If you ask what's with the crude humor being common in this, my only excuse is that I gain inspiration from real life. That said, I don't own anything but Simply Stupid. Not Sonic. Please don't flame! Anyways...
Read, Review, and Enjoy!
An hour after last chapter...
["Every week, Sonia, Manic, Tails and I gather so that we can remember everything we did as a family. Right now, we are in the roasting session, in which I, your's truly, am the butt of jokes right now. I say it's better than that turd boat the Freedom Fighters and I call 'Veteran's Reunion', which is also an excuse for everyone to bring the nastiest creation we call food to the table as a contest on who can make the nastiest food in the team. I won the first time by making Oral Wasp Nose Gumbo. Last year, Nicole won by making Anal Beetle Pot Pie... WHERE IN THE ZONES DID SHE EVEN FIND THOSE ABOMINATIONS OF NATURE?!?! She DRUGGED us! At least I didn't suffer alone, cuz' Sally, Rotor, Bunnie, Antoine, and our lucky winner that year, Nicole the More-Holographic-Than-Your-Ancestor's-Ghost Lynx, ate it also somehow! Things that were embarrassing did come up like-"]
"This was the time he made out with a holographic lynx last year!" Longclaw laughed out when she pointed at Sonic and Mobotropolis' former handheld and city defense AI, Nicole, french kissing inside the pantry. "*snickers*... I may not have placed her at gunpoint, but it was worth it to TAKE A PICTURE OF THE TWO DOING IT! All of you were away when this happened!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Everyone but Sonic laughed. Blaze was awake and joined in with the roasting session.
[Yeah... Can I say that I nearly died by snu-snu despite being held down by a somewhat short holographic lynx? I mean- Nicole's a nice gal, I gotta admit- but she's too busy to try making a literal body and pursue someone for love."]
"Wait Mom! I filmed Sonic doing something nasty!"
"What is it, Miles?" The owl looked at Tails with a snigger as the kitsune pulled out a camera.
"This!" The video then played as said hedgehog walked out the door. They were watching Sonic and Tial make out on the floor.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Technophilia AND beastiality!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Sonic watched everyone laugh at his embarrassment.
"How was I to know that one of our pets was used?!" he called. They continued laughing as he snorted and sat on the porch's stairs. "That would have been pretty funny if I wasn't the joke though..."
The blue hedgehog sat there and brought out his electric guitar... The very guitar he played with in the tours of the Sonic Underground.
"... *sigh* At least I can practice a little..." the hedgehog strummed a little and practiced some scales and chords... and also his vocal cords. He played Tropical Resort V2 before walking to the training area at the back.
The hedgehog looked at the training field and proceeded to slowly, but surely, sprint until he was a blue sparking tornado. The tornado of chaos energy lifted the dirt and leaves, moving them to the fences. When he felt the tornado's power rise slowly, Sonic broke the tornado by running into the opposite direction, cancelling the attack. The training site was one of his favorite places to go because of how spacious it was and it was where he and Tails developed two special abilities of his: Spindash and Homing Attack.
Sonic hopped a little and tested his quills, whilst using the catapult to launch a boulder. He saw some chaos energy trickle in from his quills and grinned when it pulled them together. It looked like a mohawk, but operated like a buzzsaw. He looked at his reflection on a puddle and saw his emerald green pupils to an electric blue. This was when he disabled the energy, separating his quills and began rolling in a circle. *BDZZZDZZDZZDZZ!!!* The quills went back into their buzzsaw formation, glowing bright blue and stronger than steel as Sonic spun faster and faster. The moment the boulder fell from the sky, the ball of super energy dashed forward into it, piercing the rock as it split in half *KRRKRACK!*. The Spindash was still effective and Sonic prepared to glow again, using chaos energy to launch himself at the two rocks whilst in his ball-like state. *BDZZ- CRACK! BDZZ- CRACK!* The boulder was now turned to sand and rubble, with Sonic uncurling as he shook his his head.
"I still got it!" he was going to head back inside when he heard a snicker coming from Blaze.
Said cat giggled when she grabbed his arm and dragged him back into the living room, where Manic held an ice pack over his dong after getting hit by one of his drumsticks, courtesy of Amy after finding out about the demonstration said armadillo shown to Cream and what followed. Mighty was tied up to the ceiling fan, and Ray was sitting there, seeing staler-than-bread memes in his tablet.
