WORLD ECONOMIC TIMES: SPECIAL REPORT

"Iron Mace" Alvida, affiliated with former warlord Captain Buggy the Clown, was arrested yesterday on Karai Bari island, along with twenty-four other crew members formerly of the Buggy Pirate Delivery Service.

"PLEASE! TAKE ME! SPARE MY CREW!" she cried, falling to her knees before the stalwart form of Marine Captain Koby. "We are no match for the hero of Rocky Port! I beg of you take me and spare my lovers!"

Alvida put up a brief but ultimately fruitless struggle to allow her comrades time to escape before she was easily subdued by Captain Koby and Lieutenant Commander Helmeppo.

"I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WAS NOT MATCH FOR THESE RIGHTEOUS PILLARS OF JUSTICE!" she sobbed, as she was led away in chains.

"We have no comment," said Lieutenant Helmeppo, who suffered absolutely no injuries in battle. "The prisoner is not to speak to anyone under any circumstances. That especially includes the press."


IMPEL DOWN: PRESENT DAY, APPROXIMATELY THREE WEEKS LATER

One foot in front of the other.

Koby willed his feet down the tiny little hallway. The stonework and cells of level four were becoming all too familiar to him.

He could remember the walk down to Level Six by heart, which turns by which cells, where to turn in that winding maze -

He stopped, his fingernails digging into his palms. He willed away his emotions away, shutting them off.

Impel Down was continuing its renovations as planned, all things considered.

Koby wished he could say Alvida's paperwork was going as planned.

When he drew up to her cell he found her attempting to pluck her eyebrows with her long fingernails in a small dusty hand mirror.

"Hello, Alvida." said Koby, resignedly.

"Well here there, sailor boy," she sighed. "I do wish you would have waited until I was presentable before dropping by."

She was having little success at plucking her eyebrows, her face scrunched up in the dull mirror. The chain on her handcuffs kept hitting her in the face. It might have actually been comical in a different scenario.

"Ah, forgive me," said Koby, with a bit of a smile in spite of himself. "Why don't you tell me your usual eyebrow maintenance schedule for next time, so I can plan my visit accordingly."

"Oh my god, Koby, was that a joke?" said Alvida, looking at him in surprise. "You actually told a joke. You do have a personality in there! What else can you do?"

Koby made a vague noise, involuntarily, that might have been some semblance of a laugh.

"Can you not have tweezers?" he asked.

"No," sighed Alvida forlornly. "Can't have hair pins either. I'll pick locks with them."

"I'm hardly surprised," said Koby, opening the door and sitting down.

"I mean, if you wanted to bring me tweezers and supervise my eyebrow maintenance -"

"No," said Koby.

"Thought so," muttered Alvida, putting own the mirror. "Well now child, what news have you brought me?"

"There are still one or two more signatures we need from our current Vice-Admirals," said Koby. "But I anticipate I will be seeing them at a meeting soon, I can ensure that gets taken care of. But that's what we're waiting on right now."

Alvida regarded him with lidded eyes. "Hmmm...I suppose I can be patient. But if I get the feeling you're dragging this out -"

"I assure you I'm not," said Koby, quickly.

"Good boy," said Alvida, smirking. "Koby, I was rather wondering if would you be a dear and unlock my cuffs?"

"What?" Koby balked.

"Only for a moment, I know there are rules. I'm going to bruise my face if I keep plucking my eyebrows this way."

"Can you unlock my cuffs? My nose itches, I haven't been able to pick it all week!"

"That's what you're worried about Luffy-san?"

"Pleeaassse…"

"You know I will, Luffy-san…"

Koby gaped. "Absolutely not, Alvida. That is absurd."

"Koby, what could I possibly do?" sighed Alvida. "I am in a cell in the bottom of Impel Down with a Rear Admiral staring me down. The door is locked. What on earth could I possibly do?"

"I don't know, you could turn the entire cell into an ice rink," said Koby, dryly.

"My devil fruit abilities do not involve ice, silly boy, that is the wrong devil fruit."

"Fine, you'll turn the cell into butter or whatever your ridiculous power is, and slide your way out!" said Koby.

"Dear boy, I do not know if I will ever be able to Awaken again, it's not something one turns off and on easily," said Alvida, wistfully. "If I did somehow manage Awakening again, I highly doubt it would be in the middle of a prison cell underwater. Be thankful you got to witness such a momentous occasion, before you went ruined it all."

"Not before your Awakened butter broke my ankle."

"And you cracked four of my ribs," drawled Alvida. "Call it even."

"I can't take your cuffs off," said Koby. "It's just not up for debate."

"Koby, I thought you were all about making Impel Down more humane or something ridiculously sincere and noble," said Alvida, laying back on the couch and holding her arms out like an actress playing someone dying. "You go eat a devil fruit and then spend ten years stuck in chains that make you feel like you're drowning."

"You seem to be doing alright," said Koby.

