Perhaps the worst thing about wizard, in Seto Kaiba's opinion, was just how goddamn nosy they were.

He supposed it came with the profession, that being a group of knowledge-seekers who travelled the world and tried to uncover the secrets of magic. Or perhaps it had something to do with the fact that they all had their heads so far up their asses that they could hardly breathe. Whatever the case, Seto Kaiba was quite certain that the more time he spent with wizards, the more he was about to pop one of their heads off like a zit.

Whatever the case, he was stuck with them for the time being, and their goddamn, idiotic, supernatural arrogance was about to make him burst. Particularly when it came to the system of government that he had found himself privy to, having been stuck as a part of this world since the moment he shook the other obnoxious wizard's hand.

Seto Kaiba always hated politicians, and these people weren't making it any better, to be honest.

He was standing in the middle of a toilet, on a Monday morning, wearing a stark white suit, and carrying his standard briefcase, containing his deck, laptop, duel disc, and a variety of flash drives and a power brick for his laptop. All of this sensitive material packed away in waterproof metal, insulated with careful padding, and with his phone in his pocket to top it all off.

He was dressed to the nines, ready for a meeting with serious politicians, showing the utmost courtesy and respect to the people with whom he would be meeting. And yet, here he was. Standing perched over a toilet.

"You know, Kaiba, this is all for the Pharaoh." Malik Ishtar said smugly, in Japanese, standing in the stall next to Seto Kaiba. The CEO had the intense urge to punt the Egyptian through the stall-maybe making use of some of those Shadow Magic abilities Malik constantly bleated about-but instead he took hold of the cord, yanking it straight down, and wincing while his suit was covered in toilet water. Toilet water! Of all the low-class, commoner, trashy things...

He was sending some kind of bill to these people. Be it in their Monopoly money or not, he would get compensation for this shit. Who the hell still used actual gold coins anyway? There was a reason people transferred to paper.

Stepping out of the toilet, Seto Kaiba found himself instantly hit by a wave of magic spells, instantly drying his clothing and giving him a mouth full of ash, and the strange feeling of cleanliness that persisted when getting some sort of mold done to one's teeth.

It was at that moment Seto Kaiba decided some changes were due to this place, and he didn't care who he had to speak to, as long as it was reasonably done.

When he finally managed to clear the taste out of his mouth, and shake himself out of the blind irritation that had befallen him, he finally took a look around at his surroundings, and if he had been annoyed before, he realized that nothing would amount to the fury that took him over upon evaluating his surroundings.

In all honesty, it wasn't any kind of moral outrage. He didn't give a shit about these wizards, and their society. No-it was the fact that, more than anything, the entire place was a monument to poor taste.

Seto Kaiba had his fair share of guilty pleasures, of things that looked ridiculous, and he damn well knew it. He slapped dragons on everything that could conceivably carry the image of one, and even changed things so that they could have such a visage. He knew he liked tacky things. But for god's sake, dragons were at least interesting to look at.

In the center of it all, there was a statue of a witch and a wizard, spouting water out of their wands, while various creatures looked on with adoring, simpering gazes, and Kaiba couldn't help but curl his lip at the ridiculousness of it all-at the clear showing of a sense of smug superiority that had his skin crawling. He could quite imagine his Blue-Eyes devouring them all, and he had the oddest memory of the way that his father looked at him as he spoke about things like Might Make Rights and it wasn't HIS fault the weapons were being used.

Ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous were the outfits that the adults were running around in-bright colors that looked like they were all wearing snuggies, running to sleep-overs at each other's houses, and sure, Mokuba liked wearing snuggies while eating oreos on the couch, but these men had beards, and he thought it was more ridiculous than the linen sheets that the stupid Magician Priest wore in their occasional planned discussions.

'Oh, Set. Impatient as always. You and your ridiculous hat.'

Kaiba had to bite back the urge to reply to the stupid card in his pocket with "Kissass."

Brushing himself off all the disgust, he glanced-around, and he was finally approached by a man wearing marroon robes and half-moon glasses-Albus Dumbledore, somehow looking even more silly in his natural habitat-and accompanying him was a kid who couldn't have been older than Mokuba himself, with the same mane of shaggy, black hair, and enormous, green eyes behind glasses that he was obviously starting to outgrow at this point, and clothes that were at least four years too small for him, and were just as faded, and not in the fashionable sense.

