Chapter Eleven: A New Focus

Sam sighed, waking up. She wanted to try something different today. She woke up early to get it done. She went to the bathroom and locked herself in, taking out some blue hair dye and putting it in her hair, following the instructions that she'd read the night before. She let it sit for ten minutes and then got in the shower, washing out the extra. Her scalp was burning slightly from the chemicals. She scratched her head as she went down for breakfast.

She was starting to eat normally again, and Amanda and Erik noticed she was exercising a lot. She went out running almost every day now. She'd started shortly after she'd moved to Royal Woods. Initially, she wanted to get in better shape. Then she realized how good it felt to exercise. She had also started to play sports, which she hadn't really done much before. She wasn't really dancing anymore. She wanted to change who she was as much as possible. She went down to the kitchen and started making breakfast.

It wasn't so much that she was hungry. She just was changing her focus. She still wasn't hungry most of the time, but she ate so that she would have the energy to exercise. Erik and Amanda were still concerned though. She was obsessively controlling the amount she ate. She would use measuring cups to decide how much she ate. She would carefully measure before even putting it on her plate and then sometimes take it off and remeasure it. Simon was confused by Sam's strange, ritualistic activity before eating.

She worked out hard too. She woke up at 5 am exactly and had a cup of tea. She went out to run and spent half an hour on the run. She came home and ate the same breakfast every day. A bowl of cereal with fruit, an English Muffin with jelly and a hardboiled egg. She then went to school. On the bright side, she had begun talking to Simon again, though some days she was still surprisingly cold towards him. Simon never knew which days those would be. He tried to keep what Erik had said in mind. It wasn't her fault.

She didn't mean to. He knew she didn't. He knew she still loved him. She came home late most days. She went to the music club after school to start with and worked on music with them. She only stayed for about half an hour before she left. She didn't tell them what she was doing. She didn't see the need. She was working out in the gymnasium weight room. She often shared that time with various sports teams, but she was. She'd only been working out for a few days. But she was starting to have more energy.

Her schedule was rigidly controlled. She didn't want to let a single minute be unplanned. And although it was difficult to keep on schedule sometimes, she felt like she was finally starting to get some measure of control back in her life. Simon, meanwhile was still trying to build himself up to giving her the painting. He'd finished it and had brought it home, keeping it hidden in his room until he had the courage to give it to her. He was hoping to give it to her this weekend when he hung out with her.

During the day, he planned to hang out with Sam. On Saturday night, he was visiting Gil and his family for dinner. He was looking forward to Saturday… Or rather, to his night with his new friend's family. He sighed. Today had to be the day. He had to give Sam the painting. He wasn't sure how she would like it. But he had to give it to her. He'd worked for over a week on it and now, it was finished and he could show Sam how much he loved her. School had to come first though.

As Simon came downstairs, he gasped when he saw Sam's teal blue head. He stared for a long moment, leaving Sam feeling a bit uncomfortable. She looked away from him. She wasn't really that angry at him anymore for outing her. In fact, she and her family had settled into a pretty good thing. She had found that they didn't think less of her because she was gay. Her father was obviously unsure about how he felt about it. But he also made it clear that he didn't love her any less.

She remembered two days after she'd been forced to come out of the closet. She sat with Erik, rubbing her arm nervously. She had noticed that he was uncomfortable around her. She looked at him finally.

-0-

"Dad… Do you hate me?" She asked nervously. He was silent for a long time. She took that as a sign that he did. "I'm sorry, Dad! I didn't mean to be gay! I can't help it!" She pleaded.

Erik shook his head.

"Sweetie… I don't hate you. I was… I was born in a time when people weren't exactly accepted for who they were. I could never hate you. You're my baby girl. But I wasn't raised in an environment that accepted gay people. My parents were strongly Conservative and religious. They were hardly religious loonies or anything. But they were fairly Conservative Christian and were fairly vocal about it. They believed being gay was a sin and they… Imparted that on us.

"So… You-you think I'm a sinner?" Sam asked, terrified now. Erik shook his head.

"I've come to realize that not everything my parents taught me is true. Just because I believe in God doesn't mean I believe He would want me to reject my daughter for who she is." Erik said.

