. I shouldn't…. I shouldn't trust Liz - or you people - but she knows too much to be making it up."

"She loves you," Ressler said firmly. "I meant what I said about how she took thinking you were dead. It was hell for her."

"I wanna remember."

"Good. She needs you to."

Jacob took a long drink from his beer and his phone buzzed on the table. He reached for it, brows drawing together as he looked at the text.

"What?"

"It's Tremblay."

"The woman that hired you?"

"Yeah."

"What'd she say?"

"She wants to meet." Jacob could feel Ressler watching him. "I should go. We might not get another chance."

"Did you get nothing from our conversation earlier?" Ressler groused.

Jacob's lips quirked up at one corner, tilting them into a lopsided smile. "Liz is worried about me going at it alone, but I've got backup now. If you've got a camera, I can lure her out and you can grab a shot. We may be able to find out who she is."

Ressler watched him for a long moment. "I don't, but I know someone with the equipment we need."


Aram hadn't expected a call at three in the morning, much less a call asking him what kind of surveillance equipment he could dig up then and there. It took a couple rounds of explanation before his sleep deprived mind was able to piece together that Tom's mystery employer had made contact and that Ressler was going with Tom to the meet. Did Liz know? They should probably call Liz…. she was really worried about Tom doing this without her.

She wouldn't have anyone to watch Agnes at that hour and they needed to move quickly. Their window was closing. It was fine. Her biggest concern was going at it alone, and he wasn't. He now had not one but two federal agents to watch his back.

Aram had forgotten how effortlessly smooth Tom was when he wanted something, but at least Ressler had been quick to say that they'd let Liz know first thing the next morning and they would have Tom's back. Okay. He could get behind that.

That's how he found himself sitting in the back of Ressler's Bureau-issued SUV a block away from the meet with the only the surveillance equipment that he'd been able to get his hands on at that hour of the morning. The sound quality was a little iffy on the watch they had fitted Tom with, but it was better than nothing. It wasn't like they'd be able to get the permission to patch into any CCTV feeds to get live visuals.

Ressler shifted in his place across from Aram. "You have everything up and running?"

"I do. We can hear him, but it's only one way." He handed Ressler a headset to listen through and frowned a little. "Is it… weird?"

"Liz's husband coming back from the dead without any memory of her? Yeah, it's weird."

"Okay, good, because with everything we see sometimes it's hard to tell." Aram reached over to check one of his feeds, but risked a glance out of the corner of his eye to watch Ressler's reaction. The other man sighed and ran his hand through his surprisingly ungelled hair. Well, it had been in the middle of the night when all of this had been kicked into action. He looked tired.

"It's weird," he confirmed again quietly. "But you're right. Sometimes it's easy to lose perspective on that. We've seen more crazy since Reddington turned himself in than I would have ever believed possible."

"I mean, I guess that's good though, right? Maybe it means we can find a way to get his memories back. Liz…. Liz deserves to be happy." After everything they'd all been through, at least one of them did.

Ressler made a small sound of acknowledgement, but didn't get the chance to say anything else as Tom signalled that they were a go.


He was meeting her in the warehouse district at half past five in the morning. Limited visuals, audio equipment that Aram had been struggling to get to work, and a delay in backup that could cost him his life if things went south. He may have shrugged off the risk as minuscule, but it was a good thing Liz wouldn't know about this until after it was done.

Jacob pulled in a deep breath and felt the cool night air rush down into his lungs to help clear his sleep deprived mind. The urgency of the meet had been a bit of a surprise, following up only hours after Brigitte Tremblay had taken out Tolliver in her pointed fashion, and it could either be a good or bad sign. He didn't think there was much of an in between there. All he could do was hold onto the fact that, from her vantage point, she could have easily taken either him or Liz out if that had been her goal. Instead she had saved their lives. The only casualty other than Tolliver's men had been Fitz, and Jacob wasn't crying too much over that little traitor.