The kid was incredibly skinny, undersized, and ratty. The perfect imge of the kind of kid that Seto's heart would go out to, if only just because he had a ridiculous resemblance to Mokuba, when the kid had first come to live with Gozaburo.

Not that he would ever say such a thing, of course.

"Ah! Mr. Kaiba. I'm relieved that you managed to make it here in one piece." Albus Dumbledore said warmly, sticking his hand out to Seto Kaiba, who promptly pretended that he didn't see the hand which was offered to him, and instead slid his gaze back down to the kid standing in front of him.

"And you are?"

"Uh?" The kid looked back towards Kaiba, sized him up and down, and jutted out his chin, in an obvious show of defiance and attitude that, once more, reminded Seto of Mokuba. "Harry Potter. And I'm not crazy."

"Good start." Kaiba rose an eyebrow, then turned his gaze to the witches and wizards around them, who had stopped to stare and whisper behind their hands. Kaiba guessed he couldn't blame the kid. At the very least, they seemed to find the kid as distasteful as Seto himself found the rest of them.

Assholes.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" The kid pushed his glasses up his nose, taking a longer look at Kaiba, looking him up and down, as if sizing him up the same way that Seto did to him. "You're a muggle, aren't you? You look like one."

"Yes. I am. I have no business in your wizarding world. I'm just here as a representative of a group of people who have business with you. You'll find out about it soon-enough." Seto hummed. Sensing that the conversation was coming to a close, Dumbledore smiled wider, gathering Seto's elbow in his fingers, making the CEO shoot him with a death glare that the wizard either didn't notice, or didn't care about.

"Introductions are a painful business, aren't they? Why don't we all get to know each other in the place we all have business in."

"Indeed."

Approaching the reception desk, Seto was painfully reminded of the fact that beurocracy existed, even in the most ridiculous of places, and even at the ends of the Earth.

After speaking with the woman behind the desk, they went over the fact that Seto was a muggle with no formal, magical education several times, brought out at least three wizards for Seto's paperwork and birth certificate, as well as his family history, and after assuring them that he was fucking adopted, so they'd find nothing, and that he dealt with magic regularly, Seto finally said fuck it, grabbed his duel disc, and slammed down Hitatsumi Giant, summoning the creature and letting it roar, adequetly scaring the shit out of every wizard within hearing distance, but adequetly showing them all that he could do magic.

They'd deal with the fall out later.

It was after tht ridiculousness that he was finally brought back towards the grand courtrooms of the Ministry of Magic (and gods know how much he hated even thinking those words-who would name a government building something like that? And who would have the kind of arrogance to name a building something like that? Kaiba definitely would have the arrogance to name his buildings things like that, admittedly, but gods be damned if these people at least didn't know they were behaving like complete and utter fools.)

The Ministry of Magic's layout, he discovered, was completely designed to be the least-helpful building that he had possibly dealt with.

The halls were quite narrow and singular, and there was one elevator, which was made of copper, ran on magic, and creaked obnoxiously whenever they stopped at a floor. All of the doors to the offices they passed were noisy, with plenty of chatter, and Kaiba had the urge to tell everyone that they were being unproductive, foolish idiots everytime he managed to pass someoen in the hall, and only found himself able to hold his tongue with the knowledge that he would have to actually talk to them if he decided to do that.

Maybe it was the timezone difference that was doing this. He certainly hoped so, because if he had this foul of a mood just starting out in the wizarding world, he was quite certain that he wouldn't be able to put up with this nonsense for a full year.

Eventually, they came to the great courtroom (which he soon learned was called Wizengamont, and he wanted to throttle someone right then and there for that, and decided the man in the bowler hat was probably the best option here) and he was quickly met with the knowledge that he was at least not alone here, because Malik Ishtar had managed to make himself at home in the center of the room, legs kicked back on the table, and sitting in a chair that was teetering dangerously on two legs which he was pushing back and forth in a rhythmic manner, while a few of the court attendents desperately attempted to get him to stop.

Kaiba would never admit he was relieved to see Malik. Half because it was his sister's fault for sending the Pharaoh to the afterlife in the first place. And half because Malik was a fucking psychopath who would probably gut him just to see that yes, Kaiba really did have a heart!

