"You want me to be your what? Christian, a few weeks! That's all the time I've even known you!" My voice gradually getting louder, I began to back out of the… 'Playroom'.
"Not right now, Ana, I just… I just wanted you to know that this," he gestured around the room. "This is what I am used to. This is what I wanted to work towards with you. I really don't do the girlfriend thing and this is a whole new world for me so I wanted to make sure you would be open to the possibility of exploring my world with me a bit. We could explore new things together…" he said most of that in a rush, but all I heard anyway was 'this is what I wanted to work towards with you.'
"Is this what you had in mind when you noticed me at that bar? You just wanted a fuck buddy on a leash?" my voice grew accusing. He was just looking for a one night thing. He didn't notice me at the bar because he felt attracted to a women, he noticed me because he wanted a quick fuck! I looked easy to him. Then I proved I was easy, right when I went out the back of that bar with him. What the hell was I thinking? I'm so stupid!
"It's not like that Ana. This isn't something I just started because I like hurting people, or putting them on a leash. I had bad start in life and this was the outcome. If Grace and Carrick were my birth parents I wouldn't have been this screwed up ok? But I am, and that's the other reason I didn't want to start anything with you because I didn't know if it would have been ok to put you in that position because it could and probably still will really hurt you Ana!" He looked at me in a begging way. "Ana, listen. This is not what you think it is but I really want you to think about it. I don't need an answer right now, or even in a month. I just needed you to know before we got in too deep, before I got in too deep."
"I can't, Christian. I'm sorry. This was a major mistake." I turned and walked… no ran down the steps and out the door. Fuck. I need him to take me home. I stood for a second not wanting to go back in but hoping he would come out say nothing and just take me home. A minute later, I heard the door behind me.
"Come, I'll take you home." Was all he said, walking past me up to his car. I followed quietly and sat in the passenger seat.
The drive was awkward. Tense. No one spoke. Time passed slowly. My mind thinking a million things at once. Finally, he spoke.
"What does this mean?"
I kept quiet, not really knowing the answer. What does this mean? I mean hell, I'm still a virgin and he wanted to fuck me while I'm tied up?
"Say something."
"I haven't agreed or disagreed to anything yet so don't start telling and demanding me to obey you Christian. Or should I call you Sir? Mr?"
His jaw tightened. I'm pretty sure he was getting pissed with me. I knew I was being a bit over the top and overreacting a bit but can you blame me? I just started an affair with my teacher and now he wants to add this too?
A few moments later, he stopped around the corner from my moms house. I got out not saying anything and started to walk down the street when I heard the car door opening and footsteps coming behind me. "Ana, wait. Please?" I slowed my pace allowing him to catch up with me. "What does this mean? I need to know where we stand even if you just say whether or not you want to stay with me? Are we still trying?"
"I don't know, okay? Just… give me some time. This is a lot to take in Christian."
He nodded and stood up straighter before turning and walking back to his car. What am I getting myself into?
I've been lying on my bed for about an hour now… Headphones in and not really knowing what to do. How am I going to face him in school tomorrow? How am I going to face Kate when she asks me how it went?
I don't even know what he asked me to be honest. What is a submissive? How do I research something like that? Google! If it's not on Google it doesn't exist so I'm bound to find some information on there.
I sat up and pulled my laptop onto my knees. "Right Ana. Just type it in." I opened up Google. What do I even search? Right, submissive.
Oh God! Pictures. Horrible pictures. He wants to do that to me? Why would anyone want to do that? I closed the laptop quickly, screw that. I got up and paced the room for like half an hour when my phone buzzed repeatedly on my bed. Kates name came up on the screen.
"Hey Kate."
"Ana! I texted you like a million times, I was getting worried."
"Sorry. I had a lot on my mind."
"Why? What's wrong?" Always the one to make sure I'm ok before telling me why she was even calling.
"I really don't know if I should tell you. It's incredibly personal and a little embarrassing."
"Ana, you know you can tell me anything and it's safe. You do know that right?"
I nodded even though she couldn't see me as a few tears spilled over my eyes. I snivelled.
"Ana, please tell me what's wrong, I'm getting worried over here."
"It's Christian. I think we might be done." When she questioned me why I didn't know what to say to her. So I twisted the truth around a bit. "He showed me some stuff… and it's making me question whether this is something I should be trying with him. Nothing bad… I think. Just different, and a little scary and intimidating I suppose."
I didn't lie but I didn't really tell her what happened either. How do you tell someone that your boyfriend/teacher wanted to suspend you from the ceiling and use a cane on you before screwing you in every way possible? Doesn't just roll of the tongue does it? That's if that's what he had in mind? I mean what if it was more like just putting on a sexy maids uniform and cleaning and if I missed a spot then I was caned? God, that sounds just as bad. Maybe you should just ask him. Shut up me!
"Oh, well maybe just talk it over with him. As long as he's not some crazy guy wanting to kill you then you should be able to work it out right? Remember how giddy you were when you came home from the bar? You like this guy, I can tell." Kate was always the voice of reason while I over reacted. "Just, don't rush into anything… or out of it I should say. You will probably regret it later Ana."
"Yeah, you're probably right. I just need to think it over a bit."
