The Butterfly Effect
The next few months passed at Arendelle Manor rather uneventfully; thankfully punctuated by their parents extended stay, which was uncharacteristic for them. Following the incident however, Agnar and Idunn loathed to leave their children out of their sight for a prolonged period of time. Elsa and Anna couldn't have been happier about this change, though each had their own reasons.
For Elsa, the rift that had been formed between her and Anna following the incident at first went largely unnoticed by the other members of the Kaldborg family or house servants. Imperceptibly, she had begun to distance herself from her younger sister and she was secretly relieved that Agnar and Idunn had been home longer than usual to provide some distractions to Anna. When they weren't poring over old maps or manuscripts, they would often sit in on their lessons with Gerda, occasionally adding their own anecdotes when the lessons of the day touched upon a particular historical period.
For Anna, she was thrilled to have her parents around for longer than a few weeks at a time, and often spent much of her days in the company of her parents. Taking on piano lessons from her mother or listening to stories from her father. In any event, they provided someone else to talk to and spend time with other than Elsa or Kai and Gerda.
Gradually, however, Agnar and Idunn as well as Anna to a lesser extent had noticed that Elsa's demeanor had changed, at least around Anna. Less and less often they were found playing together, as when Anna would search out Elsa to summon her, the latter would feign illness or fatigue as an excuse for not wanting to spend time with her. When they were together, Elsa was more withdrawn and her attitude was less forthcoming than usual with her sister. At her age, Anna did not understand what had changed between them nor did she understand why it happened in the first place, and she knew even less about how to bring it up with Elsa, much to her frustration.
Agnar and Idunn had their suspicions as to what caused the change in Elsa's behavior, and despite private reassurances to their eldest daughter that it was just an accident, nothing they did seemed to assuage the heavy guilt that had settled on Elsa's young shoulders. They had hoped that over time, both girls would forget about the incident and return to their old ways.
... ... ...
It wasn't until the springtime thaw that Elsa and Anna's relationship became even more strained. In the middle of a warm May afternoon, Agnar thought it would have been a good idea to teach his daughters how to swim. The ice over the pond had long melted, and the water wasn't as unpleasantly cold as it was in the winter. Dressed in their swimwear, Anna sat on the shore observing her father who was holding Elsa up by her belly as he instructed her how to swim.
"There you go, just spread your legs out and bring them together again, sort of like how a frog would. And with your arms, you push them forward with the back of your hands touching and your palms out-" Agnar couldn't finish when a splash of water suddenly hit him in the face as Elsa attempted to follow his instruction.
"Am I doing it right?" Elsa asked.
Agnar spat up water for a moment, laughing as he did so. "Well not like that, but you get the gist of it I suppose."
He held her like that for a few minutes while Elsa became accustomed to the feeling of buoyancy and her own momentum in the water. In the meantime, Anna continued to passively observe the pair, though she was more interested in twisting a blade of grass around in her fingers.
"Alright, now I'm gonna let you go now," Agnar said. "Don't worry, I'll be right next to you the whole time okay?"
Elsa nodded, too focused on staying afloat and moving forward when Agnar released his hold on her and she began to glide somewhat ungracefully through the water. "Like this, papa?"
"That's it! You've got the hang of it now!" Agnar turned over to Anna on the shore, who had been studying the two with a frown. "Alright, Elsa, why don't we give your sister a turn now. You take a break and towel off."
"Okay, papa," Elsa said as she turned and headed back in the direction of the shore.
Agnar was about to assist her in returning, but it seemed that she was already comfortable in swimming on her own. As soon as Elsa was out of the water, she wrapped a sky blue towel around herself and settled down a few feet from where Anna was sitting. Anna however, had suddenly looked very uncomfortable and began fidgeting with her hands.
"Anna. Your turn now," Agnar said as he reached out with his hand towards her.
