Christie gazed out of the foggy window of the bus, she was trying desperately to block out the thoughts that had been circling her head ever since she'd spoken to the police officer the day before. Despite her best efforts she couldn't stop imagining her little brother clad in an orange jumpsuit locked inside a small dark cell. Matt was skinny for his age and even though at school he'd always been able to handle himself in a fight she didn't think he'd last very long in juvie, the hardened kids would be more violent than the arrogant bullies he encountered at school. She nervously glanced at the time displayed on her phone, it was almost mid-day meaning she had a good chance of being able to see Matt. But before she could be reunited with her brother she had to speak to the detective on Matt's case, the officer who had visited her at college had given her the phone number of Hank Voight the man in charge, she had hoped for Matt's sake that he was a decent person and not like the stubborn angry cops you see in tv shows. But when she reluctantly called the sergeant she had been pleasantly surprised by the kindness in his gravelly voice and the fondness in which he spoke about her brother, she had no doubt in her mind that he was doing everything he could to help her brother. However the man did not disclose many details of the case, when she asked for more information about what happened he said he preferred to tell her in person. Towards the end of their conversation the sergeant promised to meet her at the bus station.
When the bus finally came to a halt after a long journey she wasted no time in grabbing her bag and rushing down the aisle. A few seconds later Christie was stood in the middle of the station tugging nervously at the strap of the tatty bag slung over her shoulder, her eyes scanned the station anxiously searching for someone who resembled a police sergeant. Finally a familiar scratch voice captured her attention.
"Christie?" She turned to see a tired looking man heading towards her, the badge hanging around his neck signified that he was the man she was looking for.
"Yes" she responded in a tired voice as she gave the man a shy smile.
"Hank Voight we spoke on the phone, it's nice to meet you in person" greeted Hank. He scanned the girls deflated posture and the crestfallen look on her face.
"Come on I've think you've waited long enough to see your brother" said Voight understanding how eager she was to see Matt.
Christie's heart hammered violently in her chest as two burly guards led her and Voight down a dark hallway, it wasn't visiting hours yet but Voight had managed to get them in under the pretence that he was questioning Matt further about the incident, this time with a supportive family member present. As they neared a small room at the end of the long hallway her palms were sweaty and a wave of nausea washed over her, Voight had shared every grim detail of her fathers death that he was aware of. She was immensely relieved that the monster who called himself a father was finally gone but she wished it hadn't come at the cost of her brothers innocence. She knew Matt well enough to know he'd never forgive himself for what he had done, Christie wished it had been her who plunged a knife into their father, she knew she could live with the guilt of his death but she wasn't sure her kindhearted brother could.
As they reached a tall metal door at the end of the corridor Hank paused and turned towards her, his eyes were full of concern and another emotion Christie identified as fear. She could sense his sudden apprehension at letting her see Matt but she didn't care, she needed to se her brother.
"The last time I saw him Christie he wasn't doing so good" warned Hank, he didn't know who he was going to find behind the door, a broken teen riddled with guilt or an emotionless shell of a boy.
Hank slowly pushed the door open and walked into the boxy room, it was the room commonly used for lawyers to talk in private with their clients. Matt was sat behind a small table in the middle of the room and a guard was lingering in a corner behind him. At first Matt had been staring off into the distance but as soon as he saw Voight a small grateful smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. Hank heard Christie illicit a sharp gasp as she took in her brother's dilapidated appearance, dark bags marred the skin under his eyes, his complexion was ghostly pale and his hands were covered in painful looking scratch marks. When Matt's eyes landed on the older teen his smile promptly slipped away, he glared at Christie with steely eyes and gritted his teeth in annoyance .
"Hey Matty"greeted Christie, ignoring the boys hostile appearance as she approached the table separating them.
"What are you doing here?" Asked Matt in a firm voice devoid of any warmth or kindness.
"I heard what happened" Christie responded in the most comforting voice she could muster.
"So? why do you care?" Sneered the teen, Voight tensed at Matt's attitude. This was the liveliest he had seen the boy so far and he was starting to wish Matt would go back to ignoring everyone while staring off into the distance.
"Matt?" Gasped Christie in a weak voice, this wasn't the sweet sensitive boy she had left behind.
"You moved on, you never gave a damn about me before so don't pretend now" shouted Matt rising out of his chair. His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt like he was going to collapse. Christie was his sister, he wanted nothing more than to pull her into a hug and start begging her not to leave him again ; he knew how selfish that would be. Christie deserved to live a normal life at college, it wasn't fair to drag her back into the screwed up life she had escaped. She could make something of herself and live a happy life, Matt would forever be tainted by his fathers murder but Christie could move on. The young blonde would never forgive himself if he was the reason she was miserable for the rest of her life.
"Matt you know that's not true, you're my little brother, I love you."
"Lies" shrieked Matt, the only way to keep himself from bursting into tears and seeking Christie's comfort was to imagine that she was his mother. Every single word he was about to say was what he longed to tell Nancy but never would.
"Please Matt I'm sorry, I never should have left you behind but please let me make up for it" pleaded Christie.
"How? Have you got a time machine, can you go back and stop me from being born " sniped Matt in a voice full of venom. His words slapped Christie across the face and a agonising sadness filled her heart.