"*snickers* What is happening here?!" Sonic whispered to his lilac roommate, who was happy enough to comply.
"Manic embarrassed Amy!"
Manic kept moaning and groaning. "AMY!!! My balls hurt..."
"Say that to Mina once I expose her percussion practices with you!" Amy gave a devious smirk as she brought out a video tape and played in on the TV.
"Mm!!! Play with my snares, Manic! Play with them!" A horribly dubbed Mina Mongoose voiced out as she and Manic are blocked by the kick drum's massive size. None of this happened, so Manic gave a loud snort.
"*SNORT!* We weren't kissing, Amy. I was teaching her how to use a professional kick drum."
"Well, I'll make a scanda-"
Sonic cut the two off suddenly, stopping the two from attempting to strangle each other. "Whoah-whoah! You guy's shouldn't be fighting here!"
"Why not?" Amy asked, crossing her arms and glaring at Manic. Manic did the same, flipping two birds.
"It's inside, Amy. You two should go outside and settle it like professionals!" Manic gulped at that.
Later outside...
"AHHHHHH!!!" screamed Manic as he rocketed across the sky.
"I HOPE YOU SUFFER FROM WHIPLASH!" Amy roared out, twirling her Piko Piko hammer and smashing the remains of the boulder Sonic used his homing attack on.
Said hedgehog laid on the swinging bench, raising his green shades in interest. Blaze was sitting on the roof with Mighty and Ray, using her mask to shield her head from the sun's rays unlike the Armadillo and the Flying Squirrel, who were panting from the heat. Sonic rolled his eyes. Longclaw, Sonia, Tails, and Knuckles went out to check on the garden for some flowers from Little Planet, Angel Island and Planet Wisp.
"I hope he isn't in space, Amy; or else you'd have a problem with my family." scratching her head, Amy gave a sheepish look, realizing that she forgot that Manic is Sonic's brother again.
"... Whoops... He'll be back on the ground before you know it, Sonic." Amy admitted, with a scream coming in fast. "He'll be here in 3... 2... 1... *thud!*"
Manic crashed, making a crater with his head. The green hedgehog winced in pain, but kept silent. He was pretty dizzy after all, going at the same speed as Sonic on a jog.
On the outskirts of Mobotropolis...
While this was going on, a strange figure was flying to their location.
"No. 1996, your mission is to secure and annihilate the Sol Kingdom's Princess. If you are destroyed, we will create a copy body for you. Do you copy?" A distorted voice rang from the figure's head. It's eyes flashed red in response. it was a robot that broke the sound barrier, creating a sonic boom as it went...
Back at the Needlemouse Residence...
Back with Sonic, he was tending Manic's injuries... Which was only a bruise for some reason. No concussions, no whiplash, nothing at all. Mighty and Ray went to check on Sonia, Tails, and Knuckles, leaving Blaze on the roof with her bounce pad mask on. Said cat was listening to Sonic's music through her headphones, dancing on the roof with her eyes closed. With Sonic, Amy was there, distracted by Blaze's dancing. She gave a pout when Sonic took note and smiled. She then noticed a yellow flash heading straight towards her.
"Sonic, do you see a yellow light behind Blaze?" Sonic noted that also and gave a soft frown.
"Yeah. I'm worried about that also. I'm gonna go to the roof and grab Blaze, okay?"
"Got it. Should I launch you?" Sonic then shrugged.
"Sure. I'm gonna use my homing attack to get to her." watching Sonic curl into a ball without doing a revving his body for a Spindash, Amy prepared her swinging motion. "Ready... Aim... Fore! *thwap!*"
Sonic flew in his curled state, engulfing himself in chaos energy and shot at Blaze like a bullet. When Blaze heard that she froze and felt herself get swept off her feet, feeling the breeze as Sonic grabbed her and threw one of his quills onto a roof tile. The moment she realized what happened, a blue robot crashed into the training area next to Amy and made a massive dust cloud, while she and Sonic bounced off the chimney to the action.
When the two landed, Sonic and Blaze hid behind the catapult, trying to look into the dust cloud. Manic and Amy stared at the strange robot with confusion and concern in their eyes. A flash of red pierced the dust as a scratchy version of Sonic's voice rang out.
"Where is the Princess of the Sol Kingdom?"