Anna cast a wary glance at the water, before nodding glumly and striding over to the water's edge. On the shore, she looked back to Elsa who shied from her gaze after a few moments.
"It's okay, Anna. C'mon," Agnar said as he took another step forward, hand still outstretched.
Anna looked back to her father and nodded once before grasping his hand and allowing him to guide her into the water.
At once, the water rose to her knees as he guided her further out. A cold dreadful pit was forming in her stomach, and the further out from shore she drifted, the worse the feeling became. Still, Anna tried to push this feeling down as best as she could. When the water rose to her stomach, the feeling intensified by several factors and her breathing came in rapid, shaky breaths.
"I'm right here, Anna, I'll make sure you're okay. I promise," Agnar said.
Again, Anna nodded once, trying her best to contain the unrelenting dread that was building within her. The water rose up just beneath her shoulders now, and as she turned back to shore where Elsa was sitting, she suddenly felt as if she were miles away. In reality, she had only crossed a few meters, but to her the distance may as well have been a hundred leagues. Images flashed through her mind as synapses fired and alarm bells were rung.
Inky blackness that was darker than anything she had ever seen. Cold water that had leaked into her lungs and leached the breath from her body. Elsa's terrified face. The hole in the ice shrinking further and further away.
Panic set in then, and Anna began to hyperventilate as she tugged on her father's hand back towards the shore. A queer sense of vertigo washed over her, and the shoreline seemed to pull away from her the more she tried to move towards it. The images continued to flash through her mind, and she was now aware of the water pressing around her as if trying to pull her further and further in.
"Anna! What's wrong?!" Agnar asked as he turned towards her.
"I- I can't do it papa! I can't do it. I wanna go back, I wanna go-" Anna cried. She was sobbing now, desperately reaching her hands out towards the shore as she tried to claw her way back. Her movement was slowed by the weight of the water, which intensified the panic that had overcome her.
"Okay! Alright, come on!" Agnar easily hoisted up his daughter and made his way back towards dry land. Once they were clear of the pond, he set Anna down. "Hey hey hey. It's okay now. You're okay," he said as he attempted to calm her down.
"I can't do it, papa! Don't make me go back in! I don't wanna go back!" Anna exclaimed as she continued to bawl.
"Okay, okay. No more swimming lessons then, huh?" Agnar lifted up Anna into his arms as she cried into his shoulder. "Shh, it's okay now," he rocked her gently.
Elsa, who had been observing the whole situation, never once took her eyes off Anna when she stepped into the water. When Anna began to lose her composure, Elsa stiffened and stood up, unsure of what to do. When Anna began to panic, something in Elsa's heart snapped. She was still standing when Agnar called to her, shaking her loose from her daze.
"Elsa! Come on back inside. Let's get you girls cleaned up."
Elsa turned back towards the pond, a sick feeling sitting in her gut as she realized that for a while, she had actually been enjoying something that was now causing her sister a tremendous amount of pain. Wordlessly, she turned back and followed her father back inside the manor.'
... ... ...
"You're sure there's nothing that we can do?" Agnar asked.
He was in his study, speaking to Doctor Iverrson over the phone about Anna's reaction that had occurred earlier.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. It is extremely common for people to develop a phobia to certain stimuli when they have suffered from a traumatic experience as your daughter has. In the case of children, this reaction to certain types of events, and its intensity is multiplied by several factors. Anna's case may be a bit different in that her mind may have subconsciously repressed the events of the incident somewhat, and when she was exposed to similar conditions, it was brought back to the forefront of her mind. Leading to the breakdown you witnessed," Iverrson explained on the other end.
"Will Anna always be like this?"
"Possibly. Broadly speaking, each person has their own unique response to traumatizing experiences and processes them differently. It varies from case to case. It may be that Anna will suffer from this fear for the rest of her life, or she may eventually be able to overcome it. It is simply uncertain by this point, and far too early to tell how Anna will be able to deal with it, if at all. The best thing for her right now is to limit her exposure to similar conditions that occurred during her incident, and hope that her mind will find a way to compartmentalize the information and devise some sort of coping method."