At the moment, at least, they had an uneasy alliance, and Kaiba casually strutted to the middle of the courtroom, an uneasy Harry Potter following him, while Albus Dumbledore also followed to the front with the same confidence as Seto Kaiba, if not moreso, because he actually knew what he was doing in this world.

The woman in the middle-a squat, toadlike woman dressed in pink robes-leaned forward as she saw the foreigners, Dumbledore, and Harry enter the room. Shuffling a few papers, she pushed her brows together, and produced her wand, as well as a small gavel from her robes.

"Am I to presume that this is the opening to your case, Albus?" The woman asked in a sugary-sweet tone that Kaiba remembered quite vividly from the orphanage, causing his lips to press into a thin line. "And, pray tell, why have you decided to bring Mr. Harry James Potter to your court hearing today, along with two foreigners, both muggles?"

"Well, Dolores, I have brought Harry Potter to help plead our case in leaving the mysteries of death well-enough alone, as well as our friends here to assure you that the Door would be going to a good place. Which brings us to our opening statement-that the Door in the Department of Mysteries should certainly be returned back to its home in Egypt, where it belongs."

A hushed murmur fell over the courtroom, with the woman-Dolores's-face coloring a shade of purple, while the man in the bowler hat laughed quietly to himself, taking off the hat and beginning to spin it on his fingers.

"Surely you jest, Albus. The Department is our pride and joy, and it is every wizard's dream to discover the mysteries of the true magic. The Door was obtained completely legally, when Egypt allowed us purchase of the Door. You have no legal grounds to stand on with your plea."

Malik grunted, obviously displeased. "It is thievery. You excavated the Door, and stole it here. You broke the curses placed on the Door in order to get it here. That Door rightfully belongs to the Ishtar Clan. We guarded the Doors to the Afterlife for centuries, and you British wizards came and stole it."

The bowler hat man colored some, obviously flustered by the turn of events, having the descendent of one of the tombkeepers in front of him. Malik sneered in response, and fixed the man with a stare, until he turned away.

"You are allowed to feel entitled to the Door, but it is no different than the Goblins feeling entitled to the swords that they make. Times change, and again, the Door's ownership is perfectly legal."

"Be that as it may, there is still cause for concern about meddling in the affairs of the dead. With Voldemort's return, it is not unheard of that there may be others, even monstrosities, that will escape here."

"Utter nonsense." Dolores clicked her tongue. "Paranoia from a boy merely seeking to inflate his head."

Harry started, but Albus held out his arm to stop him.

"Think of it, Dolores. Isn't the Door's purpose to understand life returning from the dead? If someone were to crack it open, why wouldn't it be him?"

"Albus, please." Another witch cut in. "What does any of this have to do with returning the Door to Egypt? Wouldn't it be even more dangerous, back underground? Who would be there to properly monitor it? Him?"

She pointed to Malik, who had gone back to tipping back in his chair. A low noise developed in Malik's throat, but he was able to hold it down.

"That's where I come in." Kaiba casually said. "I am here to present a lawsuit against the Ministry of Magic, from the Ishtar Family, filed under International Wizarding Law, endorsed by Albus Dumbledore, and the Egyptian House of Life. The ownership of the Door to the Afterlife rightfully belongs to the Ishtar Family, and we're presenting your negligence regarding Harry Potter's witnissing of a revival as your first offense."

Silence fell for a minute, as the man in the bowler hat held out his hand for the paperwork, which Albus took from Kaiba, and presented to the court. A few more minutes of quiet passed, before he slowly lowered his glasses.

"Get out of my Court."

"The first hearing will be in two months, in the House of Life." Malik said smugly. "My family will meet you there."

"I said get out of my Court."

"Pleasure working with you." Malik chirped, before getting up from the chair, and beginning to exit the room. Dumbledore smiled cheerfully, holding out his arm to Seto Kaiba.

"This will be our new Muggle Studies teacher. One of our associates will be a new History of Magic teacher. We hope this will be a good year at Hogwarts."

"I SAID GET OUT."

A few minutes later found Harry nervously adjusting his glasses outside the door.

"I think that went well."

"Indeed. Let's get you to your new summer home, Mr. Potter. Your friends have been waiting for you."


A/N: I almost had Malik call them "colonizers" but I felt that would be a little too on the nose. Next chapter is Grimmauld Place, which Harry hasn't made it to yet. Hopefully the plot is coming together.