Summary: It had been years. Time dulls memories but not feelings.

Rating: K+

Timeline: Post Season 15

Disclaimer: The established characters, settings and ideas of "Criminal Minds" are owned and licensed by CBS Television Studios, ABC,...

Author's note: I haven't written in 10 years, and have never written for Criminal Minds. This idea popped up in my head after reading a lot of Emily/Hotch fanfiction. Not sure where I'm heading with this. Hope I'll continue but don't know when or how or what. All kinds of feedback is appreciated. Not beta-read.

Enjoy.

It was a cold Saturday in January when she saw him across the street. It had been years since she'd seen him, or heard from him. He didn't look the same, but he looked the same.His posture, broad and powerful was still exactly how she remembered it. From far she could see a softness in his face, he looked peaceful and at ease. A life away from law enforcement and the BAU looked good on him. She knew, personally, how it felt to leave that dark part of your daily life behind.

You missed it, but it was also liberating. It was difficult to reconcile both feelings, the reason why she had gone back. That, and she could never really say no to him. Especially after everything he had done for her after Doyle. She had owned him. And then it was just too difficult to leave, once again. So when he'd asked, no stated, that he wanted her to take over as Unit Chief she hadn't had the heart to deny him. Didn't want to shake the team even more. A couple more years she had told herself, and then maybe... Who was she kidding? She loved her job, loved the team, loved being in charge too, even though it gave her more headaches than not and the paperwork was simply horrible. She'd long ago accepted that her job was going to be the only constant in her life; her trusted lifeline, the thing she could rely on to still be there, after everything.

When she was younger she'd wanted more, a family, children, someone to share her life with. But after Yale her life took a different turn, people noticed her, they enticed her to join them, put her skills to the greater good. Emily had liked knowing she was good at something, being recognised for who she was for the first time in her life had felt amazing. It was a feeling she had always craved, to be wanted, and boy had they wanted her. She had loved the thrill, the rebellious part of her happy to go against everything she had been taught to do with her life. And then Doyle came around, and it had broken her. She had quit, asked for the BAU, and that was that. But your past always came back to bite you, always. You couldn't escape it, however much you tried. And after Doyle she'd felt too out of herself, out of balance, and she hadn't known what she wanted anymore. Once again, she had escaped, to London this time. And it had been everything she'd wanted, the job perfect for her. She was a natural leader, had known it all along, but had accepted lower positions to be where she wanted. But after a while she always wanted more and wanted better, she loved challenges. And Interpol had been a challenge. Until Lewis, and Hotch, and Jack and a simple request.

Now years had gone by, and she was still here, like a 150 year old tree in a storm. Bending, losing parts of itself, but never breaking, always strong. Someone to count on, someone to rely on, a beacon of strength in an ever changing world.

In the end she didn't have children, didn't have a significant other, and she was okay with that. Sometimes there was regret, sometimes she wished still but she had made her peace with it all. She was happy where she was now, after everything she had gone through. She had strong, steady relationships, people she could lean on, talk to, and who would always care about her.

"Hotch hadn't been there though", the voice in her head reminded her. It was true, he had left, and he hadn't come back. He'd found something for himself, and hadn't wanted to let go. She had understood it, accepted that he would do anything for Jack. Emily knew it had been what he wanted, and needed. Had heard it in his voice, the relief at having caught Scratch, but also at having found what he'd been searching for. Emily hadn't heard from his since that call, four years ago. She knew Rossi was still in touch with him, kept him updated. She had thought Hotch would have been present for his wedding, but he hadn't been. She'd never mentioned it to Rossi, had accepted that too. Sometimes people needed to keep secrets, and that was okay. Sometimes people needed to get away, and that was okay too. It was always hard for the ones left behind, but she'd long ago figured that all you could do was accept their decision, and support what others needed from their life.

For a second she contemplated pretending not seeing him, she wasn't in the mood for awkward catch up conversations. Emily immediately chastised herself for being petty, they had worked together for 6 years and he had given her his job. The least she could do was say hi and be on her way. She was about to cross the street when his eyes found her, he'd probably been aware that someone was observing him. She noted the surprise on his face when he recognised her, her stomach did a little flip and she wondered if he would pretend he hadn't seen her. He gestured with his hand that she should stay there, he was coming to her. She smiled inwardly, apparently the gentleman, overprotective persona hadn't left him. Emily watched how his naturally commandeering self-imposed himself on traffic so he could come over to her. She suddenly felt nervous, for some reason this felt way more than a simple hi and bye encounter. Before she could think more about it, he was in front of her. They both looked at each other, seizing each other up, noting the differences, the longer hair, the visible lines around their eyes and mouth, the eyes.

"Hi." Hotch, as always, took charge. "How are you?"

