The first time he had found her crying he had gone to Yoshiwara looking for a girl to sleep with. It had been one hell of a week. The Shinsengumi had been disbanded not long ago and Kondo had to get himself in jail. When he had heard the news he had tried to break him free, but it had proven to be impossible for a single man, even if said man was known as a genius.
He was really frustrated with the situation and with himself, so he had decided it was time to pay a visit to Yoshiwara and let some pent up emotions out.
He walked past the first streets, as it was common knowledge that the closest to the most important buildings you get, the better the courtesans and the least the problems you get yourself into -if you avoided the alleys, of course. He had the money to pay the some kind of luxury, as he had been a good employee for the Shōgun a few months back. However, he was aware of the hard times the country was going through, so he liked to be careful. The solution to the problem was to go to the usual place, where he was already known and the girls would be more than willing to spend a night with the former Police Officer -Tsukuyo's quarters.
The building could be seen from every single place in the district, as it was huge and illuminated like a little city itself. During his way there, he received looks from both men and women. The first ones regarded him with jealousy, while the latter were more focused on sending him lustful winks. He smirked, liking the attention he was getting, but ignoring every single courtesan that latched herself onto his arm or called him. He simply shook them off.
After crossing the two wood doors leading inside the building, everything was a piece of cake. The girls' faces illuminated upon seeing him entering, and he was attended immediately. He chose the first girl that met his standards and they both entered one of the elevators.
When the doors opened on the seventeenth floor, the woman was already in his arms. He kissed her roughly, pushing her out of the elevator and guiding her back towards one of the walls of the hallway. He pressed his body against hers and she moaned. It was forbidden to practise any kind of sexual activity out of the rooms designed for such, but they couldn't care less at the moment.
Hoisting her up and grabbing her butt, he turned around and resumed walking, trying to keep his mind clear as the girl writhed against him, grinding their hips together. He had to find the damn room, given that she wasn't being of much help. She was focused on turning him on.
When he finally opened the fusuma, the girl had already taken care of his scarf to start kissing and biting his neck. She was bold, and she was doing her job, but Sougo didn't like being dominated, so he had thrown her on the futon carelessly.
The girl gasped, landing with a thump, but she had no time to react. The samurai was already taking her clothes off and licking her breasts.
The sex was nothing special. He enjoyed himself, and the girl sure had a night to remember, but it was just like all the other nights in the Red Light District for him. However, it had served his original purpose. He was more relaxed now.
After cleaning himself up in the adjacent room, he said goodbye to the courtesan and left without another word. It was pretty late. He had taken his time with her, and she hadn't complained. The moonlight filtered through the windows, illuminating the hallway. He called the elevator and waited. When he entered it, however, he didn't have time to press a button, as it started to move on its own. Assuming it had been called from another floor, he leaned against a wall, closing his eyes and sighing. He opened them right away, as it started to move upwards. He had expected it to go down.
He was on the seventeenth floor, which was one of the highest ones. The building had twenty floors in total. The last one was reserved for Tsukuyo's rooms and her closest girls -not all of them worked as courtesans-, and the nineteenth, eighteenth and seventeenth itself were for the most important customers. So it was a surprise the elevator was going up. And it was even more of a surprise when the doors opened on the twentieth floor to reveal a tangerine headed girl crying.
He forgot that she lived there quite often.
Kagura had frozen on the spot and she looked like a deer caught up in the lights of a car. She was surprised, and Sougo stood there dumbfounded for a moment, regarding her appearance. Her blue eyes were puffy and swollen, rimmed with tears that were also streaming down her face. Her eyelashes were glued together with them and her cheeks were red. She was trembling now, even though she was wearing a long kimono and the night was hot. Her hair, normally tied up in pigtails or her trademark buns, was now down, reaching her shoulderblades. The light entering through the window made her pale skin glow, as if it was made of porcelain. She looked like some kind of spirit standing there, in the dark hallway.
Regaining her senses, she lifted her hand and rubbed her eyes, glaring at him right after. Then, she turned around and started running in the opposite direction.
He didn't know what got into him, but he chased after her. She run quickly, and the corridors looked like a labyrinth, but he was used to chase criminals in those kind of places, so he followed her without major problems. She lead him to the stairs in the courtyard, that went down to the first floor and where he lost sight of her when she jumped and landed some floors below. But that wasn't deterring him. When he was on the tenth floor, the huge dog she had as a pet appeared on the courtyard whimpering, and he guessed she was somewhere near him.