"Then why are you so uncomfortable around me?" Sam demanded tearfully. Erik sighed.

"Because I'm not sure how to react. I don't know what to do. How can I be a good father to you when I know nothing about what being gay means for you? I don't know enough about your kind of peop… Sorry… That was… Insensitive… I didn't mean to say it like that." Erik said nervously.
"Sammy… Look at me. I love you. Nothing will ever be able to change that. But I hope you'll give me a little leeway while I get used to you being gay and learn more about what that means?

"Can you give me a chance to do that for you?" Erik asked. Sam nodded, hugging Erik tightly.

-0-

Amanda had been very supportive. She said that her family was Irish Catholic. Her parents didn't exactly approve of gay marriage. They did believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. But they also tended to accept that a gay couple should be allowed to be together. Amanda's siblings were pretty accepting of same-sex marriage. None of them were gay as far as Amanda knew, though she had a male cousin who never seemed that interested in women.

He never came out and said it, but she had a feeling he was gay. Amanda had told Sam that whether she was attracted to boys, girls or boys and girls, she would never stop loving her. She had called her sisters, Wendy and Elaine. They were the two who lived closest to her. Wendy lived in New York with her husband, Eugene and three kids, while Elaine lived in Minnesota with her husband, Daniel and two kids. They were going to bring their families over to Royal Woods to visit over the weekend.

Erik had called Lars, who lived in Colorado and Elisabeth who lived in California. Both had families, but lived too far away to easily come visit. They were going to try to visit for Thanksgiving. As Sam had come down for breakfast, Simon had gasped, seeing that his Sammy's hair was bright blue rather than the beautiful shade of blonde it usually was. He couldn't believe she had changed her hair like that.

"Sammy? Why did you dye your hair?" He asked, seeming distressed that Sam had changed herself so much. Her beautiful long hair, her bright, charming, loving personality, her smile and now her blonde hair… She'd changed it all and he wasn't liking the change. Sam sighed and smiled weakly at Simon as they walked together. They would split up at some point. Sam would go to the middle school and Simon would go to the elementary school. But for now, they could walk together.

Sam looked at Simon, saying that she had just wanted a change. She wanted to try dyeing her hair blue.

"Why?" Simon asked. He'd always thought her hair was so beautiful just as it was.

"Well… It's not hurting anyone. If I don't like it, I can just grow my hair back out. And if I do like it, hey. I've already done it." Sam said as they got to the high school. She kissed him lightly on the forehead and headed into the building, seeing Luna waiting for her. Sam gasped. Luna had dyed her hair purple.

Luna laughed, looking at Sam's hair.

"Wow! Your hair looks great, dude!" Luna grinned. Luna had gotten her hair cut. Leni had done it the previous night. Luna had been wanting to get her hair cut for a while. It had gotten pretty shaggy, and she was going for a pixie cut these days. Luna promised she'd help Leni write a song for her and her boyfriend's one month anniversary in exchange. Luna didn't like Leni's boyfriend. He was kind of a jerk. But she figured Leni would figure that out eventually.

"Your hair looks great, Sam." Luna said, high fiving the now blue haired girl. They had Ms. DiMartino in their history class again that day. Luna had been struggling with feelings for her. She'd had Ms. D only since yesterday. She had heard that Ms. D would be there for a while. They weren't sure how long Ms. Karim would be out. She'd heard that it could be as long as a few weeks. She liked Ms. Karim. Ms. K was pretty awesome and loved her subject of history. But Ms. D was… Okay fine. She was fucking hot.

Sam had Ms. DiMartino too. They had her in different periods, but they had the same teacher. Sam found Ms. DiMartino to be quite attractive as well. Today was their math test. Last day of the week. Friday. They had the weekend coming up, and Sam had heard Amanda talking about Simon's friends coming over on the weekend. She was happy that they were keeping in touch. She hoped the group had a good time hanging out in the new town.

"Luna… You look good with your hair t-too…" Sam said nervously, smiling a bit, or at least trying to. It came off more as a nervous grimace. Luna grinned. She knew Sam was a little bit shy. She would try to draw Sam out of her shell a bit more. She felt she had already done so, but there was still more to work on. Luna smiled and looked at the Latina woman walking past them.

