Chapter 2 (warning-sensitive content)
The next weeks had passed quicker than either Takao or Gunzou could have imagined. Takao had spent several afternoons each week at Gunzou's apartment to do homework, as well as going out a few times to the movies. Being away from her apartment and away from the stress of the constant phone calls had helped her relax for the time that she was away, but the stress returned the moment the came home.
With the returns home came the tiredness, the heartache, the thoughts, the frustration. It was something that Takao had never told Gunzou, for the sake of their relationship. Sometimes she wondered if her parents had some type of telepathy and knew that Takao had finally found someone who loved and cared about her, and were determined to break her on their own. She shivered, as she opened yet another email form her father.
Remember how you ended up where you are. Your mother and I, while we are not going to forgive you for your childish outbursts, we insist that you return home. It's necessary for the success of our shipping company, especially since you need to undergo training. Furthermore, imagine the PR disaster that would result if the press found out our daughter had run away, to another country nonetheless. If not, we may decide to take measures to ensure things run the course they need to.
Take care,
Father
'We insist you return home', Takao scoffed at the hypocrisy of that statement. Her parents weren't as much concerned about her as they were about their public image, and the company. As had Takao closed her laptop and crashed back on her bed, she tried to keep her head up as more thoughts crashed through her mind. 'The only thing they give a damn about is their image. If I have the ability to hurt that, then I'm needed. If I do damage it, then I'm thrown aside like a too-small shirt.'
Clenching her fist, Takao forced herself to stand, her head pounding. A few tears clung to the edges of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. It wouldn't matter anyway. No one was around to see them, and it was too late for her to bother Gunzou now. He wouldn't mind, but he needed sleep. Sleep wasn't going to find her for a while. Takao had been receiving emails like those from her father for way to long for her to simply shrug them off and keep going. Heading towards the bathroom, out of options, she removed her shirt, to expose her shoulders. A few scars already graced her upper arm, and she intended to add to them tonight.
The cuts had begun after she had exploded at her father for his constant iron-fisted ruling of her life. He had only sat there, giving her a condescending look, before simply standing up and walking out on her, ignoring her angry cries and shouts. An attempt to grab his arm as he walked by had earned her a backhand on the left side of her face. The shock had nearly driven her to run off that night, but she couldn't bring herself to do it, despite her frustration and pain. With no other option, Takao had snuck into her mother's bathroom, removed the nail clippers, and returned to her room.
Now again turning the clippers over in her hands, Takao ran a finger along the small blade and thought back over the recent emails, and the fact that despite having a boyfriend, her father still managed to project himself onto her life. Takao sighed. Saying nothing more, she turned to the side, pulled the set of paper towels out and set them on the counter, and ran a hand over the scars on her arm, some quite large.
She realized how calm she was about what she was about to do, and found a smile breaking on her face. A humorless laugh forced its way out, and Takao shook her head to clear her thoughts. She gave a small gasp as the edge of the clipper bit through her soft skin. A moment later, the pain dulled back into the throb she had come to know. Red snakes slithered down her arm, and Takao breathed a sigh of relief. As Takao opened another hole in her arm, she found tears sliding down her cheek. She knew that she could never tell Gunzou about any of this, but she still hated herself for knowing she was keeping things from him. Heart breaking, and her sadness turning to anger, she gripped the clippers tighter and eyed her already-bleeding arm. "What's one more?"
Another squeeze.
Another gasp.
Another river.
With each cut, another bit of anger at her father and the injustice of her situation ebbed away.
Snip. Her father's attitude.
Snip. The emails.
Snip. Her undeserving of her boyfriend.
Takao lost track of time, of how long she stood in her bathroom. Her arms rested in the sink, the counter and floor splattered red. After a time, exhaustion began to ebb at her strength. Knowing it wouldn't be long before she passed out, Takao dropped the clippers into the sink and began the well-rehearsed drill of cleaning up quickly. She wrapped her arm up with one layer of bandages and tied it off before washing her hands off. Having cleaned them, she tied another, clean layer over the first. Turning her attention to the floor, Takao unrolled the paper towels and wet them in the sink before cleaning off the floor and sink. As she stood up from the floor, she stumbled and knew she had to hurry. Throwing away all the bloody towels, she wiped the sink one last time before turning on the shower. As Takao waited for the water to heat up, she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like death, with blood and tears staining her face, layers of blood running down both her arms. She eyed her clothes, in a pile on the floor. Her shirt, bra, and shirts all blood-coated. A few rips in the shorts from clenching her fist so hard to keep from crying as she widened already-open gashes. Looking again to the mirror, Takao's face lacked expression. Her eyes were glassy, face pale and drawn.
A sudden warmth met her face, and she realized steam from the shower was filling the room. As she eased herself into the shower, she heaved a sigh of relief as the water began to wash away the dried blood. Seeing the water run dark red should have made her panic, but that emotion died when she began cutting, nearly two months ago. Scraping the caked-up blood off her arms and from under her nails, Takao felt her vision begin to cloud, and hurriedly washed off the rest of the blood and grime, before getting out and drying off. Staggering out and into her bedroom, she managed to mostly dress before collapsing into her bed, exhaustion and blood loss bringing her under.