It wasn't that difficult finding her after that. She was hiding in one of the most remote parts in the garden, leaning her back in a tree and crouching down in the soil, her knees against her chest. But the dog sold her away. She didn't move when he approached her. He kept quiet for a while, listening to her broken sobs. He guessed she was trying to suppress them, but it wasn't being too effective.
"This is new, China, I haven't seen you like this before. Have you finally realized you are a pig?"
Kagura didn't respond to him, and he thought it was worse than what he had predicted. The girl not answering to those comments meant something was wrong. It wasn't like him at all to stay in those kind of situations, but curiosity got the best of him. Sighing, he sat down beside her.
"So what? Did they tell you have to start sleeping with customers if you wanna keep living here?"
"Leave me alone." Her voice was hoarse. How long had she been crying?
"Well, if you have responded to that, that must mean I am right."
"Go to hell."
"Ouch, that's no way of treating such an important customer like me. You'll get fired."
"FUCK OFF!"
Well, at least he had got her to talk and curse like always. But even if she was screaming to him, her face was still buried in her knees and she was still quivering. There was something about her that he didn't like, and he did the first thing that came to his mind.
Resting his hand against her hair, he patted her head. She moved slightly, but she didn't pushed him away, so he kept rubbing her head. Her hair was soft, and it smelled like lavender. They kept like that for awhile, the only sounds apart from her sobs were those of the crickets and the frogs. Sadaharu had lied down next to his owner, giving her a wordless comfort.
When she stopped crying, he thought it was time to left. He didn't know what time it was, but he was tired and he wanted to rest. He got up and looked at her. She was still not facing him, but he guessed she was better now. Not that he cared that much about her. He wasn't supposed to care.
Turning around, he headed towards the gates leading outside.
"I'll see you around another time, China girl."
If he had looked at her, he would have seen the girl lift her face to look at his retreating back, gratitude in her features for the first time. It had been two years since Gintoki's disappearance, and her room in the twentieth floor had suddenly become too suffocating for her. She would have never guessed the samurai was around, much less he would comfort her. She didn't dwell on the business that had led him to Yoshiwara in the first place.
The second time he had been on top of her, taking care of her needs. He hadn't been paying attention to her face, much more preoccupied with the way she writhed beneath him, her hands grabbing the sheets and her toes curling in delight. It was their second time that night, and he had only been kissing her body, but it seemed to be enough to have her pleading for more. Not that she was speaking, she was too proud for that, but he had learnt to read her every move, and he knew what she was saying without effort.
So when he moved his face from her belly to her lips to kiss her there, he was shocked to taste something cold and salty compared to her hot and sweet skin.
Tears.
He lifted his gaze to her shut eyes. Her cheeks were flushed, like the last time he had seen her crying, but this time it was for different reasons. She was gasping for air, and her eyelashes were shining with the tears. She opened her blue eyes to look at him questioningly. He realized she hadn't noticed she was crying.
"What's wrong?" His voice was the hoarse one this time around.
The question had surprised her, as she had stopped moving her body and had opened her mouth.
"Uh?" She was breathless, and he used his elbows to prop himself up, letting her breathe better.
"You're crying."
"Wh- what?" She touched her cheek and realisation filled her eyes, along with something else. Probably embarrassment. He was sure the last thing she wanted was him seeing her cry. But what had she been thinking about? It wasn't only curiosity this time. He was genuinely worried for her.
Before she could use her strength to push him away and go hide somewhere, he lifted one of his hands to wipe the tears away, clasping her hand in his after. He lowered his face until their noses were almost touching.
"Why are you crying?"
When the girl didn't answer, he closed the distance between them, pecking her on the lips.
"China, tell me."
She still refused to answer him, and she was looking at him with confusion written all over her face. He kissed her then on the nose, the cheeks, the eyes, the forehead. Slowly and sweetly. He wanted her to relax.
Sometimes he wished she would trust him more.
"C'mon, China girl. Tell me."
"It's nothing. Just continue." Finally regaining her senses, she lifted her hips to his, and Sougo groaned. Damn her. But she wasn't getting away with it this time. Not on his watch.
"You stubborn woman. I won't continue if you don't-"
Kagura turned them around suddenly, and Sougo found himself lying on his back, unable to move back to their previous position as the girl pressed all of her weight on him, her hands on his shoulder and stomach.