"Ms. D is pretty awesome, isn't she?" Luna asked. Sam blushed slightly and nodded. Ms. DiMartino was pretty cool, and the boys seemed to go nuts over her.

She could tell that Luna was a bit crazy over Ms. DiMartino as well. The way Luna stared at her was a dead giveaway. Maybe she'd found a kindred spirit at this school. Someone who was gay like her and could understand how she felt and what had happened to her. But she wasn't 100% sure. She didn't want to tip her hand until she was sure that Luna would accept her and that moreover, she wouldn't be offended by Sam asking if she was gay. Luna gave her the opportunity to talk.

"So, Sam… Tell me a bit about your life in Columbus. Sam sighed. She wasn't sure she was ready to talk about it. She was still too scared about her secret. Sam looked away nervously.
"There isn't really much to tell. My mom is a nurse. My dad was in construction. But he injured his knee and he couldn't do it anymore. But he went back to work once he got to Royal Woods and is a foreman now. My brother is really good at art, and is also pretty athletic." Sam said. Luna got the distinct image that wasn't all there was to it. She could tell that there was a lot more to Sam's life in Columbus.

She wasn't going to push Sam on it though. She knew Sam would talk when she was ready. And for now, she would just be a good friend to Sam.
"Are ya gonna be at Music Club after school today?" Luna asked. Sam shook her head. Her parents wanted her to come home early so they could spend time together. Simon also wanted to talk to her. He had something to give her. He said he'd worked very hard on it and wanted her to have it.

They split up for first period. Luna went to English class with Mr. Anderson while Sam went to Ms. DiMartino for History. She had her a different period than Luna, though she was finding herself wanting to be around Luna more often. She knew that they'd barely gotten to know each other. But she really felt comfortable with Luna. Now if only she could be honest about her sexuality. She wanted to be honest with her new friends. But she was afraid they wouldn't accept her. She was afraid that beyond that, they would spread word of it and make her a pariah in Royal Woods as well.

If that happened, she wasn't sure she would ever be able to trust anyone again. She was sure Luna, George, Ruth and Finny wouldn't do that to her… But was she sure? She was sure that Saoirse would never hurt her too. Saoirse was the kindest, friendliest girl she'd ever known. But she'd done some research on Saoirse's actions. She was somewhere between a narcissist. She was charismatic, friendly, had a way with people and she was completely self-absorbed. And a sociopath. She had a shallow charm, but underneath it, she had no conscience.

She could murder someone as easily as she could shake someone's hand. In both cases, she was good at making people doubt their perceptions. Was Saoirse really evil? She had said that her father was a monster too. Maybe she was just following his example. Maybe she could still change. But she was thirteen now. Maybe fourteen. If she hadn't changed already, it was unlikely that anything would by now. Whatever the cause of her behavior, she was a monster and there wasn't really any changing that.

She had no doubt played on Sam's trusting nature to make her believe her story about her father. It was over now though. She was out of Saoirse's grip. She wouldn't be bothered by her anymore.

"Saoirse." Sam growled to herself bitterly as she sat down.

"Who's Saoirse?" Came a voice from behind her. Sam hadn't realized she'd said the name out loud.

"No one. Someone I knew in my old school." Sam said dismissively. Ms. DiMartino came in.

"Hello, class. I got word from Ms. Karim this morning. She's going to be out another two weeks. So until then, I'll be teaching you. I hope you'll all write to her to wish her well during her recovery." Ms. DiMartino said. They all agreed and Ms. D started class. It was an interesting lesson about the French and Indian War. Ms. DiMartino had interesting information that most history books didn't teach. It wasn't anything too ridiculous. But it was obscure, and she really drew the class in with stories about individual leaders on both sides of the war.

She said that there was going to be a quiz in three days on the subject, and that it would be an essay, so they should take the time at night to study the subjects and get ready for the essay. When class ended, Sam went to Math with Luna and Mr. Ryan. She hadn't initially been in the same period as Luna, but a chance had been made. The order of Sam's classes didn't really matter to her, and it had to another student, who was apparently having an issue with another student. So Sam gladly switched with him.

