PRESENT DAY: IMPEL DOWN, APPROXIMATELY THREE WEEKS LATER

"Why sailor boy," purred Alvida. "How charming to see you. Are you here to tell me about all my fancy paperwork?"

Since last seeing Alvida, Koby had researched and drawn up a list of names from Buggy's crew who had been arrested alongside Alvida. Koby had written up proposals for them as well. They were for the most part low level pirates who weren't likely to re-offend, average stooges and goons who no doubt had been drawn to Buggy's name and warlord status - unlike the serious mercenaries Buggy had hired out.

"I will be submitting your petition tonight, along with several other records," said Koby, resignedly. "I have selected the names of several other pirates who were aligned with Buggy at the time to pose credibility for your case. That way it will not look suspicious if I'm only trying to get a pardon for you."

The words came out bland, deadpanned. He was determined not feel anything when around her, and it was exhausting on his Emotion self.

"How thoughtful!" cooed Alvida. She was sprawled across the couch, painting her toenails on a large cushion that definitely hadn't been there last week. She was rather too long for the couch. "Such a clever idea Koby, did you think of that all by yourself?"

"I see you have...new pillows," said Koby, irritably. "How... nice ..."

"Oh my, does it just irk you something dreadful that I have pillows in my tiny hole?" said Alvida, rolling her eyes. "Are you going to advocate for harsher prison conditions? Take away my couch? Can't imagine that would look particularly good for the current public image, though I'm sure you would just delight seeing in me in misery and squalor."

"I said no such thing, said Koby. "I commented on your...pillows." Koby did not usually entertain spiteful fantasies but would have definitely preferred Alvida in misery and squalor to...this.

"Yes, how dare I have some menial accommodations when I have been in prison for over a decade," yawned Alvida.

"Really," said Koby, folding his arms. "This goes beyond accommodation. You have furniture. You have a bed. A couch."

"Dreadful, isn't it?" smirked Alvida, raising an eyebrow at him. "I haven't even shown you my collection of novels and contraband makeup. Though Whitey Bay has more than me, that bitch," she added. "Now are you going to join me on my couch for a game of backgammon? Or just sit out there and gawk at me?"

"We've been over this," said Koby. "I am not here to play games with you."

"Hmmm...all work and no play makes Koby and dull-"

"Don't patronize me."

Alvida laughed. "Ha, perhaps if you stare hard at me enough with that frigid expression, I'll be overcome with remorse and drop to my knees sobbing for reconciliation. Would that be better?" said Alvida, smirking mischievously.

"Uhh….I…"

"CURSES!" Alvida cried, falling dramatically to the floor. "I should have known my wicked ways were no match for the noble fortitude and spirit of Vice-Admiral Koby! How could I possibly stand up to the very beacon of justice that he is?"

Koby made an incredulous noise that might have been a laugh. The sound shocked him, breaking through his defenses.

"Such a pure soul...my wicked black heart was no match for his pure spirit..."

"What...what is this?" stammered Koby.

"Oh, is my 'sobbing for repentance' not convincing enough?" said Alvida, sitting up. "Too much?"

"Ummm...definitely too much," said Koby, completely flummoxed.

"Well Koby, if you are going to gawk at me, I should at least be able to charge an admission fee. Perhaps I should have a plaque bearing my list of credentials and crimes," said Alvida thoughtfully. "It could say 'Most Beautiful Woman on All the Seas.' You could fetch a crowd and charge admission. I'm sure the new government needs the money. I could take off my clothes for an extra fee."

"Oh please no," said Koby desperately.

"Ohhhh no, does the thought of my slippery naked body terrify your virgin sensibilities?"

"Please, don't say things like that Alvida…."

"Oh no, the evil pirate is making such salacious nasty comments, not for the virgin ears of pure-hearted young sailor boys!"

"Alvida I'm not going to stand around and give you attention for your shenanigans. I gave you my update, goodbye."

"Oh for the love of Roger, Koby!" said Alvida, indignantly. "You don't like games, you don't like drama, you don't like melancholia, you don't like sex, what do you like?"

"Alvida, this is absurd! " Koby snapped, suddenly. "Are you just trying to find out what makes me tick so I'll do what you want like the rest of your little friends on the staff? Are you just trying to find what act is going to work on me? Well I'm sorry, but that's just not going to work, not with our history. You abused me for two years and I'm lucky that I got out. And you want me to just stroll in here and forgive you for what you did to me like nothing happened?"

There was a ringing silence that echoed down the corridor. Koby stared back at her, shocked at his own outburst. He was breathing heavily. He swallowed and willed himself back into groundedness, shutting off the torrent of his Emotion self. She stared at him, emotionless, icy.

"No," said Alvida finally, very slowly. "That is not what I said. I said, I want you to come in here and play backgammon with me."

She was not longer smirking, and her voice had gone very deep.

"No." said Koby. "Goodbye. I will be back when I have more information."

As guarded as he tried to be, his Observation could feel her stare behind him as he walked away, filled desperation, the hunger, and a deep sting of something else that made his head ache.


WORLD ECONOMIC TIMES: SPECIAL REPORT

Pirate Captain Buggy the Clown was arrested yesterday morning at approximately 1 a.m. for a dramatic attempt to overtake and break into a Marine base.

"CURSES, I HAVE BEEN BESTED BY THE NAVY'S BEST," cried Buggy, as he was dragged away in chains. "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WAS NO MATCH FOR THE JUST ARM OF JUSTICE!"

Buggy the Clown brought a small armada of twelve warships to do battle to overtake the Marine base in a fierce battle, but once he made land he was easily defeated by the great strength of the Navy.

Buggy's partner in crime, "Iron Mace" Alvida, also of the East Blue, narrowly avoided capture - making a daring escape riding a lion that ate several Marines.

"YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF THE BUGGY PIRATES!" she cried dramatically. "WE'LL BE BACK FOR HIM!"

It is believed that Alvida is rallying Buggy's crew for a major strike against the base, the Marine branch is quickly transporting Buggy to Impel Down to avoid such a conflict.

"She's one smooth criminal," said one Marine. "Wait, no, please do not put that in the paper."


I swear I will finish posting this...