Emily cleared her throat. "Hi." She shook her head. "Good. You? It's been a minute." Her tone was even, professional.

He put his hands in his pockets. "Ah, yeah. It's been..." he shrugged, helplessly, "it's been difficult. To get back in touch I mean. Not to..." He trailed off, awkward, shrugged again.

He reminded her of a little boy. Repentant, but not ashamed, to have eaten a cookie before dinner when his parents had told him not to.

"I understand. Trust me." She smiled at him, trying to put him at ease. He didn't have anything to prove to her. "Didn't know you were back in DC."

"Yes. After a while, we decided to come back. It is home and Jack missed it, his aunt, his friends. We thought it would be nice for him to finish high school here before he had to leave again for college."

She nodded, smiling at the mention of Jack. Happy he was doing alright, content they had managed to make it so they could come back to familiar ground if they wished. When she was young she hadn't had that luxury, to miss places, to call them home. They travelled too much and too often for that feeling to ever root itself. She was happy Jack managed to cultivate that, even after everything he had gone through.

"That's good, he's what now? 16?" She remembered she and Jack had a birthday a week apart, it was something special she liked to share with him.

"God, yes! Times flies, where is that little boy that dressed up like me for Halloween? He's been doing great though, doing sports, good grades, thinking about his future." Hotch had a soft smile on his face, he loved his boy more than anything and was happy that he was doing well, was an all-around well balanced teenager.

"That's good, I'm happy for you." Emily shifted on her feet, wanting to escape the situation. It felt strange, doing small talk with someone you had shared so much with in the past.

Hotch nodded. "What about you? Still in DC I see."

"Yes," she breathed and licked her lips, her tell. "I've accepted it's home now. Actually bought a house last year. Still the same at the BAU, Garcia left though. It's been strange without her but we always knew it wasn't going to last." He didn't seem surprised at the news, which confirmed her feeling he was still in touch with Rossi. Mentally rolling her eyes she wondered why it had to be such a secret.

"Do you want to go for a coffee?"

"I'm sorry, I really have to -"

They spoke at the same time, smiled ruefully at each other. Emily paused, she wasn't sure she wanted to go for a coffee. What she wanted was to get out of this situation, she hated the discombobulated feeling when she didn't know how to act. Her fight or flee reaction kicked in, and when Hotch and personal situations were concerned she tended to flee.

"Hotch..." she let out a deep sigh, gathered her courage, started again. Suddenly it all came out. "Hotch, I'm not sure this is a good idea. You left, left us at the worst possible time. We were left reeling after Lewis and you deciding to stay gone was just too much. I've understood why, and accepted it but I was angry and I realise that anger hasn't left me yet. And now you want to go drink a coffee, pretending this never happened and catch up for old times' sake? I'm sorry, I can't right now. I'm disappointed because if we'd never bumped into each other you'd have never reached out. That hurts. Trust me I understand you wanted to put as much distance between you, Jack and the BAU but I'd never thought you would flat out leave for good. You didn't even come to Dave's wedding!" The last sentence was said loudly, and a woman passing them by looked over. Emily tried to compose herself, counting to five in her head to calm down. "Well, hello there fight," she thought. But she really didn't want to do this right now, or ever really. Even she was surprised at the anger she felt, she really thought she'd been over the whole situation. But just seeing him, seeing how at peace he felt and how he could just talk as if nothing ever happened was driving her nuts. They'd been left with the mess to clean up, she'd been left with the mess, trying to support her team through a lot of shit those last few years; Scratch, Stephen, Barnes, Reid,... Emily was exhausted and while before she'd looked forward to a nice Saturday now she just wanted to crawl into bed and forget the world for a while.

Aaron looked lost, obviously caught off guard by her vicious reaction.

"Lost some of those profiling qualities, did you?" Emily thought, a bit mean.

"I'm sorry, really... I guess time got away from me." He shrugged, she could see the sincere apology in his eyes but right now it didn't help her one bit.

"Yes, well..." She smiled bitterly. "I need to go. I'll see you when I see you." Turning around, she walked towards her car, she wasn't in the mood for shopping anymore. Scotch, on the other hand...

"Emily! Wait…" A hand suddenly grabbed her arm. On instinct she turned, raised her fist, ready to strike. He immediately let go, lifting his hands. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Let's meet up later then? To talk?"

"Hotch... I don't know."

His eyes pleaded with her. "Whenever suits you."

"I..."

"Emily. Let's talk." It sounded like a statement. She bristled at that, annoyed that suddenly he wanted to talk while he'd been silent all these years. She sighed, too tired to argue but also not willing to give in to him too easily.

"Fine. Call me, you have my number." She nodded to him, turned back around and left.

It was up to him now.