She sat down, going over Pi one last time for the test. She had been studying hard for the test since she found out about it and was pretty ready. She was good at math, though this type of math was a bit harder for her than she was used to. Mr. Ryan came in and told everyone to clear their desks except for a pencil, an eraser, some ruled paper and a sharpener if they had one. He passed the tests to the front row and had them pass them back, telling them to practice breathing if they got nervous. That he had confidence in each of them. Luna sighed. She wasn't that great at math. But she studied with her parents to get it down.

Mr. Ryan was odd. He was extremely eccentric. But he was quite charismatic and really knew how to make the class comfortable by talking to them. He wasn't known for reaming students out if they were in trouble. Once the tests were all distributed, he had them turn them over and begin. Sam went through the basic parts of the test pretty easily. She had to stop sometimes and think about an answer. But she used some ruled paper and did her work on it. Finally, she got to the extra credit question. The first fifteen digits of Pi were a breeze for her. She'd done the song with Luna, George, Ruth and Finny.

3.14159 26535 89793. She went back over the song, singing along in her mind, doing each of the notes and writing down the numbers as she did. 23846 26433 83279 50288. Sam continued her singing of the song in her head. She was up to 35 digits. She was doing good. She was proud of herself. 3.14159 26535 89793 23846 26433 83279 50288 41971 69399 37510 58209 74944 59230 78164 06286 20899 86280 34825 34211 70679. There, she was up to 100 digits. She was doing way better than she'd thought.

Sam kept going with the number. She was at 100 digits now. 82148 08651 32823 06647 09384 46095 50582 23172 53594 08128 48111 74502 84102 70193 85211 05559 64462 2948 95493 03819. Sam was up to 200 digits already. She continued on, getting up to 250 digits, finally turning the test over and sighing. Although she had a good memory, she was tired, having to pull all those numbers up. She'd spent hours working on memorizing the song. And she'd memorized out to 250 of the 800 digits they'd gotten the song to as a club. They'd written it down and gone over it again and again.

She was proud of herself. Even with her skill in math, she was really impressed she'd managed that. Soon, he told them to pass the tests up. While Luna had done better than she expected she would, she didn't get nearly as far as she'd hoped she would. She was able to get up to 60 digits in class. Though she had memorized up to 128 digits during study, she had forgotten past 60. Still, she'd done well and she passed the test up to the front.

Mr. Ryan took a brief look at the tests, nodding in some places and continuing on and smiled.
"Okay. You guys are done for the day. The bell will ring… Now." He said as the bell rang. The class packed up and crowded out. Luna and Sam talked. Sam asked Luna what number she got out to. Luna sighed, saying she only got out to 60 digits. She was disappointed in herself.

"Where did you get to?" Luna asked.

"250." Sam said. Luna gasped.

"God damn, dude! That's righteous! That's like an extra 80 points…"
"82. But yeah." Sam said. She was pretty confident that she did well on the test even excluding the digits of Pi. They had been specifically told that they couldn't use the digits of Pi to substitute for learning the material. The extra credit was there mostly for fun. If they did really poorly, suggesting that they hadn't studied, but they got a high grade because of Pi, he wasn't going to let them circumvent the purpose of the test. Sam and Luna both got that and they studied for the test itself together with the band as well.

Luna headed to History with Ms. DiMartino while Sam headed to band class. She had a great teacher named Mrs. Robinson. She joked on the first day that she wasn't Simon and Garfunkel's Mrs. Robinson. Sam still sometimes wondered why Saoirse had helped her buy a $1,500 violin. Had she felt bad about what the others had done to her violin? Or maybe she didn't feel bad, but she felt that they'd been out of bounds to do that. Or maybe she just wanted to embarrass Sam. Maybe it really had just been a way to flaunt how rich she was. Either way, she was glad she had the violin.

She sat down in her seat and rosined up her bow, tuning the violin and preparing to play the piece they were working on. Jackie sat down next to her.

"Hey, Sam. How's everything going?" Jackie asked. Sam shrugged. She said she was pretty sure she'd done well on a math test that day. She asked Jackie how she was doing. Jackie smiled.

