'Being happy is not having a perfect life. But use tears to irrigate tolerance. Use losses to refine patience. Use the flaws to sculpt serenity. Use pain to polish pleasure. Use obstacles to open the windows of intelligence. '
August Cury, writer and psychoanalyst
Pov. Annabeth
4:45 in the morning, I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep. The dream was still fresh in my head. Just remembering it made my spine shiver. But this was not the worst. What scared me the most is that it was always the same dream. Almost every night was like that.
I was in a white room when my mom showed up next to that man in the suit that I only saw once but never forgot. The two approached and started to argue, but I couldn't hear what they were saying, until the man in the suit hit my mother. Not with a slap, no, but with a very strong punch. He fell to the floor and started to cry. As much as I hated her for leaving me that scene made my heart sink, I was still looking at her when she saw me. His face changed dramatically and he gave me a hateful look.
- It's all your fault, you nuisance! You should never have been born your worthless, no one ever wanted you - she started to scream
In the dream her nose was bleeding due to the punch she took, but even so she looked at me with disgust
- I hope her embarrassment dies - she spoke approaching me with my hand up
With this last scene I woke up crying.
It hurt, it hurt a lot. At first I thought that wound would heal over time. But no, it just got deeper every day. To be rejected by the mother herself, to be put aside as if she were nothing by the father, to have no one to trust but herself. I couldn't take it anymore.
I remember very well how it started. At first I just lived crying in secret, but then there were some cuts, but they weren't enough to quell my pain, then it came to drinking, but the effect was temporary. As if all that weren't enough, dreams came just over six months ago. This was distressing me a lot and I was already seriously thinking about ending it all.
I had my boyfriend, Luke, but I didn't fully trust him, he was obsessive and lost his temper very easily when he got nervous. Nobody saw Luke with good eyes, the principal, the teachers and the students, I honestly don't know why, even because his past was practically forgotten when he moved to Yancy, always when he tried to get into the subject he soon deviated with some sorry nonsense.
But I trusted him, not completely, but he was certainly the person I trusted most. Whenever he saw me sad, he would take me out to some club. I knew he only calls me to get the most out of me by getting me drunk, but he always went overboard and ended up drunk first.
- Damn, why did you leave me mother? What did I do wrong?
When I realized I was already crying remembering the few, but unforgettable moments we spent together.
No, not again not these thoughts just end up bad for me - I told myself
I took out my cell phone and called Luke, I needed a good pint of vodka to calm down and forget those memories, I couldn't cut myself, not now, last time Aunt M almost found out. I wonder if she had
- hung up - I huffed after trying unsuccessfully to talk to Luke - that's great
I looked at my watch again and saw that I had spent more than twenty minutes thinking about it. It was always like that, sometimes I got lost in memories and when I realized it, hours had passed.
I was restless, I needed something strong to drink. I didn't keep drinks at home. The reason? My dad. He hasn't treated me with such attention since my grades dropped and if I found out what I'm doing I don't even want to think about what will become of me. Of course, he didn't know that I would leave on Thursdays and only return on Mondays, at least most of the time. He practically lived abroad, he didn't even remember me. I knew that if my father found out I was drinking, he would send me to boarding school or something worse.
I got up and ran to change my clothes, I couldn't stay like this anymore, I needed to drink. I put on dark pants and a gray sweatshirt and put on a sneaker, I did it all without even paying attention. My mind was screaming for alcohol urgently. I almost ran out of the room.
My father was not, he had traveled to England at the invitation of one of the Queen's advisers, a Sir. I don't know how many, I didn't even care to know. But I had to be careful. The aunt M's housekeeper still had what I liked to call her, her name was Margareth and she looked more like a devil in the form of people, in fact it was she who showed my notes to my father, an old wretch, and then says that cares about me. But now that is not my priority.
I went down the stairs silently and ran across the room. It was when I was five steps from the door that my luck ran out. I accidentally bumped into a vase that I didn't even know was there. It was dark and I couldn't even see what he looked like. I only heard the sound of something breaking on the floor.
At the time I froze. Did anyone hear? I waited a little longer, but no one came. I opened the door slowly and went out into the dark night.
Luke lived right in the center of New York in a modest apartment, despite living saying that his parents had a lot of money, he didn't see himself living in luxury. I took a taxi and headed towards the center.
My throat was now begging for alcohol. I think the driver noticed my distress, because he was never tired of asking if I didn't need a doctor and such. I barely got to where he lived and jumped out of the taxi almost running. The doorman on duty already knew me and let me up as soon as he saw me.
I arrived at your apartment door and was about to knock when I heard muffled moans. I thought about calling the police but after I paid attention I saw that it was not moans of pain but yes ... of pleasure?
My luck is that I had the key and I didn't forget it at home. I unlocked the door and entered slowly. The moans became more audible. I walked towards where the noise came from, that is, the room. Before I got there my blood was boiling. I had a brief sense of what it meant and hoped it wasn't.
The bedroom door was ajar and through the crack I saw the scene I would rather not have seen.
Luke was lying on top of a girl. And he penetrated her willingly. I could hear her moan and whisper his name. 'go ... faster Luke, more ... ahh', 'I will, ah ... I will ...'
They had just reached the peak of pleasure and I had just reached the bottom of Tartarus.
I watched the two of them there kissing, making caresses. Soon he, the only one I trusted. Because? Was I born to suffer my God? My heart ached. It hurt like the time my mom abandoned me, it hurt like the time my dad forgot me. He was still the only one I trusted. Now I'm alone. I'm just one more time.
Tears fell from my face. I kicked the door open, which made the two of them break apart, panting. Now I could see that bitch's face.
Drew at first stared at me in amazement, but then smirked. Luke looked like he was still processing the information that I was there. Only when I turned around to leave did he come out of the trance
- Annabeth waits - he shouted coming running and grabbing my arm
He was naked. If it was another occasion I would certainly be drooling over that body, but I just looked at it with hatred
- Annie, it was not what ...
- Don't call me Annie, Luke - I said tearfully - and what? It was not what I was thinking. I saw Luke, I saw my boyfriend having sex or rather having wild sex with my 'friend' - I said stressing the last word
- It's not like that Annie ...
- Come on Luke, it's over - I said, walking away from him - Never look for me again , You disgust me.
I ran to the door but he grabbed me and pressed me against the wall kissing me. It was the worst kiss of my life. I carried disgust, lies and many other feelings that I don't want to remember. I kicked that precious one and ran away.
When the doorman leaves, he looked at me with a confused expression and started to say something, but I didn't have time and ran through the deserted streets of New York. I cried a lot, not for Luke because I already knew he was no good, but because it reminded me of my life, my suffering, my pain. People looked at me with pity wherever I went. But I didn't want that, it's not enough for everyone to talk, poor girl with no mother or her father, she doesn't even care for the poor girl. When I realized I was already entering a bar.
I opened my eyes and saw that I was at home. How I don't know, but it scared me. I remember yesterday. I remembered the misfortune that hit mine again. I was still thinking about all this when the bedroom door opened and the last person I wanted to see came in
- Now can you explain to me what happened?