"I see. Thank you again, Karl."
"Of course. All the best."
The line clicked, and Agnar set the phone down, pressing the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger and sighing heavily as he did so.
Outside his study, Elsa had been kneeling by the cracked door, eavesdropping on her father's conversation. When they were finished, Elsa quietly rose and padded back to her room. As she passed the door to Anna's room, she noticed that it was ajar, and inside Anna was being rocked back and forth by Idunn as she stared blankly out the window. Elsa suppressed the urge to go to her, fearing that she would only make things worse and crept the rest of the way to her room, shutting the door behind her.
I hurt her, Elsa thought. It's my fault.
... ... ...
As her family had feared, Anna developed an intense phobia and an aversion to deep dark water following that day in May. She had no qualms over smaller, clear and shallow bodies of water like puddles where she could see the bottom and had no issues avoiding them. She became squeamish at the sight of ponds and slow moving creeks, and would nearly faint when in proximity to lakes or faster moving rivers. The thought of the ocean filled her to the core with terror, and a young Anna had vowed never to step foot in one, let alone be near it.
Over time, Anna found small ways to deal with her fear. She avoided baths completely, instead preferring to take scalding hot showers with swimming goggles so she wouldn't have to close her eyes when she washed her hair. The mere thought of cold or dark water would fill her with intense dread, and the thought of being submerged triggered a panic reflex in her. However, nothing she tried seemed to help with the nightmares that haunted her at night. When she slept, she would dream of the icy pond, the deathly chill and the suffocating darkness. Sometimes, she saw Elsa's face and her outstretched hand, just out of reach. Anna muttered her name in her sleep, before waking in a terrible sweat and would have to reach around her to confirm that she was dry, warm, and no longer submerged in the waters of her nightmares.
Anna never used to have frequent, let alone recurring, nightmares. On the rare occasions that she did, she would head over to Elsa's room and crawl under the covers with her. Elsa always let her sister in, even when she herself was asleep. Even in her unconscious state she readily welcomed Anna into her bed to comfort her. The first night of Anna's nightmares however, things had changed.
... ... ...
As Anna wiped the last of the haunting images from her dream away from her eyes, she exited her own room and stepped over to Elsa's room. She reached for the handle, expecting it to swing open easily as it usually did and she took another step forward. However, in her bleary state, she only bumped her head against the door rather loudly.
"Ow," Anna said softly, rubbing her forehead and now awoken by her own clumsiness.
It's locked. Why is it locked? Elsa never locks her door, Anna thought.
She tried the handle again to confirm, and indeed, the snowflake imprinted door to Elsa's room was locked. Anna, remembering her manners, tried knocking next.
"Elsa? Are you awake?" Anna called.
No answer. Anna pressed her forehead to the door, willing it to open.
"Elsa? Please let me in? I had a nightmare."
Silence was her answer. Anna sighed, suppressing some tears and turning to slide her back down the surface of Elsa's door until she was huddled beneath it.
"Elsa? I don't want to be alone," Anna's voice shook as she begun to weep softly. "I'm scared."
She stayed in that position for a while. Inside, Elsa had heard her sister's pleas and was silently shuddering and weeping. She turned over in her bed so that her back was to the door and wrapped her blanket more tightly around herself.
I can't help you. I'll just hurt you again. It's my fault.
Unbeknownst to Elsa, Anna remained in her position below her door until the sun rose the next morning. She had eventually cried herself to sleep, before being found by Idunn and placed back in her own bed.
When Elsa opened her door and found that Anna was no longer there, she breathed a small sigh of relief. She didn't know that sometimes, Anna didn't always call for her. She didn't know that each time Anna had one of her nightmares, she huddled as close to Elsa's door as possible for the meager comfort it provided. She didn't know that each time, one of her parents brought Anna back to her room when they found her prostrated before her door the next morning.