"I've got a boyfriend now." The black haired girl said. Sam smiled.

"Really? What's he like?" Sam asked. Jackie blushed slightly.

"He's really sweet. He goes to a different school. His name is James Finnegan, but he likes to be called Finny. He's really sensitive and talented. He plays bass and drums and he sings." She sighed dreamily. Sam chuckled. She knew him. He was a member of their band.
"He's a friend of mine. He's in me and my friends' band." Sam said.

"Really? Isn't his hair just so cool? He doesn't even care or comb it and it still looks so perfect! And he has such beautiful eyes! Don't you just wanna kiss those lips and never stop?" Jackie asked excitedly. Sam smiled, nodding. She couldn't tell Jackie that his weren't the lips she was curious about. She didn't know if she was exactly in love with Luna, but she felt a strange synergy with the brunette. She felt a connection with her, and she was curious what Luna's lips tasted like.

The teacher came in and handed out new music. They were playing Where Have all the Flowers Gone? In honor of Steve Seger, who had died just recently. She had the orchestra read through the music and get familiar with it, having the groups go over their parts. She then tapped her pulpit and had the orchestra start. It was a beautiful piece of music and Sam moved oldies music. She listened to Peter, Paul and Mary sing Where Have all the Flowers Gone and cried with it.

Sam took deep breaths as she played. Jackie was impressed at what a good violinist Sam was. She was so young, but she seemed like a natural. Sam thought that Jackie was good as well. They played through the whole period and then Mrs. Janzensin told them to remember to practice at home. She reminded them that they couldn't just come to band class and expect to be good. She recommended a half hour to forty minutes of practice each night.

-0-

Simon had started a new project in art class. He had a new canvas and was drawing out the outline, doing him and his old friends this time. But he also had Gil in the picture. He was calling it Old and New. He had his old friends that he loved. Alric, Noriko, Jimmy, Eddie, and Amelia. Simon was holding hands with Amelia, but he was looking at Alric. There was some symbolism in there, even if Simon didn't quite see it. And they were facing Gil, smiling at him. There was a heart in the background. He finished the outline of it and began to paint the background.

Ms. Sloane didn't believe in lessons. She believed that art shouldn't be structured. She believed that children shouldn't be exposed to art, that they should be taught to love art, and given space to decide what kinds of art they liked. So her class was basically the kids deciding what they would do and work on it. There was no good or bad art. As long as they participated, they would be given the grade. She didn't really believe in grading art as that implied that some art was better than others. But unfortunately, the school district required that they receive grades for their work.

So as long as they did the work, as long as they tried and showed that they cared, she would give them a good grade. There were some students whose art she personally liked better than others. And Simon was one of those extremely special children who showed incredible talent. Simon really was a prodigy in art. She had seen the finished piece of his sister. She had asked if he was willing to display it at the art show coming up in a month. Simon had adamantly turned it down though. He said he was giving it to Sam. That nobody else could have it. Ms. Sloane admired how devoted Simon was to his sister.

Simon was looking forward to the weekend. He was getting to meet Gil's family, and his friends were apparently coming to visit from Columbus. And he didn't know for sure, but he'd heard it implied that Sam's friends were coming as well. He couldn't wait. He missed them. They were starting to get settled in their new home and Sam was starting to recover, even if she was doing weird things like measuring her food and getting up at 5 in the morning. He could hear her going out of the house and she came back sweaty and took a shower and drank some coffee and had breakfast like nothing was different.

The week was almost over. He was happy the weekend was coming. As soon as art class ended, he put the work he'd already done up to dry and packed up to go home. He saw Gil hurrying towards his locker.
"Simon! Wait! My mommy and daddy said that they're excited to see you! What time are you coming over?" Gil asked. Simon smiled and asked what time would be best for them. Gil said he would ask and call him back, asking if he could have Simon's phone number. Simon gave him his cell number and programmed it into Gil's own phone, heading back to his house.

He knew that Sam wouldn't be home yet. She was in band club until later and then she worked out or exercised in some way. She always stayed out especially late on Friday night.