"She isn't here!" Sonic called out as he walked behind the strange robot. The hedgehog crossed his arms as he walked into the cloud. "I found her dead body on a random beach."
When the dust settled, they were surprised when a robotic version of Sonic stood there with blood red eyes and a yellow turbine on his chest. It was like a Metal Sonic. The robot looked at Sonic strangely and spotted Blaze peeking from the catapult.
"You're lying. My sensors are telling me that she is right there, faker!" Sonic stepped back, offended by the comment, until he came back to reality. Metal Sonic raised his left hand and fired a taser at Blaze, who felt hundreds of volts course her body.
"AHHHHH!!!" she succumbed to the pain, but Sonic ripped the wires off before they could do any more damage and disabled the taser with his chaos energy.
(Play Look-a-like (Sonic OVA)- Boss Remix by Sound Of A Shadow...)
Sonic stared at Metal darkly as he lit hit himself up with bright energy. His eyes glowed bright blue as Metal Sonic scanned him for info.
"Energy type: Chaos. Priority one target: Sonic the Hedgehog. Surrender Blaze of the Sol Kingdom or face the might of the Eggman Empire!"
"Eggman Empire?" Manic asked out loud. He and Amy sprinted to Blaze and dragged her into the house for protection. Metal Sonic took note as he and Sonic adopted battle stances.
Sonic gave a threat to Metal Sonic as he continued producing chaos energy from his quills. "If you are gonna kill her, you are gonna have to go through me, tin can!"
"That can be arranged." Metal Sonic dashed forward towards Sonic, hands ready to grab and throw the hedgehog. Sonic ran towards his metal adversary, giving him a hard kick, which was blocked by Metal Sonic, who grabbed and scratched the hedgehog, flinging him across the training area like a ragdoll... Only to see him home in on him and shoot forward, knocking him back a little and with the finishing blow from Sonic's combo attack being a stomp from above.
Sonic landed gracefully, getting up and shaking his head. He looked at Metal Sonic with a steely complexion, lighting up and ripping out four blood soaked quills. He then threw them to four spots, making a square.
"COME 'ERE YOU!" Sonic shouted out before tackling the robot. The two punched and kicked until they were running out of energy. Metal Sonic scratched Sonic across his chest and Sonic re-arranged his quills to roll of his metal counterpart. They got off each other and stared in disgust. Metal Sonic looked at his organic counterpart and watched him flip a bird.
"You should have been dead."
"Heh. You expect too much from me. Yet that means I should expect you to do what I'm gonna do then! Strange, isn't it?"
Metal Sonic scoffed. "Yeah that's strange. Will you let me kill the girl already?"
"No. I'm telling you to leave us alone. Buzz off. At this rate, we will go into a stalemate." demanded Sonic as he clutched his chest to stop it from bleeding.
With Amy, Manic and Blaze, they watched the whole thing happen. When Manic saw the blood, he glared at Metal Sonic in anger, preparing to aid his brother.
"Amy, stay with Blaze."
"Why?"
"I'm gonna rumble." Manic calmly walked out with a frown pasted on his face. His eyes went from purple to green as his feet made small tremors in the ground.
Back to Sonic and Metal Sonic, the robot ran forward in an attempt to gut his organic counterpart... *BZZZZZZZZZT! Hiss!* Only to fall over when chaos energy erupted from Sonic's quills on the ground and the roof, creating a deadly arc that struck him. He felt more chaos energy shifting the ground. This made several wires blow out from the excessive power and motion for Metal Sonic's legs, leaving the robot and ready to be taken down.
"Boo... That battle was too short!" Sonic muttered out as the perpetrator of the earthquake made himself known: Manic. "I could have taken him fair and square without you using your powers, Manic!"
"Your chest is bleeding! How can I not notice that?!" Sonic paused for a moment and felt his wound again and winced. Manic does have a point.
Metal Sonic tried to raise his head, only to have an energy bolt strike him down because of an electric blast from someone's raised fist. When he tried again, a spiked boxing glove, a Piko Piko hammer, an Armadillo back, a blue shoe curb stomping, two tails hit him, damaging the robot even more. Longclaw walked up to the robot and used her shotgun on him, blowing his legs off entirely.
"Don't you dare mimic my son!"
Blaze watched the whole scenario, trying to piece together what happened: She was dancing, and then this metal imposter of her roommate attempted to kill her with electricity. Before she could pass out, Sonic intervened and fought the counterpart, only to have Manic join in on disabling the robot.