"No Matt but I-"
"I don't need your help Christie" interrupted Matt as he grabbed fistfuls of his blonde hair in frustration.
"Well can we at least talk" Christie begged barely keeping her tears from spilling out. She began to reach out to stop Matt from tugging at his hair but decided against it, when her brother was distressed he always responded negatively to contact.
"I have nothing to say to you" snapped Matt, his face had flushed a dark red.
"Please Matty",
"I never want to see you again" shouted Matt cutting off her desperate pleas, he didn't know how much longer he could last.
"Come on Matt please let's talk about this" she begged once more.
"What is there to talk about? You left, you didn't care about what would happen to me. You turned your back on me because it was the easy option" roared Matt, with every word he became louder and louder. Voight was hovering tensely beside Christie watching the heated exchange, he was silently debating whether or not to intervene. Both of the siblings were becoming hysterical, Matt looked like he he was going to explode in rage while Christie looked like she was moments away from bursting into tears. However he decided interfering would only further upset Matt , the boy tended to shrink away from males in authority, Voight was the only exception and he didn't want to risk loosing the boys trust.
"But now that dad is dead and I'm locked up you feel guilty. You only came back so everybody could say wow look at wonderful Christie, she left college to save her broken psychotic brother"
"Nobody would say that Matt, you're not broken" insisted Christie feeling a sob catch in her throat. She wiped away a stray tear before continuing shakily.
"Besides I don't care about everyone else's opinion. I love you Matt, you're the reason I didn't leave home sooner, all I want is to be there for you like I should have been these past few months". Matt tightened his grip on his hair and shook his head in irritation.
"I don't want anything to do with you anymore. You're not my sister!" Screamed Matt when Christie made no movement towards the door. He just wanted her to get out, he'd reluctantly accepted that the only way to make her leave was to upset her.
"Well you'll always be my brother" declared Christie sincerely. She took in a deep breath as she stared at her brother in shock. His words stung and she found herself trying to push down the mix of devastation and anger bubbling inside of her.
"You're just the traitor who left us behind" yelled Matt, with those words something snapped inside of his sister.
"Well at least I'm not a murder" bellowed Christie, as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth she wished she could take them back.
"Matt I'm sorry I didn't mean it " she apologised feebly but it was too late the damage had already been done.
"Yes you did, Now run on back to college because I don't need you" yelled Matt as he slammed his hands down on the table, the guard lingering in the corner moved to restrain Matt but Voight raised his hand, despite how angry Matt was he knew he would never hurt his sister intentionally, also restraining the boy would only escalate the situation.
"You sound just like dad" mumbled Christie remembering how her father had reacted to her going to college, she was tired of fighting, she cast one last look at the broken boy in front of her.
"Have a nice life Matt" she sneered before storming out of the room. Hank was torn between running after the distraught girl or talking to matt; as the blonde boy seemed to be too wound up to listen let alone talk he decided to dash out of the room.
"Christie wait!" Called Hank as he ran after the shattered girl.
"He's right. Coming here was a mistake" she sighed defeatedly.
"No he wasn't right, he's just upset and scared" comforted Hank but Christie continued to walk away.
"if you visit in a few days time I'm sure he will be ok" added the sergeant, with his father dead and his mother missing, Christie was all the young teen had.
"Sorry Voight, thanks for trying to help but I'm not wasting any more of my time,I'm going back to college" Christie stated before disappearing through the doors with a guard closely following her. Hank exhaled as he scrubbed a hand across his face, he had never anticipated Matt to react like that.
He hesitated outside of the room holding Matt for a few minutes, preparing himself for seeing Matt again, the boy had been extremely distressed when Christie left and Hank was worried about what sort of state he would be in now. When he reentered the small room Matt was slumped over on the table with his head buried in his arms, all of the boys rage appeared to have melted away.
"Matt" called Voight in a soothing tone as he reached out to touch Matt's arm ; unfortunately the young boy flinched away instantly. A few seconds later he lifted his head slightly so Hank could see the pain in his eyes.
"Why did you bring her here?" Croaked Matt.
"I thought you'd want to see her, she cares about you Matt. She was coming whether I brought her or not",
"You should have sent her away" whined Matt as he clumsily scrubbed at the big fat tears that streaking down his hollow cheeks.
"Look Matt I get that you're angry but"
"I'm not angry, not at her anyway" stated Matt abruptly in a shaky voice.
"I would have left too if I was the older sibling. Moving away gave her a chance at a better life, she doesn't deserve to be dragged back into my mess" explained Matt dejectedly. He had been overjoyed for Christie when she got accepted by a college far away from home, he'd dreamt of running away his whole life, leaving behind their cold hearted parents. Now Matt had become the very monster he'd vowed to get away from. It didn't matter what happened to Matt anymore, whether he stayed in prison for the next ten years or was released and attended to college, his father's blood would always be on his hands, he'd always be a murderer.
"Did it ever occur to you that I want to stay here? I killed someone I don't deserve a better life"
"You had no choice, it was you or him" stated Hank matter-of-factly.
" I should have let him kill me, I'd rather be dead than have to live with the knowledge that I killed my own father. I'm where I belong."