So when Elsa opened her door one night to fetch a glass of water, and found her sister laying asleep mumbling Elsa's name, her heart shattered a thousand times over.
... ... ...
If Elsa had been reclusive around Anna following the incident in January, she nearly became a hermit soon after that warm spring afternoon in May. The only time that Anna saw her older sister was at mealtimes during breakfast, lunch, and supper. Ordinarily, the two would be ushered off with Gerda for their lessons following breakfast, but Elsa had requested to be privately tutored, separate from Anna. When asked why by her parents, she had cited a flimsy excuse regarding their age difference and the content of their curriculum.
When Elsa wasn't being tutored, she would retreat to her room, not to be seen again until lunch or supper. What had once been times filled with laughter and warmth were now punctuated by awkward silences, non-committal answers, and disinterested gazes at the dinner table. Tried as they might to engage their daughters, Agnar and Idunn saw no success in mending the rift that was widening by the day between Elsa and Anna.
It was a sunny day in June when Anna hatched a plan to approach her sister. She sat crouched by the door to her room, peeking out into the hallway and waiting for Elsa to appear. Her idea was to exit her room at the same time, feigning nonchalance at the supposedly chance encounter that wasn't planned at all and try to extract more than a mumbled sentence from Elsa.
Anna had been waiting for nearly forty minutes now, when a flash of dazzlingly blonde hair emerged from the room at the end of the hallway. Anna's breath hitched, and not wanting to surrender this rare opportunity she burst out from behind her door in excitement.
The movement caught Elsa off guard, who gasped and froze when she spotted Anna bouncing up to her.
"Elsa! Elsa! Elsa!" Anna said, perhaps a little too excitedly.
Elsa said nothing, but hitched her shoulders to her ears and cast her gaze to her feet, a clear sign of discomfort that Anna in her young age, failed to notice. Unaware of her sister's unease, Anna continued.
"Do you wanna play with me? We can play knights and bandits outside! It's sunny out, I know you always like to be the knight but today I could be the knight instead! Oh! Maybe we could ride the pony! Kai says I'm still too small to ride but I could just sit behind you on the saddle! I don't think he'll min-." Anna had been rambling, and the intense verbal fusillade was causing Elsa to curse herself and curl further inwards.
Why do you want to play with me? All I do is hurt you, Elsa thought. Don't you know it was my fault you almost died? How can you still want to be my friend?
"What do you think?" Anna asked, her eyes gleaming and hopeful.
Elsa hadn't realized she had tuned Anna out, and internally kicked herself. Anna's innocent gaze was burning a hole through her heart and she felt her skin flushing with guilt. She needed space, immediately.
"Anna, just leave me alone," Elsa said stiffly, then turned back to her room and slammed her door. She hadn't meant to, but Anna's presence was constricting Elsa and she desperately needed to clear her head.
In the hallway, Anna stared at Elsa's door in incredulous silence. Angry tears stung her eyes, and she stomped her foot before shouting to the mute wooden barrier.
"Fine! Be that way you...you big jerk! I just… I just wanted to play!"
Alone in her room, Elsa laid her back against her door and slid to the floor as she listened to Anna's footsteps retreat to her own room, followed by the slam of her door. Elsa squeezed her eyes shut, trying in vain to stifle the sobs that were tearing loose.
Over in her own room, Anna climbed into her bed and thrust her face into her pillow, making no attempt to stop the flow of tears that were soaking the fabric.
Anna's ceaseless devotion and her persistent efforts to reconnect drove a stake into Elsa's heart. Much as she wanted to go to Anna, she knew no good could come of it and that she would only bring her harm. Even if she wanted to, there was no telling if tragedy would occur under her watch again. She knew she couldn't be vigilant forever, and sometimes all it took was a second for life to change irreversibly.
Elsa had learned that the hard way.