"You should have allowed me to kill her..." Metal Sonic growled as his organic counterpart walked up to him.
Sonic smirked a little before giving a stern look. "I won't let any of my friends or family get killed."
"Even if she is the princess of a foreign nation?" Blaze walked up and grabbed Metal from the ground.
"That is enough. Tell whoever sent you to kill me that they should leave me alone!" Sonic was going to put his hand on her shoulder to calm her down when her tail and hands were engulfed in flames suddenly!
"Blaze?" the fire kept growing until it covered her entirely, setting her clothes on fire. Blaze did not mind that as she firmly held onto Metal Sonic and shouted at his face.
"Whoever attacked my home wanted to take over the land! If it was done by this... Eggman Empire, then tell them that if this goes onward, I will have my revenge for them killing people I knew and cared and for pillaging my ho-"
"Blaze! You're on fire!" everyone but Sonic and Tails ran to take cover from the heat as Tails attempted to cool down the area with his tails. Sonic was doing his best to calm Blaze down, but she was blinded by her anger. Metal Sonic gave roars of pain as he no longer felt his systems and succumbed to the heat. A USB fell from his chest and watched Sonic grab it and put it in his pocket. "Look at the robot!
"What is it?!" the lilac cat roared out when she felt something wet cover her hands: She melted Metal Sonic. She dispelled the fire in shock as she let the liquid fall to the scorched floor Everything was silent for a few minutes. "I- I- I killed him..."
All Sonic could do was hug her and prevent her from going into an emotional breakdown. "He couldn't handle you. I'm sorry for your loss, Blaze. If you told me everything that happened before you came here, I'd go straight to Sally's castle and tell her the circumstances."
Tails also helped in calming her down. "We'll help you every step of the way, Blaze. Just don't expect him to get in bed with you right away! Haha!" Blaze got embarrassed and gave him a soft sock to the stomach. "Oof! Hehe!"
"Thanks... I needed that." She then felt a breeze from behind and shivered a little. "Brrrr! It's cold!"
Longclaw covered Tail's eyes all of a sudden. She gave the cat a disturbed face when she saw her unmentionables. She then glared at Sonic, who was mind boggled when he saw Blaze's entire body without clothes. To an Irish baby, that's a free bar!
"DAYUM! I think I'm gonna turn into a werehog tonight; cuz' that there's a fu~ll moon! Huh- hu- huh~!"
"Sonic! Don't do that!" Blaze then watched Sonic shake his head all of a sudden, blood leaking from his nose with a blush that rivaled Knuckles' color. For some reason, Blaze also blushed... From embarrassment and the fact that her roommate/favorite singer was staring at her like that.
"DAT A THICK KITTY! Hahahaha!" Ray laughed out loud. This gave him a sock to the face. "Ha- *pow!* Ow! What was that for?!"
"You kept making jokes about me the entire day, Ray!"
"Sorry. It's how I deal with stress!" Blaze paused after hearing that, hoping that he isn't suffering from PTSD.
Sonic coughed as he patted Ray on the back and lightly patting Amy on the head like a kid. He saw the sun slowly descend from the sky, knowing that it's almost night time.
"*sigh* It's almost night time. Well, thanks for letting us around, Mom." Longclaw gave a soft smile and gave a look of concern to Blaze.
"You are welcome, Sonic. I do want to hear what happened in the first place though. I also want to know more on the backstory of you, missy." the owl poked said cat as to show that she is serious. Since she's worried that she may be taking advantage over Sonic and Tails or the other way around.
"O- Of course! When's the next time that we're gonna visit, Sonic?"
"Maybe next week, Blaze." Sonic then shook his head as he talked to his adoptive mother. "I don't really know when we will visit. With everything that's going on, I gotta talk to Sally about sending some Freedom Fighters to the Sol Kingdom."
Longclaw nodded, knowing important this may be. "Just remember about the family if you get sent there. *sigh* I hate it when I send you out."
Sonic hugged her in response. "I know, but it's a sacrifice I gotta make.. See ya!"." Sonic, Tails and Blaze went through a massive gold ring as everyone parted.
["A huge sacrifice I gotta make... I know it sounds really melodramatic, but it's the truth. I'm using my powers to save my friends, and nothing will stop me from doing that. I went through lots of things that could have given me PTSD, but my family and friends are all I need to stay sane. Also running. Lots and lots and lots of running, singing, and chili dogs."]
