There were very few times that anyone could say they were in a completely hopeless situation, one where the choice was death or something worse. Whether it was the weight of wanting to protect his family, or the knowledge of Harry's fate, James could feel it pressing down on him – just like Voldemort's mocking gaze.
James couldn't tell whether it was his terrible luck or fate but facing Lord Voldemort and knowing that he had everything to lose was a situation James always wished to never find himself in again – and this time James knew his wish would be answered. There wasn't much else to expect when the current Dark Lord strides into your home – one that you had guarded specifically against him.
There wasn't time to place blame, to regret misplaced trust, or wish things were different. There was only the current moment – trying to make it last as long as possible.
To give Lily as much time as his life was worth.
There was little he could do with a wand in his home, and even less that he could do without one.
Reaching his wand, carelessly tucked into the couch, would give Voldemort a precious few seconds where he was both unarmed and distracted. James could only hope Voldemort's spells led him closer to the couch, and he prayed his Auror reflexes would keep him alive for long enough to reach his wand.
James knew he was a careless person; maneuvering through spell fire in a specific direction had always been Sirius' forte. It was the one area that nearly had him flunking out of Auror training, even after Sirius' multiple frustrated attempts at teaching him.
It was nearly as difficult as this situation.
It would only be made worse by the pressure of perfection.
By the pressure of knowing there was no one that had his back this time – no one who could cover him if he messed up.
There had never been much that hadn't come to him easily. He had always had his parents' support – which was more than Sirius had ever had, likely more than even Remus had – and he always had the support of his closest friends as a result.
He'd had to work for Remus to join their group, and for Sirius to accept the fact that he wasn't in Slytherin with the rest of his family; he'd had to work for Lily too. He'd had to pour blood, sweat and tears into Auror training to earn the crimson robes.
All of that had been worth it.
While the entire wizarding world was too vast, too unimaginable, to be much motivation, just standing what little ground he had now would mean that Lily and Harry would live for that much longer. If it meant that there was the possibility of the Order arriving on time – of saving what made his life worth living – it was motivation enough for him.
Even if that meant he wouldn't survive.
Even if that meant that Lily would have to eventually move on.
If that meant that Harry would only know him from Hogwarts tales, but would at least be alive to hear them.
And hopefully, Lily would be alive to tell them.
Written for Badass Lyrics Inspire Badass Fics [Get on your knees and prove your worth; James Potter]