"I've had over ten years to build up tolerance to feeling like shit every day."

"Alvida, your conditions here are vastly better than most are in their cells, and you know it. You're not chained to the wall, you're not being tortured."

Alvida looked at him slowly, her brow furrowed.

"Solitary confinement is torture, Koby," she said.

There was something hiding underneath her patronizing tone, something reaching, grasping at Koby's walled up emotions.

Koby sighed. "While I am committed to addressing the human rights issues in Impel Down, I'm not just going to let you have access to your powers Alvida. That's simply not happening."

"So noble, oh the brave Marine and his steadfast commitment to humanity…" drawled Alvida. "He is an impenetrable exemplar of justice, nothing ever slips by him..."

"Yes Alvida, I'm impenetrable to even your smooth talking."

Alvida made a surprised noise of disbelief. "Koby, did you just make a pun ?" she laughed, looking taken aback. "My god, you can be funny!"

Koby felt the color suddenly rising to his cheeks.

"Well, I mean, I suppose I can might be known to slide a joke or two in once in awhile," chuckled Koby, awkwardly.

Alvida laughed, clapping her hands together, her shackles clanking.

"You're so much more fun when you're not behaving like some Marine buffoon!" she giggled. "I like this version of you so much better!"

Koby shrugged, sheepishly. Alvida reached for the backgammon board.

"Shall we play just a quick game?"

Koby shrugged, resignedly.

"Koby I assure you, if you were to take my cuffs off I would not do anything outrageous," said Alvida, opening up the board. "If I tried to do anything to you it would jeopardize our arrangement for me to get out of here. And attempting escape in the mid-afternoon is hardly advisable. Everyone knows early morning is the time to do it."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, fewer staff. Also that's when the laundry is done."

"What does laundry have to do with anything?"

Alvida pointed down the hallway. "Kitchens and laundry are that way. They're on the other side of Magellan's office. The staff will leave their uniforms in there overnight and grab them in the morning, and Magellan doesn't get in until later. Video transponder snails are everywhere, you can't just stroll out and leave. You'd need a uniform or you'll be spotted."

"Should I be concerned that you've thought this far ahead?"

"Ha! Oh please, dear boy, I've just had ten years to observe routines, it's not like I've tried it!" laughed Alvida. "And ten years wearing this abhorrent things." She held up her wrists.

"That doesn't change the rules," said Koby, picking up his dice. "I can't take your cuffs off."

"What can I do to make you trust me?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

Koby snorted. "Trust you?" he said incredulously. "I don't trust you, Alvida! You've given me absolutely no reason to trust you!"

Alvida pouted.

"Is there no, compromise we could make?" she said, twisting a lock of her hair and staring at the wall.

Koby considered this. He surveyed the walls of the cell. He bent down to the small little cot that served as her bed. Looking under her bed, he moved aside a few piles of books and found what he was looking for - several empty manacles attached to the wall.

"Here," he said, turning back to her. He held out a heavy seastone collar and ankle chain, that had been lying unused. "If you want your handcuffs off, you have to pick one of these. We'll make a compromise."

Alvida blanched, her cheeks flushing pink.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she spit.

"My! Such language!" said Koby, pressing a hand to his forehead in mock horror. "Really Alvida, my virgin ears!"

Alvida glowered, her cheeks flushed even pink.

"No."

"No what, Alvida?"

"I'm not wearing those."

"You wanted your cuffs off, I'm willing to offer you a compromise," said Koby, sincerely. "I can't leave you uncuffed, you can choose something else though."

"I'm not bargaining with you over being allowed to use my own damn body," she spit.

She stared at the cell wall, her body rigid and her cheeks blazing.

"Well then," said Koby shrugging. "We are at an impasse." He sat down across from her, regarding the backgammon board. "Shall we roll to go first?"

Alvida was still looking at the wall.

"Get out."

"Pardon?" said Koby.

"GET OUT!" Alvida shrieked.

Koby stood up, taken aback.

"Alvida -?

"I didn't invite you in here to humiliate me," she snarled. " Get out, cabin boy."

"Alvida, what -?"

She stood up, staring hard at the cell wall.

He gently reached out with his Observation and felt a massive spike of rage, desperation, shame. It nauseated him, and he pulled back.

"I SAID LEAVE!" Alvida shouted, slamming her fist into the wall of the cell, the stone cracking, the chain on her shackles straining.

"Alvida, you'll break your wrists -"

"Don't you pretend to care about my well-being," she snarled, whipping around to face him. "I'm not letting you play at being my jailer. That's not why you're here. Get out of here, cabin boy. Don't come back until you have better news."

Koby did so.

The sickening tide of rage and hunger followed him down the hallway.


Okay I'm posting more than one chapter to just try and get the cross-posting done...

It is indeed possible to pluck your eyebrows with your fingernails if they are long enough. I got very good at this when my mother confiscated my tweezers.