Later at Sonic and Tail's house with Blaze...
Blaze laid down on her bed in the basement, in her socks and shirt. She had a rough day and tried to go to sleep. She was tossing and turning as she tried to find a position to sleep in. She even tried hanging from the ceiling!
"Nonononononono- *thud!* HMMMPH!" you can guess what happened: She fell onto her bed. "*sigh* Hm Hmph HMMMMMPH (I can't sleeeep)!!! *flops over...* I need some water..."
Blaze lazily crawled off her bed and climbed up the stairs quietly. She is a cat after all, not a bobcat like a lynx or anything like that. Speaking of lynxes...
["Remember what I said about Nicole being busy all the time to visit people and stuff like that?"]
"So, what's the problem, Nicole?" Sonic's voice rang out from the living room. Blaze stopped for a moment to listen to the conversation. She then shook her head and plotted as to how she can cross to the kitchen without being noticed. The good part was that the kitchen door was open.
"This 'Eggman Empire' sounds familiar from what your new roommate mentioned... I still don't approve of her though." a female voice, probably this 'Nicole' Sonic was talking to. Now Blaze brought out her claws, climbing up the wall like Knuckles until she reached the ceiling.
"Please help me in deciphering the Metal Sonic's sentences. I gotta look for Nacho since he's been missing for a few hours already."
"I will..."
Blaze crawled silently across the ceiling and hid inside the chandelier. She saw Sonic lounging around with a brown lynx with black hair. She decided to ignore that and continued crawling without being noticed. She'll talk to him about that in the morning.
"*sipipipipipipipipip* Ah~" as Blaze eased herself with a cool glass of water and leaned on a chair, a yellow figure crept in with an empty jar of honey. The lilac cat gave no heed as her tail swung back and forth in content, and her eyes closed. When she felt her chair shift a little and her tail brushing someone's fur, she opened her eyes and gawked at the sight: A large yellow bear in a red T-shirt (She doesn't even recognize Nacho) was in the house! "*crack!* Oh my goodness... It's a-"
With Sonic...
["I lied. Nicole and I see each other at night in the living room or in my bedroom."]
Sonic and Nicole the Lynx were listening to a recording from the USB Metal Sonic dropped earlier. Sonic sat on the couch nibbling on a Mobian corndog with Nicole typing on a tablet. He watched the holographic lynx type while he powered the tablet with a quill.
"Why are you, Rotor, and Tails always using me as the go-to power source in Mobotropolis?" said lynx gave a small grin as she opened up his portable, where her battery is and pointed. Two wires were attached to that and Sonic's chest.
"First, you have more energy than Sonia and Manic combined. Second, my batteries are fried. Third, you are nicer in general when comparing you to Knuckles and the Master Emerald."
"Well that's ni-" Nicole cut him off with a monotonous giggle.
"Fourth *giggles, Sally still thinks you have a nice butt."
Sonic rolled his eyes when he heard that. "That's no good. It's my body and I decide what happens. with it. Also, hasn't Sally gotten over me already?"
All Nicole did was flicker a little with a blank face. She shook her head before gawking when Sonic dropped her portable between his legs. Before she could think, a loud voice shook the house.
"CARE BEEAAAR!!!"
Nicole turned blue with her eyes without pupils for a few seconds and went back into her usual brown, staring at the cobalt hedgehog with blatant confusion. "... Who was that?"
Chapter 3 end...
1. The Freedom Fighters from SatAM and the Archie Sonic comics
2. Anal Beetles native parasites that are the size of a cellphone and are brown 'n red in color. They also look like a massive turd with legs
3. Spindash and Homing Attack
4. Sonic's eye color changing from green to blue just like the 2020 movie
5. The buzzsaw effect from SatAM and the early 90's 'Mohawk' quill style
6. Sonic has super speed, Manic can shake the ground with a radius of 10 meters, Sonia can emit blasts of energy from her fists, and all three can power lots of things with their quills... But Sonic's always the popular choice to power stuff for some reason.
7. "STRANGE isn't it?"
8. Metal Sonic
9. Saturday Night Live's Bride of Blackenstein skit
10. Care Bears. Dear God...
11. The Microsoft "Blue Screen of Death", but with Nicole turning blue entirely with no pupils.
That's all, folks!