"Exactly. I'm always right, but while I finally got a hold of you, I was calling to see if you wanted to hang tomorrow? Mr Grey has had you tied up so I want my time with you back a bit! She laughed, but if only she knew how true her words may be soon…
Did I just think that? "Yeah Kate, of course. After school? Or maybe we could ditch? I'm thinking first and 2nd period?"
"No way… after school you are not ditching his class."
"Sometimes I hate you."
"Don't lie you love me always. I'll see you tomorrow ok?" Agreeing, I hung up the phone and walked over to my closet to get some fresh out for my shower.
Grabbing some towels, I walked into my small en suit and turned the shower on. After leaving my hand under the stream of water until it heated up, I decided to get a bath instead. More relaxing. So I turned the shower of and put the plug into the bath, letting a mix of hot and cold water run. A few minutes later I was soaking in a roasting hot bubble bath with a few candles lit.
Bliss, while I can…
My alarm went off at 6:30am this morning and it was the worst sound ever! Slamming my hand down on top of the alarm to shut it of… rather angrily I might add, I lay there, just staring at the ceiling wondering if anyone would believe me if I said I had become ill and couldn't go to school for the rest of the year. However I doubt my acting skills would ever be that good!
So, reluctantly I rolled out of bed and stumbled across the room to my closet. Not bothering with any of the new clothes Kate persuaded me to buy, I threw on some ripped jeans and a checker blouse with a plain white tank top. Simple.
Walking out the door with my brush in my hand, I made my way into the kitchen and picked up some bread to toast as well as a muffin to nibble on. Deciding on jam I walked out the door toast in hand and over to my car. Driving as slow as I could I finally made it into the school parking lot. Keeping my eyes down and looking through the books in my hand I bumped into someone dropping everything. "Shit."
"You ok Ana?" Looking up I noticed it was Ethan, Kates brother.
"Yeah fine, thanks. Just a bit distracted this morning."
"Yeah I'd be distracted too if I seen me coming down the corridor."
"Oh ha-ha Ethan." I laughed. "Has anyone ever told you that you're really egotistical."
"Yeah, all the time actually." He said with a smirk. He bent down to help me with my books which were spread out all over the floor, form one end to the other. "Here." He said handing me the last book.
I thanked him and started to walk past, but he lightly placed his hand on my arm. "Hey Ana, wanna grab some coffee or something later?"
"I'm actually heading out with Kate, but you can join us if you like?" looking a bit disappointed, he nodded OK. "I'll text you later when we are ready to go, assuming you won't skip class today." I laughed walking of.
"As I recall you use to like skipping class with me…" He called after. I smiled and kept on walking.
Reaching my locker I noticed Kate walking over. Greeting me hello, and asking if I was ready to first period. "Hell no. Not looking forward to it at all." she laughed lightly and we walked arm in arm to English.
Walking towards the open door, I prayed he wouldn't be in there yet. No such luck. There standing by the desk was the beautiful… and apparently dominant Christian Grey. Looking up at me, he stopped shuffling through the papers he had in his hand and looked right at me. I averted my eyes to the ground, ignoring him and walked on by. Kate nudged me. "Doesn't look like you're trying very hard." She muttered.
I threw her a 'leave me alone' look and continued to my seat. Sitting down, I felt rather uncomfortable. How did I put myself in this position? The class begun and Christian stepped up in front of us all and opened his mouth to say something I wasn't expecting.
"Has anyone ever found themselves in a position in which they knew they needed someone so desperately that it hurt them? Knew that the way they were was not good for the other person, but couldn't help themselves? Feeling so lost when that person just walked out and didn't give it a chance?" What was he doing? "Well that's exactly what this poet is talking about; he pushed the one person who could fix him away. The one person who would have been able to heal him, heal the wounds that were left from such a young age." Was he trying to tell me what happened to him? What caused him to feel the need to be so controlling over everything?
"It's going to be hard for you lot to succeed in this class because you don't understand the kind of pain, and heartache these poets had to go through to get these pieces of art. So how can you write about them? Most of you will struggle, but for a few… you may know too well and pass." He looked directly at me this time. "Your homework will be focusing on this poem I just talked about, so listen carefully."
I took a deep breath and kept chanting in my head. 'You can get through this.'
Finally the end of the class came, and just as we were getting up, he called over everyone, "Miss. Steele can I please see you for a moment?" I knew it wasn't really a question he was going to wait for an answer for.
Walking down to him I stood infront of him as the other students passed me. "I have class to go to."
"Can we talk?" I shrugged. "Look, we don't have to do anything like that. You are still young and underage so can we just start over? Please?"
"I can't, it's not that easy. I know you want this type of relationship now, and I don't want to go deeper into this , if you will never be happy, because I don't think I can ever give you what you want."
"Ana, you are everything I want. I have never felt this way about someone before, especially so soon. It's scaring the crap out of me, but I don't want to stop seeing you. We can work on this, please. I'm asking you what you asked me, try?"
"Christian I just can't. Not yet anyway. Just… give me some time please." Reluctantly he let go of my arm, I hadn't even realized he had grabbed me. Giving him a small smile I walked out and turned left. I noticed Ethan in front of me, I waved over to him and he waved me over.
I walked a bit faster and reached him quickly, he gave me a hug and I noticed Christian standing in the door way of the class room… looking over at me in the arms of another man, with a look on his face towards Ethan that could only be described as one thing… Murderous…