"What the hell-"
"Shut up. If you're not continuing, I'm doing it myself."
Without another word she bit his neck, but Sougo was buying nothing of it. He wrapped his arms around her to keep her still, her face in his neck and her body flushed against his. She was light. The girl struggled to get free, but he was strong. She was about to use her Yato strength when he spoke.
"You know, Kagura, it's okay if you don't want to tell me. But you should cry if you feel like it."
Kagura froze at the mention of her name. He never, never, called her like that. She could count with a single hand the amount of times he had used her birth name.
And then, the rest of his words dawned on her.
Suddenly, she didn't want him on top of her again. She didn't want him to stop asking her what was wrong. As a lump formed in her throat, she felt the urge to tell him everything. About her feelings, about how she had come to love him like she did, about the way he made her feel alive and safe. What could she lose? Their nonexistent relationship of what? Friends? They had never been friends. Lovers? They could keep that going. It wasn't like he cared. If he was to learn about how she felt, she was sure nothing would change. He wouldn't care either way. Yes, he was sleeping with a girl that was in love with him. So what?
And maybe that way she wouldn't have to hold back like she did. She wouldn't feel like she was lying to herself and she wouldn't have to live with regret, with the always present question of what if...
Instead, she chose to keep quiet again. Because there was always the possibility of him leaving for good or of him being killed. He was a rōnin, after all. She knew she wouldn't be able to live with that, without him. Not anymore. That was what had made her cry in the first place. She had been thinking about him disappearing from her life and the result had been tears.
She felt her heart breaking to pieces as the words she wanted to say burned her throat, and tears filled her eyes again. They spilled onto his neck, travelling down and reaching his shoulder. She started to shiver and Sougo moved a little, letting her arms free to embrace him. She secured them around his neck and he moved one of his hands to her hair, patting her head like he had done years ago. The trembling turned to sobs, her shoulders shaking violently, and she cried like she hadn't since the day Gin had disappeared.
He hold her in place, and she was sure if he hadn't, she would have ended on the floor curled up in a ball. A complete mess.
A part of her screamed that she should stop. What was she even doing? She was crying in front of another person. In front of him. She had decided she was going to be strong.
The other part, however, was telling her that people cried when they had been strong for too long. She wanted to trust the samurai wholeheartedly, just this once. Even if she wasn't going to tell him what happened, he could still comfort her. Just like he was doing now.
Rubbing calming circles on her back, he reassured her patiently, waiting for her to calm down. He kissed the top of her head, and Kagura wished with all her heart he was in love with her, too.
After a while, the sobs died down and the only trace of her crying were the remaining tears on her eyes. She raised her head and rested her forearms on either side of his head, closing her eyes and touching her forehead to his. He wiped the tears away from her eyes again, keeping her hands on her cheeks, and she sighed. This wasn't like them. It seemed like one of the scenes of the soap operas she used to watch in the Yorozuya when she was younger. Kagura and Okita Sougo weren't supposed to be all tenderness, comforting each other.
Feelings were not allowed. But here they were.
"Thank you." The words left her mouth just before she closed the distance between them, kissing him on the lips. She tried to pour down all of her feelings in the touch. It wasn't a hungry kiss or a passionate one. It was sweet, salty and filled with emotions. Her lips moved against his slowly, and the way they fitted made her perk up a little. He was kissing her back, and her skin grew warmer where his hand were still touching her cheeks.
She broke the kiss and awkwardly disentangled herself from him, resting her body next to his and looking to the ceiling. She wasn't sure what to do. Her heart was erratic from the embarrassment. It had been strange. She only kissed him when they were going to have sex, it was her excuse. This one, however, was completely out of place. She had kissed him just because. He hadn't complained, though. And it had felt right.
She was starting to fall asleep when Sougo turned to face her, his arms reaching for her. He slipped one under her head, and the other rested over her chest. She hoped he couldn't feel the beating of her heart. She angled her face to look at him, blushing, but he had already closed his eyes. Deciding they had already crossed all the lines today, she grabbed his arm with both her hands, gripping it tightly and pressing her head to his shoulder, letting him play with strands of her hair. She waited for the heat on her cheeks to cool down, and when she reached the conclusion that it wasn't happening anytime soon, she closed her eyes.
"Good night, Okita."
"Good night, China."