He didn't visibly tense at the small sound behind him signalled her approach but he turned to meet those sharp blue eyes. An almost playful smile tilted her lip. "You don't follow instructions well, do you?"

"My instructions were to protect her," he answered flatly, watching every hint of reaction. "That's exactly what I've done."

Her smile managed to broaden at that and her posture was loose. "I knew you would, Tom."

Jacob bristled at the name everyone had been calling him by, but it felt like a taunt falling from her lips.

"I'll admit that you moved more quickly than I would have anticipated, but I shouldn't be surprised. Zanetakos assured me her best."

"You knew it'd be me."

"I did."

"Why?"

Tremblay's amusement faded just a little at that, a hint of seriousness taking hold as she studied him. "Because I am very good at what I do, Tom. I read people. You didn't have to remember her for me to know that you'd be drawn to her. That you'd be willing to give your life to protect her."

A shiver ran through him and Jacob took a step towards. "Do you know what happened to me?"

"Pieces."

He could feel something inside of him shift, a desperation starting to claw at him. He wasn't afraid of much - he never had been - but answers dangling just out of his reach reminded him of the precipice of questions he stood at. He'd spent two and a half years pushing those questions back and down. It was the only way he'd been able to move forward, or at least what he thought was moving forward. He had burrowed down in what he knew. Which was… a lie, or at least it hadn't been the truth in a very long time. Now, knowing that, he still didn't have the answers he needed about what had happened in his ten missing years. He had stories and people that knew him, but he didn't remember. "I need to know."

"You want to."

"I need to," he pressed. "I need to know who I am because the man that Liz knows…."

She tilted her head, watching him carefully and all the mirth had washed out of her now. "You're an operative. A man that can become anyone. People like us shift and soak up whatever we need to in order to be whatever the job requires."

"I became someone else. Someone better."

"No," Tremblay chuckled. "You just convinced yourself that you did. You're a shell that was ready to be filled up and, for the first time, you were filled up with hope. It's powerful and it's distracting. It can get you killed, but I'm betting it'll protect her."

He wanted to argue. Liz saw someone different than he knew. Her friends saw someone different. He felt different around her. He couldn't explain it and he couldn't remember it, but he knew it, somehow.

At least he thought he had.

The argument died in his throat and he swallowed hard. "Why am I here? Tonight. Now."

"To hear a warning." Tremblay said as she leaned in. He stood still where he was and felt her fingers ghost over his watch. She knew what it was and she knew how to disable it. It clicked before she whispered into his ear. "This is the beginning of the end, Tom. Protect her. She's everything." She pressed a strange kiss against his cheek and pulled away, leaving Jacob to stare at her, dumbfounded.

"Don't move!" Ressler shouted from behind Jacob and Tremblay's smile returned.

"Don't let your wife's partner shoot me, hm?" She turned on her heel and Jacob watched her take a couple of steps before instinct kicked in and he spun, motioning to Ressler.

"Let her go."

"What?" the fed demanded, but Tremblay was already gone. Ressler lowered his gun and started towards Jacob. "Hey, you okay?"

He hadn't realized until that moment that he was dragging each breath in by gulps, the effort making his chest heave. It hurt, one breath not fully expelled before he tried to swallow another one. He couldn't shake the sudden and overwhelming feeling that each breath might be the last one he could pull in. It was the same feeling of panic he'd felt as he woke a couple of hours before.

"Tom, you okay?"

Ressler sounded genuinely concerned and as Jacob turned to look at him, he didn't feel like he had any control over the words leaving his lips. "I can't do this."

And he was moving. Running. The only thing that pushed back at the panic was running.


TBC

Notes: Well, Tom warned her in S2 he'd been running his whole life. He does it well.

I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Like so much with Tom, Tessler was a bromance that just didn't get what it deserved. They tee'd it up and set it to swing and then... they killed Tom. Okay then. That's what fanfiction is for I guess.

Next Time: Ressler has to admit to losing Liz's husband, Red provides a new detail for their case, and the Keens find a way to reconnect.